Community is an essential part of human life. How can we be better at forming communities? What makes a community go bad? This episode dives deep into the nature of community and some of the common problems that arise from living closely with other people.

We're just starting 2024.

And last year, I think, was one of the best of my life.

And

I think a big part of the reason I feel like it was such a good year is because

everywhere I was For 99 percent of the year I was surrounded by Fantastic

communities like some of the best people and I mean people are great But you can

have good people in a bad community, you know so I wanted to talk with you

about this and share some thoughts and on The idea of community, what makes

a community function, what makes it good, what makes it bad, and why is

it important to have a good community and surround yourself with, with that,

or be in that sort of environment.

We were in the same community, now you're in Hawaii, and I'm in North Carolina,

but we were in California together for the first eight months of this year,

and part of a team there at a camp, and it was a fantastic, Community, right?

I assume you have the same opinion.

Yeah, I agree completely.

It was.

One of the best communities I've ever been a part of.

Super enjoyable and life giving.

And it was just a really cool team of people working together at this camp.

It was super beneficial for everybody that I was aware of.

And I, I agree.

I definitely felt that was like A huge contributing factor to my quality of life

there was just what a great community we were, we were working with, and

I think part of the equation was we were working with the same people.

Everybody lived on site there, and every aspect of life was shared or could

be shared with the people around you.

So there was a lot of really good opportunity for community there.

Which.

Also means there's a lot of opportunity for drama, if you've ever, if you've

ever been in a tight community like

a lot of opportunity for drama, if you've ever been in a time like that.

Yeah, in charge of, or managing in some sense, because I was the director

of the camp that I was at before.

This time I wasn't the director, I was just boots on the ground, up front, and

so I didn't know about what was happening.

And so I'm curious, I don't know how much that has affected my view of how good that

community was, just the fact that I wasn't in management at that camp, and didn't

know about Drama or problems that may have been arising because I wasn't involved in

them.

Yeah.

Yeah, that could be.

I think it's definitely worth saying that it wasn't a perfect community.

I don't know if a perfect community exists even.

But it was super good and I think it's enough to say that it was very

beneficial for everybody that I was close enough with to talk about it.

It was a great season and our pastor at the church we were

at out there gave a sermon on community, or he mentioned it at

least at one point, something that's really stuck with me since then.

And he's talking about community as a goal of something to be

sought after, a good community.

It cannot be community for community's sake.

You can't have community as its own goal.

Because it'll never work that way.

To actually attain a good community Which we should probably define or try to set

some parameters around maybe Everyone has to be in it for something bigger

than themselves, they're all Working together in the service of of the same

goal and if the goal itself is community It's not it just won't work that way.

It's not big enough

Yeah.

I have the same idea and it's kind of like, you know, community is something

that will happen along the, along the way.

Yeah.

It can't really be the destination, but in, you know, with the right

people, it'll happen on the way to achieving some goal or.

Or, yeah, I think just achieving

some

goal.

yeah, Do

you remember, when we were at that camp, the director came and shared a devotional

with us one morning and he talked about his time with a guy named Brennan Manning.

Brennan Manning is an author.

He was a very interesting guy.

He was a monk for several years and then, and maybe, I think he was a pastor

at some point and ended up falling into alcoholism after he became a Christian.

like, several years after, and he wrote this book, I think there's, the book

that I've heard of the most from him that I've read is the Ragamuffin Gospel,

and I don't think I actually finished it, I need to go back and finish it,

but it was a very interesting book,

really just all about grace, but in the story that the director of this

camp shared with us, he talked about Brennan Manning came to his college once

when he was a student at a university

and

they asked

him what community meant and he shared a story about a time when he was a monk

and he was always, he was a small guy, and he's always freezing at night because

they didn't have heat in this this

Monastery,

And so he's trying to gather as many blankets as he could all the

time and one day one of the other monks came to him and said, Brother

Manning, I have to apologize to you.

I know you've been trying to get as many blankets as you can because

you're so cold all the time.

And I Had a blanket and I kept it for myself and I'm really sorry

and Brennan Manning tells a story To these college students and then

just says that's what community is

me, Which is,

you know, I love stories They always help things stick in your brain but I

think the point of that the point that I got from it is that community is when

people are sacrificing For each other.

And in other words, they're, when people are loving each other, they're

putting others before themselves.

They're acting selflessly instead of selfishly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I definitely think it's a, it's a give and a take, and it can be.

It can be humbling because I think the best communities are

trying to achieve a goal that can't be accomplished by yourself,

right?

You're going after something that requires more than one person.

So you got to work together.

You got to have these people working together.

So that's kind of humbling to need other people like that.

And I think that's difficult to feel sometimes, but also really

healthy to feel, Oh, I am relying on these people around me to.

To help out.

I can't do this on my own.

The flip side of that though, is that you're also needed by others and that's

a really rewarding and also a rewarding and it kind of forces you to grow into

that responsibility of having other people that are relying on you and need you.

So there's two sides to that corn, to that coin, you know that.

Yeah, it can feel bad to rely on and need other people.

You're kind of at their mercy to, to help you or achieve whatever this

goal is that you're going after.

But you're also an important part of the community and you've got

to kind of live up to that role.

yeah, it's interesting.

I think people can tend to, when you're living in community default or, or go

too far in one or the other direction.

I, on the give or the

take.

Yeah.

You know, for some people they want to give, they want to be the provider,

the leader, the the one who's got the answer, got the solution, is able to

sacrifice and help other people out.

But when they are struggling, they, it's hard to.

Ask for help.

Mm-Hmm.

And it's 'cause it's a pride thing either way.

It's just hard when you're used to, or your desire is to be

the one that's providing for other people to ask for help.

Because you first have to admit that, Hey, I can't do it.

I'm not good

enough.

Or admit that you've made a mistake in some sense, which

is in, in some ways worse.

If you think about the community of.

Like being on a team, like a sports team is kind of a simple.

version of it.

If somebody is on a football team, and they go out for a play, but

they can't remember what they're supposed to be doing in this play.

They have, if they're part of a good community, hopefully they can admit to

their teammates, Hey, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Somebody tell me what, what this is.

But if they're not part of a good community, and they are

scared to admit that they forgot what they're supposed to do,

then they're going to be hurting the entire team, because the play is not

going to go the way it's supposed to.

Because yeah, everybody has to be doing their, their correct job.

But if you can't admit your mistakes or admit when you need help, it's funny

because you, you think to yourself, if I don't ask for help, That I'm not taking

anything away from this community, but if you aren't struggling Then you're not

producing

what needs to be produced for the community.

You're not serving the community, and by not asking for help, you're

actually hurting them, because they were, if everybody thinks that you're

on board, you know what you're supposed to be doing, you're able to, to, to

meet the need that you're supposed to meet, and you can't, and you don't ask

for help, and that need goes unmet.

But if you can ask for help, they can come in and help, and

the whole community does better.

Yeah.

And it's really hard, hard thing to do is to ask for help.

And I wonder if the reason is that we don't often believe that the goal of

that community is actually bigger than us and more important than ourselves.

Yeah.

I wonder if when we feel that it's, when we feel that hesitancy to ask for help,

I wonder if what we're really feeling is our belief that we are more important

than the goal of the community, the goal of the team, you know, because it's

more, because we're feeling, Maybe it's not what we truly believe, but we're

definitely having those feelings of, it'd be better to save my own, save face

and save myself than to lose face, but, but further progress, further make some

progress towards whatever our goal is.

You know I think a good, maybe even a better analogy than a sports

team would be like a band or like

an

orchestra or something would be really good.

illustration for kind of lots of these points about community.

And my brother in law Howard even pointed out like all of the, all of the analogies

that, that you use for a team or a, or a community are musical analogies.

You know, the harmony and the rhythm and all this stuff, it's all

Yeah, all those are all the words

that tend to be thrown

around.

Yeah

So I think it's a really.

It's a good analogy and it kind of shows the point.

If you've got the one, you know, maybe the guitarist in the band is, it does

take some humility to know your part to

play.

for the, the bigger goal of creating a beautiful musical piece.

Not just a beautiful guitar solo.

The goal is bigger than just the individual

things.

But it's just as selfish to never be willing to take if when you need

it, and so I think we're really discovering is humility is Key to living

in community with people you have to be willing to think about Others and

the community as a whole more than

yourself

Yeah.

You got to be committed to it.

And so that's where I think.

The best communities are people that are really sold out for whatever it is.

And there's like, there's such a wide range and scope of different communities.

Like, sports fans is a community.

You know, I don't really know what their goal

is, but that's like one of the biggest communities in the

world.

I think we, as long as we use the word community, when we talk about groups

on the internet to just describe a group of people who have something in common.

But

I don't, I don't know my, my gut reactions that that's not the same type

of community that we're talking about.

Yeah.

I think

I

would still call it a community, but I would say that the, the, the reward of a

community increases with the intimacy of a

community and the commitment that people have towards that goal.

Whatever that shared goal is.

And so for things like sports fans, you know, there's not a lot of intimacy

and commitment in that community.

And so the reward is.

Pretty small, you know, you it's a cool.

It's not that there's no reward.

It's just that it's limited Yeah, there's low risk low reward

for that community, you know

Absolutely.

But a family the other hand is about as intimate as you can get.

Which means huge rewards and huge

risks,

right?

Like your family's going to be able to hurt you way more than a co dolphins fan.

You know,

But at the same time, your family's going to be able to build you up

and take care of you way more than a co dolphins fan would be able to.

So I think at least.

The way I think about it, they're all communities, it's just, the

best communities are not these shallow, surface level communities

that are kind of centered around a shared like or dislike, but centered

around like a, something a lot more personal and a lot more important.

I think the more you focus on yourself, the more you think about

what you want, what your pain is, what your struggle, your desires

are, and less on other people.

You just become more and more blind to the people around you, and it separates.

You become more and more detached from your friends and from your family because

you're just turning inward and you're focused all is inward and it creates in

my head like the image of like a black hole where just everything's moving in.

You know, constantly.

It's like your whole world starts to turn in, into yourself, and I think you,

it's almost like you become blind to the world around you and other people.

And I think the more you focus on yourself, the worse and worse it's gonna

get.

And the less connected you're gonna be with the people that you're

trying to be in community with.

I think it's not just giving, a community is like there's

a structure in place and there's.

Reliable people so that what goes around comes around.

And when it's time for you to give and pour into other people, that's happening.

And when you need that help, it's also coming back on you.

Otherwise, the individuals are just going to burn out one by one

until the whole thing crumbles

apart.

You know, it makes me think like, I'm falling back on biology, but

in biology, a community is just a step back from an ecosystem.

You can almost think of it in the same way, but it's, multiple species

or populations of these species that kind of coexist in the same area.

And it's important that There's all these different little

niches that are being filled.

And if one is missing, it kind of breaks down the flow of nutrients,

and suddenly the next species in the chain isn't getting what it

needs, and it'll die off, and then the next one will die off, you know?

So it has to , have that flow.

To where what goes around comes around.

Otherwise the whole thing will crumble and fall apart.

And so there has to be specialization and it kind of brings up this idea

that each person in a community has.

A role that they are the best at, which I think is true of the best communities.

Each person has a specialized role in that community.

Nobody else can do as well as they are.

They're needed in that role.

And if they were missing, it would really harm the community.

Yeah I got a book for Christmas called the 17 Indisputable Laws of

Teamwork, which I just have barely skimmed because I got it just a couple days ago,

actually, yeah.

But one of the first laws that was in there was to mention everybody, like you

were just saying, everybody has a place.

Every

team member or every member of the community has to, there is some quality

that they are better at than anybody else

on

that

team.

And part of being a good team, being a good community, is you gotta

try to figure out what that is.

You know, for each person, so that the team can be operating

as effectively as possible.

You know.

When you think about the flow going around and you're living in community and as

unity and intimacy increases, you have to rely on your team members, your family

members, the other community members.

And there's a team building exercise that I, we, you have both run probably

countless times called, I always called it the wild woozy, where,

last time we did it I know it was on logs, but originally when I first

started running it, it was on cables, there were these two cables stretched

out about a foot off the ground that are very, very loose, so the When a

person tries to stand on it, they can't walk across it because it shakes too

much.

And they're in a V shape, so they start from the same tree, and then they go out

and get further away from each other.

As the further out you go.

One person stands on each cable, and they push, put their hands together, and hold

them up above their head and walk out.

And as they walk out, the cables get further apart, the people

get further apart, and they're forced to lean on each other.

And it's scary because You know if you lean forward, you're gonna fall,

unless somebody else, the other person leans against you, but It doesn't,

neither person, somebody has to be the first person to start leaning,

You

know?

They have to lean in and trust that the other person is going to be leaning in

and I think that's the biggest thing that makes communities work, especially

communities where there's a Hierarchy of authority because that's the other

thing people when you become selfish you start One of the things that we tend

to seek as human beings is power and control over other people When we start

to think we're we have better ideas than anybody else And so if there is a

hierarchy, like at a job or something, you can start to just want to be, to

get the next promotion, so you can be in charge and in control, and it can be

really difficult to trust the people in authority over you if you don't think

that they have Well, your best interest in mind if you're thinking about yourself,

but the community's best interest in mind if you're thinking about the community.

Just like on that team building exercise, they had to trust that

their teammate was going to lean in with them when they leaned in.

To be a part of a good community, you have to be able to trust that your

community members are all equally seeking after that goal, that higher.

Something that you're all came together for, that thing

that's bigger than any of You

Yeah.

And what's, it's interesting that if you are plugged in at the right place where

you are most effective, then what's in the best interest for you is also in

the best interest for the community.

You know, if you're really playing your role and you're the right

ecological niche, then what's.

Going to benefit you is also going to benefit the community, you know, and so

a good leader will You know be able to to vouch for you and that's going to be

good for the goal of whatever your job that might be all there is Right like

Like

Well,

okay.

I think there's, especially in the Christian world, an idealized view of

community, I think they are still.

Good, but very flawed.

And I think that's pretty normal.

So a group

Yeah, right.

So a group of people is going to be maybe exponentially more flawed.

but when we, when we start to talk about stuff like this, especially in a

Christian context, usually you start to think about like small groups, which can

be amazingly effective at creating great community that's beneficial for everybody.

And usually those small groups are kind of trying to emulate the early church.

And when we look at the early church, it's like, man, they

had a lot of great stuff going.

They shared everything in common.

They had all this good stuff.

They had a communal kind of bank account, pretty much, where everybody

got what

they needed.

And then we look at Paul's epistles to, like, all of the

early church, and it's all fixing.

Some horrendous problems that they have so many terrible problems so I think

it's really good to have a realistic view of Christian community Realize

that it's usually riddled with problems That doesn't mean it's not beneficial.

But I think that's been something really helpful for me to realize to almost

expect some of those problems which sounds super pessimistic, but maybe it's

helping me not to make community the goal, but to stay focused on the larger

goal and community happen along the

way, you

know, cause community does fall apart when it consists of flawed humans.

Yeah Yeah, and good communities are not immune from becoming bad communities,

it's so easy and I think it's we have to kind of guard against it and when

we're seeking to have a good community because people are so flawed and because

Minds can change and new people can come in that don't have the right vision.

I think one of the things that's most Beneficial for any sort of

community to have is a written down vision we all agree.

We're gonna follow and in an ideal community You wouldn't need that because

everybody would be a hundred percent in on the vision the whole time and they're

nobody would become Selfish or strike seek to change anything for their own

gain But that's not how people operate we're prone for to become tempted and

new people come in and and people change and All sorts of bad stuff can happen.

And so I think it's so important that we write down the, kind of, the ideal.

Knowing that we can't

we're not perfect, but if we're going to be striving after something, if

this, we're going to be seeking this goal, it should be the perfect goal.

We can't attain perfection, but perfection is the only thing worth

seeking,

Yeah.

I could also see like, I really like that and having a vision very clear

and defined is super beneficial.

I could also see that being a way that.

people get hurt or left behind, you know, if we're solely focused on the

vision and we lose the individuals that form the community, you know, like the

moment somebody is not contributing towards that vision, kick them out.

You know, if we're only looking at the, at the goal, that makes good sense.

So I think it's a, there's a balance.

I hate to say it,

there's

a

balancing act between, you know, looking at the vision and staying oriented towards

the goal and also not losing sight of the individuals that are supposed to

be

Yeah, the flawed individuals who are going to be making mistakes along the way.

Yeah.

and I think, I think the best place we see that balance is in, is in the

way Jesus works with the church, right?

Right.

Where the goal is.

The goal of God is to glorify God.

That's the mission statement behind the church, and which is a

community, hopefully a good community.

But that goal doesn't steamroll the individuals that make it up, and when the

church is failing, or an individual in the church is failing to achieve that goal,

it becomes When someone's failing to achieve the goal of glorifying God,

that's when they're built up and try to be brought back in, you know?

It's not just the goal for the goal's sake, but it's the goal

without losing sight of the people.

You know, it's relational and personal.

What about if we scale this back to a much smaller scale,

thinking again about the family?

, walter: I was talking to my sister and just about how a

family is a little community.

And I asked her, what is the goal of that family?

And she said survival.

Survival.

trying to keep everybody alive.

Yeah, that can definitely feel like the goal.

Especially probably with little kids.

You know, I think that's one thing.

You maybe don't have a written vision statement for a family because it's

not an organization or nonprofit, but it is important to make sure that.

Everybody's in your family, especially the parents, the adults in the family

are

on the same page, I guess, because of dad.

In the name of, of what's best for the family, starts working 80 hours a week

to bring in as much money as possible.

But never sees the kids anymore.

, and , mom is over here struggling.

Yeah.

With the marriage and all sorts of problems can come up.

Because there's different ideas of what, what the vision is.

What the, what the ideal is for this

for the family

Yeah.

And I guess the ideal would be that each individual in the

family is getting their needs met.

Yeah.

All

of their needs, right?

The cool thing about community though is the reason that we form

communities and societies and everything is because everybody knows that we can

accomplish more together than we can by

Bachelor living on their own.

They're still trying to meet all of their own needs, you know, but when

you're in a family and Everybody is focused on making sure everybody's

needs are met You can do so much more.

It's so much easier than if Everybody's just trying to meet their own needs,

you know, and I think we can have this attitude of well, you you

should be responsible for yourself You know, don't don't it's not you.

It's not my problem.

Am I my

brother's keeper, and you want to just focus on yourself and that's kind of

The worldly view of things at times is is just do what makes you happy and

don't worry about me or anybody else You know, but that's not the optimal system.

You can accomplish so much more working together.

, if everybody's focused on everybody else, then nobody's gonna have

any, need that goes unmet.

You know, there's more than enough hours in the day and manpower.

If everybody, and I'm thinking on a, even a global scale now, if we all

focused on meeting other people's needs

all the time.

There'd be no needs unmet,

yeah.

Especially like you think about that argument of, well, community is risky.

The closer I get with the people in the community, and the more

intimate we get, the more potential there is for them to hurt me.

Yeah,

the more, the further you lean forward on that, that team building exercise,

the, the, the more likely it is that you're going to fall on your face

if the other person doesn't lean

back, you know?

going to

fall on your face if the other person doesn't lean back.

Like it or not, I think that is one of the needs that needs

to be met is for community.

And so we're kind of checkmate at the beginning that, you know, trying to

provide all your needs for yourself.

Well, what about the need for community?

You were not meant to be on our own all the time.

It's

not healthy.

That's I mean think about look at the if you don't believe that just look at

Covid I mean the mental health issues that arose when people became isolated

in their houses all Alone all the time.

It was horrible it's just not that's not the way we were designed to operate

Scale of community can be very different for different people.

Like when we say community it can sound like something that involves like a

whole town, you know, that's a community.

When I think about the communities that I've been a part of for

the most part, it's like for a circle of like five people, maybe.

That I'm sharing the most of my life

with, that's the majority of the community except for, you know, rare

scenarios like this team that we were a part of in the spring, where it

was, you know, 15, 20 people, just because it was a staff, you know, is

the reason that community was so big.

Because it had a big.

Purpose to serve.

But I think for a lot of people, community is a lot simpler

maybe than we're thinking.

And it's just, yeah, the, the people you see and interact with the most, you know,

pretty simple definition of the community.

Those are the people that are going to be able to.

To help you out the most and vice versa, the people you're

also able to help out the most.

And so I don't think it has to be some super clear cut organization,

a small group or a group of staff or anything, you know, maybe.

What makes your community a community is it's just the people that you see

the most, you know, that are actually involved in your life the most,

which is sometimes a weird group.

You know, if you've moved out of your house, sometimes it'll

surprise you, the people that are actually most involved in your life.

Yeah, it's interesting, you know, something.

I've heard Jordan Peterson recommend when you move into a new community or you move

to a new area new neighborhood, whatever

To go and ask your neighbor for a favor.

Ask them to help you with something because When you do that, you're

establishing That this is where you and I are going to have the type of relationship

where we can help each other out because that's the best community builder when

you're helping and being helped and you're giving and taking like we were talking

about and so Just breaking that ice and being the first person to ask for help,

you know, and I don't like the idea of Keeping a tally mark of who owes who what

but in a sense you're saying, okay You I asked you for help so that now I owe

you a favor So that person will then feel more comfortable coming and asking you for

help whenever they need something and the relationship just continues to develop,

That's something I definitely have a hard time with is.

Being the instigator of community.

And probably most people feel the same way, unless you're my

sister and a huge extrovert.

Cause it's hard to, you know, especially moving to a new place or

something, and you feel the lack of community, you usually feel the need

for all those people that are going to be able to, , pour into your life.

But rarely, at least for me, do I ever instigate something like that happening.

Usually I'm just like, well, I must be the only one

who's

feeling lonely or needs some friends or wants to set up a game

night, and so it's just like, well.

I'll just make do.

But I don't ever think about the fact that it could be everybody

there is thinking the same thing.

And so having the initiative to Make things like that happen is

definitely something that I struggle with and wish I was better at being

somebody who's pulling together community and helping just seed it.

Like you say, with simple stuff like going in and asking a neighbor for help

so that they can

do the same back to you when they need it is really hard for me as an

introvert and not really outgoing.

Yeah, I'm curious, in the community we were both a part of, it was a job,

we worked together every day, and , we knew that everybody was a Christian,

Because we were all in ministry.

The communities that I'm a part of now, here at the church, where I'm a children's

pastor and with Psalm 68 Everybody that I'm working with is a Christian as well.

You have gone to Hawaii and are working at a camp where not everybody on staff

there is a Christian by any means.

How has that been?

Has that made community more difficult?

Was it more difficult to get started?

It's a great community.

Yeah.

I really enjoy that community as well.

It's not as deep.

As the community was at Alliance, you know, where we had this

super meaningful group of people and it's so it's not as deep.

Because The community isn't oriented at such a deep goal Alliance Every we

were there to Teach kids about nature and help them have an encounter with

the Creator through his creation.

Right?

It was kind of like one of the camp's big slogans.

That's a, if you're a Christian, that is like a goal you can

put your entire life behind.

You know, at this job, our goal is to teach kids about

science, which is a good goal.

But it's, you know.

It's not as deep and impactful of a goal to set for yourself.

And so I think as a result of that, the team is not as deep each other, you know?

Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

I mean, the community is everybody serving something bigger than themselves,

but bigger than yourselves can still be a huge variation in sizes, you know?

And the community can't get any bigger than its goal or any deeper than its goal.

I would also add that like we've mentioned, community

can be pretty flawed and.

It almost guarantees conflict of some kind or

another

and that can, I think that conflict that I want to say almost inevitably is going

to come up has hurt a lot of people and made them gun shy of community.

And especially with the internet where it's at, I feel like.

There's a lot of people out there who have retreated substantially from involving

themselves at least deeply in community.

Because they've gotten partway down that road of growing into a deep community.

Conflict has arisen and they've gotten hurt.

And I think that's sad, first of all.

because, yeah, they've been hurt by community.

So What would you say to somebody who's, you know, listening to this thinking,

well, these communities are great, but if the, as the community grows deeper,

the risk of hurt and fallout increases, what if I just retreat from communities?

You know, what would you say is the benefit?

Why should you move towards those deep communities?

Well, in one sense, I think we already kind of mentioned

it, but the first thing is that we were designed for community.

It's scary, and it is a risk, but choosing to never engage in community,

to never seek those kinds of relationships, and that kind of life

is,

is choosing to never experience

abundant life, and life at its fullest.

Because I, I just, we, I don't believe we were created to be on our own.

If you retreat from community You never let anybody get close to you in that way.

You are protecting yourself from Being hurt again, but you're also keeping

yourself from Experiencing the joy and love that comes from those relationships

and all of the positive things and you know, I We've talked about stoicism

before But I've seen, I feel like I've seen a lot of people using stoicism as

a way of It can be marketed as a way, as a philosophy, a way of Keeping yourself

from anger, from negative emotion

But if you never experience any negative emotion, you never really

experience

the positive emotion either.

I think it can be You're limiting your life

You're trying to turn yourself into a robot by never

feeling any of your emotions.

But your emotions, positive and negative, are life.

That's a very important part of being a human being.

And it hurts sometimes, but I would take, I would take pain over numbness.

And I feel like limiting yourself from community is kind of along the same lines.

Yeah.

I'd also say that you can As we've mentioned, there's so

many different communities.

You can find one that's less painful.

Yeah.

You know, start with just like bonding with somebody over a

video game that you, you know, or a card game or a football team.

You know, it doesn't have to be the super deep

community

that know are out there, have hurt.

Could have just a bad community.

And Being wise with choosing the community and then the level to which

you engage in that community could be a good way to start opening back up.

You know?

And it might be, it might take a while, it might be a little processed to open back

up if you have been hurt by a community.

But I think yes, looking for.

You know, like you said, what was it?

A video game community,

simple start like that, or to look for a community that is healthy enough to be

pouring into you and building you up and making you feel encouraged and a valuable

part of it is probably a good sign that it's a community that you could, you

know, participate in and grow deeper in

and not

What do you think?

You got anything else?

I have an all caps community can be a dumpster fire.

Yeah,

it

sure can.

but that's it.

I'm feeling pretty good.

Well, cool.

Well, thank you guys for listening to this episode of Talking With Intention.

Walter, like we mentioned, is in Hawaii.

I'm in North Carolina.

We probably aren't gonna be recording any episodes until he gets back from Hawaii

and is hopefully living closer, but.

There may be long gaps, but we're going to continue to do

this show as often as we can.

And if we end up living in the same town again, then hopefully it'll go

back to being once a month or so.

But thank you guys so much for listening.

If you want more of the things that I've been making on my own, go to mwcollins.

org.

And we'll see you in the next episode.