What Every Daughter Wants (Plus a Special Guest Appearance from My 5-Year-Old)

In this episode, I shift focus to moms raising daughters who are still minors, whether toddlers or teens approaching adulthood. I break down the three things every daughter needs to feel: loved, heard, and supported. Drawing from my years working with teenage girls in therapy, I share why they often believe their moms love them but don't actually like them, and how to close that gap. I introduce the "potted plant" technique for being a trusted, quiet presence when your daughter has friends over, explain why teenage girls want to talk more than they want to be talked to, and discuss the importance of letting her make safe mistakes rather than preventing every misstep. Plus, don't miss the adorable surprise guest appearance from my own five-year-old daughter!

With this episode you'll be able to:

• Understand the three foundational needs every daughter has: love, being heard, and support
• Recognize the difference between your daughter knowing you love her versus knowing you like her
• Use the "potted plant" approach to become a trusted, non-intrusive presence during her conversations
• Learn why listening more than speaking builds trust with teenage daughters
• Allow safe mistakes so she learns natural consequences rather than being told what will happen
• Support the specific girl in front of you, not who you expected her to be or who you were at her age
• Show genuine interest in her interests, even ones you don't personally enjoy

Don't forget: teenage girls want to know their parents actually like them, not just love them out of obligation, so go learn about the band, the music, or whatever she's into right now!

Connect with Brittney:

• Instagram: @theBrittneyScott
• Website: www.brittneymscott.com
• Consultation to work with Brittney
• Free Resources

Mentioned resources:

• The "potted plant" technique for trusted, quiet presence
• Strategies for allowing safe mistakes and natural consequences
• Individual coaching for moms navigating communication with young daughters
• Reconnection Rescue program for repairing adult mother-daughter relationships

Help me reach more mothers and daughters by following the show & leaving a rating or review on Apple & Spotify!

Keyword tags:

raising daughters, teenage girls, communication styles, potted plant technique, feeling heard, feeling supported, Brittney Scott, parenting teens, trust building, safe mistakes, mother daughter bond, listening skills

Hey, and welcome back to the

Mother-Daughter Relationship Show podcast.

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I'm your host, Brittney.

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In the last three episodes, I discussed

how a mom and her adult daughter,

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or an adult daughter and her mother

can repair a broken relationship.

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In this episode, I wanna talk to the

moms who are raising young daughters

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who are still minors and not quite

adults yet, whether we're talking

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about a little, little kid, or we're

talking about an adult in adolescent

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years, maybe close to adulthood.

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But if you're still raising a

child, today, I'm talking to you.

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So we're just gonna talk about

different things you can do to keep the

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relationship strong or to strengthen

the relationship if you feel like

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they're slipping away a little bit.

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And most of this is gonna be

about communication styles.

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So if you're interested in that,

stick with me, and that's what we're

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gonna jump into in today's episode.

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Welcome to the Mother Daughter

Relationship Show, the podcast for mothers

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and daughters who want to build stronger

bonds, deepen their understanding,

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and transform their relationships.

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I'm your host, Brittney

Scott, licensed therapist and

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mother-daughter relationship coach.

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After years of working with hundreds of

daughters and mothers, I've developed

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strategies that help break generational

patterns, heal wounds, and create the

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loving relationships you've always wanted.

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Each week, I'll be sharing insights from

real clients, expert interviews, and

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practical tools you can use immediately

to improve your mother-daughter dynamic.

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Whether you're struggling with

communication breakdowns, navigating

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major life transitions, or simply wanna

take your already good relationship to

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the next level, this show is for you.

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And yes, the transformation I guide

my clients through can be yours too.

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I'll share more about

how you can work with me.

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It's time to experience the

relationship you both deserve.

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Are you ready?

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Let's dive in

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Let me tell you what every daughter wants

. She wants to be loved, she wants to be

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heard, and she wants to be supported.

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If you focus on these three things,

you keep your daughter close.

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Love her, but love the daughter in

front of you, not how you think you're

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supposed to love a daughter or what

you expected your daughter to be or

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who you want her to be or whatever.

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Love her, all of who she is, because

she's the best thing that's ever happened.

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Hear her, listen to her, let her talk to

you, let her have an opinion, let her have

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a voice, let her use her voice, let her

tell you when you've messed up, let her

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tell you when she's hurting, let her tell

you when she doesn't wanna do something.

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Of course, you still make the rules,

but you get where I'm going with this.

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And then support her.

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Support her in all of the

things that she wants to do.

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Support her in mistakes

that are safe to make.

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Some mistakes you've gotta stop if you

find out they're happening, of course.

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You keep her safe.

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But support her in the mistakes

that she's going to make, but

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she's gotta figure it out.

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She's not gonna learn mistakes because

you tell her that it's a mistake

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before she does it or because you tell

her that you made that same mistake.

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She's gonna learn it because she gets

a chance to do it, figure out how

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it feels, figure out what happens or

what are the consequences or, what's

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naturally gonna happen by making this

decision that you of course, as her mom,

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already knows a mistake, but she hasn't

lived long enough to know that yet.

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Support her.

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Support her dreams.

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Support her desires.

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Support her delusion, because what

she wants is probably delusional.

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But you're not a dream killer.

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You're her mom, and

you're gonna support her.

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So if you focus on those three things,

you're gonna keep your daughter close.

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So let's talk about all three,

what that can look like, and

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what you can do as her mother

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When I first started my work as a

therapist, I was working with teenage

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girls and children and then of

course their parents, so families.

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But I had a lot of teenage girls, and

they were my favorite because they're fun.

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In sessions they love to tell you

all about their day and the drama at

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school and everything that's happening.

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So I'd have stories of all these

kids and all the drama and then the

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sessions are just fun with teenage

girls, and I loved it so much.

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But what I learned from them

is that a lot of them…

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i'm not gonna say a lot of teenagers

'cause I've only worked with, you know, a

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certain number, but a lot of the teenagers

I did work with talked about how they

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felt that their parents didn't really

know them or their mom didn't really know

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them or maybe their mom didn't really

like them, that they believe their mom

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loved them but that she didn't really

like them or really know who they were.

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And that's falls under

the category of love.

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So of course we love our children.

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Okay?

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They are an extension of us.

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We, we love them deeply,

and we love them fiercely.

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But does your daughter know

and believe that you like her?

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Do you show interest in who she

is and the things that she likes?

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Do you spend time doing

things that she likes?

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Even if you actually hate

it, do you still do it?

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Do you show up and Talk

to her about her interest.

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Do you help engage her in her interest?

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Like, do you show your daughter

that you actually like who she is,

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even if who she is may be total

opposite from who you were or who

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you are or the things that you like?

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Y'all don't have to be the same, but

she should feel like her mother likes

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her and shows interest in who she is.

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That's gonna fall under

feeling loved by her mom

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Another thing that I learned about

teenagers in my time as a therapist

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specifically with them is that

teenage girls want to talk more

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than they want to be talked to.

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So if you want your teenager to trust

you, to talk to you, to share her life

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with you openly and not hide things

from you and develop just a strong

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trust with you, then you have to let

her talk more than you talk to her.

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You have to listen more than you speak.

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And you have to learn when do

you need to step in and when

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can you let her figure it out?

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Because some moms want to figure

everything out for their children and

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not let them figure it out on their own

because they want to protect them from

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getting hurt, from making mistakes,

from making the wrong decision, you

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know, from anything bad happening.

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And I get it.

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You want to protect your kids, but you

are preventing her from learning what

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this decision will do, what the natural

consequence of this is, what this

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feels like when I make this decision.

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Like you're teaching her from

learning and she's going to need

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those experiences as an adult.

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So it is much better to let her make

those mistakes in your house than

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for her to make them as an adult

when she's no longer in your home.

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So

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So if you want your daughter

to feel heard, you have to

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make sure that she is heard.

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You have to listen.

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There is a phrase that I learned

many years ago and I have taught

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many parents, and I use the analogy

because I just like it so much.

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But think of a potted plant.

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Okay?

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You buy this beautiful plant,

and you nurture it, and you water

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it, and you put it by the window,

so it's getting enough sun.

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And it grows, and it's beautiful, and

it's adding greenery to your home.

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It's cleansing the air.

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It's doing all the things.

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We know the pot is there,

we know the plant is there,

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and we love that it's there.

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But it never speaks.

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Okay?

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It doesn't say anything, but its presence

is well known because it's grown so

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well, and it's so beautiful, and we've

nurtured it, and we've supported it.

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Okay?

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And it's so pretty in our home, and we

want it there, but it doesn't speak.

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I want you to think of being a potted

plant in a room with your daughter,

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especially when she has friends over.

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So you're there.

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You're around.

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Your presence is known But you're not

interrupting, you're not speaking, and

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you're not asking too many questions.

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You're listening, you're learning,

you're getting information because

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you don't have to speak and you

don't have to ask questions.

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They already know you're there, but

you've become this, like, trusted person.

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You've become this beautiful

structure that they know is there

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and around, but they trust you.

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And so they talk around you freely

because you're not making them feel small,

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you're not making them feel mistreated,

you're not making them feel belittled,

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you're not talking over them, you're not

interrupting them, you're not telling

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them everything that you would do.

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Like, you're not jumping in in moments

where they don't need you to jump in.

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And here we're talking about teenagers.

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Um, younger kids that, you know,

may be a little bit different,

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but you can still start it where

you're just kind of listening.

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You don't have to solve the issue.

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You don't have to have the answers.

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You just hear the conversations going on.

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You're gonna get a lot

of information that way.

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When you can be trusted to hear and handle

information and you don't overreact,

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you don't put all of your emotions into

it to where now your daughter has to

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take care of you because you're sad

and crying, or you're just so upset

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that you can't handle the information

you just heard, so now she has to be

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tough and take care of your emotions.

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Like, you're solid and she trusts

you because no matter what she's

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bringing to you, you can handle it.

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And so you are able to hear

more and more information.

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You're able to hear more stories.

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You're gonna get the gossip of the day.

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You're gonna hear all about

what's happening, kind of like

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I did in the therapy room.

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Like, you have to listen.

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And so you want your daughter to feel

heard because she is actually being heard.

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Her opinion matters in your home.

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Her opinion matters to you.

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She gets to open up her heart

to you because you're going

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to love and support her.

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She gets to make mistakes because

you're not gonna say, "I told you so."

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You're gonna say, "You know what?

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What can we do from here?"

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Like, yeah, that happened,

and sometimes that's what

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happens, but how do we move on?

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Not an, "I told you so," or, "I

told you not to do that," or, "I

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tried to stop you from doing that."

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You're supporting her.

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You are…

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You're the person that she knows she

can come to because you don't make her

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feel small and you let her be heard

and she knows that her opinion matters

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to you, that her emotions matter to

you, that her heart matters to you.

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And so you're gonna be the person that

doesn't have to speak all the time.

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You want to listen more because

you want more information.

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Remember, teenage girls want

to talk more than they want to

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be talked to or talked over.

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So let her talk.

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And before I get into the last one, I have

a little person who's home for the summer

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who has watched and heard me record these

episodes and has done so, so quietly.

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She has asked if she can

talk to the microphone too.

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So feel free to skip about two

minutes ahead if you do not

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care what a five-year-old has to

say, and that is totally fine.

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But if you're interested in what she wants

to say to the microphone, please listen

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to the next two minutes while I allow

her to talk, and then I will jump back in

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Amalah: Okay, babe.

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You may say whatever you'd like for

them So some people in, they live

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really, really by the beach sometimes.

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Okay, Dad, and they live, like, so close

to it, like they could walk, like, if they

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lived on the sand, th- there's gonna be a

big wave, and if it hits your house, like

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And then if somebody's inside of

it, it's gonna really break it down.

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What else is gonna happen?

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It's not gonna be very good.

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And then they can't really…

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And then they cannot really live.

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They don't have a spot to live where it

rains at, like Louisiana or something.

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Amala, what are you talking about?

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Huh?

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What are you talking about?

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Beaches.

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Beaches.

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Okay.

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Yeah, I mean, 'cause waves are very bad.

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If there's a big one, runs so fast

and build the wall so fastly before

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it hits your body and destroys

your house and destroying you,

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and you can't do nothing anymore.

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Okay.

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Do you have anything, like,

uplifting to talk about?

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Anything that's, like, happy?

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Happy?

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Well, because waves destroying houses

and people is not a happy topic.

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Oh, fine.

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Fine.

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All right.

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Okay.

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Some days people go to school,

and it's really, really fun

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sometimes, but not all the times.

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Got it.

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Okay.

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Well, thank you for stopping by.

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Ah.

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Bye now.

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Bye now.

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I hope you enjoy my record.

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Anyways, back to support.

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So supporting your daughter, like I

said in the beginning of this, means

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supporting the girl that's in front of you

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She is exactly who she's supposed to be.

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She is ever-evolving.

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She is going to change her mind and

change it again and change it again,

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and she's gonna change her style and

her looks and her fashion style and

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her friends and, and her music choices

and all, like, things about her are

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going to shift and they're gonna change

and they're going to grow and evolve.

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And so if you support her as she figures

herself out, she's going to feel loved.

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She's going to feel like you like her.

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If you show up for the things that are

important to her because it's important to

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you to show up for her, she's gonna feel

important and she's gonna feel supported.

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She wants you to see her for all

that she is, all that she's becoming,

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and all that she's going to be.

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If you want to keep your daughter in

her adult years and you want her coming

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to you as an adult, an emerging adult,

and a young adult, and a new mom, and a

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new wife, and all of these things, you

want her to come to you and to trust

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you, you have to support her now, and

you have to support her always, and

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even when she's messing up and even

when she's making mistakes, and if you

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don't agree and all of these things.

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You can voice those things, but you

still support her and her decisions and

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letting her figure those things out for

herself, 'cause she's gonna have to do it.

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So look at the girl in front of you.

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Who is she?

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Talk about her.

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What do you notice?

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What makes her the best thing ever?

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Because she is.

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What makes her her?

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What makes her unique?

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What does she hate?

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Like, what does she absolutely hate?

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Like, what do you notice about her?

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Support the girl in front of you.

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Make sure that you are parenting

and mothering the child that you

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have and not just mothering a child.

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Because all of us need the same things.

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We need love.

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We need to be heard.

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We need to be supported.

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We need nurturing.

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We need our basic needs met, sure.

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But each of us are unique, and we

have our own likes and dislikes

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and desires and hopes and dreams

and ideals and all of these things.

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Different value systems, too.

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Every family has different value systems.

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So pay attention to the girl that's in

front of you and support who she is.

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That's how you keep your daughter coming

back to you well into her adult years,

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because she knows that she can come to

you and you're gonna see her for all

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that she is, even if you don't agree,

and you're gonna support her because

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you love her and because you like her.

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You've taken the time to get to know

her, and so you like who she is.

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You guys may not enjoy doing

the same things, but that

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doesn't mean you don't like her.

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So if you wanna keep your daughter

close and you wanna keep a relationship

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that is open and honest and safe,

you're going to love her because

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you're going to show that you like her.

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Like, of course, you love her,

but teenage girls wanna know

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that their parents like them.

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You're gonna make sure she's heard because

you're going to listen more than you talk.

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You're not gonna interrupt.

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You're not gonna have all the answers.

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You're not gonna always

tell her what to do.

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You're gonna ask her what she wants to

do 'cause I bet she has an idea, and

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you're gonna let her talk to you so

she is going to feel heard, and then

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you're gonna support the girl that's

in front of you In all of her eclectic

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ways and everything that she is because,

like I said, she's the best thing.

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And so you're gonna make sure that

she knows that she's the best thing

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because you support every part of her

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Okay, that's what I've got for you today.

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So quick wrap up, and I'm only

gonna wrap up one part, 'cause

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I think it's the most important.

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Make sure your daughter knows that you

like her, that you like who she is.

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She knows you love her.

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I hope she knows that you love her because

you do actually love her and show it.

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But you wanna make sure that she

knows that you actually like her.

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So if you're not doing

that, start doing that.

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Show interest in who she is and the

things that she likes, and spend time

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with her doing those things, and asking

questions, and learning about it.

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Learn all about the band.

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Learn all about the music.

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Learn about I don't know, I'm

not making up all these ideas.

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You know who your daughter is.

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Go learn about her and

the things that she likes.

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If you listened to the cameo

from my five-year-old daughter,

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I hope you enjoyed it.

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But that's what I've got.

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I will catch you guys next week

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That's all for today's episode of the

Mother-Daughter Relationship Show.

333

Thanks so much for

spending this time with me.

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I hope you picked up some valuable

insights that you can start using right

335

away in your own relationship to create

deeper connection and understanding.

336

If something from today's

episode resonated with you,

337

don't keep it to yourself.

338

Share it with a mother or daughter in

your life who needs to hear this message.

339

And while you're at it, please

consider leaving a rating and

340

review so we can reach more families

and transform the way mothers and

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daughters relate to each other.

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For those ready to take the next

step, you can visit my website to

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learn more about my private coaching

programs and my program designed

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specifically for mother-daughter pairs.

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Whether you're dealing with communication

challenges, life transitions, or

346

just wanna strengthen an already

good relationship, I'm here to help.

347

Thank you so much for listening.

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I'll see you in the next one