Happy Father's Day! Aaron Archer joins Barry again to offer some new dad perspective, while Barry brings the sage wisdom of an aged father.

Join the FatherSeekers community! https://www.skool.com/fatherseekers

FS Facebook

FS Instagram

FS YouTube

Ask Barry a question: [email protected]

CHAPTERS

00:00 Fathers Day 26

01:37 Rapid Fire Questions

05:06 Origin of Father Seekers

09:53 Recap Aaron's Dad Story

13:13 Caretaking and Closure

22:37 Forgiveness Myths

28:24 Breaking the Cycle

33:39 Steps Toward Resolution

43:20 Faith for Skeptics

48:20 One Two Three With Jesus

53:23 New Dad Advice and Wrap

--

FatherSeekers helps fatherless fathers become better fathers.

Get discussion guides, devotionals, and more at FS Website

Have you ever wanted to look back in a time machine and get old dad wisdom and get new dad perspective?

That's what we're doing today with my co-host Aaron Archer, new dad.

I'm the old dad.

We're gonna spit fire on you today and hope you get some wisdom.

Happy Father's Day.

This is Barry with Father Seekers, and this is the podcast Teach Me to Father.

Aaron Archer, Knoxville, Knox Vegas, Tennessee.

I guess

So here's what we're doing today.

We are going to… We've talked about this, like, three or four times, so I think we've got it down all together, but, uh, here's what we're gonna do.

I'm, I'm going to, I wanna pull some old wisdom and some new wisdom, and then build a perspective in the middle for, for the young dad who is really looking and, and wants to hear from one generation.

I'll, I'll tell you, here's what I think.

I think there's a lot of people who are gonna gain some wisdom today, and I think, I think with your perspective and insight as a new dad, a young dad, and my perspective as an old dad from previous generation, maybe we can build a bridge and help some guys have some incredible opportunities and some…

get some wisdom, and then not make some of the mistakes that both of us have made.

Even

All right, go for it, man.

Fire away

Well, I think that I was thinking about this.

I know that, um, I know that you kind of wanted to start with some questions for me, but I just thought we would mix it up just a little bit.

Okay

I think that you've, uh, been very, very, very, um, consistent with all of the podcasts that you've been putting out, and I think there's only been one where somebody asked you questions about you.

Yeah

two now, 'cause you did one with Heather also.

Yeah

So I just thought that it would be fitting if maybe the listeners got to learn a little bit about you on this Father's Day edition podcast.

Yeah, let's do it.

I, yeah, let's go.

No, no s- no, no secret knowledge now.

Okay.

All right, here we go

these are very important questions, the first few especially.

and you know, I think scripture tells us not to judge others.

You know, speck in my… Or speck in your eye, log in mine.

But, uh, just if you, you know, do, do my best not to judge you, uh, on how you answer these, okay?

Number one, favorite SEC football team?

Oh, that's easy.

That's gonna be, uh, I've got two.

Number one, Georgia Bulldogs.

Number two, uh, Texas Longhorns, because Tennessee is alw- always in a rebuilding year.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Agree on the last part there.

All right, next most important question.

Favorite cigar

Okay, so that would be the Late Hour Davidoff.

Um, yeah, and then, and then the Patron 1965 Anniversary Edition.

Both of those, that's a tie.

Now that's, that's the high end.

I've got a couple of low ends, but those would be my go-to right there, like, if I'm in a nice position.

Like when we're in Knoxville, that's what we do

Hey.

What's one secret that no one knows about you that you wouldn't ever mention unless somebody called you out on a podcast to mention that secret thing about yourself?

Oh, I see

Gosh, there's probably, there's probably a lot.

Um

that nobody knows

Yeah

Ooh, that's a good one.

Um

Let's see.

Oh, that's a good one.

Like, is it supposed to be, like, a real one or a funny one or just whatever?

Dealer's choice

Right, dealer's choice.

Um, okay, here's one that if you watched me you would know this, but when I lived in Knoxville, I spent an inordinate amount of time on the Smoky Mountain Parkway driving and, and exploring the Smoky Mountains.

Because, because we live 40 minutes away, so we could be there in 40 minutes.

It's… I did that.

And in that exploration, I always wondered what it would be like to live as a mountain man out in the middle of nowhere where nobody knew where you were, and you could just drift off in the mountains and hunt and do all that kind of stuff.

I always wanted to do that.

I always wanted to disappear in the mountains.

I think it's so cool.

Beautiful place.

Yep.

to have that in our backyard here,

Yep

All right, a little more serious questions.

Tell us, uh, tell us a little bit about the birth of Father Seekers, specifically, like, when it started, like, when you first got the idea, what you had envisioned for Father Seekers, so, like, what would it look like when you could sit back and say, like, is it.

This was the goal.

This is what we had planned"?

Yep.

So the origin, looking back, the origin or the genesis of it began when I was a kid, and I didn't really know it began when I was a kid.

But when my dad left, I found myself as like a, a six-year-old going… And, and this is the weirdest, I still remember this.

I remember where I was, what room I was in at, at my grandmother's house, uh, what I was doing

Um, coloring, drawings, pictures, coloring.

And I said, I was talking to God and I said, "I-if my pain can help other people, take it and use it." So that's pretty bold from a six-year-old kid, like, to, and to, to feel the pain that you would have to feel to say that.

So growing, you know, through middle school, elementary, middle school, high school, going to college, getting married, having kids, I began to see this pattern of, "Wait, this is not right.

This doesn't seem right." And then I would meet other people who had really great dads or see other great dads who I'd go, "I didn't have that." All, all I could magnify on was not having a father, the loss of a father, and whatever, whatever remnants I did or experiences I did, brief experience I had, they were not healthy.

They were not good.

They were like, um, w- this would go back to your first question.

One of the, one of the first qu- one of the first things, like, I was emotionally broken when I was in, in junior high school, and my mom had married again and my stepdad, um, my stepdad at the time was beating on her, slammed her hand in a drawer.

And so… And this was a God moment as I look back.

Um, my… I, I went to my closet because I had a 12 ga- uh, 20 gauge in there, and I went in there and I grabbed the shotgun and I was gonna shoot him.

You know, little, little seventh grade emotions getting wild there.

And my mom grabbed it and took it and that kind of thing.

So shortly thereafter, I moved out and went to live with my grandmother.

Like, I just went to stay one weekend and never came home.

So um, so it's one of those.

So with those kind of experiences and, and the bullying and that kind of stuff that everybody experiences in school, and then the father hunger of wanting a dad to teach you, show you, you know, how do you zip your pants, how do you comb your hair, like, all that stuff.

Um, I got into marriage, got into ministry, which is a whole different story, but I began to notice this trend of there's something missing in me, and I noticed that whatever that something is, it's missing in other men and in younger boys, meaning junior high and high school, 'cause I was a youth pastor for 20-something years.

So I began to see that pattern.

Couldn't my, put my finger on it, but I knew it was a pattern there.

So that's, that's how it started, and then today- Uh, the last two, bout-bout- about the last year and a half I've been doing this full time, but the last five years up here in, uh, Wisconsin, I started working on it slowly, surely developing some things.

And now here we are today.

Um, um, there are podcast platforms, content, and we wanna keep getting bigger every day.

So that's how-- And the idea, Aaron, is that I want to share my evaluated experience through scripture and a very clear, close relationship with God.

Experience is good, but if it's not evaluated in a healthy sense, in a healthy way, then it's no good.

It's just another guy telling his story as to how he burned his hand on the stove when somebody told him not to.

So that's, that's the story.

I don't know if I answered your question

You did.

Thank you for sharing that.

Thank you for

Hi.

hijack there for a second.

Yeah?

All right, take it away.

What's our next question?

Okay, so here, let's jump into the middle of this.

So I think there's probably some things that as we, as we… And you've been on here two podcasts, we did two podcasts, great podcast.

Um, but what I wanna do is let's go back and just let's, let's bullet point review your, your fatherhood hi- your father history with your dad.

Um, and just, just fill in the blanks because we are super good on time today, like we planned this out really good.

So take us back, bullet point that story, focusing on who he was, who he wasn't, and how that all transpired at the end, and how that all worked out.

My dad was a broken man as a result of another broken man.

So, um, my dad,

my dad was absent for much of my childhood.

Um, you know, there was, uh, at, at one point in my life it was, we would see each other every other weekend.

Uh, my parents got a divorce when I was very, very young.

Um, my dad was physically abusive and emotionally abusive to the point where my mother left him.

Um, and a lot of that was fueled by alcohol worsened by alcohol.

Um, and there was very similar patterns with his father.

So, um, if you've heard me talk before, you hear me talk a lot about just breaking that cycle and wanting to the chair the other direction and not letting that be passed down from me into my children.

So, but

Hit or miss in, um, in certain times as far as, like, growing up when my dad was there.

So there was chunks where I remember he would coach a little league team, and then there would be two years where I wouldn't see him.

Um, now some of that was just some arguments between my mother and, and, and him, and a lot of it was, um, a lot of it was financial and just season changes for, for both of them.

And then as my dad got older, his health declined.

My, uh, brother and sister ended up m- moving him from Chattanooga here to Knoxville so that we could just try to help care for him.

And the last few years of his life

I spent, um, almost angry at him, not for the things that he had done in his past.

I'm sure there was maybe some resentment there.

Um, but more for where his health was and how he didn't take care of himself, how he didn't want to change, uh, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

He was stuck.

He was still broken.

Um, and that's how he passed away

S- let's talk about that for a minute because I think some very… You, you basically just read my mail on my dad, how he passed.

Uh, he was… He had a kidney transplant.

He was an alcoholic even after the kidney transplant, which, you know, I don't, I don't have toxic empathy for him, but it certainly was… I, I could understand what sort of pain he must have been in to, to, to be driven to that in years and years and years of abuse.

But nonetheless, let's talk about in those, in those last, last days, he was pretty ill, your father, and you did quite a bit of caretaking for him because you're a nurse practitioner.

Uh, you and your beautiful wife Abby is as well.

But in all of that, he required some, he required some s- uh, some at home care

You don't have to share any details you want, but tell us a little bit about how that happened and what sort of effect that had on your relationship at that time

So yeah, the past, the, the last few years, um, he had, he had diabetes that was undiagnosed for many years.

Once you have, um, diabetes and it's not controlled, it just continues to cause other problems.

He had wounds on his feet that would not heal.

He had such bad neuropathy, which means you can't feel, uh, your extremities.

Sometimes it's just the tip of your fingers and the tips of your toes, depending on the severity.

But he couldn't really feel his feet, so he couldn't tell when there was just something wearing away at his feet.

So it, um, he had to have multiple dressing changes, to make sure that those didn't get worse and get infected, and a lot of times they ended up getting infected anyway no matter how clean you tried to keep them.

So it would be that.

My sister and I both would have to pretty much clean.

Um, he was in such poor health it was hard for him to even clean

Um, and

Uh, my brother provided for him financially.

So it was e- every, every opportunity to see him, it was for him and his health more than it was having conversations or reminiscing on the past or him teaching me something, um, having in-depth serious conversations.

My dad actually steered away from those conversations quite frequently.

When you tried to address something that was serious to him, he would almost, uh, make a joke out of it.

He would turn it to a joke some way.

So, um, instead

of having just bonding, um, it was just when I'm there, I have to take care of him.

So there was, there was some anger about that, and i- initially I felt bad about being angry in those situations, um, but I was just as mad as him for not taking care of himself because he never got to meet my children

Sure.

Sure.

So between, that was, that was after you got married, that, that season.

Um, so let's jump to how you addressed… Like, that's a lot to carry.

That's a lot of, that's a lot of father hunger to have and want to bring, bring resolution as best you can.

You know, here's the thing that I wanna touch on right now in this moment, is that there are moments that we all have that we can, we can bring resolution if both parties are cooperative in that.

And what I mean by that is if both parties want to not regret, accuse, shame, blame about the past, we can accept it for what it is.

So, so I'm not saying if you had physical abuse or SA, I'm saying, I'm saying that because that's a different way to, that's a whole different picture to deal with.

There's, there's so much to legal, emotional, mental, spiritual.

I'm not, I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about in a general sense, if there was abandonment, your dad left for whatever reason, if you have that opportunity to resu- bring resolution to drawing a line, here's what happened, let's work through it, let's move forward because our days are fewer, each one of us, than, than yesterday.

So talk about for a minute what that looks like, how, what, what you were trying to do to bring resolution.

He played it off because he wasn't maybe emotionally ready to deal with that, or he knew his time was short, and he, he probably didn't wanna get into the middle of that.

Whatever reason, we don't know, we weren't there in his mind, in his heart, so we don't know the contents of it.

What we do know is that you attempted to bring resolution.

Talk about that for a minute and the effect of that, those opportunities, what effect those opportunities had on you.

I think selfishly, I know I tried.

maybe I could have tried a little harder.

I think that, again, he just steered away from those difficult conversations.

was in a season where Abby and I were trying to draw closer to the Lord and, um, like one of the most impactful things we have done in our spiritual walk since being married was start a life group and, um, have just people in a similar season and age group.

Um, I remember we were studying Romans, and I was just talking to him really briefly about Romans one day and, uh, I opened his Bible and marked it for him and put the, you know, the little divider, the little bookmark in the first page of Romans.

Um, and I have his Bible and, um, whenever he passed away, I, I, I took his Bible and, um, when I opened it, Romans was still marked.

So I don't know if he read it.

I don't know if he didn't.

I don't know where he was spiritually.

Um, I don't know that it was in a good place.

I think we had to have, um, I-- we tried to have conversations about our relationship with the Lord and what he wanted when he knew he passed away and 'cause he knew his health was poor.

I don't think he knew his timeline, but I think he knew it was short.

Um, but I think probably there was some

area of him felt ignoring those things were easier than talking about them

It's golden

So,

but looking back, um

I, I truly feel in my heart like I forgive him and

There are

There are days when I wish I could just

you know, reach out and, and talk to him.

But obviously I can't now.

Um

But I don't think it's ever, ever too late to have very intentional conversations.

No matter how estranged that relationship is, I think it's important to continue to try, and I think it's important to admit when you're wrong and be a man about the things that you've done wrong.

and ultimately, when I go back to the forgiveness there, that forgiveness is not for him.

That's for me

Um, and having a heart of forgiveness, it's freeing to you.

It doesn't mean that what was done to you is right or wrong, but it is for you.

Um, but yeah, I mean, I remember, you know, after him passing away, the only thing I could think to do is just text his number.

I knew he wouldn't get it, was just like almost like journaling to him.

Um, but yeah, you know, he would've been in better health.

I he would've gotten to meet my daughter.

Um, yeah

You said, which

Yeah.

You said that this, this is all so good.

You said that, um, that you forgave him, not for him, but for you

I wanna, I wanna throw out a couple of m- of myths that are out there, and then I want you to bust them with explaining what you meant by that, which I concur, and I think it's amazing what you just said.

But one of the myths about forgiveness is it's for, it's for the other person.

Primarily, it is not.

It is for us, so that we can move forward and so that we can have our undeterred open line relationship with our Father in heaven.

And the other myth is that if we forgive, we have to reconcile.

Not true, because if we were to reconcile, reconcile means we go back to where we left off.

Nobody wants to do that.

But we can start fresh and new as different people and rebuild.

So how did you, how did you conclude that forgiveness was for you?

And secondarily for him, but primarily for you, your mind, your heart, your family, et cetera

Well, to be really honest, I, uh, at church.

It was a sermon.

Um, there was a lot of context, and that is a very broad horizon of, like, what the wounds were, what happened past, in, in the past.

I think it… I think ultimately that is not something that happened initially, though.

think it was after he'd passed away, um, that I realized that he was just a broken man.

And

Part of, part of me being scared of not b- being a good father was, again, realizing that there are things he did wrong, and in order to not do those things, I have to steer very clear of them and kind of make my own path.

But, um, yeah, I don't know as far as the forgiveness goes.

I, I, I remember, I remember it being a sermon.

I remember going down to the altar.

And just a side note, I don't, uh

I think that some people are very timid to go down to the altar and pray,

Ezer

and it is one of the most, like, freeing things you can do.

And if there's somebody that's gonna judge you for going down there, then they should be down there with you.

But side note.

Anyway,

Seekers

it was a sermon about forgiveness, and I've done that in other areas of my life with other people, and it's just freeing.

I mean, it's lit- it's just like a weight's lifted off of your shoulder truly forgive that person.

It doesn't mean that you're saying what happened was good or okay that it happened, but it's just like you don't carry it anymore, and I think that's the purpose of the cross.

Like, that is why Jesus died on the cross.

He's there to carry that for you.

You do not have to carry it

That's good.

So forgiveness is not, it's, it's w- and we have, we, I don't think we even understand some of the biblical meaning, the words, some of the words used in scripture in the original language.

I don't, I think we try to Westernize the definition.

Like forgiveness is not something we can do on our own.

It's something that we must have the help of the Lord with.

I truly believe that because ultimately to forgive.

But I think you said something else that was incredibly

I think it's revolutionary in that you, you, you said that it created, my words not yours, it created an openness, a capacity to look beyond the offense and maybe find some good and find some, so acknowledging that the difficulty in his racing.

Every man's responsible for his own actions.

No blame, no shame in anybody, but

Um, as much as he struggled with several things in his life, he could never get that, that wind to push over, and I know that a lot of dads are like that.

Like, what is it that you think that… And here's my question.

Do you think that maybe for some of us dads, the reason that we don't, older dads, for us older dads, maybe the reason that we don't enter into those conversations is because w- we, we feel intimidated, we regret what we've done, we've dropped the ball miserably, and now we see a good kid standing in front of us, uh, by n- no means or work of our own

Sure.

I mean, I'm sure there's, I'm sure there's all sorts of emotion tied to, tied to that.

Embarrassment, regret, pride

Pride's a big one

You know, um, if I'm gonna compare this again five months in, Ava's five months old, so, um, take what, take what I'm gonna say with a grain of salt.

If I'm gonna sit here and say, um, I've been perfect, that is… would be a complete lie.

Um, but, uh, let's just hypothetical situation.

Ava's five, and I get angry and frustrated and I scream at her or I do something that I regret.

Am I just gonna be like, "She's, she's young, she's not gonna remember that"?

Or am I gonna get down on my knees and get to eye with her and say, "Ava, listen, Daddy just got mad.

I'm really sorry.

That's not right for me to have done that.

Please forgive me." Now, is that just for when she's five, or is that until the day that I pass away?

You know, i- am, a- am I gonna be the type of man that apologizes?

Now, I shouldn't do anything I have to apologize for, but nobody's perfect.

But if I know that I've done something wrong, am I just gonna, "Well, I let it go. They should too." Or am I gonna there and s- and, and, and acknowledge when I'm wrong and apologize for it, and do something and make a change or make a mental note, uh, to keep myself from doing it again in the future?

I hope that… I hope it's the last one.

You know, so, uh, yeah, I don't know if that answers what you

Oh, it does.

I wanna, I wanted to ask you, and this brings up another question.

I wanted to ask you, um, how that, that j- little piece of your journey there, how that's increased… This is an odd question, how that's increased your capacity to be a better father, walking through those things with your dad, not finding resolution, uncooperative in the resolution for whatever reason we do not know.

But that's always, that's already set something forward in you that says, "Hey, when I drop the ball, I've already got a game plan for it." So, so that, part of that resolution and forgiveness on your side has brought you forward to have a game plan when this happens with your daughter or daughters or sons in the future

How do you think that part came about?

Of, of all of these, these not good things, establishing and growing your capacity and making it bigger for being a better father.

How, how did that happen?

Yeah.

question.

Long answer.

I think I have to… that is, that is still happening each and every day, right?

So I go back to when I first started having these conversations with you of, you know, Abby or A- Abby and I are to the point to where we want to, um, having children.

Um, man, I'm scared.

We're just not even pregnant yet.

I'm scared.

I wanna be a good father.

I don't wanna be the dad that I, that I had.

I don't wanna, I don't wanna do the same things he did.

I wanna do it completely different.

What do I do?

Where do I start?

I had to look back and think about all of the things that happened.

How can I do that very, very differently?

There has been times where I've had convictions that have changed things and made me look at things through a new lens or take things out of my life and replace them with things that are better and holy.

Um, and then there's this continual process of like if the, if, if this is the new me

What am I gonna do to continue to grow in, in, like, being a father?

Like, what am I gonna do to make better choices, so to speak?

So I think in our last podcast I talked about, like, when I wake up in the morning, I wanna make sure that I'm, I'm looking at some scripture first thing.

Maybe sometimes I read it to Ava.

Um, so just little things like that.

but I think i- initially I have to go back and think about mental and emotional damage that occurred of my absent father, and look to my heavenly Father to fill those gaps

so that I can be a good father for my daughter

So

Yeah, so there's a lot of people listening right now from various levels of fatherhood experience, um, and some, some dads are probably empty nesters.

Let's save the empty nesters for later on in our conversation.

But what can we say to dads today, right now, who, who still have kids at home, young dads, um, perhaps teenagers, junior highers, college kids still living at home?

Which by the way, I don't believe it's ever too late to find resolution for the past, forgiveness in what and how that resolution works itself out in the future with God's help, hopefully.

But what are some s- some encouragements that we could give to people right now that would help them step into starting that resolution journey?

And because you said something, I wanna bring this up and put, feed this into the, the prompt for you to talk about, is, is, uh, making, making room for taking inventory and, and investigating what you have to work with in the resolution and forgiveness process.

Because I think sometimes we don't, we think that we don't have anything good to pull from.

Actually, we do, even if it's just for the sake and the health of our marriages and our kids.

But talk about that, about when we, when we want to bring resolution and, and, and, and introduce and engage with forgiveness

What are the steps to do that, to take inventory?

Because you, you, you said, "I had to go back and visit some things, and I got convicted about some, made changes with others, decided this is not gonna be part of my life, so I'm gonna correct that now so that it doesn't become a regret point for me in the future."

Can you talk about those?

Yeah, not to sound like a broken record, but I think presence was one of those big things for me just 'cause my dad wasn't present

Right.

It's good

I think the next thing, um, was my dad, um, my dad drank a lot.

Um, I've said, I said this in the last podcast too, so if I do sound like a broken record, please forgive me.

I don't mean to.

But, um, I don't believe that anywhere in scripture it says, "Don't drink at all." I do think that you have to be careful with the amount that you drink.

It says, "Don't be drunk. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit." Um, so for me right now, that just looks like don't drink at all, and that's what the Lord has laid on my heart for now.

Doesn't mean I look at anybody differently if they drink.

I just w- wanna make that as a blanket statement, so.

uh, the Lord convicted me over drinking.

He may convict you over something that He's not convicted me with.

That's part of conviction.

But should listen to your convictions.

I think another thing was just, um, at seeing, looking and seeing and the pain that

Even my brother and sister still experience today as a result of things that my father did

And seeing a difference in that forgiveness that I believe was laid on my heart and maybe has not been laid on their heart yet

So forgiveness is huge.

I do not think that there's a age limit on that

Um, I think back to, again, when my dad was in poor health and, you know, gosh, if I had a time machine, probably would've sit there for another hour and tried to have that conversation and just really poked and prodded until he stopped making jokes about it and opened up

But we don't have that luxury.

But if my dad would've sat there in that moment and said, "Aaron, look, I know that I messed up"

Can't change what I did, but I know that it was wrong.

Would you please forgive me?

I would've fully believed my heart would've been like, "Yeah, absolutely dead

So if no matter the age of your children, whatever there is, whatever barrier there is that's keeping you from having those conversations, those are the conversations that I fully believe in my heart that God wants you to have with your children.

There's this, there's this, this analogy and metaphor throughout scripture.

If we are his children and he is our father, and I'll go back to, um, were… This, uh, another long answer, so sidetracked for a moment.

We were going through a really big study in our life group, and one week it was over fasting and prayer.

And uh, one, one day we had fasted and we were finished in the evening with prayer, and we had an… We set a, set a timer on our phones where we all split up by ourselves and just prayed for a full hour.

And I remember, 'cause I'm leading the group, like I have to keep an eye on that time, and I was looking down at my watch and I was like, I just kept checking my watch and I was like, "Man, why am I looking at my watch?

This is… I'm supposed to be just spending time in prayer." And I was like, "Man, well, let me just, let me just refocus here.

If, if there's, if I could just walk up to Jesus right now, would I do?

I'd probably just hug him." And then I'm like envisioning me hugging Jesus and him hugging, hugging me back.

And I was like, "Man, how great would it be to be able to do that right now?" Well, that's the type of relationship that Jesus wants with us.

And I'll even put, uh, I'll even make the comparison here like, um, let's say your daughter is coming home from school, your children are coming home from school, or you come home from work and the first thing they do is they run up to the door, Daddy," and they run and give you a hug.

Like, that is the same relationship that your heavenly Father with you.

I do not think that there's an, a time limit or an age limit on that type of relationship.

Just like Scripture narrates how we're supposed to have a biblical marriage, it also narrates how we're supposed to have an intentional and tangible relationship with Jesus.

And if we continually chase that, then there will be changes in our life, and fruit in our life, in the way that we lead our family, in the way that we address problems, the way that we address wounds, the way that we address, um, things that we've done wrong

And from that comes good change and good fruit and better relationships.

It is all about relationship, to me at least

That's good.

That's really good.

I think, I think you've hit on a couple key things here, and one of those is

Reevaluating what it looks like to have a relationship with your heavenly Father, because as we've discussed many times offline and in the couple of podcasts we've done, we've talked about how Jesus is the perfect son, and to mimic and imitate his life is to be, is to learn how to be the perfect son for our Father in heaven.

But also how to address and have relationship with our Father in heaven to mimic and imitate what Jesus did.

And I think you've hit on something really big here because I think we may, because of our, because of our understanding or our belief in God, we have failed.

We, we don't want to give that a try.

We don't want to give that a chance.

We don't want to say, "Hey, maybe I need to humble myself and consider, consider that Jesus, he is real, and his purpose for coming, one of them was to bring salvation to our- ourselves and our house, but also to bring us into a relationship with the, the ultimate, perfect, flawless Heavenly Father, which is our model."

What do you say to the guy h- of, the dad of any age or maybe hopeful emerging dad, what would you say to the dad that, or emerging dad that says, "Hey, I don't believe in that stuff. I'm not gonna dip my toe in that"?

What would you say to that guy to challenge his thinking, maybe rattle his cage and consider differently?

Are you talking about the person who doesn't believe in Jesus?

Right.

Indeed

Yeah, I think, uh, I go, I go really nerdy on those conversations sometime.

You know, I think that we have historical, archaeological evidence that the things of the Bible are true.

I think just the, um, I think just the references of Old Testament to New Testament.

I think that, um,

uh, an argument that doesn't hold any steady ground is the, the experiences I've had in my life that I believe are wholeheartedly proof that Jesus is real and we have the Holy Spirit living in us.

But I think that when you look at all of creation-

And you try to explain that other than there being a creator, you ultimately have no explanation.

And furthermore, to the nerdy point, when you look at the human body and how fascinating and how, how anatomically and physiologically all of these things happen in your body, that just appeared from nowhere.

And that all of that, so much of that is controlled from our mind, our brain.

And you can sit here and you can dissect any organ in the body, and you can open it up and structurally see how that organ works.

The heart, you cut in half, it pumps blood.

The kidney, liver, you cut those in half, they filter blood.

The digestive tract just moves stuff through, right?

the brain in half and you look at it, and we literally just do not know.

Like, how does this mush form our thoughts, our words, our actions, the physical control of our bodies?

To me, that's proof of a creator, of our Heavenly Father

And, I just, I oftentimes I rely on that.

But I think that sometimes I've had conversations with people who fear, um, what that change looks like if they were really to give their life to the Lord.

Maybe there's some church hurt or there's been experiences in their life where maybe people that call themselves Christians, and I'm not perfect, so please take that with a grain of salt too.

But I think that when, um, there, there are people that call themselves Christians and they don't practice what they preach and there's plenty of scripture that talks about that too.

Um, I think it's in Matthew and it's, paraphrasing here, but it's people standing at the gates and it's like, "I cast out demons and I did all of this in your name."

And then Jesus says, "Depart from me. I never knew you." I'm paraphrasing of course, but it's like those people were talking about all these things they did for the Lord, but He- Jesus never knew them.

What is knowing Jesus?

Well, it's our relationship with Him, and it's doing all of these things in your life to try to build that relationship with Him.

And it doesn't mean that you have to cut all of these things out of your life start that relationship with Him.

It's that when you give your life to Jesus, meets you where you are and He cleans you up.

You don't change a thing till you meet Him.

meets you right where you are.

So if anything, I would just tell that person-

If you have some rational explanation for everything I just said before, um

Just, just for the sake of what have you got to lose?

What if I told you that taking this one step would change the way you think?

It would change the way you speak.

It would change the way you treat the people around you.

It would change literally every single aspect of your life if you were just to take this one step say, "Hey, I wanna get to know that Jesus you talk about."

And just see how your life changes when you do that.

And if it doesn't, come let me know and we'll talk about it

So let's, let's tell people right now who may be wondering, or maybe they're wondering, W-O-N-D, or wandering, W-A-N-D, what's, what's the one, two, three to start fresh and new or

to restart a relationship with Jesus?

What's the quick one, two, three?

Because we don't have to write a book, we don't have to record a book on this podcast.

We can just say, "You do this, and the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, will meet you where you are, and He will do the rest of the work if you'll just listen and respond." What's the one, two, three, Aaron, on that?

I think that, uh, I think you need f- I think you need to find somebody that's on that walk and wants to be a part of that walk with you, number one.

But I think that confessing that Jesus is Lord, is Lord, and that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for your sins and mine, and the third day He rose again, I think confessing that with your mouth and believing that in your heart, truly believing that is the first step

Um

And I think that once you, once you pray that prayer, um, that's when, that's when you're putting on those new clothes.

That's when you have your new self.

From that point forward, it, it feel like a complete 180 in your life, and everything changes from that point forward.

Again, everything I just talked about, like everything changes.

Um, and you start to see, you start to see this fruit in your life, and the only explanation for all of those things, the only explanation is Jesus.

But what would you say the one, two, three?

'Cause th- there was many … We were supposed to have so many questions for you, Barry, and I

Yeah

any of them.

So what, what would you say the one, two, three is?

'Cause

I think that's the way it works sometime.

Um, I think the first one is, and this is old man wisdom, um, I would recognize that in my very base nature I'm an arrogant, prideful person, and I, to, to come to God I must humble myself.

Now, God will humble you

Eventually, God will humble you.

He will make you drop to a knee and confess He is Lord.

But I think the first, number one would be humble myself.

I don't know everything.

Number two, I would expose myself to knowledge about God.

Not, don't, don't jump into a bunch of books on YouTube and a bunch of Google and a bunch of AI stuff.

Find… Just ask God, "Where can you lead me to help me find somebody?"

And God is big enough to do that.

And I think the third, the third, the, the number three is that you are, you are n- no longer, once you enter into a relationship with Jesus, you are no longer… Y- you're not, you will never be a perfect example, but you'll be a living example, meaning, meaning you're evergreen, you're always growing and becoming more like Him, and you have to expose yourself to who He is to become like Him.

So you need, you need a, a Bible that you could read.

You need a friend who can walk with you.

Making disciples always requires that we walk with another to imic- and mimita- imitate their lives as they do that with Jesus.

So, so this is, this is, if you want to break the cycle of fatherlessness, and you wanna break that, and you want to give your kids the best that they deserve, if you just, if you just wanna do one thing, open a conversation with God and just begin to talk to Him.

And I know story after story where guys just be, they cried out to God one day, and He met them where they were, in a garage, in a car, in a field, on a tractor, in a, in the woods, in a deer stand.

He is, He is not limited, and He will meet you where you are.

Let me ask you one more question.

You've had Ava now for about, well, um, on this side, on this side of the womb, you've had Ava about six months

What would you tell your pre-Ava self

to do differently than what you've done

Don't worry about so much-- Don't worry so much about being perfect

Good

Yeah.

Um, a lot of swing, a lot of swinging, a lot of missing.

Not everything's a grand slam, so, um, and we're not meant to be perfect.

But, you know, if I can, if I can get this parenting thing right 50% of the time, I'd say I'm better… I'm doing a little bit better than some of the people that aren't even trying at all

I think you've hit it, and that, that is a, a great place to, to land this plane because the undertone of all that we've talked about today, if you had to put one, one descriptor on it, I feel like that it would be, to be a good dad, you have to be a humble man

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, to forgive, to love, to keep going, to get- getting up and doing it every day.

So we wanna give you guys a call to action, and the best thing that we could give you right now is to go to skool.com, Father Seekers on skool.com.

Join the community.

There is conversation just like we're having here.

There's more content than you will ever get to, and there's some great conversation with great dads of all ages that are talking about these very same things and more.

So we wanna invite you to do that.

Go to fatherseekers.org, skool.com/fatherseekers, and if you wanna just binge on some podcasts, go to YouTube @FatherSeekers.

Happy Father's Day.

We love you, and make the best of this day.

Celebrate yourself.

Celebrate your family.

This is Barry with Father Seekers, and this is a podcast, Teach Me to Father.