"What if you don't need to be fixed?" In this episode, Erica Voell previews her upcoming workshop, The Self-Love Code, and asks what it would mean to stop chasing the next thing that promises to fix you – the newest face cream, trending workout, or morning routine.

She shares how Human Design gave her a new perspective that wasn't about fixing and instead understanding herself and her family better.

Part of the Summer of Self-Love series.

The Self-Love Code is exclusively for paid Substack subscribers on July 30. Subscribe to join the workshop.

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Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast, a

space where we explore what it looks

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like to really trust yourself, say

no without guilt, and live your life

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like it actually belongs to you.

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I'm Erica Voell, a decision mentor and

inner trust guide, and I help women

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in midlife untangle from the life

patterns of shape-shifting and keeping

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everyone else happy, claim how they are

uniquely designed to make decisions,

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and understand their unique strengths.

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Using human design as a lens, we clear the

noise of conditioning so their no feels

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powerful and their yes feels true, and

they can move forward without self-doubt,

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guilt, or the pressure to prove anything.

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On this show, we have honest conversations

about self-trust, boundaries, energy,

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and identity, especially for women

in midlife who are done living by the

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shoulds and second-guessing themselves.

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If you've taken every personality test,

followed the recommended path, and still

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can't shake that feeling that you've

been spending your whole life trying to

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fit in when what you really wanted was

to belong, you're in the right place.

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You'll hear stories, insights,

and tools rooted in human

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design, coaching, and real life.

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Not to tell you what to do like

another self-help book, but to help you

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really hear yourself so you can stop

overthinking and start making decisions

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that feel grounded, clear, and true.

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We have all done it.

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We think that this one

thing will change us.

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This new dress will make us look as

beautiful as the photo, or this new

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moisturizer will take away the lines that

make you cringe every day in the mirror.

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Or that new workout will change

the body that you check in

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the mirror and think, "Why?"

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Or the new meditation practice that will

change your mindset, or a new morning

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routine that will set you up for your day

so you feel less stressed and stop wanting

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to scream at your kids and your partner.

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And all of them work for a while, but

you're still you, and you think, "I

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just need one more thing to improve

myself, or feel better about myself.

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Then, then maybe I will love myself.

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Maybe then I'll have what it

takes that others seem to have.

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But what if I told you, you don't

need to change any of those things?

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Yes, that new dress, that will feel

great that day or that evening,

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but you can't wear it every day.

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I mean, you could, but you probably won't.

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And that new moisturizer may

feel luxurious to put on and

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allow you to give yourself a nice

facial massage as you put it on.

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That new workout can make you feel better

all around and give you more energy.

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That meditation practice can give

your mind a break from the racing

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and the overthinking for a period of

time, and that new morning routine

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can reset your day, making you feel

more prepared for whatever comes your

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way until you get sick or until life

throws something crazy in your way.

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But please, please, please, please

don't beat yourself up if they don't

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fix things that you're trying to fix.

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Because you know what?

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You don't need to be fixed.

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What if you are aging

exactly as you are meant to?

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What if those lines are part of the

face that's been through so much and

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enjoyed so much and laughed so much?

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What if your mind has been trying

to protect you all this time and

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has reasons behind overthinking that

you don't even realize are there?

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What if your body and your mind don't

need a hard workout every day, but

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instead need to go with what feels

right in the moment and allowing

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you to go with the flow Really?

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I want you to ask yourself, what

if you are perfectly designed?

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And before you say, "Hey, Erica,

you don't know me," you're right.

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I don't know you the way

that you know yourself.

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None of us do.

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But I know that you are perfectly

designed because each and every

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one of us is perfectly designed.

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We all have quirks we wanna fix and hard

things we've been through, but what if

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it's part of what makes you uniquely you?

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What if that part of you that you

beat yourself up about is actually a

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gift that you can use to help others?

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I know it sounds crazy, but I come from a

h- long history of trying to fix myself.

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I have over 25 years of experience in

the needing to improve myself department,

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and I know how exhausting it can be.

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You can fix one thing, and then another

pops up like a whack-a-mole, and then you

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get to this new boss, or you move to a new

area, and those things that you thought

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you fixed are coming up all over again.

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And so you start searching for a retreat

to get those things back into balance,

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only to come home feeling changed and

relaxed, but a little more frustrated with

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your kids, your partner, or hating your

job a little bit more than you did before.

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And you wonder why, when I felt so good

before you came home, you resolve to

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start a new routine to take you back to

that way that you felt at the retreat.

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How do I know this?

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Because I have done this myself, and I

have heard it from others who do it too.

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And I will be honest, I don't

have the magic tool to take

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you back to that retreat.

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I don't have the magic tool that

will help you stop feeling like you

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are overthinking every single thing.

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But I do have a tool called Human

Design that helped me heal from

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burnout and helped me understand

myself in ways I had never expected.

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I did not expect that I would ever

learn that the way I was taught to make

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decisions in my family not only caused

me to spiral and to second-guess myself,

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but actually contributed to my burnout

and stress, which meant I got sick a lot.

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I didn't expect to learn that

there's actually a reason that I have

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felt I needed to earn love to feel

worthy, and that it's not a flaw.

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It's actually how I am designed, so I

can be more aware of when I'm trying

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to prove my worth to other people.

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I didn't expect that my noticing

where things could be improved

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was both a gift and a curse.

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A curse because I can see it before

anyone else asks, but it's a gift

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because then the s- moment that

somebody says that they're actually

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a- able to hear it, things can change.

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I didn't expect it to change my

relationship with my husband,

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where I'm more understanding about

how we each operate differently.

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And I stopped trying to feel like

I needed to keep up with him.

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The crazy thing is, is that

neither of us had to change at all.

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I also didn't expect it to help

me be a more supportive mom to

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my daughter, helping her learn

to not make impulsive decisions.

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I joke that I feel like I found the secret

decoder ring to relationships in my family

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The biggest thing is I did not

expect it to quiet that inner critic

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and to shift from feeling like I

needed to be fixed to loving myself.

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It was not overnight.

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It was subtle changes over time,

and the more I dig in, the more

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I love this or that about me.

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And I've seen it with my clients

too, who feel like they understand

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their family better, who I see stop

overthinking every single decision

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or second-guessing themselves.

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Or the ones that feel like they've

completely changed their relationship

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with their partner, or they have

a better understanding of their

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kids that they always felt like

something was different about them.

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For me, learning that the second half

of my life is about self-love has

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turned into something that I'm exploring

deeper, and I'm creating something

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that I only dreamed of creating.

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I never thought it would happen for me.

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That is what I'm so excited

to share with the world.

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We're going to be exploring more about

the inner critic and human design

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to fall more deeply in love with

ourselves, which helps us have better

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relationships with our partners, our

kids, our coworkers, our family at my

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workshop on Thursday, July 30th, which is

exclusively for paid Substack subscribers.

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If you've already been exploring human

design, I'll share more about how you

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can use it as a tool for self-love, not

to fix yourself or anyone else, but to

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really have more compassion and love for

yourself no matter what season you're in.

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Because we know that when we

love ourselves more, then we…

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That shifts and that ripples out

into our relationships with others.

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So if you have enjoyed this episode,

I would be so grateful if you would

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click the plus sign and subscribe and

share it with a friend,, and find me on

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Substack where I publish articles, I host

workshops just like The Self-Love Code

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that is coming up July 30th, and I share

more about human design and midlife.

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Thanks for joining me.

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Be well