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Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast,
a space where we explore what it
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looks like to really trust yourself.
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Say no without guilt and live your
life like it actually belongs to you.
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I am Erica Voell, a Decision Mentor
and Inner-Trust Guide, and I help
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women in midlife trust how they are
uniquely designed to make decisions,
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reclaim their authority, and
understand their unique strength.
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Using human design as a lens, we
clear the noise of conditioning so
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their no feels powerful and their
yes feels true, which allows them
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to move forward without self-doubt,
guilt, and pressure to prove anything.
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On this show, we have honest conversations
about self-trust, boundaries, energy
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and identity, especially for women
in midlife who are done living by the
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shoulds and second guessing themselves.
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You'll hear stories, insights,
and tools rooted in human
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design, coaching, and real life.
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Not to tell you what to do, like
another self-help book, but to help you
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really hear yourself so you can stop
overthinking and start making decisions
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that feel grounded, clear, and true.
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So something unexpected
happened to me this week.
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I posted on LinkedIn a version of an
email that I had sent to my subscribers.
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It was about how AI is a terrible
decision making partner as more and
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more people are outsourcing their
decisions, and many times are turning
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to AI to help them make decisions.
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What was unexpected was
that four men commented.
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One of them said that AI is a great
decision making tool because it
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learns about you, but he seemed to
completely miss my point and obviously
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he did not read the entire post,
but it brought up something for me.
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As women, we were constantly
questioned about our decisions as
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kids and as teenagers and we are
really definitely questioned As
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adults, we are asked, are you sure?
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Don't you think you need
to think about it more?
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Especially when our decision goes
against what is comfortable for our
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families or our employers or our group.
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But men are often seen as strong
and confident in their decisions
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and are rarely asked, are you sure?
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Even when their decisions
don't make sense.
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I mean, I don't know how many men in high
positions are being asked, are you sure?
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AI has been sold to companies that it
will streamline decision making and it
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will solve problems before they happen,
which then allows companies to take a
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large amount of data and get insights.
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And AI is also entering into our
thought processes all over the place.
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It's in a Google search,
it's in our emails.
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We are learning how AI talks.
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My daughter was like, oh
mom, that's an AI video.
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And I was like, it is.
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But it's been also touted in the last
few years as this great writing help and
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if you have technology questions, ask ai.
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And through word of mouth we
hear other people using it.
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And so we try it out and if it can help
us figure out how to structure an email
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that we think will be more powerful
and it also has a magical way of asking
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questions and offering help, then maybe
it's good at helping us make decisions.
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I mean, it's helping companies all
over the world, but are companies
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making better decisions or are
they using it to streamline their
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workforce and to get rid of the people
who used to do the simple tasks.
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Because if it can help you make
decisions at work, then maybe it can
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help you in your personal life, right?
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Earlier this summer I heard about a teen's
family who was suing OpenAI, which is
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the owner of Chachi pt because their son
committed suicide after having multiple
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conversations with it about suicide, and
it sent up a little radar antenna for me.
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The more people I've heard talking
about using ai, the more comments
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I've heard about using chat GPT
to help them make decisions.
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Then I recently overheard a
conversation with somebody.
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And she was talking about how she'd
had this long, drawn out conversation
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with her chat bot because she didn't
know what to do with her ex-husband
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and couldn't make a decision.
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I didn't hear the end of the conversation,
but it just, it sparked something
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in me because as humans, we love the
next thing that will make our lives
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easier, more comfortable, the next
life hack that will ease our stress.
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Think about how many self-help books
are out there about the life hacks, the
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ones that will make our lives easier.
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And more and more people are
turning to AI for advice according
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to psychology today, 20 to 50% of
people have consulted AI for advice.
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That's not technology
questions or writing help.
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That's advice of what should I do.
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And kids and teens are
learning how powerful AI is.
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I use it myself.
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It is amazing.
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I mean, it has helped me in my business
when I am trying to remember what I
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said on various podcasts, but I also
know that there are limits to what
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it can do, and I also know how it is
affecting my brain and training my brain.
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My daughter, I found a
conversation on her iPad.
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About with chat GPT about how
to argue with your mother.
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Logically, I had to laugh at
its answers because none of
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them would've worked on me.
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She tried a couple of them and I
was like, where'd you get that?
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She hadn't told me that she was using chat
GPT for this, but the more we turned to
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ai, the less we trust our inner guidance.
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And yes, it can ask you questions.
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It may be able to ask you,
have you thought of X, Y, Z?
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But the questions that need to
be asked are more likely to come
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from you or a trusted friend.
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It's powerful to ask yourself questions on
a voice memo and then listen to them back.
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I mean, that's your own voice and you
can feel how your body responds if you're
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a generator or manifesting generator.
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AI can't read your body language and
it can't call you on your own BS.
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It's an echo chamber.
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It learns more about you.
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It learns how you think and
you process, and so it adjusts.
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You can have AI ask you questions about
how so you can then respond to them,
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but asking it for advice isolates us
from the relationships and the community
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that we need now more than ever.
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It also disconnects us
from our inner knowing.
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That inner experience of knowing what's
right for us, even if the outside world
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disagrees and has plenty of opinions,
there's been an expectation that everyone
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makes decisions and choices the same way.
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It's been that way for centuries.
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That we make decisions with our minds.
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And as women in midlife, we
are more conditioned than at
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any other time in our lives.
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We are experts in conditioning.
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We have had decades of
practicing the old way.
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We have spent decades shape shifting
and making the safe decisions.
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What would make others comfortable?
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What would make our partner or
our kid or our parents happy?
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What's acceptable within our community
and even what's acceptable within our
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own spiritual and religious beliefs?
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Our mind center, depending on
its definition in human design.
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Wants certainty, even if it's
an open center, it's open to the
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influences of other people who
might expect certainty from us.
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We can see others' points of view, and
those can factor into what we will, how
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we might make a decision, especially if it
goes against the group in our community.
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If your mind center is defined,
that center wants things to
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be not only certain, but to
be consistent and confident.
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It struggles with new perspectives that
your choices may bring into the mix.
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We have so many messages of what
we should do, what we should be.
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How we should look, how we should
present ourselves to the world.
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And if you're in a position of authority
within your community or field, there
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are expectations that can heavily
influence your decisions because a
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decision can then reflect poorly on
you and you lose others' trust and it
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doesn't feel safe to decide differently.
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I had a client panel on my recent
masterclass this last week.
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My clients talked about how learning
their human design decision making
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process started to move them out of
that cycle, out of making a decision
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to keep the peace and to keep others
happy, and those decisions that
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maybe they made that felt resentful.
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Of afterwards and leaning
into that decision making
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authority is a lifelong lesson.
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We won't get it perfect and we will
still have decisions we want to back
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out of or we will grit our teeth through
because we said yes out a feeling.
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An obligation or we felt rushed.
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We're processing so much information
that our mental bandwidth is depleted
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and we have decision fatigue.
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So when we have decision fatigue,
our mind is can't process
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what our body is telling us.
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And then you add in the additional
layers of our safety, our health,
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the political and the climate
related stress we were experiencing.
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The financial instability and the
wellbeing of our families, it's a lot.
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And our culture rewards
speed and certainty and often
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shames us for any hesitation.
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And if we appear that we might
need more time to process.
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If you're in that position of
authority, tuning into your body
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can seem too airy, fairy, or woo.
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And as women, it can feed into that old
narrative that women are too sensitive
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or emotional to make the hard decisions.
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I mean, can you imagine what our
world would look like if more women
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were making the dhar decisions?
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And not just that, but making
them from a grounded place instead
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of being flooded with their ego.
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We know clear decisions come from being
grounded and regulated, not rushed,
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but when you have someone asking
you over and over for a decision.
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It doesn't give you that
space to feel grounded.
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Fear is also a huge
factor in our decisions.
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Fear of judgment, fear of making the
wrong choice, fear of not having enough
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information, fear of the unknown.
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This is where the ego
comes in fast and furious.
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We also know if we don't feel safe in
our home, our community, or our bodies,
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that the clarity won't feel safe.
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It feels overwhelming.
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A desire for something more
feels risky, and the idea of
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ease can feel like pressure.
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And while AI can make you think you have
certainty, what your mind loves isn't
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always the best decision for your body.
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Your mind loves comfort, and it
will go with the choice that feels
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the most comfortable and safe.
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Asking yourself, is this decision true
for me in my body, or is this choice
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what my mind loves can be super powerful.
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When your mind is coming up with a long
list of reasons and justifications, then
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that's the first signal to tune in and
notice what's coming up in your body.
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It's most likely.
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A choice that your mind loves and
your body is telling you is wrong.
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Your mind might be overriding that
sick feeling that you have because it
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thinks it knows better depending on
your human design decision process.
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Your process might be that you need
to have someone ask you yes or no
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questions to help you get clarity.
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If that is it, then ask them.
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Have someone ask you those questions.
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If your process is to talk it out
with a trusted friend, do that.
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If your design says you need
to sleep on it for a few
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days, then definitely do that.
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Your body knows more before your mind.
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And sometimes it takes our
minds a while to come around
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to what our body is telling us.
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Our minds are.
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Powerful.
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They can conceptualize things
that we can't even fathom.
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And for years they were the ones
that were making your decisions.
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It can feel hard for your mind to trust
something as illogical as your body.
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'cause your body doesn't
have to explain itself.
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It doesn't have all the reasons.
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But once you lean into listening
to your body and your mind
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starts to trust what your body is
telling you, that is so powerful.
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Your mind starts to relax and sometimes
it even wants to check out when a
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decision has to be made because it
trusts the signals in your body so much.
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So when you are in a spiral, some of
the things that you can do to help
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you tune into your body are to be
in a space that relaxes your mind.
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Go for a walk without
listening to anything.
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But I've learned to take my phone,
not to listen to anything, but because
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there's always something that comes
through and I want to voice record it.
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Being out in nature, it has an amazing
grounding and calming effect, and when
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you can't get outside, you can even
close your eyes and focus on breathing
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10 breaths to help your mind calm down.
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It can be helpful to say,
I am breathing in one.
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I am breathing out one.
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I am breathing in two.
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I am breathing out two.
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That gives your mind a job to do to
slow that spiral for many who have a
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mind that's grasping for certainty.
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Free writing can also be really
powerful, and just letting the thoughts
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flow, giving yourself 30 minutes to
write and to see what comes through.
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It might not even be those 30 minutes
that you need because the act of
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writing activates different parts of
your brain and it can help you process
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through the fears that are coming up.
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Okay.
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One of my favorites recently is tapping.
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It helped me through some really bad
anxiety and fears that were coming up.
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I would tap for six or seven rounds
on what was coming up for me.
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The first things in my mind were
what I said out loud, and by the
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fourth or fifth round, I could feel
a shift from darkness to light.
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There are a ton of tapping meditations
and videos out there to help you
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work through whatever is coming up.
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But I find when I can't come to a clear
decision, even after I've slept on it
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for a few days, which is my decision
making process, that there are lingering
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fears that still have plenty to say.
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And tapping and saying all of those
fears out loud seems to not only calm my
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mind, but it calms my body because not
all of these fears live in our minds.
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They are deep in our body.
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They're in our instinctual
center and our emotional center.
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That fear of rejection from our
family members and our community
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doesn't live in our minds.
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It's deeply emotional.
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Technology is powerful.
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And I've heard people looking at
their smartwatch and looking at their
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heart rate when they're making a
decision, but the heartbeat can be
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shifted with the mind while also being
connected to the rest of the body.
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And when there's a disconnect and
we don't trust ourselves enough
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to make a clear choice, our mind
jumps into fear mode and what ifs.
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And when we can calm the mind,
we can really tune in giving the
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mind work to do, such as focusing
on things such as drawing, or
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painting, or gardening and cooking.
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They can be really, really helpful
to get your mind out of those
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spirals if the other techniques
are not working the way you hoped.
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Those things make our minds take a break,
and often because the mind is occupied
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with other things, we can get a sense
of what our best decision might be.
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Yeah.
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With everything going on in our world,
coming back to our vision and knowing what
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we want helps us make clearer decisions.
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And it helps make choosing
easier because you know that each
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opportunity that presents itself,
it in line with that vision.
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And if it's not, then it's an easy no.
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I know your vision won't help you at
the grocery store all the time or when
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you need to make a snap decision, but
for those bigger decisions, that vision
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helps . That next ask from the PTA.
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Can be a simple decision if you have
decided that being more active with
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your kid and your community is part of
your vision, but if it would take you
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away from a commitment to yourself,
then that makes the decision easier.
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And overwhelm is a choice.
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Leaders within the US government
and all around the world know that.
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They know that when people are
overwhelmed and there is chaos,
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that that brings complacency.
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Things in our world feel
really hard and heavy.
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Right now, we have a choice to get mired
in the overwhelm, doom, scrolling, or
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making a conscious choice that we will
slow down and focus on the most important
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person in our lives ourself, and then
we can choose to make one small step
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towards what we want our life to be like.
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And our world to look like.
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It may be a simple thing,
but it's one thing.
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It's one thing to celebrate.
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If that one thing to celebrate
is you getting out of bed.
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It's something that you chose to do
and is worth celebrating if that is
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in the space you are in right now.
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So I want to tell you.
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If you are sick and tired of feeling
stuck in the spirals or making
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decisions to make others happy and
comfortable, you don't have to be there.
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I want to invite you to schedule a
clear decision audit with me to help you
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get out of those spirals, to help you
come back to what really matters most.
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Thank you for joining me on this journey.
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00:18:49
If this episode resonated with
you, I would be so grateful if you
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clicked the plus sign to subscribe
and share it with a friend.
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00:18:55
I'll see you next time.
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00:18:57
Be well.
