Today, we're diving into the delightful chaos of holiday traditions and how they can sometimes clash with our sanity! We’re here to chat about how to keep the joy in your festivities while not losing your marbles in the process. It’s all about finding that sweet spot between keeping the family traditions alive and making sure you don’t end up a frazzled mess. Seriously, who needs all that pressure? We’ll be sharing our own hilarious mishaps and the gold nuggets of wisdom we’ve picked up along the way, like how a Costco birthday bash can be the highlight of your year without breaking the bank or your spirit! So grab your favorite snack, kick back, and let’s figure out how to enjoy the holidays without the stress – because you deserve it!

Takeaways:

• Navigating holiday traditions can be a wild ride, so let's keep our sanity intact!
• Balancing traditions with sanity means prioritizing what really matters to our families.
• Remember, it's all about the experience, not the extravagant details—we're not hosting the Oscars!
• Letting go of guilt about holiday traditions can be liberating; it’s okay to simplify!
• Traditions should be fun, not a chore; embrace low-key celebrations that bring joy!
• Don't forget to check in with your sanity during the holidays; even a five-minute break can do wonders!

Foreign. Hello, friends.

I'm Taylor.

And I'm Brittany. And together with two sisters who are here to help you learn some tips and tricks to help navigate this crazy journey called life.

You bring the perspective of a licensed mental health counselor and ex. And. And a mother. I'm a mother now. We need to change.

You're not expecting. Yeah.

It's your turn.

Oh. When you combine us as scissors, we like to consider ourselves as quite the dynamic duo. So join us for as we talk about all life has to offer.

So we're excited. We're on episode two of our mini series for making it through the holidays. Yeah. So recap. Last week we talked about the invisible holiday load.

So if you missed that, go back, listen to first episode for this miniseries.

Talked about unspoken expectations. How do you identify what you're feeling and then how to know when you're in your burnout or overwhelmed? Yeah.

And just kind of a reminder that it's normal. What you're feeling is normal. Yeah. So today we're going to kind of talk about traditions versus your sanity.

Oh, girl. This is, this is jams.

Yes. I like. Yeah, we'll dive into this. I have like, I have a yearly thing that I do with this too. Like that's we'll talk about in a sec.

But yeah, I think it's interesting though because my, my husband was so funny. So I have a sister in law, loves to throw these huge parties and when I say huge, like they are legit, you know, like super legit big parties.

And he was there for. I think her daughter's four. I think it was four her fourth birthday. And it was, it was amazing. Beautiful. Huge. Right?

So my husband calls me, he's like, Taylor, I could see you doing something like this, but not, not like quite the same, but like something like this. Later I see pictures on Instagram of this party and it was amazing. It was beautiful.

And I was like, yeah, Mads, I. I don't think I did that much medicine. It was just like whoa. Right. And it was so amazing.

But at the same time I was like, he says I'm extra, but I'm kind of that like I told him, I was like, I'm the dumbed down extra. Where I love to do things that are like fun and up there, but it's not quite all the way up. Yeah. Like I'm not quite at the highest level.

I'm like in the middle, you know, And I think that's where it's funny because I've even had to be like, okay, what's actually reality? What is actually not reality? And I think that's helped me balance a little bit more in the middle. Because, like, my daughter's first birthday, I.

Don'T think I went to give her for her first birthday. And I'm like, I need to keep this real.

Actually, I don't think I told you I'm giving her yet, but I bought a Trader Joe's Pop Tarts, and I'm crocheting her a pop Tart because she loves to eat.

This sounds about right. And that's. But that's where. That's where I think this balance of traditions versus sanity. Like, what's the expectations of the event?

Because I would love to do a huge first birthday.

Oh, yeah.

She doesn't care.

Who am I gonna.

What friends does she have? She has her baby friend Jane, who is too much younger than her, and they both spit bubbles at each other.

Like, okay, but like, let's fast forward to your other son's birthday for the two year old birthday party. Best birthday party ever. And, like, the most low key, like, talking about traditions versus sanity. I'll just tell this from auntie perspective.

Banks loves Costco.

He loves Costco. Did I tell you what he did to me today? I was taking home our sitter from the morning, and we were going past the turf at Costco. Go, go, Costco. Go.

I was like, banks, we need to go get our coats because we're. We're literally a minute and a half away from Costco. So I had to go home, get our coats. I was like, what do we need at Costco? He's like, go, Costco.

I'll go, Castle. So, like, he was adamant we go to Costco. So I'm like, fine. I guess we could walk around Costco for a bit. Like, our daily walk.

It's raining, so it's in Costco. He was extremely happy. He sat in the basket with my daughter. Sample, sample, sample. We needed nothing. We just went to Costco yesterday. Nothing.

And he was like, costco. So we did that.

Like, so, like, Bank's birthday, when his birthday comes around, Taylor's like, I'm gonna do a Costco birthday party. She brainstormed all these fun ideas for Costco. At the end of the day, most brilliant thing in the world.

She just took Banks and his two baby besties, and there's videos of them just running up and down Costco aisles looking for samples. And then didn't they get a hot dog at the food court?

They. They did cupcakes in the food court before. So I bought Costco cupcakes. They.

They sat there their cupcakes because they figured they could wear off the sugar after. So then they went around and I had chat GPT pull up some things they could look up for a scavenger. It says like banks where the cookies.

And he would go run. And you're like, mama cookies. So the fact that we let all of our toddlers for the first time out of their cart, they thought it.

Was the best thing in the world. Yeah, Ever.

And I have this video that they're just like this little pack running. Like, my parents were there to help watch the baby girls because me and my friend have baby girls and then the other ones are pregnant. So like, they.

It's just, you know, just two baby girls involved. That was it. So they were in the back with that. And I feel Bank's heart at the end and it's just so happy.

And he was like, mama, samples, mama, let's go. Like, he was so happy. It was the funniest birthday I could have done.

Yeah, but so, like, going back to traditions versus sanity, how much did that take out of you for your sanity?

It was nothing.

It was nothing. It cost you like $10 for cupcakes. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was literally. And I was over here thinking, this is going to be the lamest thing ever. And I even told.

I was like, Matson, I debated it, but like, I. I really knew my son would love this, like, and his friends, right? So I was like, yeah, like, do, do we do this? Do we not? Like, and we ended up doing it because my friend, she's like, that would be amazing.

Like, please do this. So we did it and it was like the best thing. It was done. Like, it was amazing.

We missed it because just these little guys just running down.

Yeah, so cute, so funny.

And I think that's where you gotta ask yourself, what's the actual value that I want from this experience versus what's the effort and is it gonna take it away?

And that's where, like, I have a friend who if we were to go on the scale, like, my sister in law is amazing, and up here I'm in the middle and my friend is like as low of effort as possible while also making it worth it. Right? And I love that attitude because sometimes she pulls me back in. She was the one that's like, do the Costco party, man.

Like, do the Costco party. I'm like, okay, let's do the Costco, you know, like, and it Was. And it was the best thing, but, like, having that balance of.

She's like, that's what he cares about, so why wouldn't we do that? And I'm like, you're right. Why wouldn't you. You're right. And she's like, I'm just gonna do whatever Costco. She's like, if.

If my kid doesn't care, then I'm not gonna bother. And I'm like, great attitude. That is a great attitude. Because they won't care about the little details. They care about the experience.

And I guarantee my son talked about that party for three months every time. Costco, right now. Go Costco. Like, and it.

And it just made it. But, like, I think that's a good example, too, of, like, letting go. Like, let go of that guilt and just be like, you know what?

Like, this is actually what is best for me and my family. And it's okay. It doesn't have to be a kid.

Yeah. Yeah.

You don't do it all because it's these unrealistic expectations you've put in your head.

Like, yeah, it's all right. Yeah. And I think that's. I think that's the cool thing of when you have other people in your life and you're talking to them about it. Like.

Like, that friend that encouraged me to just be like, this would be amazing. Why wouldn't we do this? You know? Like, yeah.

And that was the best response I could have gotten instead of like, well, I'm doing this party or I'm doing that. And she was just like, hello. That sounds like a bank's birthday. I'm like, yeah.

And that's a good friend, because I remember being by people when my kids were younger and being like, you have to do this and this and this. And, like, I remember one year spending I don't even know how many hours on this, like, pumpkin birthday party for Adeline. Do you remember that?

And I got a place of the pumpkin patch, and. And it was going to be spectacular. But then on that day, it was pouring down rain. One of the families or kids got sick.

The other one, she used it as, like, a consequence so, like, her kids couldn't come because they didn't do whatever they were supposed to do. And I was like, you got to be kidding me. So there was, like, three kids there.

Like, I was so about that.

But I think that was a realistic thing for me where it was like, okay. Like, it doesn't always happen. It wasn't worth it. I kept the tradition. I Kept the expectation.

I did all these things, but, like, my sanity was fried for nothing. Like. And all Adeline remembers is falling in the mud in her leggings.

Like, she doesn't remember all the hours and hours and hours of this birthday party.

And I think that's what it comes down to is what's the value or the moral that I want and what is what's worth it? And not so, like, we were going through all these traditional ideas, and I literally made a list for Christmas.

I was like, hey, Matson, do we like this one? Do we like this one? Like, what do we think? And each one, I had to go back and be like, well, what is the bonding thing?

Or, what is a memory I want my child to have? You know? And that's where it's like, we really started cutting it down. Because some of them, I'm like, I don't think they'll care.

Like, I don't know if they'll really. Like, it sounds like a lot of effort for nothing versus some of these.

It's like, that's me, like, and that's where I think you got to start looking at what's the value here and what are you trying to build?

Yeah. And we find ourselves, like, James and I are in this interesting crossroad of the first holiday season together as a family, right?

And so we're like, what?

You gotta converge.

We're converging. And so it's really having us go through and be like, okay, like, you have your whatever, 10 traditions, and I have my 10 traditions.

We can't do 20 traditions. So we're like, what matters, right?

Like, and I'm just picking a number here, but I'm like, okay, I really like to watch Christmas movies with my kids and get Christmas snacks at Trader Joe's. I'd like to do that a couple times. And he's like, great. You know?

And, like, for him, we'd mentioned in the last episode, his daughter was like, I really want popcorn on Christmas Day. Great. Like, it's like picking these little things, and we're like, how can we do this?

And then more importantly, like, what are we trying to build here? It's less about, like, it's less about the actual activity and more about the intent behind it. And we're really having to be intentional about this.

And it's less about what others are doing. And I think that's the key, like, the birthday party thing, right? Like, it's less about what others are doing and more about, like, what do.

What do I want to do. And how do I want that to be portrayed to my kids? Like, I think having a movie night with friends and like, treats in a movie night is super fun.

And it's low effort for me, especially with the friends that we have. Right. So it's like, yeah, let your kid run around, play toys. Here's some treats. Here's the show. Like, you know. Exactly.

Yeah.

Versus others. That may be more intense, but that's where, like, you can take some of these core ideas that you see.

Like, I've seen these epic movie nights on Instagram reels and stuff, and it's.

Like, oh, yeah, it's not okay.

That's. That's great if that's.

But I know, like, realistically, my little guy is gonna sit there for five minutes and eat a ton of sugar and then run around for the rest of the night. That's not realistic versus, like, what's gonna be good for my kid. And that's where realistic expectations versus not realistic.

And then trying to do it all or not trying to do it all, like, what's gonna actually be good.

Yeah.

And then I like doing. Sorry, go ahead.

No, go ahead. You're good.

I like the idea of doing an audit. Like, me and Matson literally named what we were thought was valuable or important.

There was somewhere I thought, like, I love the idea of Cookie Hooky Day, where like, the kids take an idea or a day off of school and we bake and. And like, have a cookie. Cookie, Cookie. So cute. I just saw it this year, so I was like, well, I love Cookie Hooky.

He's like, well, they aren't really at that age. And I don't know if I really care about that. I was like, I care about that. Cause I love baking.

So certain things where it's like, but that matters to me and it may not matter to him, and that's okay too. But audit and say, like, this is what it like, shows or what it gives our family versus takes away. If it's taken away, it's not serving you at all.

Yeah.

And this is actually earlier at the beginning of this episode, I was like, oh, I love this concept because, like, so in the education model I do with my kids, one of the things that is like in this, like, parent training and all this is to do a six month inventory. And so it's accompanied by.

So it's a six month inventory where you go through everything that's taking your time as a parent or your family's time, or detracting from your Relationships and saying like, yes, this is a value. No, this isn't. Yes, this is a value. No.

And it's been really helpful for me as a mom to be like, hey, like we're actually giving 90% of our attention to one kid and not enough to the other or whatever. Right. And to be like, how can I rebuild this? And so I think if we apply.

That to the holidays like you said.

Or an inventory I even printed out, I can post it later. But like, I printed out a little sheet.

As we're blending families, it's been really important for like the eight, you know, James, eight year old daughter to feel like she's keeping traditions. And so we're like, write the ones that are important to you on this piece of paper.

And so I had this little like, with like gingerbread men or whatever right on there. And I'm like, you know, like, it's. So it's her little Christmas tradition list.

But I think it's good, it's good for all of us to do that, not just for April, you know, to be like, oh yeah, what, what do we actually care about? Like, and you can do that in fun ways too. Like, so I remember with my kids in the past doing like a kind of like a Christmas bucket list.

Like, we do it at the summertime, we do it at the Christmas time.

Or we'd have like a Christmas movie bucket list and be like, we want to make sure that we get these 10 movies watched by Christmas day or whatever it is. And they would look forward to it. It would build relationships. It was a pro social behavior. And I think that was really important.

I think the key though is make sure that they're realistic. Right? Like, exactly. Because. Because sometimes there's unrealistic expectations.

Well, I want to go to this party and I want to do this and I want to do this. And it's like, we can't do all that time of the day, kid. Like, we just don't. I don't have enough sanity to do all of that. Right. And that's where.

Yeah, just, just remember that part of. And there shouldn't be. This is cement to edify, not to hurt. So there should be no guilt or shame. Shame is a deeper version of guilt. Right?

Guilt is that initial, like, oh, darn it, I did something wrong. Most of us take it to shame. Whereas, like, I'm a bad mom, I'm a bad parent, I'm not serving my family, I'm not providing anything.

Like, that's doing us no good. And it's also ruining the situation altogether. Saying no isn't what's ruined it.

It's you shaming yourself and then projecting that onto other and your guilt onto others that's causing the issue. Just accept it, own it, move on and do a different thing. It's okay.

Yeah, it's okay.

But we can't, we can't just leave it.

We have to like keep beating ourselves up over and over and it's like, why are we still beating ourselves up or something that like, just doesn't make sense, you know?

Yeah.

So Taylor, like, as people are working on this, like in prioritizing what they value the most, like, I'm sure some mistakes are going to still be made right. Like always need to learn coping skills. It's normal for all of us to feel overstimulated by things.

Like, what are some tips if as people are learning to like navigate this. This transition, I guess into a new way of thinking again for the holiday season.

Like how to calm down or like what kind of tips?

Yeah, I guess like just quit coping tools.

Like what? Like.

Yeah, I mean, I think as you're trying to deal some of these traditions you just can't not do right and like, they're still going to add stress and it's not for your sanity. And that's a different thing.

Thanksgiving dinner is like, it just kind of sucks. Let's be honest. Like you're in the kitchen for a bajillion hours. But like, it is what it is.

Like flying Thanksgiving weekend. Not fun. We're doing it. Not fun.

I mean, kids exchange on Thanksgiving Day or whatever.

Like not fun. Not fun. But it is what it is.

Like it's.

It is, it's a part of your journey. So like that's where if you can take a break or take a step back even like while you're cooking.

If I love to like distract myself while I'm having to do a very difficult task. So like we flew our kids around the world this year a lot, literally.

And I quickly learned with my husband that we have to have headphones and listen to something. We are not actually watching the show. We are just having a show on because there's a. There's a trick behind.

I have another sensory input besides kids screaming at me and asking for something over and over and over again.

Hot Chucky's head. Chuckiest.

So I have a very high value of taking a break or having some other sensory input besides the thing that's overstimming me and over hurting me. Right. So I ha. I Can kind of escape into that when it's like. So we would literally, like, I would. I was like, matt's.

And this is mandatory because at first he's. He's an overstimulated person easier than I am because I had the adhd. And he's like, no. And I'm like, no, this will help you. And it totally.

It totally changed his ability to handle the flights. And that's where it's been interesting of like, when you're in a high stressful point, that can be a really good one.

Put music on, put a show on, put a podcast on something to just help you have an escapism from the task that you're at. Right. Then as long as it's like kind of hand in hand. Right. Another thing could just be literally taking a break. Go set a timer.

Five minutes, A lot of sync. We don't have time. Hey, guess what? You actually don't have time for that mental breakdown. It's going to come either way.

So, like, maybe schedule it instead of like just waiting for it to come at the worst time, which a lot of us don't think about. We're just like, I'm too busy, I'm too busy. It's like, you're gonna break down either way. Yeah, let's plan it.

Me, like, I know, like, if I take a break, it's even more powerful if I take a break and like change temperature.

So.

So, like it's a. If it's cold outside, which it is right now, go take a quick walk around the block.

And I come back way happier in that five minute break than I would have just been pulling my hair out in the kitchen.

Yeah. So there are some, like, basic physical temperature change or some basic, like, physical tips that you can do. Like a temperature change.

If you're in the kitchen cooking, open a window, easy. Turn on a fan, easy. Right. Stick your head in the freezer for a second.

Not all the way in, but like open the freezer and like, and cool off for a second. Splash cold water on you. Take an ice cube and put it on your face and like kind of let it go. Um, all of that can work.

Another thing too is if you have sour things.

So studies show because of how the nervous system works, if you put something sour in your mouth, attention is going to go from your fight or flight system to trying to handle that because it's kind of like a shock to your system. So it's going to reset it and it's going to help your body kind of Calm down from the fight or flight that it was in from all the stress.

Um, drinking something cold, again, you're inputting something down your esophagus is just then going to spread out. Like it's going to make your, your muscles kind of relax a little bit. You're also inputting something in there. Warmth can do the same.

Usually cold seems to shock a little better than warm, but yeah, each person's different. Pressure can help too. Like, if you're really stressed, then lay on your stomach or like cross your arms across your chest, kind of push on it.

And that can help too. Deep breaths always work.

Deep breaths seems to, like, stress people out, though, especially since they know, like, I do this when I'm stressed or I do this when I'm overwhelmed. So it's almost like a. Yeah, like, physiologically it is the number one way to calm yourself down mentally.

I feel like people say, like, when they do a deep breath, it's gonna make it worse, which seems like it does for a lot of people. So you can always just hold your breath and let it go and do that five times in a row.

Okay, I haven't tried that.

Yeah, just hold your breath. Count to 10. Banks were working on dragon breaths a lot. He doesn't like it. So then we're doing blow competitions.

We'll take like a piece of paper or a tissue paper, paper towel, whatever we have, and we'll be like, I blow this farther than you. And he blows. And he. He thinks that's so funny. Or we blow bubbles in his water.

Yeah, I think Anson used to, like, pretend he was getting like a bubble, like putting a bubble in his mouth, and then he would, like, and like put it in and like hold it and it would look for him for a little bit. Or was it Adeline? One of my two did that.

I feel like that was for Adeline because, like, for little to get them to engage in something so visual. Is it gonna work? Like, dude, my two year old need something that's like right in front of his face.

Yeah, true. So that might be. So it's probably because if I say.

Drag dragon breath, he's not gonna do it. Versus if I'm like, blow, blow this for me.

Yeah. Then he'll do it.

Blow Sissy's hair, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think that was a little older. Yeah.

Yeah. Especially I think it's funny or a game or something like that. That helps. And the last thing.

Yeah, the last thing that I do too is on my phone is a Picture of my kids always. So when I'm overwhelmed with the stress point or something that I'm like, this is really hard, like, work or something like that.

My background is always that. So I can go back and remind myself, like, this is why I do what I do, or this is what I'm working for.

Right.

So during the holidays, when you're really overwhelmed and overstimulated, like, have your reminder of what your value is and why you're doing what you're doing, because it's really easy to get lost in that oversight of all these things are happening, and you lose track of, this is what I'm doing, what I'm doing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Remember your. Why? That's always super important.

Yeah. Bring that to the front, and then it's a little easier to handle. Yeah.

All right. I think.

I think this is a good reminder, though, like, to remind everybody that, like, we are in charge of that we can choose what traditions we keep and what our family values. It doesn't have to be what everybody else does. We don't have to just do it.

To check a box. Yeah.

Is it.

If it doesn't serve you, it's hurting you. That's what I tell everybody.

Yeah. That's a good reminder.

Yeah. If it's not serving you, it's hurting. So what's the point?

Yeah. And nobody wants that.

So nobody wants that.

All right, well, if anybody has any questions or anything like that, feel free to message us.

And we're happy to, like, see if there's more resources that we need to put out there to help people kind of understand this idea a little bit more, too, or just an application. If there's something more where you're like, hey, like, any other coping ideas for this, like, feel free to message us. Let us know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And, like, there's always ways to tweak traditions to make them actually serve you. Right.

So if you have something that you love and you're like, it's not quite working for me, get out of the, like, outside your box and figure out how you can actually make it work for you in a different way, because everything can work for you. It's just identifying that. So. Yeah. So identify what's keeping you sane. Let go of the guilt and the shame. It's not serving anybody.

It's just hurting you more. Next week, we're going to talk about mental load in relationships. So whoever you're with and who's actually running Christmas.

Okay, thank you, guys.

All right, bye.