Eric Pennington tackles one of the most pressing issues of our time: loneliness.

Despite being seemingly connected through technology and social media, many of us still grapple with feelings of isolation. Eric explores the underlying causes of loneliness, delving into core beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves, some of which may stem from our past.

He also discusses the dual nature of loneliness, distinguishing between those requiring clinical intervention and those born from social media influence.

Takeaways

1. **Loneliness as a Major Issue**:

Loneliness is identified as one of the biggest problems in the United States and possibly the Western world.

2. **Connection vs. Disconnection**:

Despite the advent of technology and social media creating seemingly endless connections, many people feel more disconnected than ever.

3. **Exploring Remedies**:

The episode emphasizes exploring practical remedies for loneliness, acknowledging it may not be entirely solvable but can certainly be managed.

4. **Self-imposed Isolation**:

The heart of loneliness often lies in isolation, which can be rooted in stories we've created based on outdated core beliefs.

5. **Historical Core Beliefs**:

These core beliefs might have been developed for protection or adaptation in specific environments, but they may no longer serve their purpose.

6. **Understanding Loneliness**:

Gaining a better understanding of what is driving our loneliness can aid in addressing it effectively.

7. **Psychological Factors**:

Loneliness can stem from psychological issues such as depression, requiring professional help from therapists or counselors.

8. **Impact of Social Media**:

Social media can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation by creating unrealistic comparisons and perceptions of others' success.

9. **Addressing Social Media Influence**:

Reducing time spent on social media or changing how we engage with it can be part of the remedy for loneliness.

10. **Holistic Approach**:

A holistic approach is important in tackling loneliness, identifying both psychological issues and social media impacts, and seeking appropriate remedies for each.

Loneliness is a complex and multifaceted issue, but it is not insurmountable. By understanding its roots and employing practical remedies, we can navigate the path to connection and reduce feelings of isolation. As Eric Pennington aptly puts it, “addressing the things that are within our control” can significantly impact our emotional well-being.

In each episode, Jeff and Eric will talk about what emotional intelligence, or understanding your emotions, can do for you in your daily and work life. For more information, contact Eric or Jeff at info@spiritofeq.com, or go to their website, Spirit of EQ.

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Spirit of EQ

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So let's take a look at one of the first remedies. I think it has to do with community. Matter of fact, I I know it does. Because when you think about loneliness just unto itself, it does kind of imply a bit of isolation or a feeling of isolation. I can't think of a better way to develop sort of a way to neutralize that feeling than to have some type of community. And I realize all of us come to that crossroads with different perspectives. For example, you may be an introvert, and you may think the idea that going to some event, whether it be networking or church or some type of, how would I say it, just group oriented stimulus makes you a little apprehensive, if not afraid. And it's okay because I'm not advocating that you go join something where there's going to be 250 people in a fairly confined space.

Maybe you start with something that's smaller, and this will require some experimentation. A great one could be potentially how about a book signing in a small independent bookstore where there will be people, but in the end, you're just going to be interacting. You'll have the option of moving in and out at your own pace. You're not confined, but it is a way for you to interact. Now, certainly, you'll have a chance to interact with the author, hopefully, if you buy their book and you have them sign it. You might also find some people who have the same interest as you do that you'll be able to have a a small struck up conversation, if you will. Because the idea here is that we're not gonna cure loneliness tomorrow. We're not gonna remedy loneliness tomorrow.

I am a big believer that anything that we wanna make progress in is done one step after the other. And the beauty of it, as I steal from Bill Ackman, is that progress compounds like money. So I wouldn't get it into your head that somehow you have to do something tomorrow to fix the feeling of loneliness. This makes me think of a personal story. I am one who is more geared toward 1 on 1 situations or being in front of groups of people. I don't know why, but that's that's who I am. That's my personality. So if you said to me, hey, there's this networking event, business networking, and there's gonna be a 150 people there, and maybe there's going to be a speaker or some kind of, demonstration of some sort, some kind of presentation, I'll be inclined to not really be that interested.

So, well, does that mean that I don't go to networking events? In some cases, yeah, it does because it's it doesn't fit my my flow. However, if you said that there's gonna be a networking slash problem solving issue tackling situation, I'm probably gonna wanna go to that because I like it when I feel inspired and I can be around other people who are searching for inspiration too, even though it may look different than mine. So there's sort of my hats off to community. Let's look at the second one. The second remedy I think has to do with self knowledge and the exploration around that. Our ability to dive in beneath the surface to get to know ourselves better. I've I've examined this and spoken about this in other podcast episodes, and I don't think it can be said enough. Some out there might be thinking, I'm not sure I'm gonna like what I'm going to see because I've done x.

I've done y. I've missed out on x. I've missed out on y, whatever the case may be. But remember, if you're if you turn on curiosity way up and turn down judgment way down, you might find that there's no reason for shame. There's no reason to reject looking at something or some area of your life that maybe you think is not up to par. And again, I would also stress there also could be a call to get some help clinically to address issues that maybe you find too difficult to manage on your own, which might come back to that first remedy of community. A community of clinicians that you can call on to help you as you're maybe tackling something that's a little heavy for you to lift on your own. So from that perspective, that's a part of the self knowledge thing.

And to understand that we don't have to be this perfect specimen. And I think the more knowledge we have of ourselves, we understand that we've got our flaws. We've got those things that we wish were better, and we you know, on and on and on as it goes. But the reality is that's called being human. And everyone around you, everyone around me shares in that same experience. Somehow, somewhere along the line, we turned it into a game. 1 of who's got the least amount of problems or least amount of issues as if it were a contest. Life is not that for sure, at least from my vantage point.

The next one is about listening, the remedy of listening. I know as if you're a regular listener to the podcast, you've heard myself and my co host, Jeff, talk about that probably to nausea. But again, another thing that I don't think we can stress enough. I know personally, it's one of the hardest things that I've been working on. I'm gonna stress to you, working as in, yes, today, now, as it relates to my relationships. But I'm better than I was 5 years ago, and I think I'm making progress every day in it. But it's really tough. This idea that somehow I'm gonna give you the mic, and I'm going to listen to what you have to say, and I'm gonna do it without judgment.

Because if you haven't noticed, at least here in the Western world, we're very good at judging. And judgment is not just about personal stuff as it relates to somebody's, appearance, somebody's religious faith, whatever. But I'm talking about judgment as in, oh, I disagree with your opinion, so therefore, I'm I'm checking out and or I'm just waiting for you to stop so that I can refute what you just said. That's a form of judgment. And we leave much on the table when we take that pass. I remember one specific time, where I had set out to do this with my son. And he had something on his mind and it was rooted in music. And I'm a big music person.

Once again, if you've listened to the podcast before, you know, that that's something that we are very big into. And he wanted to play me some music that he thought was really fantastic, and it happened to be of the rap variety, hip hop variety. I can't remember exactly which one. It might've been more hip hop, if my memory serves. I'm not a big fan of hip hop. And therefore, you know what I did? Soon as he started to play it and tell me about it, I just kinda said, I'm gonna wait until this is over. And then it dawned on me as those seconds kind of unfurled, you are gonna be missing something here, and this is coming from one of the most important people in your life. Maybe you should set aside your judgment of hip hop music and go listen.

Thankfully, I did. I still don't like hip hop, but I got to hear what makes that such an important thing for his taste and his soul. But again, that wasn't a perfect landing because I did. I moved toward checking out. We have to be intentional. We have to be disciplined. Because more often than not, if we have developed a pattern of not being curious and being more judgmental, that's gonna be our go to. It's a neural pathway, and those things do stick.

The beauty of it is is that our brain has so much of this plasticity that we can rewire. We can do it differently. And that's a really powerful thing, but it requires the work. It requires the discipline to listen and to not judge and allow that other person to have the mic leads me to the last thing. And that's kind of what I spoke to about listening, the work. I've been in this realm, emotional intelligence and the coaching and training and the communication of the ideas for quite some time. And one of the things that I've noticed, one of the things that really sticks out to me as the difference maker, meaning difference between those who grow their emotional intelligence and those that don't, and it correlates to other areas of life. No doubt.

But it's the people who put in the work, who are willing to get up each day and show up and do the work. And this is kind of exhausted. I know in our culture, you know, marketing gets a hold of it, and it becomes the next phrase, the next catchall statement. But the reality is it's true. The beauty for you and I is is that that work is not some, okay, I'm gonna do it today, and then all of a sudden I have mastered it. But it's a commitment to that. I'm gonna do it a little bit better than I did the day before. I'm gonna take another step today.

And your step may look different than mine. Your progress might look different than mine. But the idea is, are we moving forward, and are we putting in the work? So any of the other remedies that I threw out to you today, what what's that look like for you? How much work are you putting into community? How much work do you put into listening? And if you're out there listening and you go, I haven't done anything. Well, guess what? Today's a new day. You can start now. You can do something now. A good friend, Carey Moffmer, and I don't know where he got the phrase from. I don't know if he originated, but I remember him being the one that said it.

And that is is that you can't do everything, but you can do something. So what's your something? When will you start? Because absence of that, kinda going back to my difference maker, breakdown, the people that don't make progress are typically those, typically, not always, but typically are those that don't put in the work, that are not disciplined enough to sort of do what needs to be done. Once we embrace this, I think our progress starts to really gain traction, and we can look at it realistically. We can we can catch ourselves in a place where we're healthier and our relationships are growing. We have a lot more peace. We're calmer. There's more of that ease about living than we do when we don't. Because to be sure, loneliness can be a killer, literally and figuratively.

But the beauty of it is is that we've been given a tremendous amount of autonomy in choosing the direction that we go in order to have the healthiest life we can have, to have the healthiest relationships we can have, the healthiest business ventures. Because that's really what we're all aiming for. Thanks for taking out the time to listen to the episode today. Really hope it was inspiring. I look forward to the next time that we're together. Take care.