Dawn Damon: Hey, Bravehearts, I have a beautiful show for you today and a wonderful guest. She is a purpose-driven businesswoman, an athlete, and the founder real estate broker extraordinaire, ranked in the top 1.5% of all agents in the United States. She's also the reigning Miss Connecticut Senior America, a six-time US Pro Am Ballroom Dancer. Oh my goodness. She's a spiritual director in the sacred space and serves on the board of Advisors at Bel Mar College, a Fairfield University, and is a mentor for Girls with Impact. Would you please welcome my guest today, Robin Kencel.

Robin, welcome.

Robin Kencel: Oh, thank you for having me. I know it's gonna be a great conversation.

Dawn Damon: We're eager to dive into this conversation and learn all the things about you, but listen, your bio tells me that you have a successful marriage of 40 years, with adult children. You're a have a bustling career and are a luxury real estate agent broker, and you think you'd be well ready to slow down. But you say, not me. I'm just getting started. Tell us about yourself.

Robin Kencel: Yeah, so I was born in New Haven, Connecticut, and my family owned a nursing home. So a lot of my young life, I worked in every role at that nursing home, from the kitchen to the laundry, to arts and crafts, to being a nurse, a little helper for the nurses.

And you know, it taught me a few things. It taught me to respect older people. It taught me that everyone has something to offer. I mean, some of my deepest conversations were with. People who could do nothing but speak, they'd lost. Everything but their speech. And it taught me that when you are running a business, you have to be humble.

You have to work twice as hard, and you have to be twice as compassionate. And I learned that at a young age. Mm-hmm. So from New Haven, I went to undergrad at Georgetown University. Listen, I was a dancer when I wasn't working, so I danced everything from liturgical dance to disco. Now there's a range for you, and I majored in philosophy.

You know, I like, I'm a thinker, I'm an overthinker. So that was my major. And after Georgetown, where I met my husband, which is a story in itself, because I would have to say, really, he met me, I don't remember him at all. Sorry, honey.

Dawn Damon: Oh, wow.

Robin Kencel: He knows that. But after Georgetown and taking a year, I went to graduate school. I have an MBA from Kellogg, part of Northwestern University, in Hospital and Healthcare Administration. I. I thought I was going back to run our nursing home, but you know, something in me, I'm a big believer that whatever you do, get the best training possible. And so I decided if Johnson and Johnson would accept me into their ranks, I would go there, a healthcare company, to really learn management and marketing. And it was a fabulous experience.

I actually spent five or six years with three different. Fortune 100 companies, learning how to manage people and learning how to be good at running a business. Mm-hmm. Until, you know, I was kind of done writing business plans and opened my own strategic planning firm.

Now, one of the things I'll say along the road, because I'm doing it again, is you gotta be gutsy. You can not be afraid of failing.

Dawn Damon: That's right. Thank you for saying that because you know, this is The BraveHearted Woman, and that's one thing we talk about a lot. I wanna hear more about it. You've gotta be willing to take courageous steps of action, overcome your fear of failing, and do it afraid. Say more about it.

Robin Kencel: Yeah. Well, I'll say I have a few maybe principles around that. Okay. And you know, one is yes, you can't have a fear because what's the worst thing that can happen? You just have to start something else again. But I will also say that for me, I always have a backup plan. I'm really big on contingency plans, and I never leave a job before I take a job.

So even when I had big career changes, I always made sure. The new thing was in place and actually working before I left my current thing. And you know, I also go back to this threesome of do what you're good at, do what you love, and do something that's bigger than yourself, as in servicing others. Mm-hmm. And I find that if you do these three things. I don't call it work. It's really fun. I mean, yes, there's stress, of course there's stress, but it's deep down, fulfilling, fulfilling.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, we talk about that a lot here. Doing things that are fulfilling to us, not doing the things that are expected, that we have to fulfill a specific role, but being willing to get outside the box and really become a student of yourself.

What does light me up? What creates passion in my life? At 67, you were. Well established, but how did you get started? Which, by the way, I can't believe you're 67 anyway. How did you get started in this whole area of the pageant? And by the way, I saw you dancing. You're an an exquisite dancer. You glide, you're so elegant. You say you've always been a dancer. Tell us a little bit about those areas of your life.

Robin Kencel: Okay. Let's start with the dance.

Dawn Damon: Okay.

Robin Kencel: So, you know, I'm two years old. My mom has four kids under eight years old. She was in a community theater, so she was a big advocate of putting your kids in everything and seeing what they respond to. Yes. So here I am, it's recital time on the big stage at Schubert Theater in the yellow shiny raincoat with the red flowers for my tap number. And she's putting the lipstick on me, and I step out with my friends onto this stage, and the lights hit, and I'm like, whoa, I love this. And I was hooked. I mean, maybe I should be ashamed of saying that, but I really loved it.

I just love movement and dance for dance, and I love music. But I mostly love making people in the audience happy and getting a response from them. So I continued on this, this dance career, you know, forever. I mean, embarrassingly at Georgetown, I was known as the dancer and runner who only wore the powder blue jumpsuit, the sweatpants, because I was always coming or going to a dance class.

So when I went to my 25th reunion, I'm 45 years old, and people go, are you still dancing? No, I've got kids that I'm raising. I've got a career, you know, community obligations. So I go to the gym and the doctor on the treadmill next to me, I'm, you know, giving him my woes. And he says, that guy over there does ballroom. Why don't you talk to him about ballroom? And so I sauntered over to Rick Lake, who told me about a studio in Stanford. Just 20 minutes away. I show up for my first lesson. They realized I could dance, but after a few lessons, they realized, Oh, she likes to perform. And so they threw me into the world of competitive dance, which is a huge world.

Yeah. Every weekend, there are competitions all over the United States. And as you said, look, I work really hard at it. Mm-hmm. And it is very, very competitive. There is a whole batch of women over 60 who are just killing it on the dance floor. Wow. And I have been lucky to have, you know, won a number of titles.

And last year I was number one in my division. But you know what? What I say is it's really a competition against myself. Mm-hmm. I really just wanna be the best dancer possible. So that's kind of the dance journey, which led me to the pageant world. I mean, yes, at Georgetown, I was recruited along with a friend who was in a show for the Miss Marilyn competition.

But honestly, you're a college student, you're in a show. You know, I didn't take it that seriously. In fact. Both Lynn and I made the final 10 the same night that we were still in a show. And so we were in the show, racing to the subway, throwing ourselves on a pageant stage. Obviously didn't go anywhere and never thought about pageants again until four years ago, when one of my real estate clients was doing a pageant.

And I'm watching her prepare, and I'm always looking for ways that I can improve myself on the competition floor. And I thought, you know what? This could be really helpful for competition. So I looked around and sure enough, Miss Senior America is for women over 60, and I love their platform. Their mission is to encourage and support older women, look in your rear view mirror, and share your wisdom with younger women. Mm-hmm.

Dawn Damon: I love that, by the way. That's really amazing, right? Yes. Great vision.

I couldn't believe it. I was like, that's, it's just exciting. But let me tell you how they score it, 'cause I think this is also interesting. People hear pageants, and a lot of different things go through their minds. This is how you're scored. 30% of your score is your interview with the judges. So the judges can ask you anything in five minutes. There are five of them. They have your application. It could be your work, your faith, your outside activities, what makes you tick? What was something hard that you did? How would your best friend describe you? Any tough or fluff question? So that's 30%.

Dawn Damon: 30%, okay.

Robin Kencel: 30% is your talent. Now we're gonna get back to that, but it could be anything. 20% is your philosophy of life. So when you are doing your gown walk, you're walking the stage. Which is also 20%. How do you carry yourself? You get to the front, and you take the mic, and you have memorized a 35-second speech on what you believe. Now, that is really hard because by your mid-sixties, hopefully, you have a whole lot of philosophy stuffed inside you. Yes. But you've gotta distill it into 35 seconds and not make it sound stilted on top of it.

Dawn Damon: I thought you were gonna say that was really hard because in your sixties it's hard to remember things like, what was that? I was gonna say that too.

Robin Kencel: I probably should write it on my palm. That too. So that is what you are scored on.

Okay. Now here's what happened. I went in May. I'm a businesswoman. I develop a business plan. I'm not just a float on a parade, you know? Yes, I wanna do something. So I developed this platform that it is called “Aging With Purpose,” and it's really out there talking to women about being intentional, having gratitude, you know, yes, there's bad stuff happening, people are dying, people are moving away, but.

We can still hear the birds sing. We still can see beauty. We can see the laugh of a baby. So it's all about aging with purpose. So here's what happened to me. Talk about aging with purpose. Three weeks before the pageant, I'm in the United States Dance Championships. We're dancing pretty well, but we're not placing well.

And so I say, you know what? Let's call it a day. It is just not happening today. And our coach and my husband both say, and my dance partner, we're not quitters. You need to go out there and do something memorable. So my unconscious brain chooses to push it just enough that I smash my foot into Dema, my partner's heel, and I break my foot.

But here's what I wanna tell you. Now, when something bad happens to us, we can control our responses, right? We can, we can, we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we frame it. So I did spend a week clearing out my contacts in my phone, reorganizing every drawer, doing anything I could.

That, you know, was not moving around. And then I said, What have I always loved that I just never did anything about. The wording popped into my mind. Oh, acting. I resourced my way to an acting coach who is a musical theater coach and a choreographer who's been on TV for a number of seasons in different things. I mean, he's quite special. Shout out to Lane Knepper. And so Lane starts working with me on improvisational acting. Oh, now talk about falling off a cliff, right? You are thrown on a stage with a scene partner. It sounds like you know what it is. The audience gives you a word, and you go, mm-hmm. You don't write the script, right? You just be.

Dawn Damon: Yes. Did you come alive with that? Because now you're talking my language. I love those kinds of things, and I'm resonating with the whole, you know, not only do you love to dance, you love to perform. Yeah. And you come alive on the stage. So this had to be right down your alley.

Robin Kencel: Not so much initially.

Okay. Because it was a little scary. I didn't know these people. It's very close quarters. I am a writer. I've written two books, so I'm more of a planner writer. Okay. It took me a while, but I just kept digging into it. I just kept taking lessons privately, and then Lane and I would go take, you know, group classes where you're thrown on the stage, and next month will be my one-year anniversary of improvisational acting. I love it. I love it, and I know I'm getting better at it. I'm here to tell every listener, viewer of yours, that you can start in something that you're not good at and get better. I am proof in the pudding. I.

Dawn Damon: Well, that's what I was gonna ask you. You know, and I love that you're encouraging our listening audience today, that you're never too old to learn a new skill.

No. I mean, I often say you really can teach old dogs new tricks. You can. You said it wasn't so good at, maybe at the beginning, you had to dig in. How do you not quit? What is it that keeps you going? And what would you say to the women listening that just they, they try something, think, oh, I'm not good at it, and they throw in the towel.

Robin Kencel: Okay, I'm gonna tell you a real-time story, Dawn. Okay. So yesterday I was on Fox News

Dawn Damon: Ohh.

Robin Kencel: In Connecticut. Okay. And they wanted to talk about the pageant in two weeks. And you know, I thought I did a pretty good job on the interview. So I sent it to my coach, Lane, and this morning we always have a session before I do a podcast, okay?

A warmup. And he always brings in another person, and he said, How do you think you did? I said. I think I did pretty darn well. He is like, yeah, here's five major points. And you know, for a moment I'm like, okay. No, but when he was done, he was like, I'm not saying you're not getting way better, but here are five things you could have done better.

So how do I stay in it is, and, and he says this too, you have to be like very open. I can't take the criticism. Yes, I take it personally, but I have to keep remembering. My goal is not to just feel good and have people patting me on the back, right? No. It's the same thing with dance. If I'm dancing because I just wanna be holding that trophy and posting it on Instagram, that's the wrong thing.

I wiped all of my dance Instagrams, it showed wins off because I decided that's just doing it for the wrong reason. You can do it, but you have to really feel that you want the long game, you wanna challenge yourself, and any gift that God gave you, you wanna bring it as far forward as you can. And since we opened it with a prayer, I mean, let's just say it, you know, every skill we have, whether it's my dancing or my business brain, God put it there for a purpose.

Absolutely. Not for me to congratulate myself just because I need to touch somebody in some way.

Dawn Damon: Yes. So that's what keeps me going. So profound in that what you haven't articulated in words, but you are in your action and the way you carry yourself, is that somewhere in there, there has to be enough self-worth to say.

I can hear the negative things. That's not gonna crush me. I can grow. I don't need all the accolades; throw the flowers at my feet. That's all gray. But really, what's going to push me to greatness is getting this positive feedback. Not everybody's willing to listen to that. It crushes them; they shrink right away under that.

And I think maybe that's part of some operating lies in their life, or some things that they haven't dealt with. Talk to me about your self-worth. I mean, yeah, yeah. You gotta be feeling that.

Robin Kencel: Look, first of all, because my whole. Everything is set in God. My self-worth is intact because I know there is something so big that loves me no matter what stupid thing I do.

But in my family, my grandfather, who owned that nursing home, and my father taught and treated me equal to my older brother, completely equal. And they both said, You can do. Anything you believe in. And I really believed that. I mean, at one point in my life, I thought I was gonna be the first female president of the United States.

Now talk about, you know, belief in yourself, but I just thought whatever I want to do, and then I knew, but I need skills. So you can't just say you wanna do something and then not put your time and attention into getting good at whatever you want to do. Now I recognize there's a whole bunch of. People out there who didn't have that growing up, who didn't have those people who said that.

But you know, here's what I would say to that. Yes, that was then, and those tapes are very strong. I understand. Yes. But bringing it into the light and recognizing it for what it's worth, and starting there, I think, might help. You know, maybe dispel it a little. I am somebody who believes if you need outside help, outside professional help to help get rid of those tapes.

Go for it. That's really important. Do it. I mean, I have to tell you, I have been with all kinds of people in my real estate world. You know, I have had clients that are, you all would know all their names, whether it's entertainment, movies, professional athletes, and I've been with people whose world is as big as just, you know, themselves.

They are all equal to me. No. It's just how kind are they? It really, it always comes down to that. Yeah, how kind are you? And then from there, you know you can do whatever you do. People will not remember what you say. They'll remember how you made them feel.

Dawn Damon: Right. I love that saying. It's so very, very true.

And you know, shifting gears just a little bit, as you're talking about the nursing home and the care facility that you kind of grew up in, that in itself shapes you, it shapes, I have to imagine, your perspective and outlook on how you want to age. You talk about aging with purpose, and you clearly are doing that, by the way.

Totally agree with doing things that. That you are learning new skills, doing things that you haven't done before. I learn so much about myself when I face something new that quite honestly will scare me. And I'm thinking, and I wanna run and, and shrink back in to go. Like, don't do it. Don't do it. But I say to myself, no, Dawn, you get out there, and you do that because you're about to meet a new party yourself that you don't know exists.

But what did you learn about aging with purpose? And you also talk about the. Five pillars of aging. Well, yes. Share that with us. Yes.

Robin Kencel: So I have been someone who's always very, like building a stereo system, very like mind, body, spirit, keeping all these active. And as I've gotten older and as an athlete, you know, I think very much about what keeps me conditioned, in everything.

So for me, the five pillars are. Number one, physical health. And you know, I will tell you, and that's everything from preventative health to dealing early on. Like there are a lot of mornings, especially as I'm getting older, I'm waking up with something from the day before from dancing, and I will get it treated right away.

But so there's preventative health. Taking care of chronic or what's coming up, fitness, nutrition, all these things to keep this machine that you realize has an expiration date running. So I'm very intentional now on that, and I make sure that I have a team of people around me who can keep me. In good shape, and I read a lot.

I mean, nutritionally, I'm always reading and trying to adjust. So that's the first pillar, physical health. And by the way, what I find is if you are in serious pain or chronic pain, it's hard to focus on these other pillars 'cause you're so distracted by your pain. So true. You've gotta deal with the pain management.

I have two replaced hips. I had sciatica for four months this year, and I recognized all my pillars are falling apart because I can't get out of my own head. So devote your time to taking care of your body. Huge.

Dawn Damon: So, so important. I say that a lot as well. Like you get one body, we take better care of our cars and our furniture sometimes than we do our bodies.

You get one body to carry around your soul, your spirit, and the message that God has put into you to share with the world. Take good care of your body. Okay, so that's pillar number one. Yeah. So that's

Robin Kencel: number one. So number two, emotional health and mental well-being. Mm-hmm. So, obviously, you know, some people are dealing with it, especially because I've commissioned some researchers studying women over 60, what's in their minds, a lot of depression, a lot of anxiety, a lot of loss of purpose. All of a sudden, my kids don't need me. I might be retiring. So all these things are going around in the brain, so a. Staying emotionally healthy, and you know, how do you do that?

Well, it brings you to the third pillar, relationships, getting out of yourself. I find that people, you mentioned it like you have a choice in how you can age. You can be gutsy and try new things. You could kind of make your world small, and then you just keep telling yourself the same old tapes, or you can become bitter.

The second two choices are not good. Mm-hmm. So, you know, making sure you are connected to your community is critical. I have a 92-year-old mother who, because we were in the nursing home industry at 70, she's like, let me look at all my options coming down the path. And she chose a campus independent living.

Then you shift to assisted. Living, and then you have a nursing home, and she's lucky she's still in independent living, but she's been in and out of rehab. And you know, she will tell you, even with all of her ailments, which are getting worse, you've got to keep busy. You've got to stay looking forward.

You gotta try new things. She's playing Mahjong. She's active on her devices. I mean, she's in a book club. She's out as much as she can be. So staying active, staying in your community, giving to others. I was at the governor's office yesterday, and this older couple was coming down the stairs, and they saw the crown, and they wanted a photo. I said, What's giving you joy these days? And the husband said, Well, I'm really busy in my church, and I love my church, and I love that I can be helpful. And the wife said, Well, see this necklace. I just started a jewelry-making business. Oh my goodness. So, I love that. Love it. You know, you're trying new things.

So, so that's a third. So physical, mental, and emotional relationships. And then the fourth, which to me is sort of the center of it all, is spirituality, purpose, and meaning. What are we here for? What do we want to say about ourselves at the end of the day? Mm-hmm. What are we doing with our time? We've gotta ask these questions.

I ask myself these questions every year between Christmas and New Year's. I really sort of think about the year and think about what I want the next year to be. Mm-hmm. And kind of generally map out where I'm putting my attention? Where am I putting my time? Where am I putting my resources?

Dawn Damon: Yes. That's so important, and I agree with you 100%.

Robin Kencel: Number five, okay, this is a little strange, but for me, I really believe this. I put sleep in its own category. Ah, not a lot of healthcare professionals do that, but to me, sleep wraps everything. Mm-hmm. Because if you don't have enough quality sleep, you're, it's going to affect your mental and emotional state.

It's gonna affect your health, it's gonna affect the way you feel around people. It's gonna affect everything. So I'm somebody who has one of those rings that I wear at night to measure my deep sleep, my REM sleep to make sure, yeah, look, I'm competitive. I want. Yeah, I want the great score when I wake up, and if I don't get it, I go back to sleep.

Right. Are you, do you do the same, oh, check it every morning? Yeah, so I think you've got to turn the screens off. I mean, everyone knows about sleep health. No screens a couple of hours before bed, no alcohol before bed, no eating late, like everything forming habits, I'm very big on start small. Start with a micro habit, a little bit.

A little bit, and before you know it, you're gonna make a change.

Dawn Damon: Hmm, that's so good, Robin, and you're living proof that that works. And some people say, you know, oh, something doesn't work for me. Something. I think every good habit works for you if you work it.

Robin Kencel: Right. And you know, Dawn, I think what works for you and what works for me is going to be different. And somebody listening could say, well, that's fine. That's her story. Listen, I have a lot of rough patches in my life, as we all do, and we all figure out what does work for you. And I, I encourage starting with looking backwards. What did I love? What am I good at? Mm-hmm. How did I get through this rough patch in the past?

There's a lot of value in looking in the past, but also challenge yourself to step out of your past and step out of your comfort zone.

Dawn Damon: Yes, so many things that I told myself this narrative, you're not good at sports, you're not athletic, you can't do that. And I lived with that as my truth for a very long time.

But at 52 years old, I learned how to water ski and found out, guess what? And started working out with. And running. And I'm like, no, I'm athletic. That was, that was a lie. That was not true about me. Yeah. But it was true because I believed it to be true. So you are the reigning Miss Senior America for Connecticut.

Robin Kencel: And in two weeks, I go to nationals. Now here's what's really fun, Dawn. So last year, Miss America allowed ballroom dancing with live partners. Oh, I went to Miss Senior America about two months ago, and I'm like, Hey. Don't. We wanna be up with the times? Don't we wanna be relevant? Right. Can't we follow the path of Miss America?

And they now have a loud ballroom dancing. So they bought it, they bought it, and two of us will be ballroom dancing. I'm really excited to bring my partner and do this number that we're planning just for the Miss Senior America Pageant. It's gonna be a great time. It's gonna be a great four or five days.

I mean, there's a lot going on. There are preliminaries for two days, and then there's, you know, 48, not all 50 states, 48 will be out on the stage Thursday, and they call the final 12, and then you run the whole show again with just the 12.

Dawn Damon: Beautiful. Well, listen, Bravehearts, you've heard it today. She's an author, she's an actress. She is a superpower broker, and you, too, can tap into your dreams. We're so thankful that you're with us today, Robin. What would you like to leave our listeners with today?

Robin Kencel: I'd like to leave them with a sense that. You can do it if you believe in yourself. The only thing that is stopping you is yourself.

Dawn Damon: Mm. Yeah, very well said. You can find her on all the usual suspects: Instagram, LinkedIn, X, and Facebook. We'll have all those links for you in the show notes. My listeners and Robin, thank you again for being with us. We so appreciate it, and we'll be wishing you luck in a couple of weeks.

BraveHearted women, as you're listening, maybe it's time for you to reignite your confidence and awaken your courage. Maybe you're ready to step into your God-given dream. You need clarity without second-guessing, shrinking, or wondering. You know, is it too late for me? Why don't you visit my website as well? braveheartedwoman.com. There you'll find my course, The BraveHearted Transformation Course. If that speaks to you, visit me. I'd love to help you.

And in the meantime, I'm gonna leave you like I always do. Is it your moment? Find your brave and live your dreams.