Mikell Collins and Walter Somerville delve into actionable love, emphasizing the importance of using time and resources to serve others. Inspired by Mike and Suzanne's selfless giving, they explore the joy found in helping others, the discipline needed to cultivate a giving attitude, and tapping into God's love for sustainable support. The episode highlights practical ways to bless others through gratitude, stewardship of resources, and spiritual gifts. Challenges of managing expectations related to finances and time are discussed, including personal anecdotes and strategies for aligning with God's plans. The conversation encourages finding a 'niche' in impacting others, illustrating the importance of progressive efforts in making meaningful community contributions.

00:00 Introduction to Actionable Love

00:36 Impressions from Friends' Acts of Kindness

01:40 The Challenge of Self-Sacrifice

03:00 Generosity in Older Generations

03:30 The Joy of Helping Others

04:40 Balancing Self-Care and Helping Others

07:47 Staying Connected to the Source of Love

11:08 Gratitude and Anxiety

13:06 Stewardship and Open-Handedness

15:33 Finding Joy in Helping Others

16:12 The Gift of Hospitality

17:12 Overcoming Personal Barriers

18:49 Strategies for Financial and Time Management

20:39 The Power of Prayer and Letting Go

22:26 Managing Expectations

25:27 Seeing People as People

27:19 Growing Through Discipline

28:43 Discovering Your Niche in Helping Others

29:37 The Importance of Helping Others

You're listening to Talking With Intention.

My name is Michael Collins, and in this episode, my co host Walter

Somerville and I are going to sit down and talk about actionable love.

What can we do to use our time and resources to better serve those around us?

And why is it so important that we do that?

Why does it matter that we put love into action?

And what are some of the things that we can change in our own lives to make us

better at loving the people around us?

So thank you for listening.

I hope you enjoy this episode.

I was thinking we would talk about, love specifically actionable love.

especially helping other people

Yeah.

I was super impressed, with some of our friends that we went to stay with.

That's an.

older couple that you know, Mike and Suzanne, and hearing about

their different stories and stuff.

They weren't bragging on themselves, but I was like, Whoa, you help

people so often and so much.

I was like, super impressed with that.

And then not just the stories, but experienced it.

They just treated us.

like Kings And Queens and just loved.

blessing us.

And I was Whoa, amazed, inspired and

convicted.

Yeah, all those.

But it was really cool.

And it just got me thinking about yeah, the very practical side of the second

commandment to love can we do that more?

How can we do that in a way that most reflects God's love for us?

yeah, I think it's, I've met people like that as well and it's always it's great

to be around them, for one, but it's, even if you're there helping somebody

else, it is, it's enjoyable to see and to be a part of whenever you can.

I think I've noticed that quality of looking for people to help

and self sacrifice more so in, Older people, retired couples,

than I do in people our age.

And I wonder if that's just because it takes that long to discover and

really understand that it's true.

When they say, it's better to give than to receive, when the Bible says, when Jesus,

don't really believe it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a, quote from Jesus.

When Jesus, it's true when Jesus said, it's better to give than to receive,

it's it's something you know, and you understand, yeah, especially if you're

a Christian, you believe in your head that it's true, but to live that out

like it, like you actually believe

believe it,

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree with that.

I'm thinking about myself, especially, but it's I have a, such a hard time

giving up my time for other people.

And that's something that.

I agree.

I've seen older people so easily, it seems like to me and so lavishly give

up their time to help the people around them to help random people that need it.

And I was like, man, I could make myself do that, but I would be angry.

You have a bad attitude the whole

probably have a bad attitude,

about doing it.

So

Exactly, that's what

Exactly, that's what I would be really cool.

And I

realize one thing that I see in these people I'm thinking about, yeah, this

couple, Mike and Suzanne and my parents, the way they care for other people.

One thing that's really cool is they seem to enjoy it.

. It's almost It's almost like they're.

Enjoying it through the person that they're helping.

It's, almost like they can put themselves in those shoes and enjoy being helped.

It's almost like it's better to give than to receive

Huh?

Yeah.

So it's like, how, first of all, how do you make yourself do that?

And then I think even better is when you're helping people and

blessing others while enjoying it.

And Feeling fulfilled by it.

And I think it's tricky.

I think our sin nature would find ways of enjoying it that are not actually good.

Helping others and then feeling good about yourself for not needing

that help Or for being in a better

place or for being a helpful person, you start to get prideful with it.

That's one way to make yourself feel good about

helping others.

others.

Exactly.

So it's

exactly.

So it's not just any way.

to feel good about helping

Yeah, I'm I'm wondering, the only thing I can think of, if the goal is to teach

yourself how to help other people more often without having a bad attitude,

but genuinely is if that's something you can practice, because that seems

somewhat, sometimes, to work for me, and if somebody, I see a need, and I

don't feel like helping or sacrificing, but if I know clearly, and because

it's not always 100 percent clear, but I can, I know objectively this is

a good thing for me to do, to go and help this person in this way right now.

I can choose to do it.

And, without feeling like, without necessarily wanting to do it, but you

can discipline yourself into making yourself do it, and almost out of

practice and repetition, come to enjoy the process, like working out, when

it's not fun when you first start, but people who go to the gym every

day, are upset when they don't get

a

a good show, yeah, I was thinking the same thing about, yeah, just being

disciplined, and even if it doesn't feel great, do it, and you might get better at

And if you can't have a good attitude, then at least try not

to let your bad attitude show,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think there is some, I think that's a good point is that, it

might be worth doing, even if it doesn't feel, even if you don't feel

super like you want to do it, it.

might still be good to make yourself do it.

I do wonder if there's a risk of making yourself bitter about it, if you're

just making yourself do it every time, could it backfire and you don't get

better at it, you get bitter at it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it definitely seems like a possibility.

I don't know, off the top of my head, how to avoid that or

make sure that won't happen.

I think,

I don't know, I think

there's almost two ways that you can do this, but people, either people who

are like your parents, like Mike and Suzanne, who constantly are going out

of their way and looking for people to help because they've come to a

place where they really enjoy it.

Or, people who are just choosing to help, trying to get to that place, but choosing

to help every time, all the time, no matter what, you can burn yourself out.

And, in a sense, stop taking care of yourself, because you're so focused

on taking care of other people.

So you have to make a decision, I think.

It's just a heart check.

Yeah.

To just realize, okay, am I deciding?

Not to do this because I don't want to, because I'm being selfish, because I'm

being lazy, or because I'm, I genuinely, I don't think it would be good for me.

I need to rest and take some time away from this work, this

group of people, whatever it is that maybe can be burning you out

Yeah.

And I think that's a really good point to bring out is like getting burned out.

I think it's like trying to love anybody on your own steam is

eventually going to run out of love.

And I think the same thing goes for helping other people.

You're going to run out of steam unless you're tapping into the agape love

of God, and I think that's, I think that is probably a key difference is

it's not just striving through it, but actually tapping into real love that is.

that is available.

And I wonder if a big part of it starts with understanding how much you've

been helped and how far you've come.

And then out of thankfulness for that, it's easier to bless other people.

And I see that very clearly in my own situation where it was like, I

was, they just lavishly blessed us, just treat us like Kings and Kings.

And it was.

So fun.

And it inspired me to be like, Whoa, how can I even in a fraction of the same

amount of just spoiling other people?

How can I really bless other people now?

And so it's that was just from these people.

And it inspired me to do the same.

How much more, if we look at God's love for us, will it inspire us to love others?

Yeah.

And two things came to mind.

One was a sermon illustration that I've seen.

the same but different versions of over the years where you think about

When we talk about tapping into God's love and showing that to other people

You can use illustration of a glass of water of your glass of water the water.

You're the glass the water is love or Self sacrifice with the care the things

that you're giving to other people and you can you know, somebody else needs

some water You can pour some to them pour some to somebody else and pour

and the more you give out obviously the less you're gonna have and then you

got to go back to the source and refill Right, which works you can do that.

You can go out and Pour some out and then come and be filled.

We talk, that's pretty common phraseology among Christian circles is being filled

of the Spirit, pouring out into other people, but also that works, but a

better way is to not to Go to God, be filled up, and then go away and to

other people, but to stay connected with the source in the sense that God

is constantly pouring love into you so much so that your cup runs over.

That's another phrase taken directly from scripture, my cup runneth

over, and it, you're so overfilled with love, the love of God, that

it's You can't help but pour it out constantly into everyone around you.

And I think that's something that is the goal in one sense to work towards.

And it's also just, you have to practice it.

It's not like you're going to reach that.

You're going to be focused, perfectly focused on God one hour and then.

It's never going to go away, it's going to be constant, re shifting

your mind, because there's so many distractions, there's so many things

that are telling us to worry, and to go and do and focus on this and focus

on that, we have to, I think, gratitude and thankfulness is a big part of that.

I have learned somewhere, probably online, I don't remember the source, I

think that it's true, because I have a feeling that if I'm remembering right,

which I'm not remembering much from where I learned this, but what I do remember

Gives me a feeling that it was from a pretty reputable source also, it's

Seems to be proven to be true in my own life that Gratitude and anxiety cannot

exist in your mind at the same time.

It's like the same part of your brain that feels anxious and feels grateful.

And if you focus on being thankful, practice gratitude, it will overcome

and get rid of anxiety and fill you back up with, energy and, that love.

Especially if we're remembering, keeping our perspective correctly,

that God is the source of all good things, of every blessing that we have,

so he's the one that we're grateful towards, it helps us focus on him.

Yeah.

I like that a lot.

And starting out with realizing how blessed we are.

yeah, starting out with accepting.

Holy smokes.

I've been so blessed.

I didn't deserve all this and the things that I have.

And then.

Letting that kind of inspire you to bless others now because of that I think yeah,

it starts with being grateful for What you've already received and then it's

a much easier to Let that spill over if you're just like feeling very possessive

Your life your time what you've got that is where it's a real struggle to then pour

out into others, either like financially or just with your time in any way.

If you feel possessive over that's going to be a lot harder than if you treat it as

something that you've already been given.

Yeah it's, I've talked about with especially talking to other people who

are working in ministry with respect to their perspective of their ministry that

they're working in and responsible for.

But I think it, is true for every aspect of our lives, everything that

God has blessed us with, our time and our resources and from any angle,

but you've been given these things, you're responsible for them, for being

a good steward with them, for using them wisely, your funds and your time

and everything that you've got, and so you don't want to drop the ball.

You don't want to just Let go and let it all fall to the ground and go to waste

because you're scared to do anything with it You're responsible for it.

You need to use it and hold it up, but you also want to hold it with

an open hand And I think we can You know, that feeling of possessiveness.

We can close our grip around it, and wrap tape around our

fist, and not want to let it go.

We're scared that it's going to be taken from us.

We start to care about it too much.

And We don't want to let go in the sense of dropping it, but we want to

hold it with an open hand, meaning that you're using it, it's in your

hands, but if God decides to take it, do something else with it, or give it

to somebody else, He can do that easily without having to rip your fingers

open, because that doesn't feel good,

Yeah, it sounds a lot like the parable of the talents.

The servants that are given different amounts.

And, the good servants take it and do something with it.

And it's not without risk.

But it's active and it yields a return and then one of 'em Yeah.

Did hold onto it.

Not literally,

but

Buried in the ground.

ground.

Scared of losing it.

Yeah, Just

too scared to use it.

to use it.

Yeah, that's interesting.

Point that mic a little bit more towards your face

I think, it looked like it was down beside you, but maybe it was

just my ankle.

No, you could be right.

How's that?

I think you're good.

I also, brings to mind,

like different spiritual giftings.

And you may, I be uniquely designed to bless other people in a certain way.

And maybe how you pour out is very different than other people.

And I think it's, there's so many different ways to bless others

and to care for others and to help people that really need it.

There's so many ways.

And so maybe it's part of it is looking for a way that is really enjoyable to you.

Maybe that's a part of it too, is not just forcing yourself through going out,

stepping out of your way to help others.

But also if you do that enough, you start to find which ones were more enjoyable.

And maybe that's for a reason.

Maybe it's because that's how you're wired is that's how

it feels good to help people.

That's what you're made for.

You got like people with the gift of hospitality.

Yeah.

And.

That's a, that always felt like a weird one and a really

lame one to me growing up.

And then we stayed at somebody's house and they Admitted they were

like we have the gift of hospitality I was like, that's weird and then

it was amazing to stay there.

It was like such a blessing I remember it was just we were just at somebody's

house, but it was like a blast They took such good care of us and I was

that just It was, I was a kid at the time, but it stands out in my memory.

I was they really did have the gift of hospitality.

And it, I received, I was like on the receiving end of that, it was so fun.

And so I think the same thing with how we can bless other people

and help people that need it.

It's man, there's so many good ways to do it.

And you've probably got some giftings in one area or another.

You just got to either discover them or.

Or work with them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

God's giving you passions about certain things for a reason.

Yeah.

I think too, a big part of what we're talking about of like just

having the discipline to actually do it and step out of your way is

getting over yourself a little bit.

And I'm glad Speaking entirely of me here.

And the biggest thing for me to get over is my time giving, like

giving away finances is easier for me than giving away time.

Yeah.

I've just realized.

That if I'm helping somebody and it starts to take a longer time, even

if it's easy to do, it takes a lot of time, I started to lose it and I

get super, it's a lot harder for me.

So it's just like my kryptonite is I think I'm super possessive of my time.

And I need to get over that feeling of

Yeah, so whenever you just start to feel

to feel anxious I'm curious,

I'm

man, I'm curious, I'm trying to think about

what mine is.

I've, I think I've been to both where I've gotten possessive over

finances It always comes with anxiety.

That's what it always feels is I'm worried.

I want to help, but I'm worried that if I help, it's going to hurt me

more than I'm prepared for it to.

And I felt that about finances and I felt it with my

time.

And

I've got, I think I've developed two slightly different strategies.

For dealing with that.

One, for finances I've, over the last few years, anytime that I've started to

worry about finances, or worry that God's not going to provide enough for me and

my family, I make myself donate a sum of money to a non profit of some sort.

And it's not fun.

necessarily But it's always easier than the stress that I was feeling up to that

point and then after I make that donation It's like it forces that part of my brain

To refocus and forces me to remember what is important and who's actually providing

everything that I need here and so It's been, I found it super helpful for, from

a purely selfish perspective, cause it just gets, it forces me to let go of that,

the stress forces me to let go of that anxiety and okay it's in God's hands.

He's given me everything that I have.

And now I'm going to start to stress when he wants to use it for

something, it's his money, and with time, I don't know that I don't have

a concrete, this is what I do, but.

I almost, if I, if something's taking longer than I wanted it to, and I let

go, and I have to, I know I'm gonna miss out on the work that I was gonna

do this afternoon, or this, or that, or I had these plans, or that plans,

I don't know, I can't, I yeah, I wish I could tell you that, I, I do five

push ups, and then spin around three times, and I'm fine, but, it's more of a

mental game, Of just accepting it, which isn't helpful, wasn't a helpful tool.

But it reminds me of this prayer.

I pray this almost every day with my wife.

And I learned this from my dad.

That I pray, God, let me get done today everything that you want me to do.

Because there's always more things Then I'm going to have time to do, there's

always more that needs to be done.

I can't do everything that I would like to do today.

So let me get on everything that you would like for me to do today.

And if something happens like that, where I'm helping someone, I'm doing

something that I know God would want me to do, that I know is good work, and it

just happens to take up my entire day, I'm like, okay, God, that must be what

you wanted me to spend my time on today.

And, I found it.

He it always works out, I mean I every I've every minute that I've spent

stressing about time Has been wasted because I everything always gets

done when it needs to get done Maybe not when I would like it to be done.

But I'm as long as I'm working hard And trying my best, and putting

effort in, I can, I don't have to work all night, I can still sleep

sometimes,

Yeah.

and Yeah that's super helpful for sure.

And Amy and I pray the same thing.

She always adds, which I really Help us get everything done that you

want to and nothing that you don't.

It's like some reason in my head.

It just helps to have that second part too.

Oh, yeah There's some stuff that I shouldn't that is not actually good for

me to get done today It actually would be better for me to do another day or

never who knows And just having that side of the coin as well is really helpful.

that's a super helpful strategy to have.

And maybe part of it too, is the forethought that goes into it.

If I'm, it's not the amount of time it's my expectations.

always.

exactly what I was about to bring up was expectations.

So it's like.

Working four hours to help somebody is not better or worse than Working

two hours for me or 20 minutes for me.

It's all about what am I expecting?

If I was expecting six hours and I work four hours, whoa, that feels great.

If I was expecting one hour and I work four hours, I'm in the dumps and I'm

having a bad day now and I'm grumpy.

And that's where, yeah, I, it's super hard for me to shift.

And to just adjust to what does end up happening versus

what I thought was going to happen

in, screw tape letters.

There's, and if you don't know, screw tape letters is letters.

A book of letters.

C.

S Lewis wrote it's two demons writing to each other.

And so everything's backwards.

Everything that they say is good is actually bad.

Everything they say is bad is good.

And.

I don't honestly know that explanation matters of the part that I'm about

to share But a part where this one of the demons is giving advice the

younger demon Which is what most of the book is he tells them you can

use a man's expectations against him.

Men can always be convinced that Something some discomfort could not possibly

have been endured for one second longer than they were forced to endure it So

if you can expect them to be done with something difficult to be free from

some uncomfortable situation at four o'clock and then extend it to 4 30.

That 30 minutes

going to

anguish for them because of their expectations.

reality, fine.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I fall victim to

the time.

it's so interesting.

And I think It is, it comes back to how we're always trying to do things in our

timing instead of waiting on God's timing.

We, we always are making plans.

That's just, that's almost the same thing as thinking, about the future is

making plans and forming expectations.

And we can hold onto those too tightly, for sure.

Yeah.

I wonder if I could just be a little bit more aware of.

Being led by the spirit and kind of thinking about it like that instead

of being behind schedule is what my mind goes into thinking about

is like, Oh, we're behind schedule.

I thought I'd be here by now and I'm not.

And instead just looking, just saying, God, you do what you want to do.

And yeah, being led by the spirit to fill the time as is best.

Yeah.

It would hopefully.

And usually it's gonna mean helping somebody or doing something at the

very least that's beneficial for those around you in addition to yourself

I thought Probably a couple at some point.

I had this thought that You can't see people In a real sense as people

or in without a Without turning them into something other than what they

actually are Unless you love them if you don't love People if you don't

love the people that are around you.

You're not seeing People you're seeing other objects in some sense, or obstacles,

or stepping stones, or puzzle pieces, you're not seeing them as people.

And I don't think that's something we're really aware of but Especially if

somebody, a stranger, does something on accident that ruins your expectations or

gets in your way, like pulls out in front of you in traffic, the emotional response

that you have is not It's not good.

a rational response.

It's not something that you would ever, people will do and say things

in that kind of a situation that they would never do to, or say to an actual

person that they saw as a person.

It's because you don't see them as a person.

You see them as an obstacle, somebody that's in your way, somebody that's

causing you problems, something that's causing you problems.

A Honda Civic.

Exactly.

But

You have to love people, I think, really going

to be able, at all, to treat them like people, and not

like something,

some sort of object.

and to then tying that back into how do we?

overcome it when loving is More than we expected Maybe that's because

we're growing goes back to that.

Just do having a little bit of discipline and maybe what I'm experiencing is when

I have that takes me 30 extra minutes is me pushing into what my normal level of.

Taking time outta my day and caring for others is, and pushing a little bit,

trying to grow, expand it a little bit.

And maybe that's just what it takes is just keep growing it and

expanding how much you're expecting to spend on other people and on

blessing the ones around you.

And maybe.

time, maybe that's why it seems to be a lot of the old people that are blessing

others a lot is they've had their whole lives to grow how much they're

expecting to bless others and spend of their time, of their money, of their

resources on people other than themselves.

but yeah, it makes me wonder if just with, what we're saying of

trying to push yourself and even if it doesn't feel good, do it.

And I wonder if after a while, my expectation will grow to meet that level

and then you'll be able to push it a little bit more and your expectations will

rise to that

level.

too.

Again, just like exercise and working out.

Yeah.

You do it, you get stronger, you can push a little bit further,

and you get stronger, you push

a little bit further.

Yeah.

And Maybe you can

also find a form of exercise that is enjoyable and not just there's a

reason not everybody does Pilates.

There's a reason some people do Pilates, different people find their niche.

And I think the same thing is true for you can positively impact people around you.

Find your little niche and then be disciplined and working at it.

not every time is going to

feel great

And just, I think when you're looking your niche, if you don't

know what that is, just look for opportunities to help people around you.

People need help.

And just be aware of it.

Love them.

Look at them as people.

You'll start, listen to them when they're talking to you and you'll start to

realize the ways that you can help them.

Try out different things.

Look for opportunities, say yes to opportunities, and figure

out which ones you're enjoying.

And build your life

around those sorts of things.

Yeah.

That's a great place to end.

And I, but I just want to emphasize what you said about people need help.

That's something I've been super aware of the last three months.

It's just whoa, people that you wouldn't expect people that you

don't see need so much help.

And aren't always, how do you, nobody wants to ask for help.

And so there's so much need and opportunity.

If you just start to pay a little bit of attention and like you

say, just look or ask or just

start helping

start helping Love people, see people, help

people.

Yeah.