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06: How Come I'm Not Interested in Sex
Episode 626th September 2023 • Great Sex Podcast • Heather England
00:00:00 00:15:27

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Navigating the waves of intimacy in a relationship is a common journey we all embark on. It’s entirely usual to ride the ebbs and flows of passion, going through phases where the connection feels less intense, and other times when it’s exceptionally vibrant. However, it’s crucial to perk up your ears and pay attention when you realize that these once-frequent passionate encounters are becoming rare, occurring maybe only once a month or even less.

Now, picture this: your own yearning for closeness feels like it’s running on empty, but your partner’s seems to be on overdrive. This mismatch can feel like a tough puzzle to solve. In this episode, we are on a mission to uncover the mysteries behind this dwindling passion, to explore the reasons why the spark may have faded, and most importantly, to offer you strategies to breathe life back into your sexual desire, reawakening the warmth and closeness in your love life.

Declining sexual desire in women

It’s no secret that, for many of us women, the flames of desire might not burn as brightly as we age. Around the age of 45, many of us begin to notice a change, a slight dimming of the passions that once felt so vibrant. The arrival of menopause can feel like a gust of wind, causing the flames to flicker, affecting our bodies and our desires significantly. Aging does play its part, but the good news is, there are active steps we can take to fan the flames during this new phase of life.

If you’re feeling this cool down in your desires, it’s important to reflect and pinpoint what might have changed since the time passion seemed to be your middle name. It’s time to ponder what shifts in your life might be putting a damper on your desires.

Addressing these issues can be a beacon of hope in rekindling your interest in intimacy. Relationship hiccups often are the unseen culprits behind dwindling desires. It’s essential to scrutinize the dynamics of your relationship and assess whether the attraction to your partner is still as robust as it once was.

Life, with its whirlwind of challenges, can lead us to drift apart from our partners. Sometimes, investing in the quality of your relationship through heartfelt conversations, seeking couples counseling, or dedicating time to each other can be the spark that reignites the attraction and, with it, revitalizes your intimacy desires.

Factors affecting sexual desire and pleasure

Another factor that may contribute to low interest in sex is the quality of sex, whether it is bad or painful. Painful sex is a valid reason to lose interest in it and addressing this issue is crucial. No one should endure painful sex. Consult with your doctor to understand the reasons behind it. Sometimes, simple solutions like using more lubrication can make a significant difference. If needed, a sex therapist can help overcome any anxiety or spasms related to sex.

Certain medications, especially antidepressants and some birth control pills, can diminish sexual desire and even hinder orgasm. If you've started a new medication and noticed a decline in your interest, discussing it with your doctor is essential.

Fatigue can also be a major desire killer. If you're exhausted from responsibilities or have a hectic schedule, finding the right time for intimacy is key. Consider morning or afternoon sex to enhance your interest and energy levels.

Hormone changes, such as those during menopause or due to birth control, can significantly affect your desire for sex. Menopause brings about physical changes that can make sex uncomfortable, but there are medical solutions to alleviate this discomfort. Additionally, pregnancy and breastfeeding come with hormonal shifts that impact libido.

Understanding these factors affecting your sexual desire is the first step toward revitalizing your sex life. Open communication and seeking appropriate medical guidance can help you find solutions and bring excitement back into your intimate experiences. If any of these resonate with you, it might be time to rethink your approach to sex and discuss your needs openly with your partner.

Common reasons for low sexual desire in women

Juggling life—being a mom, managing the house, and sorting out endless to-dos—can really take a toll on your mood for some 'us' time. It can feel like the flame has dimmed, and getting it back seems like just another task on the never-ending list. And let’s be real, when your mind is cluttered, feeling sexy is the last thing on your agenda. 

Dealing with stress, feeling down, or past hurtful experiences can mess with your desire big time. And, if you're grappling with health issues like diabetes or other chronic conditions, it just adds another layer to it. Getting to know what's dampening your mood is the first step to light that spark again. It’s all about finding that ‘aha’ moment and working towards feeling good again. Take a minute and see what really clicks with you among the things discussed and consider how you can work on them.

Is this a ‘me’ thing or an ‘us’ thing? Some problems can be worked out with a heart-to-heart with your partner, while others might need a little help from a counselor or a sex therapist. Remember, figuring out what’s really going on is the first step to feeling that spark again.

Low sex drive and relationship counseling

If you're feeling a strain in your relationship because of low desire, and it's causing you distress, I've been there too. Don't just wait it out. If tackling it together with your partner seems challenging, seeking the help of a sex therapist can make a significant difference. 

Having an open conversation with your partner about the issues can also be immensely helpful. If you're in a dry spell, remember, you have the power to reignite the spark and find more interest in sex if that’s what you want. Your love and sex life are your own, there's no right or wrong, and it's all about being true to yourself. Embrace who you are and the unique journey of love and intimacy you're on.

***Ready to spice up your sex life? Get my FREE guide “69 Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life” by going to***



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