Welcome back to Superheroes in Heels! I’m Kimberley Borgens, and in this episode, I’m inviting you to join me as I dig deep into some of the biggest misconceptions facing strong women in leadership—especially those of us who have built our careers in male-dominated industries. Drawing from over three decades of hard-won experience and lessons from my own journey, I want to call out one myth in particular: that being a powerful woman means resisting authority, being difficult to work with, or refusing to be led. If you’ve ever been labeled “bossy” or a “control freak,” this conversation is definitely for you.
Throughout this episode, I’ll share candid stories from my personal and professional life—including a chaotic, eye-opening leadership seminar where, despite all logic, the quietest and most collaborative leaders ultimately rose to the top. I’ll break down why women, especially in environments where leadership wasn’t just handed to us, have developed a fierce sense of authority and discernment, and why this isn’t about ego or the need for control—it’s about survival, wisdom, and earned resilience.
But leadership isn’t about always being in charge. Together, we’ll explore why the real strength of a leader comes from knowing when to step up and when to let others lead. I’ll redefine what command presence truly means (hint: it’s not about being the loudest or most dominant in the room), and share how the best leaders—the women who inspire me most—are those who can both guide and support, delegate and contribute, without ever shrinking or apologizing for their power.
If you’ve ever struggled to find your place in a team, felt the pressure to always perform, or worried that letting someone else lead meant losing your influence, I want you to listen closely. This episode is packed with encouragement, hard truths, and practical advice on how to own your space, amplify the success of others, and embrace leadership as a collaborative, ever-evolving journey.
It’s time to challenge the outdated narratives holding us back and to celebrate the kind of leadership that thrives on wisdom, flexibility, and genuine presence. So put on those superhero heels (or not!), and let’s step into a more authentic, powerful way to lead—together.
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Welcome to Superheroes in Heels, the podcast where powerful women rise, lead, and own the room. I'm Kimberley Borgens, your host, fellow trailblazer, and unapologetic advocate for women in the world of business. With over 30 years of experience building success in a male-dominant industry, I'm here to empower you to do the same. Each week, you'll hear bold conversations with inspiring guests who embody strength, resilience, a little dash of sass, and a little bit of grace. Together, we'll challenge the status quo, break through barriers, unlock your confidence, and unleash your inner superhero. You ready? Let's go! Welcome, welcome to Superheroes in Heels, the podcast where women in business are reminded to step into their power and create the lives and the careers that they truly want. I'm your host, Kimberley Borgens, and I fiercely empower women in believing that they are more capable and more valuable than they might believe for themselves. Today on this episode, I wanted to clear something up, something about strong women, Strong women, especially those of us who have built careers in male-dominated industries, have been trained, conditioned, and sometimes forced to prove that they are the leader.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Not suggest it, not imply it, but to prove it. You know, we've learned throughout the years that we had to speak louder, stand firmer, push harder, and never let the room forget who's in charge. Sound familiar? And somewhere along the way, a quiet myth formed about us. Think about that for just a moment. The myth that strong women don't want to be led, that they're difficult, that strong women resist authority. And they can't be part of a team. So today I'm calling that myth exactly what it is: a lazy, outdated, and wrong myth about strong, powerful women. Because the strongest leaders that I know, especially women, aren't shouting, "I'm strong, hear me roar!" They're grounded.
Kimberley Borgens [:
They're aware. And they know exactly when to lead and when to let others lead them. I mean, we don't have to be the leaders all the time. I really wanted to talk today about why this belief even exists in the first place, especially in male-dominated industries. Leadership wasn't handed to women in that— in those areas. We had to fight. It had to be earned. It had to be defended, right? We had to challenge it every day.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Who did I think I was to be in the room with men in the, in the realm of security? Well, guess what? I was a woman. I was a mom. I was a person who had been unsafe. I had the authority, but I had to prove it, right? As women, we had to adapt, right? We had to learn to take charge quickly. We had to learn to speak with certainty, and we had to learn to protect our authority, because when we didn't, then we weren't leaders. It wasn't because we wanted control, but because control meant survival. Anybody ever call you a control freak? I know that I have been called control freak many a time, especially by men. But here's the part that most people aren't talking about.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You know, when you've had to fight for that seat at that table, it's hard to casually just lean back and trust the room to let somebody lead you. Women aren't easily willing to, to be led. Because of the fight and the trust, which is highly discerning, right? Because we really do allow people to lead us, but know that there had to be a fight, a struggle to get us to the point to begin with because of all of the stuff about women in leadership roles, especially women in male-dominated spaces. Look, ladies, it's not about our ego. Okay, this is wisdom that was earned the hard way. We've earned it through the school of hard knocks, the school of put-downs, the school of who do you think you are. But a leadership truth that most people miss is that control is not a leadership. It's not a leadership trait.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Patience is. And some of the weakest leaders I've seen have been the loudest ones in the room. And some of the strongest women that I know, they don't need to announce anything. They can lead decisively when the moment requires it. They can step back when someone else has greater expertise, and they can follow without losing authority. And guess what? They can even be coached without feeling diminished. Come on, think about that for a moment. All of those— that's what takes real strength, because insecure leadership, it clings.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Secure leadership collaborates. Strong women don't struggle to be led, they struggle with being led poorly. And honestly, they should. I mean, think about it. Have you ever been in a group and just sat back and let others lead? You may be the smartest person in the room, but you still have to sit back and observe. You know, I remember one time I was in this leadership training and there was this exercise with the room and there was about 60 people, you know, in the room and the facilitators of this uh, it was a multi-day event. The facilitators gave us a homework assignment the night before, and, uh, their homework assignment was clear with the instructions. However, as people, as human beings, we have interpretations of instructions, especially those that are trying to be leaders.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It's like, oh, okay, and we do it our way or whatever. But they gave clear instructions the night before, and everyone You know, here's the same instructions, but they hear it differently. So the next morning they bring out the homework, and some of the people did the homework, some of the people didn't do the homework, right? Some people did what they thought was enough of the homework, and others did just enough to get by. But a few of these exercises, these homework assignments, they were off. A few people had acceptable, you know, completed assignments. But what happened next was crazy. Okay, this is a leadership seminar that I was at. We were working on it, but for the next hour after they checked our homework assignment, we had to get into agreement.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Well, I should say they told us we had to get into agreement. And the next hour, a bunch of men kept getting up and telling people what to do, how to get that done, how to get the assignment done, how everybody should listen to them because why? They were the loudest people in the room. The room was in total chaos. Now, I learned later that that was part of the leadership exercise, but I'll come back to that. But for me, I know that I did the homework assignment. And my margins were off on the assignment. So I lived in England in, in my teenage years. I went to English school, and, and I remember this time when the professor yelled at me in front of the class, right? I'm this American girl in this British school, and the professor's yelling at me, and he's like, you shall not waste the page.
Kimberley Borgens [:
The margin begins at the left edge of the page. Forget that little blue line that goes down on the right— on the left-hand side. That's about an inch from the edge of the page. No, it was edge to page to edge of page in England. That's how it was for me. So throughout high school and college, you know, here in the US, I started all of my assignments to the far left of the paper. No one ever told me that that was wrong. And so here I am in this leadership seminar and this training.
Kimberley Borgens [:
They said the margin is at the line, you know, about an inch from the left of the page, and I had to correct that as part of my assignment. But so, okay, like, whatever. Anyway, for that, for over an hour, we listen mostly to these men yelling and dictating and telling people how they needed to do what they told them to do. And I had had enough. I had sat in that room for over an hour, just finished my assignment, put it aside, and just had to keep listening to these people. And then I stood up. I stood up in the room and I stepped in and I suggested that these gentlemen take a seat and be quiet so that people can catch up and get the work done in silence. Well, luckily all the men sat down except one, and he decided he wanted to challenge me.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You know, this was many years ago, and I was still a fledgling leader myself, okay? So I know that I didn't get it perfect, but he would— he said like, well, why should we listen to you? You know, why are you— why are you interrupting us? Why are you interrupting me? You know, the verbal assault that happens when a man feels like you're trying to take his lead. After I shared a few observations, I made another request for him to sit down and be quiet so that people could finish the assignment. He tucked his tail a little bit and he sat down. Everybody was able to get their assignment completed. I was just like, y'all just need to be quiet so people can do this. It's hard to think. Okay. Well, the interesting part came after that chaos was over.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Everybody got their assignment done. The facilitators came back into the room because everybody was in agreement. But after the, this exercise in the workshop, they moved to the next exercise. The next exercise was where they said, okay, everybody get a $20 bill, a $5 bill, and a $1 bill from your wallet. And I want the room to be completely silent. So everybody was, you know, they went and got their $20 bill, their $5 bill, and their $1 bill. And if they didn't, they quietly exchanged with somebody else to get change. It just got figured out pretty easily.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Okay. Then everybody was instructed to give their $20 bill to the person that they felt made the biggest difference in the room during the last exercise. And the whole time you had to stay silent. You couldn't talk to anybody. And then they were instructed to give the $5 bill to the person that made the next biggest difference for them in that last exercise. And then do the same thing with the $1 bill. After that was completed, then they asked us to line up based on who had the highest total money amount in their hands. So they had everybody line up from the highest amount to the least amount of money in their hand.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Guess what? It turned out that the people who were yelling and telling were at the back of the line with the least amount of money. Many people started with $26 and received $26 back. You know, they broke even. They played just enough to get by. Myself, I came in with the second most amount of money, $6 less than the woman who was top in line who made the most amount of money. Now, she had gone around and asked people individually how she could help, you know, help them with the assignment so they can get it done. She and I were the, the top 2 most helpful people in the room during that 2-hour chaotic leadership experiment. Look, I didn't think that I was leading at the time.
Kimberley Borgens [:
I was just tired of listening to these guys boss people around without giving anybody the space to do the job. She was going around trying to get it done And just so you know, the loud, angry man, that was her husband. And he had no money and he was in the back of the room. My husband happened to be in the room as well, and he started with $26 and he left with $26. Look, we've had great conversations about that just enough to not lose experiment, and that's what he said it was. So I want you to know that there's a balance that most people, most women are never even taught. You can be the CEO and the student, the authority and the collaborator, the decision maker and the supporter. Being part of a strong team doesn't weaken your leadership.
Kimberley Borgens [:
It amplifies it. And look, some of the most powerful moments in business happen when a woman says, you lead this. I trust your judgment. I don't need to be in the front of this room. And that's not stepping down. That's strategic leadership. Because knowing when not to lead is just as important as knowing when to step forward. Like oversee and inspect what you expect, but create the space for others to, to be utilized as valuable gifts.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You know, I talk about command presence quite often, but command presence— you can have command presence without domination. Okay, so I wanted to redefine command presence for a moment. Command presence is not dominating conversations. It's not controlling every outcome. And it's not being the smartest voice in the room or the loudest, right? Command presence is about a calm authority. It's about self-trust. It's about having discernment and emotional intelligence. It's about having respect for yourself and for others.
Kimberley Borgens [:
And it's about letting people get the job done. A woman with true command presence doesn't disappear when she's being led. She stays grounded. She's still powerful. She's still seen. Just because leadership isn't a title, because leadership is really a state of mind. And if you were to take away a mic drop moment, sit with this: strong women don't lose power by being led, they gain capacity. The most elite leaders, male or female, they know this.
Kimberley Borgens [:
You don't have to carry everything to be in charge. And the strongest women that I know They don't roar. They decide. They delegate. They discern. They stand firm without pushing. That's not softness. That's mastery.
Kimberley Borgens [:
So here's a question I have for you. Where are you holding on to leadership so tight that it feels hard and is seen as bossy? This is not because it serves you. It's because it once protected you. Think about where could your next level of power come from? What if you allowed yourself to be part of a strong team without shrinking? I know women who get into rooms and they're, they're so excited. They're in this room, a boardroom, a meeting with all these other people, and they want to be part of it. And other people are leading, and what they do is like, oh, and they shrink down and they're quiet because people weren't listening to their ideas, or they didn't have really anything to say on the topic. And I'm telling you, ladies, today, don't do that. Don't shrink down.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Hold your head up high. Listen, watch, experience what other leaders do and how they're doing it. You don't have to have a comment in every conversation because superheroes in heels, we don't lead alone. We lead well. We lead wisely. Right? Don't make yourself unleadable. This is a huge thing that I want you to truly understand. I don't want you to shrink back anymore, ladies.
Kimberley Borgens [:
I don't want you to think that in order to be a leader, you have to be bossy. What I want you to do is I want you to understand that there's a fine balance that we all have to possess as being great leaders, is knowing when to lead and knowing when to be led. I love watching other people step into their leadership role.. And the only way that I can enjoy those moments is to let somebody else lead. I love to watch women step into those spaces. I will sit back and be quiet and not be heard for a while because I am watching somebody else step into their greatness. So what's the greatness you need to step into? Is it to step up in leadership and to have that command presence? Not out of domination or bossiness, but really out of just being of service and allowing somebody else to get the work done. I just wanted to point this out today that, you know, bossiness is not leadership.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Command presence is not domination. Allow yourself to be led because the best leaders they can do both. Thank you so much for joining me today here on Superheroes in Heels. Look, if this was, you know, something that you like, oh, that just hit me in the heart, share it with a friend. Make sure that you like the episodes. Make sure that you come back and listen to it. Check out a few from the past. I'd love to have you continue.
Kimberley Borgens [:
Let me know how I can best support you and join me over at the Hive Hangout if you would like. Visit me on LinkedIn, Kimberley Borgens. I look forward to, to having you and connecting with you very soon. Have a blessed week.
Voiceover [:
Thanks for tuning in to Superheroes in Heels with Kimberley Borgens. If you're walking away feeling a little braver, a little bolder, and a whole lot more powerful, mission accomplished. Be sure to subscribe to the show and leave a review. It helps us to reach more women who are ready to unleash their power and lead with confidence. And if you do leave a review, of you, you might just hear your name in an upcoming episode. If today's conversation lit a fire in you, share it with your network and join us inside the Hive Society at KimberleyBorgens.com, where powerful women gather to break barriers and rise together. Until next time, keep showing up, standing strong, and heels or not, keep embracing your inner superhero.
