Today’s episode is intriguingly titled "Learning from Pears," and trust us, there's a powerful message behind it. Jeff recently stumbled upon a fascinating book that inspired today's discussion. Written by Jeanne Gaffigan, wife of comedian Jim Gaffigan, "When Life Gives You Pears" chronicles her journey through a life-threatening health challenge, featuring a pear-shaped tumor in her brain.

We look into Jeanne's story, exploring her resilience, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence (EQ) throughout this harrowing experience. We discuss how she leaned on family, friends, and humor to navigate some of the darkest times, and what we can all learn about community, empathy, and optimism from her journey.

Top Takeaways

1. **Unexpected Inspirations**: The episode highlights how unexpected sources, like a book titled "When Life Gives You Pears," can provide profound insights and serve as a foundation for meaningful discussions.

2. **The Importance of Family and Community**: The story of Jeanne Gaffigan emphasizes the vital role of family and friends in providing support during challenging times.

3. **Humor as a Coping Mechanism**: Both Jeanne and Jim Gaffigan utilized humor to navigate through difficult circumstances, showing how laughter can be a powerful tool in facing adversity.

4. **Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence**: Jeanne's journey exhibited high levels of self-awareness and emotional intelligence, helping her recognize and manage her emotions throughout the experience.

5. **Empathy and Compassion**: Demonstrating empathy towards medical practitioners and herself, Jeanne illustrated how understanding and compassion are essential during tough times.

6. **Faith and Coincidences**: Jeanne's renewal of faith and the remarkable "coincidences" she experienced underscore the belief in and impact of a higher power or destiny during crises.

7. **The Role of Optimism**: Jeanne's optimism, despite the severity of her condition, was instrumental in her resilience and recovery, highlighting the power of a positive attitude.

8. **Intentionality in Relationships**: The episode stresses the importance of nurturing relationships intentionally so that when tough times arise, a strong support system is readily available.

9. **Transparency and Openness**: Jeanne's willingness to share her journey openly provided inspiration and lessons for others, demonstrating the value of vulnerability and openness.

10. **Investing in the Right Things**: The conversation points to the necessity of investing time and energy into meaningful relationships rather than material or peripheral pursuits, which proves invaluable during life’s challenges.

Memorable Moments

05:37 Despite life-threatening challenges, she maintained optimism.

06:48 Woman humorously copes with hospital stay, recovery.

11:23 Nurture connections for support during challenging times.

15:23 Share story of strength and support through illness.

18:25 Amazing events lead to a total renewal.

In each episode, Jeff and Eric will talk about what emotional intelligence, or understanding your emotions, can do for you in your daily and work life. For more information, contact Eric or Jeff at info@spiritofeq.com, or go to their website, Spirit of EQ.

You can follow The Spirit of EQ Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Android, or on your favorite podcast player.

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Spirit of EQ

Mentioned in this episode:

SEQ Development Report

The SEQ Development Report is an innovative tool that combines emotional intelligence with one's spiritual life, distinct from religious contexts. The report helps individuals understand their connections with themselves, others, and their surroundings. It aims to identify areas in their lives that may need improvement and highlight their strengths, ultimately facilitating better navigation through life. To obtain the report, individuals need to contact Spirit of EQ via email at info@spiritofeq.com and complete an online assessment that takes about 15 to 20 minutes. After the assessment, a debrief session is required to review the comprehensive information provided in the report. Spirit of EQ also offers further coaching to support individuals in their personal development journey.

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This podcast was created to be a tool to primarily help you to discover and grow your EQ. Science and our own lived experiences confirm that the better we are at managing our emotions, the better we're going to be at making decisions. Which leads to a better life. And that's something we all want. We're glad that you've taken the time today to listen. We hope that something you hear will lead to a breakthrough. We'd really appreciate a review on your podcast platform. Please leave some comments about what you heard today, as well as follow and subscribe to the podcast. That way, you won't miss a single episode as we continue this journey.

Jeff, good to see you again. Hi, Eric. You sent this over to me, not long ago, and I as you always do, you tend to give these titles. I'm going, what? What? What? Wait? How? When? Where? But I always know there's something really powerful

with it. It might be scary for some people to know what's going on

up there. But Well, I am not afraid, but I gotta ask you. You you you said, when life gives you pears, And I'm thinking, well, wait a minute. I thought it was like when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade or something. But I know there's more to it. So tell the audience a little bit about when life gives you pears. Where is that coming from?

Well, I was actually East week strolling through my Kindle for something to read and I found this book that I'd probably bought a year ago and the name of the book was When Life Gives You Pears and I'll get into a little bit more of of, so it actually makes much sense, but it was written by Jeanne Noeth Gaffigan. Of you're familiar

Is that that's, Jim Gaffigan's wife? Jim Gaffigan's wife. Okay.

Who he's one of my favorite comedians.

He's very funny.

Very, very funny, and she is probably funnier than him. But Now

did you mention to me, I think, offline, did is she part of the writing of what he does too?

Yeah. She's been a writer. As in writing material? Material for him. Right. She's also was involved with him. They had, which just really struck me, but this, they had a a series on, I think, CBS, maybe not, but called the Jim Gaffigan Show that was about his life and she was the producer and co writer of that and I'll just give a little bit about their character here. Okay. After the EQ season, the show wasn't canceled.

They said we can't do it anymore because we have no family life.

I wanna say that I have read, interviews with him and he always seems to be very, very focused in on his family. Even I know he jokes about them a lot and, you know, the the humor, but Well, remember, a lot

of those is are written by his wife. So yeah. So it all passes East to pass mustard before he says it on Yeah.

Yeah. Mustard.

Yes. Mustard. Not mustard. Mustard. So, anyway, in this book, it it she finds out through some just medical things that minor things that were happening and luckily, they led her to the neurologist East the neurosurgeon and she had a pear shaped tumor in the back of her brain. So that's where the pear in the title comes from. Okay. And this book is about her journey through this of just everything.

She she puts everything out there that of this journey and it's really inspiring to me how she got through it, and just just a lot of good things about that. It says a lot about their Eric. But, so I thought it'd be interesting to to talk about

that day. Kinda tackle and and it would seem to me that, you know, that's pretty brilliant to to to to put a different take on, a somewhat heart wrenching situation. And I know you told me that the tumor wasn't cancerous, but I don't care if cancer or no cancer.

Well, if it would have continued to grow, it would have killed her.

Okay.

It was it was destroying things in her brain stem and squeezing them.

Gotcha.

So it was very serious.

Okay. So let's talk about a little bit around what we can learn maybe from the book, from your reading, your EQ. Certainly, I wanna talk about it from an EQ perspective. And as everyone, out in our audience probably knows, you know, EQ is is sort of a placeholder title.

Mhmm. It is.

You know, the it's it's not this emphatic it's this or it's not this. It's very dynamic in nature. And use you mentioned that that you got some things from her from an EQ perspective that were not overtly stated that way.

No. I'm I mean, I have no idea if she is aware of EQ. I would imagine she probably is because she's very intelligent person.

Mhmm.

But just some of the ways she handled things, recognizing where she was emotionally through this and able to deal with it and focus on the things that were important. You know, the most important thing for her was to get back to being a mom again. Things like that, having empathy for the people that we're helping.

As in the the practitioners, the the medical community? Visitors. Because I'll

I'll talk about that in a little bit too. Okay. And she was also aware when she wasn't doing real well with emotional intelligence. Like I said, she didn't say it that way

Right.

But she was able to see when she, you know, she was unnecessarily mean to people, that kind of thing. Things that you just see that that she was with all this going on, was still aware. She was aware when she was in a bad place. She was aware when she was in a better place. So she just kind of, to me, exhibited an EQ practice of someone that is

And self awareness is a big part of that.

Yeah. I mean, emotional literacy, recognizing patterns

Yeah.

Yeah. Optimism, she, you know, she had optimism through this, and I'm I'm not gonna put words in her mouth, but her to me, her goal or noble goal, I don't know we can really say that, was to get back to her family. Mhmm. Yeah. So she she she exhibited a lot of things that we've talked about in how somebody is successful in the emotional intelligence field. Even in the midst of this life threatening, there were several times, with infections and things that she could have easily died. So Yeah. Through all this, She, like, with the the one thing that she I forgot about this.

Okay.

She could not swallow anything for 4 months. Oh, my gosh. Water included because of the damage that that that had done to her, brain stem. That part wasn't working right, The nerves and things. So, they fed her IV and then East stomach, you know, all that stuff.

I don't wanna take you too far off, Jeff. But how did what was her outlook during that one? Because when I think about that, it East, like, how do you

not swallowing? Okay. When she was able this is how she would handle it. When she when she was able to get up, she was in ICU for a long time. When she was able to get up and they would take her for the the walks down the highway with the IV bag and everything, There was a picture of a fruit on the wall, and she would always go smack her lips when she saw the fruit because she couldn't talk at that time either. But just making a joke out of, oh, those look so good, but I can't have any and, you know, talk about, you know, what she's going to get when, you know, when she gets better. Yeah. Boy, what perspective. And and she made some other things that probably, the good mom association probably wouldn't be happy with that, you know what? Junk food ain't always bad.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah. So those are some of the ways that that I saw how she exhibited the self awareness, the the, empathy for herself, compassion for herself. Yeah. And it was just really, really interesting to see that.

So let's talk a little bit about community

Uh-huh.

And stealing from our SEQ sort of lingo and, reference point, the idea of belonging. Mhmm. She she talked a bit about or she wrote about the importance of family and friends and that probably half of

the book was about this. She's the oldest of 9, I believe it was.

Okay.

And Jim is from a he's one of 5 and then they had 5 kids at the same time. Okay. But the way the family rallied around her when this was going on, the whole time she was in the ICU, she was never there alone. There was always a friend or a family. They had schedules set up. 1 of 1 of I think it was one of her sisters ran that. They had people taking care of the kids, taking care of Jim, all these stuff that was going on so that to help her heal mentally and physically, East the way this was surrounded and she talks a lot about the people, who the people were, not just their names, but who the people were that were helping out with this and it was just really interesting and it's

Do you think that's something that she nurtured along the way even in the times of, good health? Meaning, I mean, we all talk about or we, you know, we think to ourselves, potentially, right, that, you know, so and so will be there for me, so and so will take care of this if I ever needed it. And oftentimes, we we end up taking those relationships for granted. So I I wonder if she did she plant any of those seeds of love before, you know, getting sick or

I think you you mentioned the belonging. From what I can see from these families and these friends, they all belonged. Not just because of her, but I think there was just a sense of belonging to this group, tribe, whatever you wanna call it and when what happened with her, that's what they rallied around.

Yeah. I

mean, people put their jobs on hold for her and things like that, and, you know, they it was just amazing to see how this worked out.

This is the part where I go, this, story makes me think about the importance of when you're going through life to make sure that the things that you're investing in are things that actually will return something powerful. And and what I mean by that, Jeff, is is that and I'll never forget the, the story, and I'm trying to remember the name and the person, unimportant at this point. But it went something like, don't wait until you get on your ill death situation to realize that your organization is not going to be in that room with you as in your work. Right. The employer, that kind of thing.

There might be some people from your work, but that means you've connected on a different level with them.

Exactly. And the rarity of that would speak to why it is important to where ever you know that there is a connection that you nurture that and that you you you you build the kind of health that when the time arrives and I do believe it is not a question of if, it is when. When we hit a wall, when we stumble and fall that we would have people. And I understand the dynamics of the demands of life and our pursuits and all of the rest. I'm just saying the intentionality part needs to kick in to where you you EQ, again, when you're down and out Mhmm. Who's gonna come

by your side? And I think that works when there there's a couple ways to look at it, the the quid pro quo. That's not what we're talking about. I'm not gonna go help you, Eric. If you help. Yeah. Yeah. Expecting That you will. I help you because I really genuinely care and love you.

Yeah.

And that's as far as it goes at that point. But if I've invested in you now and then, hopefully, you'll invest back in me when the time comes. But it has to be done genuinely.

Have you found that to be true that typically it happens that way in your life?

Yeah. The the because

I I agree. I I I agree that, typically, those that I have invested in have returned that. Mhmm. Now, don't get me wrong. I have had times where I've made the mistake of, like, wow, I wish I could have that investment back because this person Yeah. This person is not what they appear to be. Right. But on the whole, yeah, I would say my my lived experience says, if you make the investment, you you will get the return.

I think it's important to remember this investment is not East, Eric, I'm investing you when you're having problems. It's I enjoy being with you and you're an important person to me when you're doing well too.

And I gotta tell you, Jeff, and I I try to make it a habit and sometimes from an embarrassing perspective and I have one specific friend that's going through my mind right now. I mean, we were we I originally worked with her like 30 years ago and we stayed friends after I had moved to a different area. She moved to a different area, all that kind of stuff. But we were really consistent about staying in touch and, you know, on and on. But I hit a, you know, I hit the proverbial, Oh my gosh. I haven't talked to so and so for right? And in my case, it was almost 2 years. Mhmm. So I reached out to her, ironically.

She was in France at Normandy for the 80th. Oh, and she said, glad to hear from you. I'll catch up when I get back from Europe. But it makes me realize the importance of the intentionality of even those small things. Right? Right. I mean, I I don't think we're always gonna be able to have this grand you know, we're gonna spend an inordinate amount of time together. But I think there's a tremendous investment made when you let people know that you're thinking of them. Right.

You know? And that that's

I got a big sense of that from this story.

Yeah.

Because she talked about her experiences with these people before, this happened and East it it it it's just

an amazing story. So what about, her openness in sharing the journey? And I and I don't wanna elevate her because her last name is Gaffigan, You know, the fame, fortune, and celebrity type thing. But, you know, I would imagine if you were someone of fame, you would probably East to keep stuff really private, and you would circle the wagons, so to speak. Right? Mhmm. But she was very open about the sharing piece. Can you talk a

little bit about that? She I don't think she ever actually said it in so many words, but I think she wanted whoever reads this book to understand the people that were involved, including the doctors, the other caregivers that they had and just all that. But she wanted people to see that with some strength, with some friends, people around you that you can get through these things. I think that was the important thing for her to do. That's that was the important reason for her to do this, is to share East story of being able to through this very, very challenging thing and come out of it on the other side with this amazing support group Mhmm. And with her own internal strength, which she exhibited through this.

Did she allude to the scary part of the journey because you mentioned that there were I mean, it wasn't like a East a walk in the park, we'll just remove it and then you'll be fine in a couple of weeks. This is obviously something that had major impact. Did she because of how

she handled that part? She she was very open with because this went from I can't hear in one ear to you've got this pear shaped thing in your brain, and she, you know, talking about sitting in the doctor's office and how scary it was sitting there with her husband, Jim, Just all this that that she would rightly so be scared about. She didn't, try to make her sound like a hero. Right.

She wasn't in denial about the the fear factor of it. But I noticed in what you said here in this episode that she seems to have relied on humor, laughter as a maybe a Spirit as she was going through this this experience. Was that something you took away from?

Yeah. Because she's, you know, she's shared other stories, like, she's just getting to be home and they decided to adopt 2 puppies. Oh my gosh. How and she's basically saying, how crazy are we?

She East Yeah. That one to me would, that that would register to being are you kidding me?

Because she in one of the stories she talked about, one of one of their kids wanted a puppy, always wanted a puppy, and she decided, I can't. Once as she's going through this, we gotta get a puppy, and they ended up with 2. She did things like she thanked the pear shape, the pear, she just called it the pear, for a whole bunch of things that that had happened through this.

Meaning, they were like the the catalyst for the pair was a catalyst for these various things.

Things that have happened to her. Interesting. Yeah. She it was just a really amazing book. The other thing I haven't mentioned, total renewal on her faith. She was a person of faith before. Just the coincidences happened because of that. They weren't gonna let her come home unless they had a registered nurse at the house because she had a a tracheotomy and a feeding tube thing, and that fell through and they're trying to figure out what it was and this a nun that she happened to know just happened to walk by and they got to talking about it and the nun goes, I'm a registered nurse.

Just these things and and she attributes that to her faith.

A little bit of that, Carl Jung synchronicity happening there. Yeah. That's interesting.

But it was just it was to me, it was inspiring to see or to read about her going through this and it makes them I would really like to learn more. I would love to just sit down dinner with them because she also you mentioned his his humor about how bad a dad he is, you know, and this, that, and the other thing.

Right.

He goes, that is not even remotely true. He is the best.

Truly self depreciating here wrongly.

Yeah. But he he goes, no. He he isn't that way. Just he kept a level head and his humor through the whole thing.

Interesting. Interesting. Well, Jeff, as always, it's been a great show. And for our audience, we look forward to the next time we're together. Take care.