Welcome back to "Superheroes in Heels," the podcast where powerful women come together to rise, lead, and confidently own every room they walk into. I’m your host, Kimberley Borgens, and in this episode, I’m inviting you to join me for an honest, soul-baring conversation about a hidden truth that often accompanies the journey to the top—loneliness.
Even after decades of building success in male-dominated industries, I’ll be the first to admit that there’s a side of achievement we don’t talk about enough—the emotional isolation that can come with breaking barriers, scaling our businesses, and evolving into the leaders we strive to become. Outwardly, we’re told to celebrate our wins, showcase our influence, and keep pushing higher, but behind closed doors, many of us quietly feel the ache of disconnection—from friends, from old routines, and even at times from our own teams.
In this episode, I dig deep into the realities of shifting relationships as you grow. I share stories from my personal journey, from the evolution of my friendships to navigating the delicate balance of being personable—but not too personal—with a large team. I open up about what it’s like to wonder where all your friends went, and how power dynamics and changing priorities can reshape even the closest bonds.
But I don’t stop at just naming the problem. Together, we’ll explore real, practical solutions—how joining masterminds, seeking out mentors, and intentionally reconnecting with peers can empower us to create new circles of understanding and support. I’m candid about the grief that can come when relationships fade, but I’m just as passionate about the joy that comes from forming new, authentic connections with women who are on similar journeys.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling isolated at the top, wondering if you’re the only one experiencing these challenges, I want you to know you are not alone. This episode is about validation, encouragement, and self-care. It’s about learning to let go of guilt, embracing change, and understanding that you do not have to carry your superhero cape by yourself. Together, we’ll talk about letting connection become your superpower, building community on purpose, and giving yourself permission to grow unapologetically.
So grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let’s get real about the hidden cost of female success—and how we can overcome it, together.
Thanks for Tuning In to Superheroes in Heels with Kimberley Borgens
If today’s episode sparked something in you then this show is doing exactly what it’s meant to do.
Superheroes in Heels is all about fiercely empowering women in business—especially in male-dominated industries. Each episode is a celebration of resilience, competence, and a little sass, and we’re just getting started.
Want more?
Subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode.
Leave a review—it helps more bold, brave women find us.
Follow me on social media for daily inspiration and insights.
And most importantly, come join my community: The Hive Hangout—where empowered women empower each other.
Welcome to Superheroes in Heels, the podcast where powerful women rise, lead, and own the room. I'm Kimberley Borgens, your host, fellow trailblazer, and unapologetic advocate for women in the world of business. With over 30 years of experience building success in a male-dominant industry, I'm here to empower you to do the same. Each week, you'll hear bold conversations with inspiring guests who embody strength, resilience, a little dash of sass, and a little bit of grace. Together, we'll challenge the status quo, break through barriers, unlock your confidence, and unleash your inner superhero. You ready? Let's go. Hello and welcome back to Superheroes in Heels. I'm Kimberley Borgens, your host, and this podcast is dedicated to guiding and fiercely supporting women in their role as entrepreneurs, as businesswomen, and as leaders.
Kimberley Borgens [:
What the goal is in this podcast is to give real-life lessons, honest conversations to support women in owning their role as the CEO, the leader, and the women who are to command a room and own their own space in business. Today, I'm diving into a topic that is rarely discussed, but Deeply Felt: Loneliness at the Top: The Hidden Cost of Female Success. You know, as women entrepreneurs, we chase our dreams, we build powerful business, we break barriers, we, we break ceilings, we, we do all the things that we're meant to do to rise to the same level as the men out in the world. But what happens when our rise to the top also meets a quieter, lonelier journey? Lonelier than what we expected? So I wanted to pull back the curtain today and get real about what success can feel like behind closed doors. I mean, we talk about scaling and visibility and revenue and influence and, and all the great things that come with business. All the marketing that we have to do. Well, you know, we have to build communities and, you know, create that space for people to want to fall in love with us, right? What we don't talk about is the quiet side effect of success. And that quiet side effect is often loneliness.
Kimberley Borgens [:
And loneliness isn't about being alone in the room. Okay. But I want to say, powerful women, right? We're supposed to be grateful in business and we're supposed to be fulfilled in our jobs and we're supposed to be connected to people in our communities and we're always surrounded by people. But that doesn't mean that the loneliness doesn't exist. I mean, imagine for just a moment, you always having to be on in public. You can't kind of just let your hair down and go, no prob, let's just talk shop, right? Like, there, there has to be that level quite often as you rise in the level of success. And I think that a lot of people just don't realize what happens there. So success often comes with the hidden side effect of loneliness, like I said, but society expects us to celebrate our wins.
Kimberley Borgens [:
But rarely acknowledge the emotional isolation that happens, right? That thing that helps us rise to the top of the ladder of success, we're, we're in it all the time. Our achievements, they grow. And as we continue to grow, people feel that we left them behind, which creates that feeling of disconnection from our old friends who are no longer on the same path or are struggling to find people who truly understand the pressures that we have as you grow business. You know, I can tell you that, like, I, I said to somebody one time, yeah, you know, it's been a real struggle, like, you know, trying to, you know, get to this level and finding the right people. And, and she kind of looked at me and said, like, what do you mean struggle? I mean, You make a lot of money, Kimberley, and we're struggling down here where we don't make a lot of money. And I just want to say is the struggles are the same at some level. I think that, uh, as we rise up the ladder, uh, people who aren't rising at the same, same pace that we are have this belief that we have different problems or different challenges. We have the same problems, we have the same challenges, they're just magnified.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Uh, there's more of the same repeat over, especially if you're hiring a lot of employees. Or what I say, the cost of the challenge is often way more expensive as you go up that ladder. And so somebody who is challenged, who has less It's the same challenge. It feels the same. We're just doing it at a faster pace, a higher caliber, and a higher expense budget. But as we feel this disconnection from our friends who kind of just drop off, they don't say anything, they just kind of go away. And, you know, it, it's hard to understand that pressure of growing your in your leadership and growing in your business and growing, you know, just getting to that next level that you dream for, that we all dream for as entrepreneurs to get up to this level of success. And there's a quiet ache that's hard to talk about.
Kimberley Borgens [:
But I just want you to know out there, if you're feeling that, you're not alone in feeling it. It, it may come on slowly and you don't notice it. And then one day you're asking yourself, where did all my friends go? How come people stopped calling me? The only people that would call would be the people that wanted something, wanted it for free, right? As we rise in success, our success, that circle kind of shrinks. With growth comes change. Our priorities shift, and sometimes so do those relationships. The hustle and the responsibilities of running a business can leave, you know, little time for old routines, going and just hanging out, right? Power shifts happen, and then suddenly that circle of people who gets us, right? Become smaller. And it's not out of arrogance. It really is out of evolution.
Kimberley Borgens [:
As we evolve, so do our connections. The interesting thing is people stop calling you. You hear, I know you were busy. I didn't want to bother you. They stop inviting you. Unless it's of course to get your support for something, right? So really it's about inviting my money, but not necessarily me. There may be long-term friendships that get to the point where you realize you're the only one who's still calling. They don't call you anymore.
Kimberley Borgens [:
And you wonder, is it worth it to keep this relationship close, or should we just loosen it? There's some power dynamics in all of this, so let's talk about power, specifically the dynamics within female friendships when success arises. Maybe you're earning more than your peers, or your business has brought you into the public eye. These changes can create income gaps, they can create visibility differences, And then there's that new layer of emotional labor in maintaining the relationships. What used to be a two-sided relationship where both people were calling in, connecting with each other, it now feels like it's one-sided because they've really stopped calling, but you keep trying to hold on to that relationship. And you feel that responsibility to keep the peace and toning down who you are and toning down your wins. To avoid making others feel uncomfortable. It's tough and it's real. You want to celebrate, but other women tend to get envious or jealous or downright upset and call you hoity-toity, braggadocious, right? And they'll tell us that we think that we're better than them, even though that's not how the women feel as they rise to the top.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Sometimes they're just barely getting by to that next win that they've worked so hard to get, only to have people knock it down, knock them down, or try to. You know, think about for you, whether you're just starting out as an entrepreneur, whether you're in the, in the midst of that hustle or you've got that level of success that you're like, I'm almost there, right? Think about for you, where have your relationships shifted as you've grown? Take a moment. Do you feel safe sharing your wins and your struggles? What power dynamics show up in your friendships? And how do you intentionally nurture connections that fuel you? There is loneliness in leadership, but leadership brings both freedom and responsibility. Okay, the more power comes, the more pressure, and sometimes the more emotional distance happens. You feel that you can't fully confide in your team. Or that you have to keep up appearances, right? The weight of the decision-making, the need to be strong, and the emotional labor of being at the top can leave you feeling isolated. And even when you're surrounded by people, it still can feel lonely. You know, I know that I have a workforce, I have a team at my office.
Kimberley Borgens [:
And, you know, I say this, because it's what has to happen in that space when you have, you know, 75 employees is you have to be personable with people, but not personal. Because here's the truth, employees are going to leave along the way. I have employees that have been with me for years and years and years. I think the longest one was 23 years straight. Right? But then they, they retire, they pass away, they quit their job, they move to the next opportunity. All of these things. Or some are helped out, right? But you have to maintain a level of keeping your personal life out of their life because it becomes kind of, um, um, what do you call it? You become a target. They— it becomes you know, like, oh, but she's got problems.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Let's go gossip about her. Let's— oh, you know, it's just, it just gets to the point where, like, enough is enough. I can't do my job as the CEO of my company if people, you know, have the dirt on me. There's no dirt, but you know what I mean. It's like, oh, she, she's not great at this and she's not great at that. I can be personable without having to get personal with my team. I check in with them. I make sure that they're OK.
Kimberley Borgens [:
I ask them what they need. I listen to their stories about their family. I keep my stories about my family to a minimum. Right? We keep our head up. And we just keep going. But there has to be that strong space that that, that space that you hold as the CEO of your company, the— how do you, how do you keep a good reputation if you're not having the good reputation, right? You have to have a good reputation in order to be successful in business. So you keep your head up. And, and like I said, sometimes you feel like it's happening to you.
Kimberley Borgens [:
But it's not. Personal. It's not, it's not who you are. It's because you skilled up, ladies, because you leveled up, because you put in the hours and hours of focused energy to earn this place of loneliness. I know it sounds terrible, but it's not. But it's a reality. I want to point out the reality because there's things that you can do. You know, all of a sudden you're going through life and then you suddenly notice that there's no one there celebrating with you, or you gradually notice that people are pushing themselves away from you.
Kimberley Borgens [:
No matter how you noticed, there may come a time when you feel like you're in a space of grief and feeling rejected. That loneliness starts to settle in and you wonder, what did I do wrong? The truth is, is you didn't do anything wrong. You evolved, you transformed, right? You followed your dream. And for me, it was like an evolution, this transformation. It was— it's a drive to never, you know, be broke again. For me, I don't want to be broke and on welfare again. I don't want to have to live under the thumb of somebody who manipulates I, to be able to take care of the needs of my family. I didn't know I was leaving anybody behind.
Kimberley Borgens [:
I thought we were all just in this together. Oh, you know, I was really, I was recently reminded of this. You know, I happen to be sitting at a table with somebody that, you know, we were having sharing a meal with a group and and pretty much everybody else had left and it was just myself and one person. And I thought we were friends. Um, but I kind of got the point that she felt that I left her behind and she never had the courage to say, can you help me with this? You know, she's had, she was struggling with some things, but she never had the courage to say, can you help me? You know, if you're listening and you feel someone is leaving you behind, Are you asking to go alongside them? Or are you holding yourself back and becoming a little distant and bitter and hurt or mad because they didn't do it? They did it faster without you. They didn't do it at your speed. Have you been saying to yourself, oh, she's too busy for me, or I just don't want to be a bother. Maybe it's time to reach out to her and see about having a coffee break.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Buy her a nice meal and ask if you can pick her brain just a little bit. Right? Give— it has to be you're giving something to her too for that time. She may say no for the first time because she's focused, not because she meant to say no, but because she didn't hear you and what you need yet, because she's focused on the other needs. But you can find a way to connect if you really choose to connect with her and see if you both can get back on track together. She might be going faster than you, but she's not intentionally trying to leave you behind. She's just keeping at her pace. Are you willing to pace up? I really thought about this conversation because I think that there's a lot of solutions to leadership isolation. But I think that we have to address what it is first and show where it's showing up so that we can create a community of women that are feeling less of that isolation and more understanding of how it becomes isolation.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Because I think if we really take a timeout for a minute and go, hmm, did I just let her go? Or is she saying, could I have done more to pull them up with me? Look, it's a lot of work to keep climbing that ladder of success. And it's really hard to pull somebody behind you as you're climbing up as well. It is not easy. I still have a friend, my, my best friend from the 9th grade. Okay, we're still friends. But let me tell you, I'm the business success person. She's the wife who stays at home, and there's nothing wrong with either one. But are you picking up the phone and calling each other? Are you staying connected? Is there a reason why this relationship is still valuable? To me, it is.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Right? Over 40 years of friendship. She was the, the maid of honor at my first wedding, and I was the maid of honor at hers. We watched each other have our kids. I want to keep this relationship in my life. So what are some of those solutions, Kimberley? Let's talk about some of those solutions. One for me is joining a mastermind or a high-level communities. Because these spaces, though they require pay proximity, right, the emotional return on investment can be huge. Being surrounded by peers who understand your journey, right, provide validation, support, and connection.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It's intentional and it's powerful. I know that I've been part of a mastermind. It's a pay-to-play mastermind, but I I get so much out of it, both on the emotional return on investment as well as my commitment to keep moving forward and my return on investment in business. But think about that for a minute. Are you surrounding yourself with people who are also playing at the same level as you? The next thing that I would say is find ways to connect away from the work environment. You know, after several years of being disconnected and going in business, going in different directions in business, 5 of us, there were 5 friends, we decided to get together for lunch and catch up. You know, we all had been on the path of business. We met each other through business.
Kimberley Borgens [:
A couple, you know, one is retired, one has changed full direction. One, companies go out of business and they start new companies. You know, one, like, oh, they're all just amazing people. And I have this group of 5 people who we decided a couple of years ago that we just needed to get together for monthly luncheons. We get together for lunch every month. I mean, we miss a couple here and there around the holidays, but most of the months, the 5 of us get together and sometimes 4 of us get together or 3 of us get together because other people can't get in with us at that moment. But we've stayed connected for a couple years now. We mostly talk about family and travel and any other topic that comes up.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Okay, it could be men, it could be whatever, right? And we'll celebrate wins, you know, then we'll eat and we just enjoy each other's company, you know. So find some ladies and reconnect. Don't expect it to look the same that it once did. You're not connecting for business, but for having a well-rounded social life. There's garden clubs and there's special events. There's flower making classes. I know because I just did one. There's paint parties.
Kimberley Borgens [:
All of these things. Gather a few friends and go and just relax a little bit. It all might seem like a waste of time for a corporate boss lady, but never underestimate an event that can just lets you be yourself and not be turned on into that boss lady persona. No matter what, you're still a human being. You're a woman. You, you're a friend. You're a confidant. You're a, you're a sister.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You're, you're all of those things. You're moms. You're all of these things that is more than just being boss lady. So get out there. And find ways to make that happen. And the third way that I would say is find a mentor. When you find a mentor, you start to grow and rise and get back on the same levels as that person that you are admiring. You might have had a hint of jealousy, but that's okay, right? You might be admiring them from afar, and that's okay too.
Kimberley Borgens [:
But if you get out there and you find a mentor, find somebody who can help lift you up and catch you up to some pieces, that maybe you can let go of that jealousy, that envy, or that belief that, huh, they're just too busy for you, or you don't want to bother them. Let go of those because they're not serving you as you grow up in your business. Okay, or maybe be the mentor. Help lift others as they're climbing up that same ladder behind you. I'm not saying pull them up, dragging, kicking and screaming. What I'm saying is, come on, you can do it. One more step. Bring people with you.
Kimberley Borgens [:
That can be very rewarding. Okay, so let's just talk real quick about the emotional cost of this power. You know, success isn't just a badge. Sometimes it's a burden, right? You might feel fatigue from always being on, right? That tension around your identity, or even grief for the relationships that have shifted. Those emotional costs, they're real. You feel them. And acknowledging them, right, is a form of self-care. You're allowed to mourn those changes., and you're allowed to celebrate what grows.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It's a balance between the two, and I think people don't pay attention to that balance. You want to celebrate your achievements and share your struggles openly with the trusted confidants and remind yourself that evolution and self-care are part of the leadership journey. And by taking these steps, you can create a sense of belonging in a community, even at the highest levels. You're the one who has to pay attention to build these intentional peer relationships. It's key for you to keep and maintain relationships, even though it might feel lonely and isolated. You have to notice that and then take action to get out of that. Seek out those who energize you. Who are eager to grow alongside you.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It might mean letting go of old ties or cultivating new ones that honor both your ambition and your authenticity. Look, connection doesn't have to be accidental. It can be a superpower that you develop. You know, as you listen to this episode, I want to remind you, you have permission to evolve. Right? Come join me over in the hive hangout, right? Um, it, it's, it's shifting. It's— that's even evolving. Like, you're not selfish for putting your needs first. I want to make that clear.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You're not selfish for seeking out relationships that can, that support your dream. Loneliness may be a side effect of leadership, but it doesn't have to be your destiny. Remember, you're a superhero, okay? And sometimes that cape feels a little heavy, but you never have to wear it alone. I just want you to know that, yes, there can be loneliness at the top. You just have to find the right people to come into your life who are willing to step up and grow too. Remember, success changes schedules. It changes your priorities and your conversations. You have to be there.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You have to show up, and you have to let your success be both celebrated and supported. Friends may feel left behind or intimidated. Look, women often downplay success to preserve relationships. That's okay, it's a choice, but don't do that at your detriment. Look, power shifts social dynamics in subtle, unspoken ways, and when you change, your relationships change. My husband, I don't know, he's had like 40 different you know, alliterations of me. Okay. And he's only been with me for like, you know, 36 years.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Your relationships change because you change. Because not because you're better than somebody else, but because you're different. You're focused, you're committed to the level of what success looks like for you. Success doesn't look the same for everybody. It doesn't. And you know what, I'm going to be honest with you here. When I started the corporation, when I started the business, it wasn't even a corporation. It was a sole proprietorship.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It was to make the money to get by, to take care of my family. Then it moved into a corporation. I never thought I'd be the CEO of a corporation. Honest to goodness, I was the single mom on welfare. Who did I think that I was going to be? Like, I was just struggling. I'm at the point where I'm the CEO, but guess what? I still have struggles. They're just different. They're at higher caliber, and I'm struggling to find $6 to balance my balance sheet, right? Like, you don't understand, it's just different.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It wasn't anything that I strived for. It just evolved. It changed. When I changed, the relationship changed. When the business changed, I had to change. The The relationships changed, not because I was better, but because I had to be different. Right? I could walk away, but now I have 75 other lives to make sure that they get to shift in their lives and take care of their families. I feel like that's the responsibility as well as the gift that I get to do.
Kimberley Borgens [:
So what I'm saying to you today, it might feel lonely at the top. It might have some lonely moments, but if you're paying attention and you're noticing that it's coming on, you have some solutions. Get into groups, find some peers, you know, become a mentor, get into masterminds, you know, do the things that level you up so that you get out of that mindset of loneliness. You get out of that grief of realizing that you're out there alone. You're always welcome in this circle, welcome at the Hive, over in the Hive Hangout. And just know that loneliness is an option, it's not a requirement. You know a friend who got left behind? A gal who maybe who feels like connecting with you is bothering you? Share this episode with them. Because when we talk about this topic, we start to understand the challenges that women face in business.
Kimberley Borgens [:
To me, that's more important than anything else. Until next time, keep, you know, shining those heels and showing up in the rooms that you're meant to be in, to be the superheroes in heels. That you are.
Voiceover [:
Thanks for tuning in to Superheroes in Heels with Kimberley Borgens. If you're walking away feeling a little braver, a little bolder, and a whole lot more powerful, mission accomplished. Be sure to subscribe to the show and leave a review. It helps us to reach more women who are ready to unleash their power and lead with confidence. And if you do leave a review, you might just hear your name in an upcoming episode. If today's conversation lit a fire in you, share it with your network and join us inside the Hive Society. Society at KimberleyBorgens.com, where powerful women gather to break barriers and rise together. Until next time, keep showing up, standing strong, and heels or not, keep embracing your inner superhero.
