You've found your partner, now how do you Manifest continued growth & expansion in the partnership? In part 2 of of this interview with Becky Ringler (Dating, Relationship & Manifestation Coach) we discuss how the manifesting love journey isn't over once you've "realed" in your partner, it's just the beginning.

Note: This Episode was recorded in October of 2023.

More About Becky: Becky is the author of "Realing Him In: The Essential Guide to Manifesting Your Perfect Guy," and owner of Simple Kona Beach Weddings in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, where, alongside her husband Matt, she plans, coordinates & officiates custom beach weddings. With a career spanning nearly two decades, Becky is also a Certified Law of Attraction Coach, holds an MA in Counseling Psychology and was a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in CA until relocating to HI in 2013. Her dedication to the study of mindset techniques dates back to 2005 and is deeply rooted in her upbringing. Becky's thriving life coaching practice places a central emphasis on Mindset, and her coaching incorporates mindset principles across all subjects and topics.

Connect With Becky:

http://www.thelovesenseicoaching.com

http://www.simplekonabeachweddings.com

http://www.realinghimin.com

Okay.

2

And so my other question is, if

I'm constantly growing and my

3

preferences are changing, if I am

manifesting my perfect person, then

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will I attract from that point?

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Meaning, I get that our preferences are

always changing and then especially with

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each relationship that we have, we become

more in tune with our actual desires,

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but where does growth and expansion for

both parties, like whoever I'm attracting

8

in, how does that work with expansion?

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When you pull in the partner for you,

one of the things you could say is

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that we grow and expand together.

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If that's important to you, then call in a

partner who's willing to expand with you.

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My husband is not as

much into this as I am.

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But he has seen me manifest

all sorts of things.

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So he is like, Hey, okay,

I'll go along with it.

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You don't have to be like exactly

the same, as long as they're willing.

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He doesn't shut me down or say

it's dumb or none of that stuff.

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He is very supportive of it.

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Now that being said, for people who,

it's really important- you wanna be

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on the same page, you want 'em to feel

the same way about it, then decide that

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if you're not with the person already.

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Say you're in a relationship or

in a marriage and you decide that

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you're moving along this path, in

your mind- will your spouse or your

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partner, will they expand with you?

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Even if they don't follow the exact

same path, will they grow with you?

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If the answer's yes, then wonderful.

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I feel like you're still

with the right person.

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At least for me, the most important

thing is for someone who's willing

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to grow, and expand, and support

me, just as I will support them.

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Sometimes the Universe takes a long time

to like catch up with what you want.

30

You'll be able to see

and think like, wow, A.

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It works.

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B.

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Too late Universe, I've moved on.

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It'll be a great contrast for you too.

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Because then you see like, you would've

been perfect for me when I was X or

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even last year, but now I've changed.

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That makes sense.

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If we're all growing and expanding all the

time, whether we know it or not, right,

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how can there be one clear idea and one

clear manifestation of love and a person?

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Does there have to be like a perfect

point in which we both come together

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and then again, what happens when

we grow and expand out of that?

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And so I appreciate your answer so

much about calling in somebody who

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is expanding and growing as well,

and wants to continue to do so.

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When we think of it that way, there's

a lot less pressure to be like, the

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perfect manifestation for that person.

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And have them be the perfect

manifestation for us.

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It just allows the Universe to work.

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'Cause you've surrendered

that it's not this point.

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Yeah.

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And you'll also change each other.

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So once you meet somebody,

they're gonna change you.

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You're gonna change them.

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Because together you form

something else, right?

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So your relationship creates

something that didn't exist before

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and will awaken parts in you or

strengthen parts in you that you

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didn't know you had, and vice versa.

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And here's another thing,

when you get together, you'll

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see like, are you empowered?

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Do you feel stronger?

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Do you feel better?

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I always feel like the best

thing about my husband is that

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he makes me feel more like me.

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And I was waiting for someone

who allowed me to feel like me.

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And bolstered me up and lifted

me up just like I do for him.

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I see his best points and I try

and bolster and lift him up.

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And it's not hard.

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It's a very easy, natural thing.

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But together we form something, right?

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So we have this thing, we're apart and

together, and that creates something new.

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And you get an opportunity to see if

that something new is better or worse.

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Love and a person is so different

from a tangible manifestation,

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like a thing that is static, right?

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Because relationships are dynamic

and they are changing, whether we

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are changing or whether we know we're

changing or not, or our partner is.

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And so we're constantly co-creating

something different and new.

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Whether we're conscious of that or not.

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If manifestation is also about

becoming who we are- because with every

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manifestation, whether it's tangible or

it's dynamic and continuously changing,

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I believe that manifestations are helping

us get to a higher level of ourselves.

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The manifestation is never really fully

about like the actual manifestation,

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especially with things, right?

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It's always something deeper.

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If we are using relationships,

specifically with the person that

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we've "realed" in, and we're thinking

about becoming who we are in this

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continually evolving relationship,

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once you're married, who are you becoming?

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Because I think a lot of times,

we feel like I've met my person,

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and now my love journey is over.

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I think it so easy for us to, especially

when we're younger, especially

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when we're taught by society, like,

and they lived happily ever after.

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The end, right?

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I mean, there's never any like, real shows

or anything that really, educates people

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necessarily on everything

marriage can be or is.

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And so a lot of times people go into

marriage having thoughts that like,

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I've met my perfect person and now we're

just gonna live happily ever after.

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Just a quick caveat by the way, the

realing him in which you mentioned, so

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for those of you that didn't get that-

obviously like to reel in R-E-E-L-I-N-G

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like a fishing pole or with a fish.

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And of course the pun is

realing, R-E-A-L-I-N-G,

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like you're making that

person really real.

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And there they are.

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So you're quote " realing" him in.

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I feel like my marriage the thing

that I love about it is that we have

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grown and transformed, and it keeps

getting better and better and better.

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We have both really strong personalities

and when we argue, which we do argue

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at times, we have come to realize

it's because we are the same.

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Like we're not gonna be pushed around

by the other person, which is why

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we're a good fit for each other.

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Because he didn't want someone

who he could lord over.

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And I certainly was not gonna have

a man that made me feel small.

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At the same time, I didn't want someone

that would do anything I wanted him to do.

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I wanted someone who

was my match that way.

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And we respect and love each

other in that, in that way.

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So even when we clash, we can step

back and be like, all right, we're

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having a moment where we're the same.

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We had to learn in the first part of

our marriage how to navigate that.

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I was in this really big journey

of uncovering manifesting stuff.

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And he was not on the same page.

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He wasn't resisting, but I was growing

and changing and the big question was

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he gonna grow and expand too or not?

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That took some time.

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The answer of course was yes, he did.

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It wasn't like a big conversation we had,

it was just sort of like something that

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happened and we both grew forward from it.

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I feel like once you've "realed" them

in, then the fun begins because you

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have the person you wanna be with.

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Mm-hmm.

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So then you can play together.

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And then you can grow and change together.

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And you can see who you become together.

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And I feel like we influence each

other, and we grow, and we change, and

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it's a whole different love journey.

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Mm-hmm.

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And you cannot control anybody else.

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You can never make anybody do anything.

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You can imagine in your mind the

kind of vibration that you want or

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the kind of feeling that you want.

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You can never control anybody.

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You can control how you feel,

how you respond, and what you'd

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like to see in your vibration.

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And if your partner does not

vibrate at the same level, they'll

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vibrate right outta your life.

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Otherwise, it'll be this wonderful

dance that just keeps growing together.

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Whether you do or do not have kids,

or pets, or whatever you choose

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your life to be, I feel like the

fun begins and the adventure begins.

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And there's a different form of

love that happens after that.

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It doesn't end.

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It should never feel like it ends

on your wedding day or like, oh,

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I found them, so now it's over.

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Mm-hmm.

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Instead, there's new adventures to be had.

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It should just be the start of

something wonderful, not the end.

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Right.

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Absolutely.

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Absolutely.

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And I think you're right.

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I think people don't talk that

much about the real stuff.

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I feel thankful that my parents,

they didn't argue a lot, but they

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knew how to argue with each other.

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Like they could actually fight but then

it was over, there was no like door

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slamming or like, I'm mad at you forever.

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Like there was none of that

passive aggressive stuff.

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They'd have an argument, they'd talk

about it and then it would be done.

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And it was never harmful

or hurtful or terrible.

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I felt really grateful to learn that it's

okay to sometimes feel mad at your partner

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and that it's not the end of the world.

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And my sister and I were also

allowed to get angry at times.

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We were allowed to express

our feelings and to be mad.

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I don't get mad easily

about things at all.

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But occasionally things get under my skin.

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And usually it's my husband because

he's the one I'm with all the time.

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We had to learn how to argue together.

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Because his parents argued

differently than my parents.

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And so it's been really helpful

to figure that out together.

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And the reason I'm bringing this up is

because even the best relationships,

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you have arguments sometimes.

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We're all human and we all have times

where things are just not great.

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How can I shift this?

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How can I be different, even

if he's not being different?

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And humor is a great way also.

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If you can separate yourself from

the situation, it really helps.

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'Cause sometimes when we're mad, we don't

mean to be mad at the person we love,

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and we don't know how to get out of it.

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I think it's important to talk about the

fact that you can be angry sometimes.

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And still have a great relationship.

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You can have a bad day.

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Even when you're practicing

the best vibration ever.

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We are human.

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Things happen.

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You get happy, you get sad, and it's

okay to have emotions at the same time.

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Yeah.

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I love that.

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When I was dating and then I met

my husband, there was a real sense

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of being unattached to the outcome.

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With that being said, I certainly

didn't have a desires list either.

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I just really wanted to go out and

meet people, and hear their story,

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and see how they're living life.

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And I was just interested

in meeting people, right?

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I didn't have a real attachment.

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I didn't have the need to find somebody

and get settled and have children.

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I don't want children and so

I never felt that pressure.

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Part of manifestation is being able to be

unattached to the outcome, knowing that

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it's gonna come, but also being unattached

to the how, like you were saying earlier,

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and what exactly that's gonna look like.

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Even though I think you can have

a desires list and also surrender

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it to the point where it doesn't

have to look exactly like this.

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In fact, Universe, you

can wow me a little bit.

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I think to your point, just because you

have this list does not mean that you must

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sit there with a checklist on your date.

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Like the idea is you write it down and

then you, you tweak it every so often.

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Maybe you look at it, you

think about it makes you happy.

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And then you just go out

and you live your life.

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I don't think it should be

at the forefront, like it's

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not a business transaction.

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The idea is you have it, you

release it to the Universe.

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You use it as your guiding

post, right, as you're dating.

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Then you realize like, wait a minute, this

person has everything I had on my list.

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I can't believe it.

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At the same time, the unattachment

to how it's going to work out, I know

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it's hard to let that go sometimes.

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Especially if you really

want to find somebody.

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How do you stay both attached

and unattached at the same time?

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It's a delicate balance.

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It is a balance of knowing,

and being clear, and having

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it in the back of your head.

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And knowing, because you put that

out there, that the right people

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are, are being attracted to you.

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And then you kinda see how it plays out.

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And at the same time, because

you're clear, you're gonna

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have a lot less sorting to do.

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You're not gonna get the people that

are really wrong, or immediately

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you'll be like, no, thank you.

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Let's not even.

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Coffee's over.

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Mm-hmm.

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Makes it easier.

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Makes it faster.

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Although I felt unattached, there was

still a level of, when we got together,

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a level of worthiness that I don't

think was there that is now here.

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There's a difference between someone

completing you and complimenting you,

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right?

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And I think in that moment, when I

was in the dating pool then, I was

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still looking for somebody to complete

me as opposed to compliment me.

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With every new relationship

we feel more worthy,

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we know what our non-negotiables

are and that kind of thing.

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What role does this wholeness,

this not needing to be complete by

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somebody else, what does that play?

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What have you found?

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That's key to everything.

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So it's like when I finally realized

that it didn't matter if I had anyone

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or not, when I felt good in myself.

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'cause I noticed a pattern that when I

would finally feel good about myself in

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life, was just happy with my life, of

course, I would meet somebody, right?

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And then sometimes I would get

lost in the relationship and

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I lose myself a little bit.

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And I finally realized that the

key was to feel great in myself

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alone and in relationship.

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And I had come to the point where I was

like, I don't care if I ever get married.

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I reached the point where I was like,

fine, if I never get married, I'll travel

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the world and have interesting liaisons

around the world and just enjoy myself.

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Because I felt good about who I am.

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And so when I met my husband, I don't

feel like he took anything away.

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He just added to me.

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And again, he helps me feel

even more whole, if anything.

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Not because he's complaining

me, but because he highlights

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my, and supports my best self.

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When you feel whole and

complete, you're looking just

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for someone who compliments you.

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And you two together as whole people

work really great together, making

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each other feel good and shining and

helping each other grow in areas.

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We both have fortes things

that we're good at and enjoy

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together, so it's complimenting.

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I love that because in my own

journey at that point in life,

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I had gotten out of a long-term

relationship, and I was working, and I was

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doing everything to be miss independent.

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So I was like I've got this.

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I don't need anybody, right?

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And I think that's

different than worthiness.

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That, "miss independent, I don't need

anybody" versus worthiness is different.

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And also I loved your

response because you said, if

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I never get married, I'm just

gonna go travel the world.

282

And for me, that really hit on you

knew exactly who you were and what

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you wanted to do with your life.

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You weren't, and this is what I feel like

I was doing, subconsciously almost quote

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unquote, waiting for my life to begin.

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Because in my mind, in my conditioning-

yeah, I was living a life and that was

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fine, but to be, you know, quote unquote

"successful," it would mean being married

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and then my true life would occur, right?

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So even though I was playing this miss

independent, I was actually not allowing

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myself to even know fully who I was.

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And also what I wanted and what my

soul's calling was for my life, because

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I was still under the conditioning

that my partner would play a big

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role in what that looked like.

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And so again, I think that

is more of the completing.

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That mindset, miss independent,

I need somebody to complete me

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versus I know who I am and what

I'm gonna do, no matter what.

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I'm gonna give myself my big life.

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And you are gonna compliment it.

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You're gonna magnify the

love and the strengths.

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And the other thing is that even

though I had that thought, my

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husband and I have done a lot of

traveling around the world together.

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But it's not like I met him and

then I was like, well, forget

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it, 'cause I have these plans.

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I decided to make a change not

because I felt like, oh, now I can't

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do these things, or I don't want to.

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It wasn't like I never did

these things and now he's

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preventing me from doing them.

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And in fact, there was a time when my

husband and I were dating, he said,

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well, I was gonna go do this and that.

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And I'm like, look, I don't

want you to ever feel like I am

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preventing you from doing these

things that you had on your list.

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Like, if you need to

go do them, please do.

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Because the last thing I want you

to do is resent me because I didn't

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let you do these things or that you

thought you were gonna do these things.

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And then he kinda came back and he said, I

realize that I'd rather do them with you.

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I felt really secure in myself

and honestly in our relationship,

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or at least enough to know

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if that's more important to him than our

relationship, I need to let him do it.

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I need to let him go

and, and do these things.

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And if he comes back, great.

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And if he doesn't, I will be fine.

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I think that we are changed or we

want to make adjustments for somebody.

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And I don't mean give up your

whole dreams and your life, like

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hopefully they wanna do these things.

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One of the things that drew us to each

other is that we both love to travel.

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The reason we moved to Hawaii is because

we wanted to be in the place that makes

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us the happiest so that when we travel

places, we can come home and not feel sad.

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And not feel like, oh,

now we have to go home.

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We're like, oh, now we're going home.

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So it's good to have plans

and when you meet the right

331

person, your plans might adjust.

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But this is not to say like, I was

gonna do all these things and then I

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met so and so and my life sucks now.

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But if the person's like, oh

my God, that's so exciting.

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Like, I don't wanna stop you.

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Or could we do this together?

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Or, how will this look with us together?

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I think the most important thing

is also to be open to the surprise

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of how someone might change you.

340

So I guess my question comes back

to should we know who we are and

341

how we want to show up in the world

first before getting into a marriage?

342

I feel like you grow and change so much

in your twenties, it is really helpful

343

to take the time and not be married

unless you really like, you just know.

344

And you grow together

and you grow up together.

345

Mm-hmm.

346

I have seen that happen so

beautifully for some people.

347

But a lot of times I think people

get married too young and they

348

don't know who they are yet.

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And they don't even know that

they can know who they are.

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Being from a line of very strong women,

I feel like that was just ingrained that

351

you have a life and then you get married.

352

Mmm.

353

My mom was 25 when she got married,

which was considered an old maid at the

354

time she got married, been to college

and grad school and was living a life.

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I think it's all relative 'cause

everyone's situation is different.

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But I encourage you, if you

can, to at least figure out

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who you are at the moment.

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Because it's going to change,

but at least feel good.

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Not not wandering around or thinking

that getting married will solve all

360

your problems, or that life is gonna

be perfect as soon as you're married.

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Like, no, let it be perfect now.

362

Yeah.

363

I think that's the big thing.

364

I was thinking about, well,

if we're waiting to figure

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out exactly who we are, A.

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that always is changing, like you said.

367

And B.

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like how do we wanna show up in our world?

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Like how do we wanna give of our gifts?

370

And really knowing what that

is- some people, like you

371

said, will never get there.

372

So for them to deny themselves

love and marriage because

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they don't know, sucks, right?

374

I mean, that's terrible to live

without love and to be loved.

375

It just also means,

376

that if you don't know and you are

attracting somebody who doesn't know, then

377

this might be one of those relationships

where it doesn't last forever.

378

But it is not less important

than all the other relationships.

379

And I also wanna say to people that don't

wanna get married, that's also fine.

380

No one's forcing you to get married.

381

It's okay if you don't

wanna ever be married.

382

You don't have to be

married to be happy, right?

383

Mm-hmm.

384

So that's one thing.

385

But if that is something

like, I think marriage is fun.

386

When you're with the right

person, being married is great.

387

But if you're like, I don't know,

I never thought about it before.

388

Right.

389

You're gonna get someone else

who doesn't know 'cause they

390

haven't thought about it before.

391

And then you realize later who you

are and you're like, oh, not a fit.

392

So just be grateful when those

things happen and you get clarity.

393

And maybe it's not forever thing

that doesn't make it bad, it

394

just makes it something that,

that happened and you got better.

395

Hopefully you grew from.

396

Right.

397

Not that it doesn't suck at

the time, 'cause it might.

398

Right.

399

Yeah.

400

Wonderful.

401

This is so helpful, Becky.

402

I really enjoyed your book and I'm so

grateful for your wisdom and your answers.

403

I greatly appreciate it.

404

Thank you so much for having me.

405

It's been so much fun.

406

And it's always a pleasure delving

into these things that I feel

407

like are not talked about as much

as they could be or should be.

408

And it's obviously an area that

I find interesting and important.

409

So thanks for having me on.

410

Yeah, absolutely.

411

Thank you.