In this episode, Kristy Koser, a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in reproductive mental health, shares her family building journey. After years of struggling with infertility and experiencing multiple miscarriages during IUI and IVF cycles, Kristy and her husband eventually welcomed their daughter via surrogacy in 2017. Because Kristy and their gestational carrier lived close to one another in rural Virginia, she was able to be intimately involved in the process, attending every doctor's appointment and "vicariously living" for nine months. Kristy describes the experience as beautiful, but acknowledges the emotional and financial complexities she had to navigate. She struggled with the "mental load" of asking for help from a busy working mother and figuring out where she fit into the equation of her own child's birth. Financially, the couple relied on personal savings, "side hustles"- including a TTC greeting card company Kristy started - and a GoFundMe supported by their extended family.
After the birth of her daughter, their family moved back to Ohio and began considering a second child. Kristy reached out to her original carrier to see if she was available, but learned the woman was already preparing to carry for another family. Because they were unsure if they wanted to use a different gestational carrier, the couple began exploring the foster-to-adopt process. Shortly after, Kristy had a "wild, vivid dream" that her carrier was pregnant with another one of her children, but she soon discovered that she was actually the one who was pregnant. This came as a major surprise, as she had previously been told she likely could not carry a pregnancy herself.
Kristy’s pregnancy occurred during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, which meant she experienced much of it at home with limited medical contact as appointments were scaled back. In August 2020, she gave birth to her son via an emergency C-section. Despite a difficult recovery, she valued the experience because it was something she never thought she would get to have. She now uses this experience with many different family building pathways to inform her work. From her PhD research, which examined how fertility treatments impact couple satisfaction, to training other mental health professionals on how to navigate the complexities of the fertility world, Kristy is dedicated to helping others navigate the challenges of family building with resilience.
Connect with Kristy at https://aporiacounseling.com/.
TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE:
Mental health, Ohio, Virginia, therapist, couples therapist, Pennsylvania, LIC, infertility, reproductive mental health, fertility treatment, medicated cycle, clomid, letrozole, IUI, pregnancy loss, miscarriage, IVF, genetic testing, surrogacy, gestational carrier, grief, loss, intended parents, insurance coverage, PhD program, greeting card company, TTC Greeting Cards, couples, partners, relationships, couples therapy, resilience, parenting, new parenthood, newborn, pregnancy, expecting after infertility, expecting after loss, parenting after, professional development for mental health providers, coaching, McDonalds french fries, pomegranate juice, infertility support, family building journey, surrogacy process, emotional support for parents, navigating IVF, reproductive health counseling, coping with infertility, family planning resources, mental health in fertility treatment, building a family through surrogacy, personal stories of infertility, understanding IVF treatments, psychological support for fertility, infertility awareness, family building options, fertility clinic resources, emotional challenges in surrogacy, understanding reproductive endocrinology, counseling for intended parents, community support for infertility
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