Another school year, another round of settling in, and if the excitement wore off around day two, you are not alone.

In this episode we get honest about what settling in to school really looks like for autistic children and their parents. Not the picture-book version, where everyone skips happily through the gates, but the version most of us actually live: the good days, the wobbly days, and the moments when the school says everything's fine and then your child falls apart the second they're back in the car.

We talk about masking, restraint collapse, and why settling in isn't a straight line, a supply teacher or a change to the timetable can undo weeks of progress. We also share the practical things that have helped in our own homes, from visual timetables and countdown timers to low-demand afternoons and communication books with school, plus how to know when it's time to ask for more support.

Key Takeaways

• Settling in rarely looks like the picture-book version, and that's normal, not a sign you're doing something wrong
• Settling can go backwards, a supply teacher, a change to the timetable, or a break like Christmas can undo weeks of progress
• A school saying "they're fine" doesn't cancel out what you see at home, restraint collapse is real and often shows up with the people your child feels safest with
• Visual supports, like timetables and countdown timers, remove uncertainty and can calm anxiety even for children who read and talk well
• Low-demand afternoons matter more than a big welcome-home activity, most children just need space to decompress after school
• Keeping a written record of what you're seeing, however small it feels at the time, builds the evidence you may need later for referrals or support
• If home behaviours aren't shifting despite the visual supports and low-demand time, it's worth raising it properly with the teacher and the SENCo together
• Don't forget your own wellbeing in all of this, you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's okay to lean on other parents going through the same thing

Mentioned in This Episode

• Pete Wharmby's book, Different Minds: How we can help our autistic school children thrive
• Countdown/colour-change timers used for transitions
• Visual timetables and Velcro picture schedules
• Weighted blankets
• Nesti compression pod

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All right.

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Previously, we've talked about preparing

for the return to school, using social

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stories, buying the new uniform,

walking past the school gates in the

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holidays, so all that groundwork that

you do before the term even starts

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

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I think we put so much energy

into that bit, don't we?

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I know I do.

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Buying the

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Victoria Bennion: been a

really big one for you.

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Natalie Tealdi: Oh, yes.

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Yes.

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So my youngest is starting school for

the first time, so yes, there's been

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all the, different uniform and the,

the school bags and the pencil cases.

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All of that stuff.

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Victoria Bennion: Did you feel a

sigh of relief when the term starts?

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Is

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Natalie Tealdi: No.

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No, I did not.

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And I'll tell you why.

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It was really sweet actually.

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So at school they gave all the parents

a little pack of, like, teabag, tissues,

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biscuits, and it says, you know, "Now

it's your time to just go and relax.

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We know it's emotional."

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And I, I know some parents were really

emotional about their children starting

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school, but I, I really wasn't at all.

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I was emotionally dead, and I think

it's probably because I am bracing

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myself, like I've s- I've said before.

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I am not sure how this is gonna go, 'cause

obviously my eldest child did not get on

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well at mainstream, and it didn't last

m- that long before it all went wrong.

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And I'm not sure that the

same isn't going to happen.

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I mean, they're very different, but I'm

not in a place where I am devastated that

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they're going off to school every day

for the foreseeable future because I…

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But, who knows what's gonna happen?

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Victoria Bennion: You're not sure

it's for the foreseeable future or for

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how long the future is foreseeable.

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Natalie Tealdi: No.

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I mean, we've managed a day and a half

before we've decided that that's thanks,

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and we'll stay at home with Mummy now.

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Victoria Bennion: as boding well

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Natalie Tealdi: Mm.

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

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Okay.

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So let's talk today,

properly about settling in.

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What does that look like?

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Why doesn't it always go as we expect?

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And what can you do if

things aren't going smoothly?

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

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Yeah, I think you can have a real picture

in your head about how it's gonna go.

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I mean, certainly with my eldest,

I remember the first day when I was

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really excited and emotional and,

'cause it's a big milestone, isn't it?

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And I think for most people you

know, it's, they're off to school

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and it's a new phase and that's that.

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But as we know, it doesn't always go

to plan like that, and the version

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of settling in is not necessarily

gonna be the one that you're picturing

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Victoria Bennion: No, and that's some of

where the problem comes, that gap between

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what you're expecting and what actually

happens, and there's a lot of guilt and

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worry that seeps in through the seams.

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So I think we should talk about that

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

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Let's, talk a bit more honestly

about what that can look like

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Victoria Bennion: For a lot of us.

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I'm sure for some, I'm sure for some

families out there, there, th- it is

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as I, I imagine it, it does go to, like

according to the little picture books.

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But, for the rest of us, yeah,

let's talk about settling in.

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What do we even mean by that term?

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What do we mean by being settled?

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'Cause I think it's, a lot of parents

may be waiting for this moment where

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everything just clicks, and then if

it doesn't just click, you might think

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that you're doing something wrong

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Natalie Tealdi: Mm.

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Yeah, I think settled can…

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You picture it as them being happy and

skipping through the gates with their

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friends and just not even perhaps even

waving goodbye, just going on in happily.

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it, it brings to mind Topsy and Tim.

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We've watched a lot of that, where they

start school and, you know, it's all rosy

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and lovely, and that's certainly what

I was expecting the first time around

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, and for a

lot of autistic kids, that really

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isn't realistic, and certainly

not in the first few weeks

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Natalie Tealdi: No.

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I think a more realistic version

is them getting through the day.

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They're coping.

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It doesn't mean it's easy for them,

and we know that it isn't gonna

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be easy for them, don't we, with

the, the struggles that they have

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Victoria Bennion: We do.

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I think that's a good way to put it.

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Not gonna say comfortable,

that sounds weird.

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Natalie Tealdi: No

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Victoria Bennion: So day-to-day,

what, what would you be…

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What does settled look like,

do you think, on day-to-day?

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Natalie Tealdi: I think that's when

they're generally happy, they're sleeping

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well, they're eating properly, they're not

exhausted when they come through the door.

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I mean, obviously they're gonna be

a bit tired when they're getting

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used to the routine, but I mean,

like, flat out completely not

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able to talk, that kind of thing.

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and just functioning as normally as they

would probably in the holidays, I suppose

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Victoria Bennion: I suppose you could

look at if the mornings are getting

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a bit more manageable, if they're

not completely wiped by the weekend

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rather than being completely wiped

out by Wednesday or even sooner

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, that's a really good

point actually, 'cause how far in the week

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can they get before they probably crash?

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It's something I was g- going through

this morning actually, because we've

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had two mornings with my youngest

where it's been really smooth, gone

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in really happily with friends.

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And today, on the way to school,

we were talking and she…

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And they were asking me, how…

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No.

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Hang on a second.

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And they said to me, "I

just want to be a grown-up."

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And I said, "Why?"

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And they said, "Because you don't have

to go to school when you're a grown-up."

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And I thought, gosh, wishing

their life away already.

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And I tried to sort of point out, you

know, the positives of school and all the

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different things you can learn, and that

it's fun, and you get to do loads of fun

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things, and see your friends every day.

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But they weren't having any of it.

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They, they just want to be at home

with me now, and, and I can teach them.

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And as we got to the door today, it was

hiding behind my back, completely refusing

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to go in, and it just felt like a repeat.

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A repeat.

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But you know, I, I guess you think,

well, this could be maybe neurotypical

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kids can feel like this too.

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There can be just nerves

that they need to get over.

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But it's at what point is normal settling

in and not normal settling in, and really

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struggling, and are you doing damage?

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And I suppose we're hyper-aware

of that as SEND parents, and we're

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watching for the signs all the time

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's it.

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I mean, we've got three out of four

with diagnosis, so of course we are.

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And I think something that also

we can fall into the trap of

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is thinking that something like

settled is a, is a fixed state.

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You get there, and then you're there,

and you've reached that, and now

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we're carrying on and all is good.

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But actually, it can be back and forth,

especially if there's changes, a supply

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teacher, a change to the timetable,

Christmas, dare I say it, and then you

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find you're right back where you started

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely

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Victoria Bennion: It's not linear

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Natalie Tealdi: No, it really isn't

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Victoria Bennion: There's definitely,

another aspect that we should talk about,

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which is when the school tell you that

they're doing fine at school and they

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have no concerns, and then you pick your

child up and they fall apart in the car

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

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Yeah, definitely.

144

I've had that in the car where things

have just gone a bit crazy in the car,

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jumping all over the place and throwing

things, and it's, it's very difficult

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Victoria Bennion: And for some children,

they'll hold it all in for even longer

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than that, and it might come out at

bedtime, all the worries, all the fears.

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Mine were definitely like that

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah

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Victoria Bennion: Restraint collapse.

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I've never heard of that.

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Natalie Tealdi: I've heard of it.

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I'm not quite sure what

it means though fully

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Victoria Bennion: Okay, I'll just put,

I have heard that referred to before

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as restraint collapse, which, Yeah.

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I think the difficulty is

you wonder, you wonder…

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I don't know, do you wonder

if they're finding it hard?

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It can be harder to deal with if

other people aren't seeing it.

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It

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

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Victoria Bennion: can be

harder to get them to listen

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and us as

parents, we know their anxieties.

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We know what concerns them, whether

it's smells or if it's clothing

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or transitions between activities.

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We know the sorts of things that

would've come up in that school day

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that they would've found difficult.

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But it's assessing when it's

something they can cope with and

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be supported, do they have the

support they need, or when it's too

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much, and what do you do about it?

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

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I mean, I suppose we're essentially

talking about masking during the day,

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using all the effort that they've

got to follow the instructions, to

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sit still, to get through all those

transitions, and then the moment

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they're back with the people they

feel safest with, it all comes out.

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Nothing's held back

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah And it, it's a bit

of a kind of delayed reaction, isn't it?

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'Cause it's all coming out at home

with their safe people, and then

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the people that need to be able

to see it don't see it, and it's

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getting that across, isn't it?

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, definitely.

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That's very tricky.

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So it's quite challenging, particularly

if you're, dealing with teachers

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who don't understand masking

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Where do you, what do you wanna go to?

185

Natalie Tealdi: Don't

wanna do that part really.

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I guess we can,

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Victoria Bennion: where you're happy

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Natalie Tealdi: Okay, I can

say, so with my eldest, yeah.

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So with my eldest, they didn't

really hold anything in.

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They're very outward about how they

feel, so it was very physical with them.

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So shouting, throwing things,

refusing to get in the car,

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climbing trees, running off.

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It was extremely stressful,

and really exhausting.

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But it comes out in different ways

with different children, doesn't it?

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it does.

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One of my children, their

anxiety went through the roof.

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so that looked like a lot of crying,

being sick, not eating food, going quiet.

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It- the react- the way it comes

out varies so much between children

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Natalie Tealdi: Mm.

200

It does, and I think with my

youngest at the moment, I'm

201

working out how that's gonna look.

202

Or maybe it won't happen, but, you

know, I think it will be very different.

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They're very different from my elder child

It's not always about shouting and crying.

204

It, sometimes it's completely

flat and unreachable and

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just presenting differently

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's definitely

how one of my children presents

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Natalie Tealdi: I think as parents, I

would just say trust your own instincts.

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I mean, you know your children.

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You're not imagining it.

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and if, if it doesn't match up with

what the school are saying, then … I

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don't know what I was gonna say then.

212

Just forget that bit.

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Victoria Bennion: Okay.

214

Okay.

215

All right.

216

So let's talk about some of the

practical things that you can do starting

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with visual supports because I think

these can be really helpful even for

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children who talk and read perfectly

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we used this

a lot with my elder child, more so

220

when he was younger, but it always

surprised me how effective it was.

221

it really helped calm the anxiety.

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They had a lot of trouble with

transitions, and so seeing that

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visual timetable really, really helped

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Victoria Bennion: What do you use?

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Natalie Tealdi: So we

had a couple of things.

226

So we had a timetable that I'd

put on the wall with the days.

227

And we'd particularly use that during

holidays actually, just to show the

228

different, how many weeks of the

holidays there were and what we were

229

gonna be doing in those different days.

230

But I also had an A5 notebook that

you could stick the different,

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Velcro pictures to for the day ahead.

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So just to break down the day to show

what was happening, and we'd take that

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out and about with us as well, so you

could, remind them partway through

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the day, which was really helpful

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Victoria Bennion: That

does sound really helpful.

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We've used, One of my children

uses their calendar quite a lot.

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We would write, write things on there.

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It's not very helpful.

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Natalie Tealdi: it is

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Another thing that's been really helpful

for mine is the countdown timers.

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So the ones where you've got the

circle and then it's all the colored.

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So as you turn it, it shows a color,

and then the color disappears as the,

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the timer counts down, and both my

children respond really well to those

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah,

we love those as well.

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Same timer.

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they're just so helpful be- I

think it's because it's that

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visual as well, isn't it?

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With the color that, that you can

actually see it moving around.

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You can see how long you've got

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Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and I think if

you put, put it in their view, they

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can look at it themselves so you're

not always having to be like, "Well,

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we've got five minutes, two minutes."

253

You know?

254

It can be quite,

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Victoria Bennion: also doesn't

always get the best response.

256

Natalie Tealdi: No, that can

actually build anxiety, I think.

257

But whereas if they can just see it

and look when it, when it's convenient,

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it's a bit more of a calmer way to

move, move along to the next thing

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Victoria Bennion: Absolutely

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Natalie Tealdi: It removes that layer of

uncertainty, and I think a lot of the time

261

it- it's the uncertainty that's driving

the anxiety underneath the behavior

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

263

I would agree with that

264

Natalie Tealdi: You don't even

have to have anything fancy.

265

We did have, just a piece of card that

was laminated with a, like a whiteboard

266

pen that we used to use as well.

267

That can be quite helpful

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's just

whatever works and whatever you've got.

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Natalie Tealdi: so with mine, at

home I tend to have s- certain

270

things at hand that can help them.

271

So fidget toys all over the lounge so

they can just grab them if they need them.

272

Ear defenders we use quite often

'cause they annoy each other,

273

so, so one of them can put w- ear

defenders on to block the other out.

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Actually, this morning it was the

washing machine that was causing the

275

problem, so, the ear defenders came on

for when that was spinning too loudly

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and they couldn't hear their iPad.

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I also keep blankets around.

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They, they quite like a blanket or a

weighted blanket, or we do have one of

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those, I can't remember what it's called.

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It's a, one of these really thin

blankets you get in and they can stretch

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out in, and it's got a hood on it.

282

I think it's a Nesty.

283

we'll put the link in the show

notes anyway, but my eldest

284

really likes to get in that.

285

Helps to calm him down after the day

as well, so that's always on hand.

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Victoria Bennion: Okay, we are I think

all those things are really helpful,

287

and that leads us on to talking about

what does the afternoon look like?

288

I think low-demand

afternoons can be really key

289

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely

290

I know, I think there's, you know, when

they've been out all day at school, I, I

291

always think I should be, like, having an

activity ready for them for when they come

292

in and to show them how much I've missed

them or, you know, have all the snacks

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out, and it's more of an idea in my head.

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It never actually happens.

295

And, and really what they need

is to just sit down and chill out

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for a bit and just have some space

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Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

298

Both of mine would go to their rooms and

wouldn't wanna talk for a good few hours.

299

That was the pattern that we got into.

300

And I, with my eldest, that's always

the case when she's done something.

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We give her her space until she's

ready, and she'll come, she'll

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come down when she's ready.

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Natalie Tealdi: We usually just do

snacks and screen time, and then

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when they've had enough of screen

time, then I might try and engage

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them in something if they want to.

306

But it's very, like, low

demand, totally up to them

307

Victoria Bennion: Yeah,

decompression's really helpful

308

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah

309

Victoria Bennion: And homework.

310

Wanna talk about homework?

311

Natalie Tealdi: we are

about to start getting it.

312

Victoria Bennion: I

313

Natalie Tealdi: That's gonna

be interesting, isn't it?

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'Cause Leo doesn't have any.

315

How am I gonna manage that?

316

Oh, I can say that, actually.

317

Victoria Bennion: So how

do you handle homework?

318

Natalie Tealdi: Well, yes.

319

I mean, I was only thinking about

this recently because now my

320

youngest is in mainstream, that's

going to be starting to happen.

321

I think it's just reading, actually,

in the first, in the first year.

322

But our eldest son, who's in

specialist, doesn't have homework.

323

So navigating that with the two of

them is gonna be interesting, 'cause

324

I can already predict the younger one

saying, "Well, why do I have to do

325

it when they don't have to do it?"

326

And I'm like, that's gonna be a

nice one to explain, isn't it?"

327

But

328

Victoria Bennion: And I think, actually,

I- homework's not something that I've

329

had to think about with mine for a long

time because they're both in specialist.

330

But I think if you are at mainstream

and your child is already struggling,

331

it's okay to have that conversation

with the school about homework.

332

Some children find it really hard

to get their head even around the

333

concept of doing schoolwork at home.

334

Our autistic children can find that really

hard because, I know I've had friends

335

who've said their child fully believes

that school is for the schoolwork,

336

so they will not do it at home.

337

So if you're coming up against

any of that, absolutely have

338

the conversation with the school

339

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, yeah.

340

I mean, we, we don't have, like,

set homework for my eldest child,

341

but they do s- occasionally put,

like, a book in or something.

342

But he's very…

343

But they are really reluctant to even

look at it because in their mind,

344

school is for school, learning is

school, learning is at school and else.

345

And, you know, it's just complete

shutdown on any other ideas

346

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, and I think

that bridges nicely really with talking

347

about communication with the school

348

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

349

If the school don't know, it, I think

it's really important if you're seeing

350

behaviors at home, seeing anxiety

at home, it's really important to

351

communicate that with the school

352

Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

353

What's worked well for you?

354

Natalie Tealdi: Well, in

specialist school, my child has

355

a book that we can write in.

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So instead of having to have a

conversation in front of them at

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drop-off, we can write down anything

that they might need to know.

358

So that's how we communicate, and

then they will s- they will write

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back and, and we communicate that way.

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And I do think we did that when they were

really struggling in mainstream as well.

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We did have a book that we wrote

in to document how they're doing

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Victoria Bennion: Oh, that's really good.

363

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah

364

Victoria Bennion: I've

never had a handover book.

365

I think with mine I've relied on emailing,

rather than trying to talk to the teacher.

366

But thinking about it, that's

more been when they were both

367

in specialist school placements

probably rather than at mainstream.

368

I do remember hovering, trying to

talk to the teacher outside the door.

369

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and

it's not always easy, is it?

370

'Cause there's other children around, and

371

Victoria Bennion: the parents,

372

Natalie Tealdi: want to say

it in front of your child.

373

so what we find out really helpful, say

if they've had a meltdown in the morning,

374

so you can then communicate with them,

they know what sort of state they're in

375

when they arrive, and perhaps they won't

go straight into learning and they'll let

376

them do some sensory activities first.

377

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, there's

nothing to stop you suggesting that,

378

suggesting a communications book is a

379

Natalie Tealdi: No, exactly.

380

Yeah, yeah.

381

It's a good thing.

382

As one thing that they've started doing

in my youngest's mainstream school

383

is they have different entrances now.

384

So for children who are struggling,

they've got, I think it's three

385

different entrances they can go to now.

386

One being more activity-based, one

being like a quiet area, and th- and

387

it's manned by staff who can support

them if they need a bit of extra

388

time before going into the classroom.

389

Which I was really impressed with

actually, 'cause that's quite

390

a big step from when we were

there before with my eldest child

391

Victoria Bennion: Gosh, yeah, that's

really, that's really a big step.

392

Never seen anything like

that in the mainstream

393

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think

it's a really positive move

394

Victoria Bennion: Right In terms of

communication, I also think it's worth

395

saying that you don't have to feel

like you have to wait till the next

396

parents' consultation to raise something.

397

In fact, it's useful if you…

398

It's useful to document things.

399

You never know when these emails

might be, might be useful.

400

But also, it's about not

letting things build.

401

So it's, in my experience, it's a good

idea to get in there quickly with a short

402

email about what's going on rather than

waiting three weeks or six weeks to raise

403

it, and, anxiety levels could have built,

things could have got worse in that time

404

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I agree.

405

And, actually that's something that I'm

gonna be doing today after our tricky

406

morning this morning with going in.

407

I feel like we, we could have done with a

bit more support with getting them through

408

the door by using tactics actually that

… The preschool used to do this really well.

409

They used to give my child a toy or

show them an activity or give them a

410

job to do to really s- sort of ease

that transition in through the door.

411

And once they were in, they were fine.

412

but we didn't get any

of that at school today.

413

It was literally shove them

through the door type thing,

414

which I'm not comfortable about.

415

I don't like doing that.

416

So I will be contacting them.

417

Sorry.

418

Just to suggest, please can we have

a little bit more support with, yeah,

419

a way to transition from me to them

420

Victoria Bennion: Do

you track all of this?

421

Natalie Tealdi: Yes, I keep notes.

422

Yeah.

423

Yeah, because it's all, I mean, preschool

kept notes on when my child was struggling

424

and when they used ear defenders, what

the circumstances were and that kind

425

of thing, 'cause it all builds evidence

and it's, it's really important when, if

426

you get to the stage where you need to

get a referral for a diagnosis, you've

427

already got all that written down.

428

And it, it seems like little

things at the time, but actually

429

it helps build the picture

430

Victoria Bennion: I think it's

just worth tracking everything.

431

I've been…

432

I've had to go back through WhatsApp

and things like that to see what

433

I might have sent to you about

things and the dates they happened.

434

So taking 30 seconds just, just

to jot something down in your

435

phone, it can help build a picture.

436

I mean, I hope that you don't need

it, but if you do need it, it's there,

437

and you're so grateful to have it all

438

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and I think

particularly because the waiting lists

439

are so long now, you- it's just great to

have all that information there because

440

you don't want any other hold-ups.

441

You don't wanna be starting, when you

go to the school and you say, "Look,

442

I have concerns and I think we need a

referral," you don't want to be then

443

told, "Well, we're not seeing any of

this, and we haven't got any evidence."

444

You can then be like, "Here's

your big pack of evidence."

445

And then once they see that, they're

more likely to get the ball rolling

446

at that point rather than waiting

another six months to build evidence.

447

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely.

448

And they're always looking for evidence

that goes back across the years.

449

So, and that can be hard to

remember, so keeping, keeping a

450

track is just really important.

451

It's gonna help you So

when it isn't improving,

452

So say you've done all this, you're doing

the visuals, you're having the low-demand

453

afternoons, you're talking to the school,

and you're tracking it, and it's a few

454

months in and things aren't picking up.

455

What do you do then?

456

Natalie Tealdi: I think there's a point

that you get to when you realize that

457

it's not just nerves, it's a bit more

than that, and you just have to be honest

458

with yourself about what you're seeing

459

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it can be

hard to tell the difference in the

460

beginning, but actually a pattern

usually soon builds and you can see it

461

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, it

definitely takes some time

462

Victoria Bennion: yeah,

and watch for it spreading.

463

So it may have just been a little

bit of anxiety around going in.

464

If it's spreading to after school,

if you're n- seeing that worry

465

really escalating and your child's

being sick before school, not

466

being able to eat, that's a sign

that it's not settling anymore

467

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think

it's a bit more than just like

468

nerves about going in, isn't it?

469

Victoria Bennion: Yeah,

470

Natalie Tealdi: i-if you see, hang on I

think also if they start seeing meltdowns

471

at school, that's often when things have

tipped from struggling to actually this

472

is a big deal and we need to address it

473

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, and

sometimes it takes that before

474

schools actually take notice.

475

I know one of my children held it in,

masked very highly at school for a

476

few years, and it was when it started

going outwards and they could actually

477

see the behaviors that that's when…

478

I mean, that's when things

had got really bad for them.

479

But that was also when other

people started seeing it.

480

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and I think

it's just, just important to

481

remember that you know your child

and y- you just trust your gut

482

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely.

483

You really do So when do

you ask for more support?

484

Natalie Tealdi: I think it's when you're

doing all the things that we talked

485

about, you know, you're putting in

all the supports at home that you can

486

with the sensory toys and the fidgets

and, and all of that, and it's still

487

not shifting, nothing's changing.

488

I think it's then that you need to have

a proper conversation with the teacher

489

and the SENCo, not just, not just the

teacher, but involve the SENCo as well

490

Victoria Bennion: Sometimes just asking

that question actually moves things

491

along Remind yourself that you're not

asking for anything that's unreasonable.

492

You're just asking for your child

to be able to access their education

493

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely.

494

And I, I, I don't know about you, but

I found myself thinking this morning

495

on my way home, you know, I just wish

that school was a little bit different.

496

I was thinking if the classes

were way smaller, it would be a

497

bit more manageable, a bit more

calm, less, f- fewer transitions

498

could ma- make all the difference.

499

I mean, I'm, I'm reading

Pete Warmsby's book.

500

Warmby's?

501

Warms- Warmby's.

502

I'm reading Pete Warmby's book at

the moment, which is all about how

503

the education system can change to be

more accommodating for neurodivergent

504

people, and it's really interesting.

505

I really recommend it.

506

It's talking about how the lessons

can be set up a bit differently to

507

just make things easier, and I do

think we're at that point as a society

508

where we really need to consider that.

509

We really need to look at that

510

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I would,

absolutely agree with you.

511

it's just not fit for purpose

512

Natalie Tealdi: No, and I also think,

you know, it could be play-based

513

for quite a lot longer than it is.

514

You know, we shove them in at four.

515

It's quite young

516

Victoria Bennion: Very young,

especially compared with other countries

517

where often the starting age is six

518

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and I think for

most kids, they don't wanna sit at,

519

at a desk and shut up and be still.

520

there's far more ways of doing

things now, and the world's moved on

521

as well, and I think the education

system really needs to catch up

522

Victoria Bennion: It really does

523

Natalie Tealdi: But anyway

524

Victoria Bennion: Okay,

that's good actually.

525

So shall we just wrap it up?

526

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think so.

527

Yeah

528

Victoria Bennion: we'd wrap it up.

529

Oh, before we wrap up.

530

so just before we end, this episode,

do remember yourself in all of this

531

as well, because we've touched on

it a little bit, but this is such

532

a stressful thing to go through.

533

It's hard for the children, but it's

also hard for the parents and the carers

534

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely.

535

I mean, I found myself on the

verge of tears this morning, and

536

I thought, "This is ridiculous."

537

You know, it's, it's some nerves.

538

She had … My child had some

trouble going in, and but f- it

539

brought back all the memories.

540

You know, it was the same place that I was

there with my eldest who really struggled.

541

So, you know, I had to really sort of

talk myself around, you know, and give

542

myself a little bit of grace because

it is difficult when you're going th-

543

when you've been through it before and

you're possibly going through it again.

544

Don't know if you are or

not, but, you know, just give

545

yourself some time and space

546

Victoria Bennion: It can

really feel that like the…

547

It can really, oh my God, it

can really feel like the longest

548

few weeks at the beginning.

549

And I think you have to remember that you

can't pour from an empty cup, as they say.

550

So your cup is probably really

emptying fast if you're listening to

551

this episode and going through this.

552

So it's really important to take some

time for yourself and as you said,

553

give yourself a bit of grace right now.

554

Natalie Tealdi: Oh.

555

mm.

556

Victoria Bennion: Yeah.

557

Yeah, it can be helpful

to talk to other parents.

558

You'll likely see them in the playground

559

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

560

Yeah, you, you will get to know the

other parents whose children are

561

also struggling, and it can be really

helpful just to connect with them

562

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, so if you're

going through all of this right

563

now, try to be kind to yourself

564

Natalie Tealdi: And just remember,

you know your child better than

565

anyone, so just trust what you're

seeing and trust your judgment