Materscence and The Mother Daughter Dynamic with Dr. Cecily Moore

When the Daughter Becomes the Mother with Dr. Cecily Moore

In this guest-hosted episode of The Mother Daughter Relationship Show, Dr. Cecily Moore explores the powerful transformation that happens when a daughter becomes a mother. Through the lens of matrescence, the psychological and identity transition into motherhood, Dr. Moore discusses how motherhood reshapes our understanding of caregiving, sacrifice, emotional labor, and our relationship with our own mothers.Drawing from both personal experience and professional expertise, Dr. Moore shares how becoming a mother can bring compassion, clarity, grief, boundary-setting, and healing. She also dives into the impact of generational expectations placed on women (especially Black women) and the process of redefining motherhood on your own terms.

This thoughtful conversation invites listeners to reflect on the cycles they want to continue, the patterns they want to break, and the values they want to pass forward.

With this episode you’ll learn:

• What “matrescence” means and why it matters
• The emotional complexity of becoming a mother
• Breaking generational cycles and redefining caregiving
• Emotional labor and the “Strong Black Woman” narrative
• Questions every mother should ask herself about values and identity
• How motherhood can become a healing journey

Key Takeaways:

• Motherhood is more than caring for a baby, it is a complete identity transformation.
• Becoming a mother often changes how we understand our own mothers.
• Matrescence can bring both healing and grief.
• Setting boundaries can be an important part of creating healthier generational patterns.
• Motherhood can become an opportunity to consciously rewrite family narratives.

Memorable Quotes

“Sometimes the most powerful part of becoming a mother is realizing that we now have the opportunity to rewrite the story.”

Thank you for listening. Don't forget you can submit your question! And yes, I really am going to give you an answer in an upcoming podcast.and be sure to say hi on Instagram!

Resources Mentioned

Be sure to connect with Dr. Cecily Moore using the links in the episode description and download her free Values Checklist.

https://www.drcecilymoore.com/values-checklist

If this episode resonated with you, take a moment to reflect on the values shaping your motherhood journey. What are you carrying forward and what are you intentionally changing?

Help me reach more service providers like you by following the show & leaving a rating or review on Apple & Spotify!

Keyword tags:

Brittneyscott,#MotherDaughterRelationship #Motherhood #Matrescence #MotherDaughterRelationship #GenerationalHealing #EmotionalLabor #ParentingPodcast #MentalHealth #BlackMotherhood #HealingJourney

Hey, and welcome back to the Mother

Daughter Relationship Show podcast.

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I'm your host, Brittney.

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My family is in the process

of moving across the country.

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We're moving from California to Louisiana.

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I am a military spouse, and it is time

for my husband to basically PCS with his

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job and for us to move somewhere new.

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So during this move, I am going to have

guest hosts who are helping me to keep

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the podcast going while I focus on packing

and moving and getting us settled into

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our new home, and then I'll be back.

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So you'll have three weeks of guests.

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And I invited each of them because

their episodes previously did well, so

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they're people that are coming back.

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They are episodes that you guys seem to

have enjoyed because they have some of

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the highest listeners and, like, download

rates, and I just thought that they could

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come back and provide either a deeper

perspective or a new perspective on the

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mother-daughter relationship for you guys,

and just give you a chance to hear from

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somebody else versus not hearing from me.

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That way, I don't feel overwhelmed

or that I'm trying to manage

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too many things all at once.

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So in this episode,

you're gonna hear from Dr.

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Cecily Moore.

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She is quickly becoming a friend of mine,

and I'm excited to have her come back.

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I am going to let her introduce herself,

let her jump into her own episode, and

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anything that she wants to link, anything

that she wants to guide you to is going

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to all be in the description box below.

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So please check out

what she's offering you.

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Please go check out her website, go

learn more about her and her work, and

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spend some time just getting to know her.

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So I hope that you enjoy

this episode from Dr.

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Cecily Moore, and I will be

back in a few weeks, and you

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will get to hear from me again

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Welcome to the Mother Daughter

Relationship Show, the podcast for mothers

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and daughters who want to build stronger

bonds, deepen their understanding,

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and transform their relationships.

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I'm your host, Brittney

Scott, licensed therapist and

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mother-daughter relationship coach.

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After years of working with hundreds of

daughters and mothers, I've developed

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strategies that help break generational

patterns, heal wounds, and create the

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loving relationships you've always wanted.

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Each week, I'll be sharing insights from

real clients, expert interviews, and

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practical tools you can use immediately

to improve your mother-daughter dynamic.

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Whether you're struggling with

communication breakdowns, navigating

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major life transitions, or simply wanna

take your already good relationship to

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the next level, this show is for you.

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And yes, the transformation I guide

my clients through can be yours too.

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I'll share more about

how you can work with me.

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It's time to experience the

relationship you both deserve.

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Are you ready?

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Let's dive in

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Welcome, welcome.

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I am Dr.

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Cecily Moore, a licensed mental

health counselor, clinical supervisor,

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speaker, and coach, and some of you

may remember me from episode 45.

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Uh, today I will be guest hosting the

Mother-Daughter Relationship show.

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As a quick reminder, I am

the practice owner for Dr.

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Cecily Moore & Associates, a small private

practice and coaching company that really

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focuses on working with Black female

therapists, unlearning the strong Black

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woman narrative, and rewriting their

relationship with labor, emotional labor,

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invisible labor, and physical labor.

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Today, we have a really

special episode planned.

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This episode is about when the daughter

becomes the mother and how motherhood

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rewrites the mother-daughter relationship.

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I wanna jump right in because I

am super excited about this topic.

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This topic actually is how I started

in my work around unlearning the

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strong Black woman narrative.

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So let's just jump right in.

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Many of us, many women assume

that motherhood is primarily

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about learning how to care for

a baby, and oh, we are so wrong.

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It is so much more than that.

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But once you get the news, that

first experience, we become consumed

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with, "How do I care for this baby?"

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What you will soon discover is

that motherhood rewrites your

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relationship, not just with

yourself, but with your own mother.

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There is a moment in early motherhood

when something profound happens.

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There's a realization, and this

realization is that I am no

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longer just someone's daughter,

I am now someone's mother.

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And this shift, this

shift changes everything.

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It changes how you understand

caregiving, how you understand

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sacrifice, how you understand your

own mother And sometimes how you

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understand the wounds that you carry.

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Today, we're gonna hone in and talk

about what happens psychologically

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when the daughter becomes the mother.

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There's a term or a definition

that we will talk about, and

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that term is matrescence.

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Matrescence is the identity shift of

becoming a mother and how this transition

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often reshapes the mother-daughter

relationship in all of its complexity,

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power, and sometimes very painful ways.

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The word matrescence describes the

developmental transition into motherhood.

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This definition, this term was coined back

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a process similar to adolescence So just

like adolescence is the psychological

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and identity transition into adulthood,

matrescence is the psychological and

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identity transition into motherhood.

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I find it interesting that our culture

and our society rarely talks about this.

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Instead, motherhood is often framed

as something that should feel

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natural, instinctual, and seamless.

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Matrescence is a huge and

massive identity shift.

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It includes changes not just around

identity, but around body and

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relationships, priorities, emotional

landscapes, and even your sense of self.

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I really believe that the, the change that

happens around sense of self is one of

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the most important changes that happens

when the daughter becomes the mother.

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During matrescence, women

are often renegotiating

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questions like, "Who am I now?

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What kind of mother do I want to be?

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What parts of my childhood

do I want to repeat?

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And what parts of my childhood

do I want to do differently?"

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In the middle of asking ourselves

these questions, many of us

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find ourselves revisiting the

relationship with our own mother.

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One of the most surprising psychological

shifts during matrescence is that

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motherhood often changes how we

see and experience our own mothers.

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Before becoming mothers ourselves,

we tend to see our mothers primarily

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through the lens of being a daughter.

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But when you become a mother, you

suddenly gain a new perspective on

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what caregiving actually requires.

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For some new moms, this

will bring about compassion.

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You begin to see the pressures

that your mother was under.

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You may realize that she was

tired, she was unsupported, or

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even that she was doing the best

that she could with what she had.

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This is not the experience for all of us.

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For other women, motherhood

brings clarity and even grief.

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You may realize I would never treat

my child the way that I was treated.

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Motherhood can surface memories,

emotions, and realizations that have

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not fully been processed before.

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So this shift, though it can include

compassion, it can be accompanied by

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grief, anger Understanding, forgiveness,

and sometimes boundary setting.

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We could also be navigating all

of these emotional experiences

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simultaneously, all at once.

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Becoming a mother does

not just add a new role.

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It reshapes your identity.

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You are no longer just the

child in the family structure.

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You are now a part of the maternal line.

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I want to share a quick story

about my realization that I was

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a part of the maternal line.

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So imagine I've already had one baby.

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That experience introduced me to

postpartum depression, and it gave

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me more questions than answers.

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And so when I started my PhD program,

because I wanted answers, because I

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needed answers, my research initially

was around Black maternal mental health.

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I wanted to know how becoming a mother

impacted, uh, Black women's mental health.

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At that time, during twenty twenty, I was

especially concerned about the mortality

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rates around Black women who were

giving birth, and so there were a ton of

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curiosities, a ton of questions, and in

that moment, in that period of my life, I

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didn't know where to find those answers.

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Interestingly enough, I was in a course,

a leadership course, um, and one of

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our assignments asked us to research

different types of leadership styles.

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I had only ever heard of servant

leadership, and I heard of

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servant leadership through

the women in my maternal line.

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That's what I'd seen demonstrated for

me, and so that's what I went with.

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I wanted to be a servant leader.

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I had not fully grappled with what

that meant for me as a Black woman

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in a helping profession and how that

would ultimately shape my clinical

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work, how I experience the world, and

how the world would experience me.

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Through my research for this particular

assignment, I had to create a

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presentation, and I wanted a visual

on my PowerPoint presentation that

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would really encapsulate what servant

leadership was for Black women.

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So I was up one night, the

house was quiet, the babies were

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asleep, and I was researching.

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And the research led me back to slavery.

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And the visual that I chose for

my presentation was a visual of

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an enslaved woman who on one bosom

was nursing her child and on the

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other bosom nursing a white child.

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And this was the message.

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Like, this is what I wanted people to see.

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This is what I wanted to shape my

Research around and eventually thought

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leadership around because this is what in

a lot of ways had been demonstrated for

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me as a Black woman in the Deep South.

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And so this, this imagery, this powerful

imagery really kind of catapulted me into

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thinking about what identity development

and caregiving and emotional labor

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looked and felt like for Black women,

which ultimately led me to my final

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dissertation topic around how Black women

unlearn the strong Black woman narrative.

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And so this realization around what

had been occurring in my maternal line,

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and also that it was an expectation for

me to behave, sacrifice, and engage in

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caregiving in a way that did not feel

true and authentic to who I wanted to

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become as a mother, um, it really helped

me begin to renegotiate my understanding

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of womanhood, caregiving, sacrifice,

emotional labor, invisible labor,

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identity development, and boundaries.

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And so with this renegotiation, with this

questioning that I had, it forced me to

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get really, really clear on my values.

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It forced me, and I think it will require

a lot of us to ask questions like,

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what kind of mother do I want to be?

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And what type of cycles

do I want to break?

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What belief systems about

womanhood did I inherit?

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And what expectations did I absorb

from watching my own mother?

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And sometimes women begin to see

that they inherited belief systems

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about womanhood and caregiving

that they now want to question.

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For some of us, matrescence deepens

our connection with our mothers.

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There can be a new sense of empathy,

and you might find yourself thinking, "I

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didn't realize how much she was carrying."

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But for other women Motherhood

can and will often lead to new

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boundaries that need to be set.

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Because once you become responsible for

a child's emotional and psychological

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wellbeing, you start to think

critically about the environment that

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you want your child to grow up in.

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And so sometimes we realize that

certain patterns need to stop,

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certain dynamics need to change,

certain conversations need to happen.

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Motherhood can bring clarity about what

kind of relationships are healthy and what

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kind of relationships are unhealthy, and

that clarity Is what oftentimes shapes or

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reshapes the mother-daughter relationship.

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It doesn't always happen in a

negative way, but often in a

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more honest and conscious way.

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Another important piece of this

conversation is recognizing that

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every generation of women, mothers

under different conditions.

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Our mothers were shaped by their

cultural context, their economic

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realities, their support systems or

lack thereof, and the expectations

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that were being placed on them, both

through their familial environment, but

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also within the societal environment.

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And for some, because of internalization,

whether that be internalized oppression

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or the standards and pressures

that they've put on themselves.

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Many women today are trying

to mother differently.

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They are trying to prioritize

emotional health, breaking cycles,

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raising emotionally aware and

emotionally healthy children, while

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also redefining what motherhood looks

and feels like, not just for them

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children, but also for themselves.

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In many ways, motherhood becomes

not just about raising children.

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We are asking questions

around, "What am I continuing?

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What am I changing?

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What am I healing?"

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This relationship becomes about

rewriting generational stories.

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If you're a mother listening to

this episode, I want to leave you

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with a few questions for reflection.

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How has motherhood changed the

way that you see your own mother?

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Has it brought about compassion,

clarity, grief, or boundaries?

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What parts of your upbringing

do you want to carry forward?

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And what parts of your upbringing

do you want to intentionally

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choose to do differently?

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Matrescence is not about becoming

a mother It's about becoming

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a new version of yourself.

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The identity process that is catapulted

when you bring a new human earth side.

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Part of this process often

includes revisiting the story of

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the daughter that you once were.

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And so we may have to deconstruct that.

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We may have to dig deeper into the

narrative, the belief systems, the

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conditioning that was created by

the experience of being a daughter.

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Motherhood does not just

raise ch- raise children.

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It raises us.

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It raises questions, questions about

who we are, where we come from,

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and what we want to pass forward.

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And sometimes the most powerful

story or part of becoming a mother

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is realizing that we now have the

opportunity to rewrite the story.

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I hope this episode was insightful and

helpful, and if this is you, if this

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episode resonated, and you are thinking

about your experience as the daughter and

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what that means to your mother-daughter

relationship now that you are a

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mother, one of the places that I would

encourage you to start is your values.

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What are your values, and what do those

values look like practically, and how are

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they being lived out through motherhood,

through your experience, both as the

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mother, as the daughter, and as you

begin to mother yourself so that you can

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be the mother that your daughter needs?

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Hey, Brittney checking back in here.

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I really hope that you

enjoyed that episode.

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I did.

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And Dr.

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Moore has created a values checklist

for you to help you define them and

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create your values and to see how

they're being lived throughout your

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motherhood and through your experiences

with both a mom and a daughter.

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So the link to go grab her checklist,

so that way you can start defining

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your own values, is going to be

in the description box below.

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Thank you for being here, and also thank

you for being patient with me as I get

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my family across the country and settled.

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And that is what me and Dr.

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Moore have for you today.

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I will see you guys in the next episode

That's all for today's episode of the

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Mother-Daughter Relationship Show.

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Thanks so much for

spending this time with me.

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I hope you picked up some valuable

insights that you can start using right

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away in your own relationship to create

deeper connection and understanding.

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If something from today's

episode resonated with you,

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don't keep it to yourself.

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Share it with a mother or daughter in

your life who needs to hear this message.

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And while you're at it, please

consider leaving a rating and

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review so we can reach more families

and transform the way mothers and

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daughters relate to each other.

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For those ready to take the next

step, you can visit my website to

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learn more about my private coaching

programs and my program designed

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specifically for mother-daughter pairs.

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Whether you're dealing with communication

challenges, life transitions, or

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just wanna strengthen an already

good relationship, I'm here to help.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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I'll see you in the next one