Artwork for podcast No Shame In The Home Game
Good, Better, Best: A tool with Flexibility in Home Management & Life
Episode 15 • 26th July 2024 • No Shame In The Home Game • Joyful Support Movement
00:00:00 00:36:32

Share Episode

Shownotes

In this episode of No Shame in the Home Game, hosts Lacey and Sara dive into the significance of Disability Pride Month and introduce the invaluable 'Good, Better, Best' tool for managing home life and more. They discuss the importance of flexibility, self-compassion, and removing societal expectations. Through personal stories and practical examples, they highlight how the tool helps in navigating various challenges, from home tasks to relationships and beyond. Join us as we explore how to simplify and take control of daily life by setting realistic and positive standards.

More from the Joyful Support Movement

The Joyful Support Network Podcasts

Join the Joyful Support Village

Home Management for Everyone Course

Sign up for your Weekly Dose of Joy Newsletter

Sponsor Joy and Create a Joy Ripple



This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp
Podcorn - https://podcorn.com/privacy

Transcripts

Lacey:

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

2

:

how your home feels, not looks.

3

:

I am Lacey, your, you know what, today

is, that we're recording this, it's

4

:

the first day of Disability Pride

Month, so I'm going to say I'm Lacey,

5

:

your disabled co host, and she's just

fine with it because disabled's not

6

:

a bad word, and it is who she is.

7

:

Here with my delightful and

supportive co host, Sara.

8

:

Hi, Sara.

9

:

Sara: Hi Lacey.

10

:

Thank you for bringing

that to my attention.

11

:

I did not know that it was Disability

Pride Month and I like learning new

12

:

things so I'm glad I learned something new

13

:

Lacey: I made, a video and I made,

a really long threads post, because,

14

:

as I say in it, the disability

minority group is one that literally

15

:

at any moment you could join.

16

:

if that's the only reason for you to care,

I think it's a pretty compelling reason.

17

:

It's, something that I didn't think about

before I was where I am now, and I'm a

18

:

straight, cisgendered, white, middle class

lady with all the privileges in the world,

19

:

and if disability is challenging for me,

you can only imagine how it is for people

20

:

who don't have all those privileges.

21

:

if I can share my story a little bit and

raise awareness, it is the least I can do.

22

:

Sara: that's awesome you are

bringing awareness to it.

23

:

And I think that's all we can

ever do is just be more aware.

24

:

Lacey: yeah, yeah.

25

:

I don't think this comes out until after

disability pride month, but that's fine.

26

:

We can learn any month of the year.

27

:

Sara: I learned after the fact that

the last Wednesday in June Joy Day.

28

:

Lacey: It's our bread and butter.

29

:

Sara: everything is going

to revolve around that.

30

:

So you learn when you learn and

then you adjust going forward.

31

:

That's what we do

32

:

Lacey: Absolutely.

33

:

And I also brought it up because

the topic that we're talking about

34

:

today, the tool we're talking

about, I use as a disabled person.

35

:

It's one of the best tools that Sara gave

me when it comes to, managing my life.

36

:

we're talking about the Good Better

Best tool, and I'm going to hand it

37

:

over to Sara to start chatting about it.

38

:

Sara: That's really interesting that you

said that's one of your favorite tools

39

:

with the disability aspect, because

Lacey signed me up to be a speaker with,

40

:

you say the name of the organization?

41

:

Lacey: Success Society.

42

:

It's a group for entrepreneurs

with chronic illness.

43

:

That

44

:

Sara: aspect to go off of, and I was

like, it's gotta be good, better, best,

45

:

because it's all about flexing with life.

46

:

And if there's a group of people who

have to flex the most, it's people with

47

:

disabilities who don't know what days are

gonna feel like, more so than most people.

48

:

People, what I love about good, better,

best is it allows for life to happen.

49

:

Like I said, it's not.

50

:

Binary.

51

:

It's not on off.

52

:

It is the dimmer switch of life,

which I just came up with and I

53

:

couldn't be more excited about.

54

:

Lacey: was so good.

55

:

I'm over here in my mind,

like, and that's a sound clip.

56

:

So I'm so impressed that you just came up

57

:

Sara: this very much for me is

a response to how I grew up.

58

:

I grew up very much.

59

:

There is a right way to do things

and that is how you must do

60

:

them to be a valid human being.

61

:

So I grew up in this very, like

you're walking a tightrope and you

62

:

can't go left and you can't go right.

63

:

Cause if you fall off,

you'll never get back on.

64

:

But what I love about good, better,

best is it just opens up that.

65

:

That tight rope into this very

large interstate that you get

66

:

to veer all over the place.

67

:

There is, you get to do whatever you need

to do to get to where you need to go.

68

:

So simply put, if you have an idea of

something that needs to get done, it

69

:

could be a meal that needs to happen.

70

:

Laundry, cleaning, eating.

71

:

And I'm coming at it strictly from

home management because this is

72

:

no shame in the home game, but you

get to have your ideal, your best.

73

:

This is, if all things are

equal, this is what I want to

74

:

happen, but you get to flex it.

75

:

you can't get all the way to best

so you can do better and maybe

76

:

a little bit more life happens.

77

:

And you have a little less energy,

so then you shift over to good.

78

:

Or, you can always start at good can

be your starting point, but having

79

:

that framework of how can I level

this up and level it down, and I

80

:

don't even want to say up and down

because there's no judgment here.

81

:

It's just that dimmer switch

of where can I fall on this

82

:

continuum of completing a task.

83

:

The task still gets done.

84

:

I always give the

example of making dinner.

85

:

If your idea of dinner is making fresh

meatballs, having some sauce, maybe doing

86

:

a fresh salad from your own garden, but

then life happens and you're like, okay,

87

:

I'm not going to do fresh meatballs, but

I'm going to use the frozen meatballs.

88

:

I still have the jarred sauce.

89

:

Okay.

90

:

I'll still do the fresh salad.

91

:

Okay, life continues to happen.

92

:

You're way too tired.

93

:

It's the end of the day.

94

:

Everyone's hungry.

95

:

Just get food on the table.

96

:

Good enough.

97

:

All right, maybe it's a bag of

frozen peas and just the meatballs.

98

:

Maybe forget the bagged

salad if you don't have one.

99

:

Maybe forget the sauce.

100

:

it's just going, I didn't fail.

101

:

I simply flexed.

102

:

Good, better, best.

103

:

Lacey tell me about good,

better, best in your

104

:

world.

105

:

Lacey: First of all,

I want, I didn't fail.

106

:

I just flexed on a t shirt.

107

:

So I may be making that later.

108

:

there's so many things that I want to say.

109

:

the first thing I want to say is

the reason why Good Better Best

110

:

has had such an, impact on me is

because it focuses on the good.

111

:

Getting anything done is good.

112

:

It is not a failure.

113

:

It is good.

114

:

So, literally, our baseline

is a positive thing.

115

:

even if you think about high,

medium, and low, low sounds

116

:

bad, I'm an A student, y'all.

117

:

If I get an A I am

unhappy with myself, okay?

118

:

Side note, this is a very lacy thing.

119

:

And in my graduate

program, I ended up with a

120

:

3.99 GPA because of one a minus.

121

:

there's anything about me

in a nutshell, that is one

122

:

Sara: what I'm hearing is you're

not an A, you're an A plus plus.

123

:

that's where you would prefer to be.

124

:

Lacey: but in my mind, anything

that's not an A is a B.

125

:

is not good.

126

:

And that's why good, better, best

is so great because good is an A.

127

:

You did what you needed to do.

128

:

You accomplished your goals.

129

:

You got it done.

130

:

Better.

131

:

you were able to do it a little bit more

and in a little bit of a different way.

132

:

Best is like rock star.

133

:

Like we, the baseline is positive.

134

:

And I think that's something

that we don't often see in our

135

:

world of, doing the bare minimum.

136

:

And let me just say, I don't like the term

bare minimum, but just meeting the goal.

137

:

That is meeting the goal, especially as

we've said in multiple different ways,

138

:

no one is getting an award for living

the most perfect life or being the most

139

:

perfect mom or making the most perfect.

140

:

There is no award for that.

141

:

we just need to be able to

accomplish what we need to

142

:

accomplish to be able to keep moving.

143

:

So that is one of my favorite

parts of Good, Better, Best, is

144

:

that the mentality and mindset

is very positive and not shaming.

145

:

Because we all, as I've shared many

a times, I have shamed the shit

146

:

out of myself over the course of my

life, and it got me chronically ill.

147

:

That's a oversimplification, but really,

it's a big part of my anxiety, and

148

:

my anxiety exacerbated my symptoms,

and it caused all these problems.

149

:

the other thing that I really

like about Good, Better, Best

150

:

is because it is so flexible.

151

:

So something that Sara, talked

about is like using it as

152

:

a scale for a task, right?

153

:

So this is it, you know, getting done.

154

:

This is it getting done

a little bit better.

155

:

This is it getting done,

at the highest level.

156

:

I like to think about it in

the more macro way of, okay,

157

:

I need for this day to happen.

158

:

What do I need to get done for it to

have just been what I needed to do?

159

:

And that is my good.

160

:

And then if, okay, if I have

a little bit more energy, What

161

:

does that better look like?

162

:

And then if we're talking ideal

day, I'm firing on all cylinders.

163

:

That's best.

164

:

So what I've done is I've built into

kind of my calendar system there.

165

:

I have a category of this

task is a good, better, best.

166

:

Now chain time will change

which category it is.

167

:

Right.

168

:

For today, one my things is my kids

laundry is sitting in the hallway.

169

:

The good for me is getting it out of

the current receptacle that it's in.

170

:

And that's, a success.

171

:

Folding it and putting

away is a different thing.

172

:

Separating it's a different,

like they're all different steps.

173

:

when I sat down this morning, I was

like, okay, I want to get this stuff

174

:

done for the Joyful Support Movement.

175

:

This is my good.

176

:

If I can get this done, it's better, So

I use it as a way to really organize.

177

:

more than just a single

task or elements of a task.

178

:

I use it to organize my life

because as Sara said, I can't

179

:

do everything every day.

180

:

Trust me, your girl's tread.

181

:

Sara: Well, It's not just, you're

dealing with chronic illness, which is

182

:

this own wild ride to try to navigate.

183

:

So put that aside.

184

:

life itself just throws curve ball after

curve ball, all of a sudden it's raining

185

:

when it wasn't supposed to be raining.

186

:

So your outdoor picnic

can't be outdoor anymore.

187

:

All of a sudden the dog

is throwing up nonstop.

188

:

Stop.

189

:

So your hour of dinner prep

is now you driving to the vet.

190

:

life just keeps happening.

191

:

And so I feel as though it's essential

to know that at any moment it's pivot.

192

:

it applies in so many different ways.

193

:

And like you said, it's.

194

:

Removing that shame element because I

get that shame has an importance in life.

195

:

I really do.

196

:

However, if we only attach ourselves

to shame, then it just drains our

197

:

energy cup and we don't get anywhere.

198

:

shame has its place.

199

:

However, It's not a long term use tool.

200

:

going back to other examples of good,

better, best, I was just editing our

201

:

episode with Shannon, the nutritionist.

202

:

we have the very similar mindset of just

starting where you are going from A to B,

203

:

not trying to go all the way from A to Z.

204

:

she was saying a lot of times

clients will say, Oh, well, I

205

:

didn't have an hour to exercise.

206

:

So I didn't exercise and her responses.

207

:

Okay.

208

:

Could you take a 10 minute walk?

209

:

If an hour is best, that's awesome.

210

:

If you have a whole hour to devote

to doing weights and cardio and

211

:

stretching, awesome, but don't go zero.

212

:

Again, that's that light

switch of zero or 60 minutes.

213

:

Let's just turn the dimmer to 10 minutes.

214

:

Can you move your body for 10 minutes?

215

:

And it was the same thing when

we were talking about food.

216

:

okay.

217

:

It's not about finding the ideal

preparation to preserve all the nutrients,

218

:

like that's good to know, but it's can you

just get one more vegetable in your day?

219

:

again, it's that giving yourself that

allowance you don't have to either go I'm

220

:

gonna eat everything Organic and fresh

cut and perfect or I'm only gonna eat

221

:

fast food and everything processed and

packaged like there's a whole variety

222

:

in between which Is where we live.

223

:

We live in the in between most of the

224

:

Lacey: I just had another

realization of, it's also a

225

:

pretty solid relationship tool.

226

:

after we had Isaac, Joe and I had a

rough road of adjusting to parenthood

227

:

and everything that comes along with it.

228

:

And one of the things that we

did that was a huge help is we

229

:

communicated what we needed from each

other every day as a bare minimum.

230

:

if you can just get these things

done for me, I will Be able to

231

:

function better the next day.

232

:

one of them became a foundation of our

later relationship is that if Joe could

233

:

do the dishes at the end of the day, so

that I start with a clean slate in the

234

:

morning, it makes a world of difference.

235

:

and so trust me, he had a whole

laundry list for me, it was very nice

236

:

too, because you could also have the

conversation to realize that my good.

237

:

was really his better, and we were

able to see each other a lot better

238

:

in a nonjudgmental way of Hey, this

is just what I need to function.

239

:

And it also creates space of, if

there's a day where he couldn't do

240

:

that, he could clearly communicate.

241

:

Look, I just, it wasn't able

to happen today because this,

242

:

and this, and it's that's cool.

243

:

We know it.

244

:

We're both on the same page.

245

:

We can start new tomorrow.

246

:

So it really could also, one of

the beautiful things of this, it

247

:

gives you a language to talk about

things in a nonjudgmental way.

248

:

Cause if all of it is positive and

all of it is moving us to the place

249

:

that we want to go, it's, we're

just sorting it into categories.

250

:

Sara: that's a wonderful point I had not

thought about is the communication piece.

251

:

because you're so right.

252

:

I think about this conversation

Sara from season one had she was

253

:

talking about Couches with somebody

and she said this expression.

254

:

I'd never heard before which was her couch

Ceiling like her dream couch was somebody

255

:

else's couch floor meaning that was like

their basic throwaway couch But that's

256

:

the same thing is finding again, because

I've learned so much from you about

257

:

communication, how it's so much context

is so much where you're coming from.

258

:

there's so much variability,

so you're right.

259

:

Being able to also communicate.

260

:

This is what my best looks like and

somebody else being like, Oh, my best

261

:

actually looks different than that.

262

:

And then that's a good thing with

relationships, because I think that's one

263

:

of the things I've noticed is that when

we enter into a relationship, we bring

264

:

in all of these, Expectations around

things, around what does cleaning look

265

:

like, what is doing the dishes look like,

what is doing the laundry look like.

266

:

Yeah, and so you're right, this does

have a great communication piece.

267

:

I've had that with my husband before,

where I'm like, why are you only whatever?

268

:

And he's because I thought

that was the expectation.

269

:

And I'm like, Oh, that's

the bare minimum to me.

270

:

And he's Oh, I thought it was maxing out.

271

:

I want to give a wide variety

of examples so listeners can

272

:

start to see how to apply it.

273

:

I was talking with this woman through

a business connection and she also

274

:

has chronic illness and she was asking

me, she's what's your recommendation

275

:

on how often to change sheets?

276

:

And I said, good, better, best.

277

:

Best?

278

:

everything and wash it.

279

:

for me, I'm a two week gal.

280

:

Some people are one week gal do whatever

feels good to you, but let's just say

281

:

you're going to wash everything every two

weeks, but you've got chronic illness,

282

:

so maybe it's not every two weeks.

283

:

you're washing your top sheet

and your flat sheet, once

284

:

every three or four weeks.

285

:

I'm like, but at the minimum,

just pull off your pillowcase.

286

:

And throw it in the laundry and just

buy a bunch of extra pillowcases.

287

:

Cause that's the part where you're

really getting a lot of stuff.

288

:

the part that you really want to

be like, make sure you're washing.

289

:

But I was telling her and I'm like,

and then when you feel good, wash

290

:

all those pillowcases and reset it.

291

:

Hack.

292

:

I went time heard some moms talking

about how they actually put four fitted

293

:

sheets on their kids, beds, and then

they just pull them off one at a time.

294

:

Lacey: Oh, if my kids weren't

still in the, bedwetting stage,

295

:

I would do that in a heartbeat.

296

:

Absolutely.

297

:

that's literally, if you could have saw

me, my face went wide because that's the

298

:

kind of thing I want to know in life.

299

:

Sara: And all back to, there

is no one way to do things.

300

:

There's no award for doing things

one way you read in a magazine.

301

:

Nobody's getting a prize.

302

:

It's what do you need to get done

to feel good at the end of the day?

303

:

And how are you gonna get there?

304

:

And again, going back to the premise

of this podcast, if we can all

305

:

open up our doors and communicate.

306

:

I only learned about that fitted

sheet hack because I was overhearing

307

:

somebody at a baseball game.

308

:

They were telling their closest friends

and I happened to be an earshot.

309

:

But again, if we just open up our doors.

310

:

And just admit, yeah, I use paper

plates on days where I can't stand

311

:

the thought of having to run two loads

of dishes because I am exhausted.

312

:

can we be honest about that?

313

:

Putting it through those filters

of, this is what I need to do today.

314

:

To get to the end.

315

:

I like that you brought

up when, Isaac was a baby.

316

:

'cause I remember when I was a new

mom and I had very high expectations

317

:

for myself and I quickly, I had to go

to what I called survival days, which

318

:

now I'm realizing would've been good.

319

:

I was like, me and the baby both

eat, if one of us gets a bath or a

320

:

shower, or at least just changes our

clothes, that's all that has to happen.

321

:

when I told myself it was a

survival day, it removed all the

322

:

guilt and shame and expectation.

323

:

I just feel like a huge weight was lifted

324

:

Lacey: You know, it's funny is I loved

those six weeks after, like the first

325

:

six weeks where you're recovering, I

loved those with both of my Children.

326

:

And it's because it is

one time in my life.

327

:

I gave myself to live and

what just needs to be done.

328

:

We lived in three hours spurts of

feeding because I was breastfeeding.

329

:

my main goal in life was to keep this

kid alive, keep us both comfortable and

330

:

happy and to bond as much as possible.

331

:

And so me being able to remove all

of that other stuff and just focus on

332

:

that, I am one of those weird people.

333

:

I could tell you for days how much

I hated pregnancy, but I could

334

:

also tell you for days how that

newborn stage was magic for me.

335

:

I also just think it's like karma

and the universe being like, look,

336

:

we just killed you for nine months.

337

:

So you celebrate not puking every day now.

338

:

but I did, I loved it.

339

:

And the moment that made it hard again

for me is when I went back to work, that's

340

:

when it was like, Oh, cause then all those

regular expectations came back on me.

341

:

but I just, when I break it down

into, oh, that is the one time in

342

:

my life that I'm like, yeah, I'm

gonna watch 75 episodes of HDTV.

343

:

This baby's gonna sleep on my chest.

344

:

what's the easiest food

that I can get myself?

345

:

Awesome.

346

:

Cool.

347

:

Sara: Well, that reminds me to tie

this into the buckets of resources.

348

:

When you're a new mom,

you're energy bucket.

349

:

is not the

350

:

same.

351

:

So good, better, best is also

when you look at, what do I

352

:

have available to draw into?

353

:

And I tell people if you've got more

money to throw at dinner prep, And

354

:

you can pay for those, pre prepped

things, or you can pay somebody

355

:

to come in and prep food for you.

356

:

You can get to better or best if

you can dip into your money bucket.

357

:

you've got time, you can

dip into that bucket.

358

:

But if your time, your energy, and

your money buckets are all scraping the

359

:

bottom, We're going for good people.

360

:

I was just at a talk I was so honored

to join a mom's group and I was

361

:

explaining the relationship between

your resource buckets and good better

362

:

best and the looks on their faces of

clarity aha of, oh yeah, of course,

363

:

like it's a simple, it's simple, but

nobody ever take, I never was sat down

364

:

and had anyone explain this to me.

365

:

I had to fight through the

societal expectations of everything

366

:

should look a certain way.

367

:

It should be home cooked meals.

368

:

Everything should be picked up.

369

:

I worked with a lady who

bleached her floors every night.

370

:

Like I thought for somehow I

was supposed to be doing that.

371

:

I had to fight through this

feeling of failure to realize, it's

372

:

hitting that bottom of the barrel.

373

:

when I was a new mom of going,

I got nothing left to give.

374

:

Good enough is good enough because I

can't actually physically do anything else

375

:

Lacey: I also want to say it's

also about permission, right?

376

:

Because that's something I learned with,

my disability and chronic illness is it,

377

:

for the first time in my life, gave me

permission to not have to do X, Y, and Z.

378

:

And I struggled with that

for a really long time.

379

:

And it's also something that

just now, I'm like, oh, man.

380

:

Poor chronic illness Lacey.

381

:

I wish she could have had that

permission because I genuinely think

382

:

she could have taken over the world.

383

:

But that permission, I never felt it.

384

:

Like I literally had to not be

able to move to be able to give

385

:

myself permission to lower those

standards that were made up.

386

:

Sara: because we, and this is why I

feel so strongly about this podcast is

387

:

because we're having these conversations.

388

:

It is made up.

389

:

They are unspoken societal

expectations that.

390

:

Once we start talking about them, they

lose their grip and their strength.

391

:

With my work, when I started working

with people in home consulting, one

392

:

of the things I noticed right away

was that yearning for permission.

393

:

And it's I know I don't have any

special magical talent bestowed

394

:

upon me to give anyone permission.

395

:

I'm just a fellow human being, but

somehow me giving them permission to

396

:

not pair up their socks or to not do

a freshly cooked meal every night.

397

:

Like somehow me giving, yeah, it's okay.

398

:

that's all they needed to hear.

399

:

I reached out in the, Joyful Support

Village and I've reached out other

400

:

places to ask friends, I need to

hear somebody give me permission

401

:

to, just read a book all day.

402

:

Because somehow inside of us,

some of us, not all of us, if you

403

:

don't have this, that's awesome.

404

:

Lacey: Good for you.

405

:

Sara: of us have that like

guilt, shame trigger inside of

406

:

us where we need that permission.

407

:

So let's go back.

408

:

I would love to do some

more good, better, best.

409

:

I want you to name anything and then

I'm going to good, better, best it.

410

:

And then I'll do the same.

411

:

I'll give you one and then

you good, better, best of it.

412

:

Lacey: A birthday celebration.

413

:

Sara: Oh gosh, this is a great one for me.

414

:

Sara, participant one, that

is one of her talents, is

415

:

organizing birthday celebrations.

416

:

And she loves the theme

and the invitations and the

417

:

handwriting and the calligraphy

and all the little party gifts.

418

:

that is one of her zones of genius.

419

:

It brings her joy.

420

:

So good, better, best.

421

:

Yeah.

422

:

If you have the drive and the mojo

to have a themed and to have the

423

:

invitations printed and then handwrite

that envelopes, like that would be best.

424

:

Little step down from that would be maybe

you can get these like parties in a box,

425

:

like you can go to these different groups

and they'll just send you everything.

426

:

you're still like doing all

that stuff, but somebody's

427

:

already put it together for you.

428

:

And then good enough.

429

:

Honestly, my son's first birthday party.

430

:

I knew I couldn't Pinterest it.

431

:

I was just glad we lived.

432

:

just said, we're having

a barbecue on this day.

433

:

Everyone come.

434

:

I got all the different types

of chips in the grocery store.

435

:

And that was just like

this weird chip buffet.

436

:

And I asked a friend to grill

chicken and that was good enough.

437

:

It was just people at the same place

at the same time packaged food.

438

:

Boom.

439

:

I didn't even do invitations.

440

:

I just like texted people.

441

:

it was just, it was so basic.

442

:

Lacey: It met all the

requirements, for sure.

443

:

Sara: Good, better, best.

444

:

Okay.

445

:

I'm in a good, better, best to Lacey.

446

:

you were talking about laundry.

447

:

So give me your part of laundry.

448

:

Lacey: so one of the things we

found out in the Closed Chair

449

:

episode, is that I only had best.

450

:

I only had everything gets folded.

451

:

Everything gets put away.

452

:

what I've started to do is, good

is everything gets separated.

453

:

Cause I find when things are

separated into person, we can at least

454

:

find what we need for each other.

455

:

I have a potty trained and quote

quotation marks three year old.

456

:

So the amount of times that I need to

find underwear and shorts for her is.

457

:

bonkers.

458

:

So to be able to just separate

hers out to be like, I know that

459

:

this has only Iris's clothes in

it and I can find those quickly.

460

:

Great.

461

:

Wonderful.

462

:

So I would say that's my good.

463

:

My better is everything's

separated and folded, right?

464

:

I'm just trying to get rid of the,

put everything away part of things.

465

:

So I fold Joe's clothes,

but he has to put them away.

466

:

I fold Isaac's clothes, but

he has to put them away.

467

:

I still put away your irises.

468

:

Honestly, that's good.

469

:

Best is I fold and hang

anything that needs to be hung.

470

:

Hanging, for some reason, is

just an extra step that is so

471

:

much for me, and so that's best.

472

:

Sara: One of the things on threads

I see people post about a lot.

473

:

One is, I'm tired of Neil Palin ing,

what are you all cooking for dinner?

474

:

The other one is laundry.

475

:

I'm quoting here people saying, I can't

stand the folding and putting away part.

476

:

And I'm, I go on there all the

time and give people permission.

477

:

I'm like, then don't.

478

:

Put everything clean in a big old bucket.

479

:

Then don't do it.

480

:

if it's driving you up

a wall, don't do it.

481

:

Lacey: One of the most amazing things

that I've realized, and I'm gonna start

482

:

trying to figure this out in my own, in

other places, is Iris has a closet that

483

:

has a bunch of shelves in the closet.

484

:

It worked great for her because if we put

it on a lower thing, she can get to it

485

:

and she's not opening and closing drawers.

486

:

Guess who isn't always

gets her laundry put away?

487

:

Iris.

488

:

Cause all I have to do is

walk over and set it down.

489

:

I'm not leaning over to open a drawer.

490

:

I'm not pushing clothes down I'm going to

be exploring this more of how can we use

491

:

this in a way that works better for me?

492

:

Another thing that you have said

before, and this has stuck with me

493

:

is, do you hate the putting it away

because the drawers are too full?

494

:

And I'm like, yeah, so I've been

trying to keep that in mind.

495

:

right now I'm in a place where I'm

like, I got to go through these drawers.

496

:

Sara: a couple of thoughts.

497

:

first of all, thank you for sharing that.

498

:

That's going to bring

somebody relief listening.

499

:

And to piggyback on that,

I was talking with Corey.

500

:

She was our expert, from in between last

season, So Corey feels comfortable when

501

:

everything in her house is a certain way.

502

:

One of her children's room

is not the way she wants it.

503

:

We talked about just closing the door.

504

:

We talked about a bunch

of different things.

505

:

One of the things was the clothes.

506

:

How the clothes just end up on the floor.

507

:

So I really narrowed down

where are the clothes supposed

508

:

to in quotes supposed to go?

509

:

I always lean into what I

call three quarter bins.

510

:

So it's not a bin on four sides

It's a bin on three sides and then

511

:

the front part is angled out and

I said, okay So what if your child

512

:

just has three quarter bins stacked?

513

:

And one of the bins is

socks and underwear.

514

:

One of the bins is shorts.

515

:

One of the bins is shirts.

516

:

That way they're off the floor.

517

:

They're easily accessible.

518

:

They don't have to open

a drawer or a closet.

519

:

And she's like, Oh, again, I kind of

just had to give permission to break

520

:

that paradigm of using a dresser.

521

:

yeah, when we moved into this

house, they all have, Those bifold

522

:

closets, so they're very shallow but

523

:

wide and they all had

shelves already in them.

524

:

for my son, because he was really

little when we moved in the house,

525

:

I got those three quarter bins and I

labeled them all and he's responsible

526

:

for putting his laundry away.

527

:

He does not put them in

the bin the way I would.

528

:

But he doesn't care if it's wrinkled.

529

:

He doesn't care if he has to dig through,

he separates it and just throws them

530

:

all in his bins and they're clean

and he can get to it and it's easy.

531

:

exploring that, yeah, that hiccup

point again, going back to just putting

532

:

it all in a bin, I talked to this

mom in our community, she has Five

533

:

kids they all do a lot of athletics.

534

:

So a lot of socks are

happening in the house.

535

:

And she said, I buy bulk white socks.

536

:

And when I do the laundry,

all the socks go in a big tub

537

:

and they're by the front door.

538

:

No one ever asks me where the socks

539

:

are.

540

:

They're always in a big tub.

541

:

And she's yeah, they're too big

on some and too small on others.

542

:

She's I don't care.

543

:

Lacey: See, I hear that and I'm

like, that woman is a badass.

544

:

I don't judge her.

545

:

I think she's amazing.

546

:

Sara: I was glad I had a conversation with

her because she was, she's very calm and

547

:

I was asking her about all these different

things and she's just doesn't matter.

548

:

She's like, when I get

stressed out about things.

549

:

I'm the only one stressed out.

550

:

yeah, there's always dishes on my counter.

551

:

She's but we make it work.

552

:

she showed me it was mindset.

553

:

And I really took that away.

554

:

I just, I desperately, I

want this to be like a game.

555

:

I want people to call in and

tell me their frustration points.

556

:

And I just like good, better, best it.

557

:

Like I want this like to be a game show

again, if this helps one person and it's

558

:

already helped you, and, It helps me, I

have to remember this tool all the time.

559

:

So if it helps one person listening,

just reframe things, good, better, best,

560

:

how, what needs to happen, what do I

want to happen and what's the ideal.

561

:

And there's all different

chapters in our lives.

562

:

Our job requirements change,

the seasons change, our kids

563

:

age, like it's not forever.

564

:

It's just making that

decision for that day.

565

:

What is the good, better, best look like?

566

:

And then flex, flex.

567

:

Lacey: We should probably

do some gratitude.

568

:

I have a lot.

569

:

So I'm thinking through it.

570

:

What do you want?

571

:

Do you have one?

572

:

Do you want to go first?

573

:

Sara: This is so funny.

574

:

I told my husband this last night.

575

:

It's going to sound really weird at first.

576

:

Okay.

577

:

So I was opening up this gate and the

top of the gate was right below my chin.

578

:

So towards my face and all of

a sudden there was this noise.

579

:

it was a beetle.

580

:

It was not going to hurt me.

581

:

But it was really loud and it was right

by my face and then it like flew by me.

582

:

And what I, what made me happy

was that I actually let out

583

:

a whole spew of expletives.

584

:

But what I loved about it was

just so Like I just loved that.

585

:

I didn't try to hold it in.

586

:

I was so scared for a split second because

I did not know it was flying at my face.

587

:

And I said all these

ridiculous expletives.

588

:

Luckily nobody could hear me.

589

:

but it just felt so pure and unencumbered.

590

:

that is my 45 year old equivalent of like.

591

:

When I was in my 20s and I could go to a

dance floor, party, and I could just dance

592

:

like completely unencumbered, no judgment.

593

:

Like me swearing at a beetle flying by

my face was that moment of utter freedom.

594

:

And then I went over and

looked at the beetle where he

595

:

landed and he was really cute.

596

:

it was full circle, Good.

597

:

Lacey: Good.

598

:

I've never called a beetle cute.

599

:

So good.

600

:

Good for you on that one.

601

:

Sara: I love bugs, that

shouldn't surprise you.

602

:

Lacey: It doesn't.

603

:

So mine is, we're in the middle of

some trips and vacations right now.

604

:

And I want to have a moment of gratitude

for the moment that you reach your

605

:

destination when you're traveling.

606

:

So that moment where like, you walk in

and you set your stuff down and you've

607

:

gotten the hard part of getting there

out of the way and you only have the

608

:

part joy of possibility moving forward.

609

:

I just love that feeling.

610

:

And cause it's like relief and the hope

and everything all wrapped into one.

611

:

So I'm just, I am grateful

for that feeling so much.

612

:

Sara: I love that you highlighted

that because I have distinct memories.

613

:

As a kid, we used to drive to this

beach and it was a seven hour drive

614

:

and that moment where You open the

car door, and you get your feet out,

615

:

and you stretch, and you breathe in

the new air, it like smells different.

616

:

And then you get to stand up, and

you're like, oh, I'm free of the travel

617

:

part.

618

:

Lacey: Yes.

619

:

You got it.

620

:

You got it.

621

:

Yeah.

622

:

I just, that is something

that I've always loved.

623

:

And we'll just say our latest

trip traveling with a three and a

624

:

five year old, even though they're

generally really cool, an 11, 12

625

:

hour drive, not something they enjoy.

626

:

So you can imagine the

relief when you get there.

627

:

And you can say, yes, we are here.

628

:

It added a new level to it that,

yeah, I didn't even recognize before.

629

:

Sara: That is quite the gauntlet

for the three and a five year old.

630

:

When they're really little,

it's a lot different.

631

:

When they get to that age, and they

just want to be moving around, and

632

:

Lacey: Yes.

633

:

Sara: time has zero

634

:

Lacey: Oh, don't like,

don't even get me started.

635

:

I could go on that.

636

:

Like one of my things is I posted

this on, on social media of we need

637

:

to not call it family vacation if

the children are under a certain age.

638

:

Cause it's a trip.

639

:

It is not a vacation.

640

:

It is a family trip.

641

:

Cause I can tell you right now, a lot

of that did not feel like a vacation.

642

:

Sara: 100%.

643

:

That's why one of my big platforms in

life I believe moms should get least

644

:

twice a year a three day weekend where

they get to go away on their own.

645

:

Lacey: Absolutely.

646

:

Sara: a vacation for mom

where she's not a mom.

647

:

Lacey: yeah.

648

:

So we are, that's where we are.

649

:

thanks for teaching us more about

Good, better, best today, Sara.

650

:

Sara: Thank you for everything, Lacey.

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube

More Episodes
Season 2
15. Good, Better, Best: A tool with Flexibility in Home Management & Life
00:36:32
14. Nutrition for Feels, not Looks with Shannon Woodcock
00:38:23
13. The Clothes Chair Revolution: Embrace the Messy
00:29:19
12. Joyful Support Origin
00:30:58
11. Perfection Isn't The Goal: Season 2 Wrap Up
00:53:20
10. Transformed Tirra - Wrap Up Episode
00:58:52
9. From Mealtime Woes to Home CEO: Wrapping up Theresa’s Story
01:00:14
8. Parenting, Playrooms, and Perspective: Wrapping Up Ashley’s Story
01:02:27
7. Celebrating our Victories: Tirra Episode 2
00:59:49
6. The Art of Meal Scaffolding: Theresa Episode 2
01:01:52
5. Empowering Kids in Home Management: Ashley Episode 2
01:03:00
4. Meet Tirra
00:50:17
3. Meet Theresa
01:01:33
2. Meet Ashley
00:54:59
1. Welcome to Season 2!
00:33:34
Season 1
20. The Manifestor and The Projector: Human Design Episode Follow Up
00:46:32
19. No Shame in Your Human Design with Adriana Keefe
00:44:03
18. Embracing Neurodiversity: A Post-Corie Chat
00:42:53
17. trailer No Shame In The Home Game 2024 Trailer
00:00:59
17. No Shame In Neurodiversity
00:52:22
16. No Shame In Taking a Break
00:03:08
15. The Power of Support, Authenticity, and the Joyful Support Movement
00:42:12
14. No Shame in Support with Sadie Higgins
01:00:10
13. No Shame In Listening
00:51:11
12. The Value of Listening: Insights from Deb Porter
00:51:11
11. Season 1 Wrap Up
00:54:48
10. Bridge of Chaos - Joe Episode 3
00:53:14
9. Small Changes, Big Impact: Alex's Story Wrap Up
00:54:04
8. Whatever Works: Sarah Part 3
00:53:05
7. Home Therapy: Joe's Story Part 2
00:54:40
6. Adjusting Expectations for What’s Really Important: Sarah Part 2
00:51:45
5. The Perpetual Motion Family: Alex’s Story Part 2
00:55:14
4. Meet Joe
00:56:04
3. Meet Sarah
00:51:20
2. Meet Alex
00:46:34
1. Welcome to No Shame In The Home Game
00:53:34
trailer No Shame In The Home Game Trailer
00:01:54