Dawn Damon: My guest today is a multiple award-winning author, filmmaker, and international speaker and coach who was recently named the top writing coach by the Coach Foundation. One of the top coaches, anyway, is a favorite speaker for Christian writers' conferences around the country. His work appears in Guideposts, Power for Living, Evangelical Press Association, CBN, YouVersion, Focus on the Family, Best Christian Workplaces, and so much more. His book, entitled The Single Dad Detour, won Book of the Decade, come on, you all, serious props here, by the Serious Writer Academy. Please welcome my guest and award-winning author, Tez Brooks.

Hello, Tez!

Tez Brooks: Hey, Dawn. How are you today?

Dawn Damon: I'm doing great, and I've been looking forward to this. You and I connected at a writer's conference, and then you sent a text that said, or an email, "Hey, what do you think about having a man on your podcast?" You know, at first I was thinking, "No, this is just for women only," you know? No testosterone. But then, as I started thinking about it, I thought, what a brilliant idea. Thank you for bringing it to us, because so many women who are in midlife and beyond may wonder, you know, what is inside of a midlife man's brain? And not that you can speak for all men, but you've been through it, and you can share some of those tips and points with us.

So I'd love for you to share a little bit about your story. I gave you a setup there. You went through a divorce, and you know how it feels. Tell us just a little bit about your journey.

Tez Brooks: Yeah, well, you know, I was married for about nine years, and I was in full-time ministry, had two kids. We were teenage sweethearts. And yeah, it was difficult 'cause I wasn't really expecting that. I think, uh, it came out of left field for me. Yeah, my wife left me for another man, so I was raising the kids by myself for a big portion of that time before they decided they wanted to move back in with their mother. So probably, about three and a half to four years. And I was divorced for about seven years before I got remarried.

But it really devastated me because I think I had made the mistake of putting my identity in being married, and being a dad, and having, you know, two cars, and a picket fence, and a house. Yeah, and then suddenly all that was gone. And I just remember asking God, "Is this... Well, there is God. Is this what my reward is for serving you?" It was a hard time.

Dawn Damon: Mm-hmm. I understand that. I also went through a divorce after 28 years of marriage. And, you know, I had those same feelings. I had those same... I was in ministry. I was an executive pastor, and so it was like, "Who am I now, and what do I do?" And it was a very devastating time. And you said it so well. You know, we don't realize that our identity gets so enmeshed in our titles.

Tez Brooks: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: And when those titles move away, then we're left with, "Well, who am I? If I'm not a pastor, or if I'm not a husband, a dad, what do I do? Where do I go?" And the rejection is really immense, isn't it?

Tez Brooks: Oh, it is. I compared it to, like, I felt like someone had put a reduced sticker on my forehead and threw me in a bargain bin. Like, I just realized, I really felt worthless. You know, I felt emasculated as it was, uh, because I was rejected. And then on top of that, just feeling the differences even with people at church, like, okay, I'm not a couple anymore. I'm a single bachelor. And so even my married friends kind of deserted me, didn't know what to do with me. I was an awkward third wheel.

Dawn Damon: Yes. So incredibly painful. And I often say, like, I was a we for 30 years, 'cause we dated. I was a we, and then all of a sudden I had to live as a me. Just me. Nobody to hide behind, or to introduce, or nobody on my arm, nobody to take care of me. Not that I was ever taken care of or protected anyway, sidebar. But, you know, it is so different, and it feels vulnerable and scary. Great to hear from a man's point of view that you experience those same kinds of things. It leaves a man feeling broken and depressed, doesn't it?

Tez Brooks: Yeah, it does. I just remember, yeah, feeling like I had to measure up to. Like, at the time, Hollywood's getting a little better with this, but at the time it was the '90s, and every comedy or every show, every movie out there seemed to be a single father who was a moron, just an idiot who made dumb choices. And so I felt like I had to measure up. Like I, I need to learn how to cook. I have to take care of my house better and make it a more welcoming environment, make sure that they're in church. Yeah, and sometimes it was myself. I don't think anybody else was putting that on me, but I felt that pressure of just trying to measure up, and I have to make sure people don't think I'm a buffoon, you know, that I can't raise my kids on my own. It's not natural. It's not meant for me to raise my kids on my own. But it was hard, yeah.

Dawn Damon: Mm. You have to have more than pizza for dinner. That's the thing.

Tez Brooks: Yes. You know, in my book, I mention I have a chapter on just making your house more welcoming, you know, whether you need to get a candle or put some photos up of grandma or something to make it more interesting, m- more inviting and safe for the kids. You know, you wanna get your laundry out of the bathtub. Yeah. Get the gas can out of the middle of the living room floor and put it in the garage. Just things that you don't realize. You know, you need more in your refrigerator than sour milk and dry pizza.

Dawn Damon: Yes, exactly. Well, that's really well said, because typically we think of mom or the woman as the nurturer. And so she provides those nurturing things of home. But when it's on you, and you were dad, you had sole custody for three years of your children, I believe, it was up to you to be the nurturer, the provider, the everything that your children needed for that sensitive time.

And so I depended a lot on families, married couples, to help me out. They would invite me over for dinner, me and the kids. That was such a blessing for me, to have people in my life where I could say, "This is what a healthy marriage looks like. I know that's not what we have right now in our family, but one day maybe we'll get that."

But yeah, I waited seven years, 'cause typically I think it takes a parent about five years to recover, even financially, from a divorce. It takes a while. Some of my guy friends get divorced, and they get remarried within two years, and I'm like, "Oh, you idiot. You need time to heal and to recover financially and..."

Dawn Damon: Yeah. That is so true. We wanna rush back out to go back to the identity that we had. We wanna be a we again right away instead. Just, I love that you're saying that because we do need time for us, we need time for healing, and if you know, at a minimum of two years, you should be thinking about just giving time for God to reveal some things.

And let's be honest, both of us, I mean, you know, I'd like to blame my husband for everything, but, you know, we both contributed to the breakdown of the marriage. I know that you said this, and I wanna just go deep for a minute, and then I wanna switch thoughts for a moment. But you had said that you entered the marriage, same as me, with between the two of you there was some unresolved childhood abuse. There was a lot of selfishness. There had been maybe some unfaithfulness, mental health issues. We don't know that when we're young and in our 20s, do we? We know it today. But you had some of those things working against you, did you not?

Tez Brooks: Oh, yeah. We had sex before we got married. That, you know, puts you in the deficit. And then I had been sexually abused as a child. I brought that into the marriage. My wife had been raped as a teenager, and she brought that into the marriage, and just selfishness. Like, I was not a good husband, and that's what drove her into the arms of another man. I look back now, and I didn't realize that then. I was the victim. But looking back now, I'm like, "Yeah, man, I was not a good husband." Seeing the type of husband that, and the marriage that Christine and I have now, I look back at my first marriage and I'm like, "Oh, that poor woman that had to deal with this young man who didn't know anything about relationships or loving a wife like Christ loves the church."

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Tez Brooks: So yeah, we brought a lot of garbage into the marriage.

Dawn Damon: Yep, same with us. We had a lot of all of those same things. And the sexual abuse in and of itself is massive. And for me, I was the childhood survivor, and then somewhere along the line, I started actually processing my trauma, and I was already in the marriage. And the things that my husband was doing at the time were mimicking the way that I was abused, and it was such a convoluted mess. And my brain got it, but all of you know, the muscle memory, the triggers, the wounded spaces, all of those things. And then that led to a complete breakdown of anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and a season of depression. So that's where I started my healing, counseling, and deliverance. I didn't wanna go through it. I didn't wanna look at it. I thought when it was over, it was over. Yeah. But nowhere near over.

Tez Brooks: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: So Christine comes into your life. Oh. But before that, how is dating? You were in your 30s, I guess, right?

Tez Brooks: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: I was in my 40s. How is dating? What insight can you give us about maybe what a man is looking for the second time around?

Tez Brooks: Well, you know, I was done with dating. I didn't even like to call it that. I was looking for a wife. You know, you look at it differently after you've been married, and you know, I was in my 30s, and I was really not wanting to play any games.

Like, you know, you try to be on your best behavior when you're dating, which is a big mistake. Like, I mean, you don't wanna be rude, but you wanna be yourself and authentic, and people don't really get that piece of you to show itself unless you spend some time together in community. And so my dating, first of all, always included either one of my kids being on the date with us, or it was a group date with other people from my small church group, because I knew from experience, and now that I was older, it just wasn't a good idea to be alone. Like, we set up rules. And some of these might sound kinda crazy to some of your listeners, but, like, we had rules for each other. Christine had never been married and had no kids, so that was one thing that she had an obstacle she had to get over. She did not wanna marry a divorced man. That's just too much baggage.

But God worked it out and saw, you know, that there was something good going on. So, but one of the things that we did was, like, I would tell Christine, "I'm not going to talk on the phone late at night with you with your voice in my ear late at night while I'm lying on the couch." It was just not a good idea, where my mind was going. Yeah. Just to hear her voice in my ear that late at night. And I said, "I really don't want you to cook a whole lot of meals for me and my kid because I start feeling like husband and wife type stuff. Like, oh, you're providing meals for me like a wife." And I wanted her to be careful with how much she hugged my kids and kissed them on the forehead, 'cause, like, what if it doesn't happen? I was protecting their heart as well as mine and hers. And so it was very, I hate to say this word, contractual.

I kept emotion out of it as long as I could because I knew that emotions couldn't always be trusted. They're not bad. Emotions aren't bad. Right. But, yeah, I, we just had to be careful. And in turn, she would say... like one time I cleaned out the gutters of her house, and she said, "Could you not do that anymore? 'Cause it's kinda making me feel like you're my husband, and it's endearing me to you too soon, too quick." And I thought, "Wow, okay. I was just trying to help out a single woman," you know? But those are things that we don't realize a lot of times grab our hearts, and we have to be careful to protect each other's hearts until we know, yes, God is calling us together as a husband and wife.

Dawn Damon: Wow. I mean, that's blowing my mind in a good way. You led your relationship with wisdom. You said logic, but yes. How did you know that that was such a wise thing to do? So many people don't do it that way.

Tez Brooks: You know, it was talking, it was having other men in my life talking to me and, and asking their advice that I didn't do when I was single. It just wasn't en vogue when I was a young man getting married the first time. I didn't ask anybody, "Hey, how should I do a proposal?" You just did everything on your own. You didn't ask for advice. Or if you did, you were asking your other college guy friends, who don't know anything.

Dawn Damon: Right.

Tez Brooks: You know, it's the blind leading the blind. And so by now I'm in my 30s, and I'm asking older guys who have been married 20, 30 years, "Hey, what about this?" And sometimes I wouldn't even know what to ask, and they would say, "Hey, be careful about this or that, you know, when you're with Christine." And I think it's, yeah, letting other people into my life is where that wisdom came from. And just seeking the Lord. Like, "God, I don't wanna do this again. If I mess up..." You know, the percentages of marriages and second marriages that fail are greater than those of the first marriage. And so I don't want that to happen. So yeah, I would say community is what helped me.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. I heard you say that before I asked you the follow-up question. You talked about dating in the community, and even bringing one of your children with you for that. Maybe that was later on, as you were dating, but I like that idea. And you're right.

So many times when we're dating, I know as a single woman, when I was going through dating, I didn't date a lot 'cause I was a pastor. In fact, I didn't date at all. I had asked the Lord, "I don't wanna be the flavor of the month for somebody. I don't wanna go through all that, God. If you have someone for me, please put them in my life and make it obvious." You are counseling us and giving us great advice, but if there is a woman who really wants to date in midlife and beyond, is there some advice that you would give her? 'Cause I think sometimes we as women put some pressure on men to be all romantic and do all those things.

Dawn Damon: I don't know.

Tez Brooks: Well, yeah, romance is, it's a lovely thing, and there's a, a time and a place to show that. I remember when I finally asked Christine... 'Cause we had been, uh, not really dating. We were just doing a lot of activities together with other people in our small group, you know, going out miniature golfing or working at the church together, cleaning the church up, and it was never really a date for several months.

But when I did say, "Hey, you know what? I would like to actually court you," which means something different than dating. And when I was all done, we were at this restaurant, and she was just like, "I hear you saying you want to see if God is leading us together as husband and wife, but do you wanna be with me?"

Because I was just so formal and unemotional, it did sound like a contract to her. And I'm like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, absolutely. Like, the flowers and the cards and the romance will come, but it's not time yet. Like, I want to protect your heart." And so what I would say to your listeners who are looking for that, yes, that's not wrong to look for that. But sometimes guys just aren't ready, and we're very... Well, I shouldn't put all guys in one box. Some guys are very emotional. I can be very emotional. My older brothers are like, "You're way too emotional, Tez." "You wear your feelings on your sleeve." And so I don't wanna lump us all in a box. Men are very different.

But just know that some men are very logical thinkers, and the emotion will come and the romance will come, but give it some time. He's also scared. Like, he's been hurt. You know, not all men. Some men were the jerks, and they had an affair, and that's how the divorce happened. But for a man who is, you know, kind of that innocent party, if we can say that. None of us, as you said earlier, is blameless, and we're all responsible. It's a two-way street. But for that, we just need some time. I remember couples at church trying to fix me up with people too early. I still had my wedding ring on, you know, a year after I was divorced, because I wanted people to know I'm not ready yet.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Tez Brooks: I still feel married. And so that's hard ... but they would just ignore that, you know, and they're just like, "I gotta fix you up with my niece." And I'm like, "Can you please not? Like, I'm wanting to be married to the Lord right now, and, you know, have Him use me in my singleness. I wanna take advantage of this singleness." But yeah, I was open to marriage. So I would tell your listeners, just be patient, you know, and maybe be a little bit leery of guys that are too romantic too quickly.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Tez Brooks: Like, what is that? What's going on there? 'cause you don't even know me yet, and you're trying to... A lot of us just wanna get married real quick, and they're in love with the romance, and they're not thinking about the relationship and the future.

Dawn Damon: Right. Yes, exactly. I agree with that. We like that moment and all the dopamine that we're getting in our brain and all the things, you know, and we feel like we're 16 again. And, you know, I remember when I met Paul, my husband, and we started dating, we were both very slow as well. And I had promised my pastor that I was not going to rebound and get married right away. We had seen other women do that, and he was like, "Promise me you're not gonna do this." And I said, "I promise I won't." I needed to heal. I spent one whole year by myself, with every holiday just to experience that. Then another couple of years. But when I did meet Paul, I felt like the Holy Spirit had said to me, "Just let him pace it," which meant I always responded affirmatively, 'cause I knew Paul was a phenomenal Christian man, and I already felt what God was nudging me that this was going to be him. But I didn't text him at first. I waited for him. I didn't invite him to do anything. I did that for several months. And then finally he said, "You know what? It would make me feel good if you initiated a little bit, too." And I said, "Okay, I will." You know?

Dawn Damon: Yeah, I am not gonna rush in. And I also asked him, on one of our very first dates, I said, "I need this to be exclusive." I said, "If exclusivity lasts for one week, then so be it. But what... I'm a pastor, I wanna walk in integrity, and I don't want to be out with you on Thursday knowing you were just with someone else on Tuesday. I'm not going to do that."

Tez Brooks: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: And so those were some of t the rules, if you will, that we kinda put in place.

Tez Brooks: That's great. Yeah. I think some of those things are not said, so that was very wise of you to, you know, the exclusivity of a... Like, yeah, I think a lot of people assume that. But then you find out, wait a minute, he's dating this other woman? Like, so is he trying to decide? You know? Right. Like, you should've decided before you asked me out, like. But yeah, I think that's just so wise.

And another thing that I really want your listeners to hear is just that the romance and the dating can just really lead to something beautiful, but there's something even more beautiful in just waiting and romancing the Lord, and just spending time. You know, remember, if you get married right away, that season and that opportunity are gone for you to go on a mission trip or to serve the Lord as a single person. You know, Paul talks about that.

And so I would just remember thinking, I'm taking my time because I've never been on a mission trip. I got married so young. You know, I was a father immediately within the first year of marriage, and I was taking care of a family and a wife. And so even though I was in full-time ministry, there were things that I wasn't able to do. And so, taking that step back, I would just encourage your listeners, just revel in that time with the Lord to just get to know him and romance him, and let him romance you. And let him lead you into certain ministering to certain people, even ministering to married couples by babysitting their kids along with your kids. Like, it's not about other people serving you as much as it is you serving them as a single person, and serving the Lord. Yeah, there's just so much that you're gonna have these memories of, wow, you know, I got to do that while I was single. And so your divorce actually becomes almost a blessing. Not to say divorce is right. God hates divorce. But He can turn bad things into good if you just give Him that time to do that.

Dawn Damon: I hope that you guys, you women, have really taken that in just now. Romance the Lord. It just brought tears to my eyes, because I remember that season. The first few months were just brutal and horrific, and felt like my face was ripped off and my heart was shredded. But after I got through that season that I had with the Lord, you're right, it was so beautiful and so precious. And I remember praying at times, saying, "Lord, I don't ever wanna go through this again, ever. So let me not say it wrong. But thank you for this season that I have with you right now." 'Cause I got married so young, and baby right away too. I was 19. I didn't have any adult life.

And now, you know, here I am. I wanted to live a little bit and experience life. Like, make decisions. Like, what's your favorite color? What do you really like to eat? What do you wanna do in life? A lot of things just to get to know me, but to get to know the Lord, not as a couple or as a family, but as me. And so that's really important. How did you know it was time? How long did you date? And then you asked the question, or did it go like that?

Tez Brooks: Yeah. So for seven years, I was single. I had dated a couple of women before I met Christine, but they were crazies. I'm like, "Lord, do I keep picking crazy women? Is there something wrong with me?"

Dawn Damon: Ladies, oh listen here now. Some of us are cray cray up in here. We have to fix this.

Tez Brooks: Oh, but yeah, there are a lot more men who are cray cray, too. Yeah.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Tez Brooks: Yeah. So how did I know? Yeah, I was first friends with Christine. Had no intention of... I didn't wanna ever get married again. A- and s- because I just thought, "If marriage is like this, eh, I'm okay." And I think I had to come to that point where I was, like, not searching for somebody, but I'm okay if I stay single the rest of my life. And when I came to that part, that's when the Lord said, "Okay, well now I'll give you somebody." But it was just a friend. Like, I just thought, "Oh, she's really a good friend. Oh, she loves '80s pop music. I love this." Like, all the other singles were, like, younger than me, and they couldn't relate. They didn't have kids. Like, they would go out and do paint-balling or... And I'd be like, "Yeah, that's, uh, a little too mature for that. I got kids."

Dawn Damon: I'll pass.

Tez Brooks: Yeah. I think I'll pass. So there was, you know… And then the other singles group was a bunch of widows in their 60s, and so I didn't really... But then Christine came along, and she was the same age as me. Yeah, we had so much in common, and I thought, "This is a really good best friend." I remember I was... We were walking through a store together. And anyway, I said, "You know what? You're my best friend, Christine." And that's unusual, 'cause most of my best friends have been men. But I really enjoyed getting to know her, and I let that happen. So she kinda knew before I did. She also was like you were. She wasn't a pursuer. Women, please don't pursue the men. If they're not man enough to pursue you, you probably don't want them.

Dawn Damon: Mm-hmm.

Tez Brooks: I admired that in Christine. She did not pursue me. Every initiation was by her. I did come to the point, like your husband did, where I'm like, "You know, I'm feeling it would help me to know you're not rejecting me if you just initiated a little bit or just responded to my initiation." 'Cause sometimes I'd feel like she was running. She wasn't. She was just being careful not to be the initiator.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Tez Brooks: And letting me man up. Which was good. 'Cause we can be lazy. We, men can be lazy, and we want the woman... I mean, it's an ego trip for a woman to chase us, right? Yeah. It's... But it's immaturity.

So anyway, I realized much slower than she did that God was calling us to be husband and wife. In fact, my small group was really tight, and a lot... It took a lot of them, kinda coming to me and saying, "Have you considered Christine for a date?" And I'd be like, "No." So my brother, I gotta tell you this. My brother was our pastor. We both came from different parts of the United States to Orlando. I went to be a part of my brother's church, and she came because her job moved her down. She was a missionary, and her job moved her down to Orlando. She was working with Campus Crusade. So we both ended up at the same church, and my brother once said, "Any women that you're interested in?" I'm like, "No." He said, "So you hang out a lot with Christine." I'm like, "Yeah." "So tell me about that." And I said, "Well, you know, like at the end of a long day, I call her, and I kinda debrief." He goes, "Really?" You know, he's listening to all this thinking, this is a wife and husband stuff. This is a wife.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Tez Brooks: And then I said, "You know, sometimes I do notice the way the wind blows through her hair." Oh. He's just like... Or the way she holds her Bible. He was just like, "Tez."

Dawn Damon: Hello.

Tez Brooks: Wake up and smell the God is. You're attracted to this woman. Like, why would you call her every day at the end, and yeah, and debrief about your work day? And so it took him and my sister-in-law and several people in our small group to say, "You know what? I think God's calling you together. You should really consider it. Will you pray about it?" So I did, and I was just like, yeah, I think, yeah. But I just kept thinking she was kinda out of my league. She was a single woman. She had been in ministry. She had lived in the Middle East as a missionary for years as a single woman. She had bought her own house, you know? And I'm just like, oh yeah, she's a career woman. She's just way out of my league. And yeah, God was just preserving her for me. She had never been married. Wow. And, I look back now, and I'm like, yeah, really blessed her in my life. God has.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Tez Brooks: And then we had two kids together, so we've got four children, two together and two from my previous marriage, and she's just such a blessing. And raising those kids with a godly wife is just such a blessing. Sorry.

Dawn Damon: Well, you're making us all cry. It's so beautiful. And I can sense and feel that. So, kind of wrapping it up, but I do have an important question. What did you do with the unforgiveness or the hurt or the wound? Was that all dealt with before you got remarried? 'Cause I know some people forget to take care of that part and jump into another relationship, but they're still really ensnared by the pain.

Tez Brooks: Yeah. That can be typical because you think that the new romance is going to erase the pain. But you have to deal with that. And so yes, I had forgiven her, but there were things that were happening even after I got married to Christine that continued to be offenses. Just, yeah, when you have children with someone, they're in your life forever.

Dawn Damon: Forever.

Tez Brooks: You can't pretend like they're not. Right. And so there were thin choices being made and offenses, things that had to do with my children that really offended. And so there was a constant going back and saying, "Lord, I forgive her for this. Oh, she did this. Now I forgive her for this. Look what my kids are going through because of that choice. I need to forgive her for that." And so both Christine and I had to do a lot of forgiving, even after we were married. But it was important to address that immediately and not let that fester because it can also carry into your new marriage.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Tez Brooks: Even though Christine was not being offensive to me, something she said might trigger something to remind me of my first wife. And so, we had to work on that together. And so don't think that that new marriage is gonna erase everything, and everything's beautiful. Christine made a commitment to walk through that with me, knowing that, hey, I'm a stepmother now. I've never been a mother before. Now I'm an instant stepmom, and my daughter moved in with us a month after we got married. Oh. So she was, boom. But she made a commitment to that. That wasn't just my choice alone. That was a big discussion, and she's like, "Yes, I want to do that." And so yeah, your spouse has a lot to do with helping you walk through that forgiveness. It's not necessarily that you have to do that alone. Does that make sense?

Dawn Damon: Yes. Yeah. That's wonderful. Yes, I know for me as well, I made sure that I had as best as I could, and like you're describing, forgiveness happened in layers, and it happened many times. I had to keep it intact because there were so many opportunities to just lose it, you know, and go, "Okay, that's it."

But to continue to do that. And when I met Paul, I was ready. We got engaged. He asked me to marry him on my 50th birthday, and that was so special. It made turning 50 so wonderful, right? But we had dated for 16 months before. So knowing each other and dating for 16 months before he asked me to marry him, and then we were together 20 months before, by the time the wedding came. I feel proud of that, and at the same time, the last few months were really difficult. I was like, "Okay, come on." But we both had counselors who told us that the masks can come off anywhere between 10 and 16 months. So that was always our recommendation, that you date somebody or know them, like you were friends for so long, so you date or know someone at least a year before you jump into marriage. Would you agree with that?

Tez Brooks: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it was at least a year before I asked her to date me, and then after that, it was pretty quick, like six months before I asked her to marry me. So the dating time itself was only six months, but it was a year. And we did a lot of activities together, and a lot of, uh, like our small group went out on a group camp out, like for a weekend, uh, where we rented this big cabin.

And so, you know, I got to see what she looks like when she wakes up and comes out of her room, you know, and she gets to see me when I'm tired. Is he irritable? How does he treat? Yeah. And so it's important. If the parents are even still alive, it's important to observe how the boyfriend, or fiancé's, mother and dad treat each other. Because that's how they're gonna treat you. So, observing family members and getting to know that dynamic.

When you're older, it's harder to do that because you are not close. Sometimes you're states apart from each other. You've moved away. But it's important to kinda just watch that dynamic, like, 'cause that mask is going to come off and, and show itself, like, oh, when they're irritable, that's how they act, so how is that gonna affect our marriage? So yeah, there's a lot of stuff you just don't think about when you're gaga in love as teenagers or young people.

Dawn Damon: So true. Well, this has been so incredible. I know we could keep talking on and on. Do you have a book with all this dating information? I know you have an amazing book for dads, The Single Dad Detour. Tell us a little bit about that book, 'cause maybe there are some moms or grandmas listening, you know, your son or your grandson or someone's going through a divorce, and they're the single dad, and they wanna get that book. Tell us where we can find more information from you and get your materials.

Tez Brooks: Yeah, you know, most of the people that buy this book of mine i- are women. Either they're related to a divorced man, or they just wanna get to know, like, what's going on inside the head of a divorced guy. So yeah, it has everything from how to take care of your house to when to date, when not to date, and how to blend families. Yeah, they can get that at Amazon, Kriegel Publications. You can go directly to the Kriegel website or Amazon and get your copy there.

Dawn Damon: Okay. Wonderful. We'll put that link in the show notes, of course. And just quickly, before we leave, you're also a writing coach, a speaking coach, and you have a whole other side of you that's just amazing. So what if people wanna do a little investigation there, where shall they reach you?

Tez Brooks: Yeah. Well, I am a full-time missionary. That's my day job.

Dawn Damon: Okay.

Tez Brooks: My wife and I both work for Campus Crusade. But yeah, my side gig is I write books and I coach writers, aspiring writers who wanna learn, yeah, how to learn the industry and get published. So they can go to tezbrooks.com to learn about that. And yeah, I do coaching, editing, ghostwriting, a lot of different services. But I just love teaching, and I didn't realize that until I got into writing, how much I love teaching others and giving them a leg up on how to write better and get published. So yeah.

Dawn Damon: Beautiful. My guest today is Tez Brooks, and I hope that you'll stop by and check him out and get that book, The Single Dad Detour, for you guys who are single and going through it.

And women, thank you for joining us and listening in. I wanna encourage you, brave-hearted women, like I always do. This is Dawn Damon, your BraveHeart coach. It's time for you to find your brave and live your dreams!