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107 - Herbalism: A Rebellion Against Self-Neglect
Episode 10724th September 2025 • The Frontline Herbalism Podcast • Solidarity Apothecary
00:00:00 00:17:45

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In this episode, Nicole (she/her) speaks about herbalism as a rebellion against self-neglect.

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Find them all at solidarityapothecary.org/podcast/

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Transcripts

Nicole:

Welcome to the Frontline Herbalism Podcast with your host, Nicole Rose from the

Nicole:

Solidarity Apothecary.

Nicole:

This is your place for all things plants and

Nicole:

liberation.

Nicole:

Let's get started.

Nicole:

Hello. Welcome back to the Frontline Herbalism Podcast.

Nicole:

Guess where I'm recording this?

Nicole:

That's right.

Nicole:

In a car park because of my baby.

Nicole:

Well, dropping off my baby.

Nicole:

Anyhow,

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I'm not gonna bore you with those details, but I just.

Nicole:

Yeah, I just want to replug that the Herbalism PTSD and Traumatic Stress course is open for

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enrollment.

Nicole:

Yeah, please, if you, yeah, if you've joined the course before, I would love you forever if

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you could share it on your networks.

Nicole:

My Instagram still gets like zero ******* views because I talk about genocide and Sudan

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and all the things and yeah, just antifascist stuff and it just gets invisibilized, which is

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frustrating.

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But yeah, if you can share it just like DIY amongst your friends, like in signal groups

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and chats on email list, you're on, like, I would really appreciate that.

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As I've said before, it's like completely sliding scale offering.

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No one's turned away Flacco funds.

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And yeah, you can,

Nicole:

yeah, access it for free if needed.

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It's ******* amazing.

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Offering eight modules from everything from the politics of trauma and how trauma affects

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the body and all the geeky anatomy and physiology around the nervous system as well

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as like different kind of evolutionary nervous system states.

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And then just all about the herbalism, like, you know, which plants are like relaxant to

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the nervous system, which are more sedating.

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How can we work with stimulating nervines when

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appropriate?

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How do we work with nerve tonics to recover from,

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you know, chronic stress or trauma?

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It's all in there.

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And yeah, I, I only open it twice a year, so

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it's not going to be available until next March.

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So please, please, please get stuck in if you can.

Nicole:

Hello.

Nicole:

So, like everyone I know,

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I've got a little bit of a sore throat.

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I've been fighting a virus.

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Yeah, most people I know have some kind of upper respiratory infection.

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So me and the bubs stayed away from everyone last week, but I'm feeling a lot better.

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But I'm just a bit nervous of tiring my voice out.

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So I'm only going to record a short,

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a short episode today and then, yeah, we'll hopefully come back and record some things.

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I really want to focus on like nerve tonics and all about support for chronic stress.

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But I just wanted to share something that I wrote back in the spring also when I was

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Promoting the PTSD course, but it's kind of stayed with me and since kind of starting to

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facilitate this Hawthorne program for people experiencing repression.

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I guess it's like, emerged as like,

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important theme that I'm still really seeing in kind of movements and in, you know, my

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social groups, which is really this like,

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you know, kind of relationship to, like, self neglect.

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So I'm just going to read what I wrote and then I will talk a little bit more about it

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and how it, you know, relates to herbalism more.

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Okay. So the piece is called Herbalism, A Rebellion against Self neglect.

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When my parents broke up and my dad moved to the other side of the world, to Australia,

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I was left with my mum's deep depression and the grueling reality of bringing up two kids

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alone with no financial support in a system designed to keep you in poverty.

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From four years old, I was left with the impression that I had to take care of myself.

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I became the hyper responsible, hyper independent child.

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Forced to be an adult,

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I learned that to receive love, I had to give emotional support.

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It was no wonder that prisoner support became the heartbeat of my life for 20 years with its

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comforting familiarity and proximity to suicidality, distress and despair.

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The elders around me in the social movements I found as a child rewarded self neglect and

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self sacrifice.

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The more I threw myself into full time organizing risky actions, arrests, and

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repression, the more validation I gained.

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I had no idea how to take care of myself or see my own needs beyond the codependent blur

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of being useful to others.

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It was in a prison yard that I found herbs, or they found me.

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I realize now that plants taught me how to receive.

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I learned it was okay to eat bowls of their leaves to help ease the hunger.

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In prison,

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I learned it was okay to drink a tea to help me sleep through the screaming on the wing.

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I learned it was okay to sleep with a dandelion root under my pillow to feel safer

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and less alone in my cell.

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Embracing herbalism meant learning about the body, about anatomy and physiology, illness

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and disease, and so much more.

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Over the years, subtly and unconsciously, I learned to take care of myself.

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Not in a hyper independent, trust no one kind of way, but in a way where I could feel my

Nicole:

body's cues.

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I could understand my different nervous system states.

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I could recognize when I was exhausted, I could notice when a cold was coming on.

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And for all these cues, I knew that the plants would take care of me.

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In that moment,

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I made medicine for myself.

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I eased flashbacks and volatile dysregulation

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through foraging and harvesting herbs from the hedgerows.

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I allowed myself to receive this love, care and company.

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Company and nourishment from plants.

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Herbalism was an act of rebellion against self neglect.

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In the words of Potawatomi author and botanist Robin Wall Kimmerer.

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In some native languages, the term for plants translates to those who take care of us.

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I hope you will let them take care of you too.

Nicole:

So,

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yeah, I guess don't know why I feel so emotional today.

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I think I'm pretty mental.

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But I just wanted to talk a little bit more about this and that.

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I think lots of people who will listen to this podcast will,

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you know, be kind of like organizer, activisty, anarchist types, right?

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Like you're my kind of people, you know, like you're involved in some kind of social

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struggles or social change work.

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You know, whether that's just like working at a community garden or whether that's, you

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know, like frontline doing like direct actions, going in and out of prison,

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you know, living on a protest camp or you know, running an anarchist bookshop or all the

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things, like all, you know, massive diversity of tactics we have.

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There is just such a culture of self neglect and self sacrifice.

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And you know, I was completely invested in this.

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Like in the second chapter of my overcoming burnout book.

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It's called like, when did I get so Mean? And that's because the judgment of everyone of

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like, oh, that person went on a ******* holiday.

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Like, how the **** did they afford that?

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Or we really needed them at that anti fascist demo.

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Like, and they're on a ******* holiday on the beach.

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Or you know, oh, that person says they're a comrade, but they're going off to do some like

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master's degree.

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Like they've just sold out or you know, like this person can't come and help cater at this

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like prisoner letter writing event.

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Like they got period pains.

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Like, just ******* man up, you know, like everyone gets period pains.

Nicole:

Like I had such ******* like internal horrible judgment of other people.

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Worst of all myself, you know, not letting myself rest, not letting myself do anything,

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anything for myself, you know, like not buying like new ******* clothes or you know, like

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never going on a trip.

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Like I literally didn't want to go abroad in

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case something happened to my friends in prison for so many years.

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And then eventually I did start going abroad, but only to do like solidarity tours or anti

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repression events.

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Like never just to like have a ******* relax

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or a rest or anything like that.

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So yeah, it was, you know, like, I'm talking like years and years and years of self denial

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and Just kind of like,

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yeah, like all of my self worth being based on what I give to these struggles, how hard I'm

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working.

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And I actually wrote another Instagram post

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recently about self neglect and how my mentors in the animal liberation movement, you know,

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like I got involved in these movements.

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I was literally like 10 years old.

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So I was just like soaking everything up as

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like a sponge.

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And I think compared to my mum, these people

Nicole:

were like really active, had really good mental health, were like phenomenally

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organized and you know, I was sort of coming from this kind of like chaotic home

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environment,

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I guess.

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So I was really like putting all of these

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people on a pedestal in the movement.

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And one of them, Jilly, who was like my best

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friend in the world who died in 2015,

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God, like ******* timey.

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She like,

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you know, she was like the epitome of self sacrificing, organizer.

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Like she never had any money.

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Like she was on benefits like near enough her

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entire life, not as a child, but as an adult.

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She was like full time in the struggle, like doing the badger cold, not sleeping,

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not eating properly, never buying supplements.

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It was like every.

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Not that she had any spare money, but if she ever did, it was always donated somewhere.

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And this path of neglect just, you know, I hate to say it, but it did lead her to an

Nicole:

early grade wave, like as well as constant chain smoking.

Nicole:

But it's like I grew up seeing these people around me,

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their needs were always last.

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And that taught me a lot, right?

Nicole:

And it taught me to feel included.

Nicole:

I had to earn it through organizing the way that I had to earn my parents love or my mum's

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love through emotionally supporting her and listening her and being kind of like, I kind

Nicole:

of learned similar in movements, right?

Nicole:

And then I had all this time in the prisoner support world, which I'm still in, but really

Nicole:

intensely codependent of my self worth is based on supporting people in prison and you

Nicole:

know, like, are they supporting me back?

Nicole:

I don't know.

Nicole:

Like, okay, a handful of them are amazing

Nicole:

friends who have been amazing for me through my pregnancy and through having my baby boy.

Nicole:

And some of them after, you know, 15 years of like giving them everything,

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haven't, you know, just dropped me out like when I got pregnant.

Nicole:

So it's like,

Nicole:

you know, but that was my choice.

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Even though my choices were driven by really

Nicole:

intense like subconscious drivers of.

Nicole:

I'm not allowed to rest, I'm not allowed to prioritize myself.

Nicole:

And I think I had this massive breakdown in 2019 where I had just like really huge like

Nicole:

PTSD episode, like after a bunch of bereavements.

Nicole:

And I, I think I've written about it, but I was like, you know, every time a friend was

Nicole:

calling from prison, I was like violently throwing up.

Nicole:

Like, I couldn't sleep.

Nicole:

I had like horrific nightmares,

Nicole:

you know, like daily panic attacks, like, could barely leave the house.

Nicole:

It was actually the first time I stopped visiting people in prison for like two months

Nicole:

because I was in a really bad state.

Nicole:

And it was then that I was like, right flag in the sand, like, I have to matter here.

Nicole:

Like I have to start prioritizing myself.

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And I really feel like herbalism was the thing

Nicole:

that enabled me, you know, like I've written in this self neglect piece that enabled me to

Nicole:

take care of myself.

Nicole:

You know, it was like the foraging and the medicine making and the studying.

Nicole:

Like, the clinical training was like one of the best,

Nicole:

like times of my life of just learning and learning and learning.

Nicole:

And okay, I was doing that for the solidarity apothecary and because I wanted to support

Nicole:

people.

Nicole:

So, you know, there was an element of it being

Nicole:

driven.

Nicole:

But it felt so amazing to me that it was actually doing something that was like, this

Nicole:

is for me.

Nicole:

Do you know what I mean?

Nicole:

And I think that's what I want the herbalism, PTSD and traumatic stress course to feel like

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for people.

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Because yeah, I'm not the only ******* one

Nicole:

with this pattern, right?

Nicole:

I'm calling you out if you're listening to this.

Nicole:

But like,

Nicole:

I wanted to create a course that had no pressure, that had no deadlines, no

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assignments, no ******* relationality of you have to be in a forum and you have to be on

Nicole:

group calls and you have to navigate this person and that person and their needs and do

Nicole:

they like me?

Nicole:

And what was this conflict about? Like, you can just study in solitude and

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nourish yourself.

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You can go for a walk and listen to a plant

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profile in your headphones.

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You can go and harvest medicine and, you know, actually get into a more parasympathetic

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nervous system state because you're doing something so primal and delicious that's

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engaging all your senses.

Nicole:

You know, if obviously if you're able to move like that, not everyone I know can, you know,

Nicole:

walk and forage.

Nicole:

But I mean, doing anything like herbally

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related can be so nourishing.

Nicole:

And I wanted the herbalism, PTSD and traumatic stress course to feel like that for people

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because I know obviously studying trauma is a bit gnarly, but like, it's only the first

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module where I really talk about how trauma affects the body and, like, different patterns

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of distress.

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But I haven't found anyone that said to me, like, you know, what?

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I couldn't cope with this material.

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In fact, the opposite, I feel like people have said, like, you know, has given me a language

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to describe how I'm feeling.

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Like,

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it's like super non pathologizing.

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I'm being, like, really kind to myself now.

Nicole:

I've got this, like, framework.

Nicole:

But yeah, I just wanted the course to feel like a comfort blanket for people who struggle

Nicole:

to prioritize themselves.

Nicole:

Because, you know, even if you have dreams and ambitions of doing herbal projects and herbal

Nicole:

solidarity work for other people, which is awesome, I'm all about that,

Nicole:

it is also important for you to invest time and energy in yourself, you know, Like, I

Nicole:

don't know who needs to hear it as a permission slip, but, like, it is okay to have

Nicole:

a ******* holiday or to have a ******* rest or to eat a healthy meal or to have a lion with

Nicole:

your partner,

Nicole:

you know, Like, I had this partner, Anna, who got killed in Rojava, and I never *******

Nicole:

spent a day with her, you know, and in her Valentine's Day card to me,

Nicole:

you know, which she gave me, like,

Nicole:

not long before she left to go to Syria, she said to me, like, we'll get that whole day

Nicole:

together one day.

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And that ******* hurts now because I wouldn't give her a whole day, you know, I wouldn't

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give this person that I loved my time and energy and that, you know, and I'm

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compassionate to myself about that now because I know that that was like a trauma response

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of, like,

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not being able to, like, sit still for two seconds, to sit with my feelings.

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Does that make sense?

Nicole:

But, like, yeah, if you're listening to this, like, I know there's all this up stuff going

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on in the world and that.

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Like,

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you know, you,

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you know, like people in survival,

Nicole:

you know, in Sudan or Gaza or even Calais, you know, like, they don't get a day off or they

Nicole:

don't get to go swimming or go to a spa or whatever.

Nicole:

But, like,

Nicole:

we have to do this work for the long haul, you know, like, nothing is going to get easier

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anytime soon.

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Like, we're not going to have some magic

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revolution and then that gives you the opportunity to rest and live the life that you

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want to live, you know, or learn the skills you want to learn or paint or do whatever.

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Like, this is our lives now.

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Like, this is what we got.

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So, like, you have to be able to take some time to, like, nourish your spirit and nourish

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your body.

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And you know, and I feel like herbalism is like such a gift because if you struggle to do

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that stuff, I'm not saying, okay, put yourself first in an individualist, like, horrible way.

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Like, I'm saying it in a way that like, you ******* matter.

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And our politics of care and solidarity and love also ******* mean that you matter and

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your needs matter and that it is okay to ******* rest and take a break.

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And it is okay to,

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you know, invest in something that will improve your life, that will give you a

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language to name your nervous system, that will give you this amazing herbal toolkit of

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ways to take care of yourself and your loved ones.

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Like, it's ******* okay.

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So anyway, yeah, I don't, I didn't want to like end this with like, oh, a shameless plug

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for the course, but I did just want to say, like, I do think this course is very

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compatible for people who are self sacrificing, Marty kind of organizer types.

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Because you can do it whenever, you know, there's no pressure.

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It's not like going to university and then you have to prioritize this institution.

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It's like you can study when you're on a train for a prison visit or you know, like waiting

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for someone at the police station and you just, you know, you're sat there for six hours

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and you want to just listen to something in your headphones.

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Like it is really flexible and you know, you can pick it up and put it down or start doing

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one module every six months.

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Like it's, you know, lifetime access.

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So yeah, I just wanted to say that.

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And I don't know why I'm so emotional, but I'm not gonna apologize for it.

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And I will be back soon with a podcasts with like more specific herbal related content.

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We're going to look at some of my favorite nerve tonics and some of the nerve tonics

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explored in the course.

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I'm also going to do a specific episode about sleep and I'm going to share an episode all

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about my favorite like anti repression resources as we're still in this like herbal

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Support through repression series.

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But yeah, I better stop there because everyone's looking at me because I'm in a car

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park.

Nicole:

Anyway, thanks so much for listening.

Nicole:

Okay, take care.

Nicole:

Thanks so much for listening to the Frontline Herbalism podcast.

Nicole:

You can find the transcript, the links, all the resources from the

Nicole:

show@solidarityapothecary.org podcast.

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00:26:56
34. 34 - MSDN #4 – Responding to Gun Shot Wounds
00:59:50
33. 33 – MSDN #3 – Harm Reduction Work in East Tenessee
00:58:51
32. 32 - MSDN #2 – What is Medical Self-Defense?
00:44:05
31. 31 - MSDN #1 - Introducing the Medical Self-Defense Network
00:32:21
30. 30 - Getting involved with the Mobile Herbal Clinic Calais and other announcements!
00:10:26
29. 29 - State Repression, Trauma and the Body, Part 3
00:40:47
28. 28 - State Repression, Trauma and the Body, Part 2
00:22:10
27. 27 - State Repression, Trauma and the Body, Part 1
00:23:49
26. 26 - Connecting with Plant Allies
00:15:50
25. 25 - Herbal Wound Care in Prison
00:23:27
24. 24 - The Solidarity Apothecary Tour in Italy
00:17:48
23. 23 - Three exciting announcements!
00:21:47
22. 22 - Prison Canteen Remedies Part Three - Fruits & Vegetables
00:20:52
21. 21 - Prison Canteen Remedies Part Two - Tea & Coffee
00:08:03
20. 20 - Prison Canteen Remedies Part One - Spices & Condiments
00:20:08
19. 19 - Herb Rally Interview
00:55:11
18. 18 - Rose Medicine
00:17:56
17. 17 - Daisy Deep Dive
00:15:19
16. 16 - Queer Plants and Animals with Kes & Anja!
00:40:41
15. 15 - Selfheal
00:19:31
14. 14 - Herbalism, PTSD & Traumatic Stress Course
00:42:51
13. 13 - The Incredible and Understimated Chamomile
00:22:56
12. 12 - Nettles Deep Dive
00:16:28
11. 11 - 2022 Solidarity Apothecary Review & Plans for 2023
00:27:04
10. 10 - Visiting Palestine & all about Mallow's Medicinal Properties
00:29:06
9. 9 - The Revolutionary Potential of the Prisoner Class
00:14:37
8. 8 - Chickweed & Queer Plants Zine!
00:22:32
7. 7 - Yarrow: Bad Man’s Plaything
00:18:25
6. 6 - Plantain's Medicinal Properties
00:20:53
5. 5 - Dandelion Deep Dive
00:20:53
4. 4 - R.I.P Taylor
00:26:35
3. 3 - Intro to Plant Profiles & Tissue States
00:19:08
2. 2 - Preparing Plant Medicines in Prison
00:20:01
1. 1 – The Prisoner’s Herbal
00:22:15
0 – Welcome to the Frontline Herbalism Podcast
00:22:48