Today, we’re diving headfirst into the fabulous world of therapy, and trust me, it’s not as scary as it sounds! We’re all about breaking those pesky myths that say you need to be in crisis to seek help—spoiler alert: you don’t! I mean, who wouldn’t want a wise best friend to help them navigate life’s rollercoaster? We’ll dish out some juicy tips and tricks on how to find a therapist who really vibes with you and what to expect when you finally sit down for that first session. So grab a cozy blanket, maybe a snack (or three), and let’s unravel the mysteries of therapy together—because you deserve to feel your best, and we’re here to help you do just that!

Takeaways:

• Therapy isn't just for crisis situations; everyone can benefit from a little guidance and support in their lives.
• Navigating the world of therapy can feel like dating; finding the right therapist is all about fit and connection.
• It's totally okay to not know why you're seeking therapy; sometimes just showing up is the first step on your journey.
• Therapists are not there to judge you but to help you unpack your experiences and emotions in a safe space.
• Expect the unexpected in therapy; every session is a new adventure with unique challenges and breakthroughs!
• Remember, it's all about progress over perfection; therapy is a journey, not a race!

Foreign.

Hello, friends.

I'm Taylor.

And I'm Brittany.

Together we're two sisters here to help you learn some tips and tricks in how to navigate this crazy journey called life.

We bring you the perspective of a licensed mental health counselor, AKA therapist, and a new mother.

And a slightly eccentric mom of two.

When you combine us as sisters, we like to consider ourselves as quite the dynamic duo.

So join us as we talk about all life has to offer.

Hi, friends.

Hi.

We're excited.

It's been a minute.

Like, I know we're back in it.

Yeah.

Like, what was.

Was it before Christmas?

I think we were kind of on a roll.

And then we are just getting back into it.

I feel like we should do seasons, but, you know, maybe we can convince our.

What is he, a producer?

Pain in the butt?

What do we call it?

Yeah, I was like, meerkat.

I don't know what he is.

Anyways, we're back, though, and I am excited about today's subject because I feel like it's one.

I get asked a lot from a lot of different people.

Yes.

And this will be great if you're new here, if you're new to therapy, if you've been here for a while and you're like, how do I go to therapy?

Like, we've convinced you that therapists are actually not scary people.

This is a good one for you.

Yes, this is.

It's fascinating because when you are a therapist, you get asked all the time, like, what is actually your job?

And you know, like, I tell everybody it's a weird job.

Like, I. I have a weird job.

I know I have a weird job.

It is unique.

It is very different.

And like, trying to explain it to my little kids, two and one year old, you know, my son knows it as, mommy, go help people.

So every day, like, he doesn't say, mommy, don't go to work.

He said, mommy, don't go help people stay home.

But I think that's like such a cool way of.

Like, this job is so eclectic in this field is so wide and it's so different in so many different ways that, yeah, it's.

That's one part of many.

So today we're covering lots of it.

Yeah.

Okay, let's dive into it.

I guess so.

I guess the first thing is.

So, Taylor, when people ask you, like, have you ever thought about therapy but didn't know exactly what happens in a session?

Like, what is that?

How does that feel?

Like, how do we want to answer that for people?

I feel like a lot of people first off think that they're gonna get judged or they, they don't know what to say, or they're not in crisis.

I get this one a lot.

I'm not bad enough for it.

And I'm like, you know what?

I actually think, like, all of us should be in therapy.

I think all of us, when you're born, should come out and be like, here's your person to go get wisdom from.

Which if you look, this is fascinating because I've been talking about this with a lot of clients lately and it's evolutionary psychology based, but like, if you look at how societies and tribes were built and how we, like ancient times, we always elected a wise leader, right?

Because there's something history but, but idea.

Ideologically likes to have a wise leader.

Like, but they come with age, they come with wisdom, they come with honor, right?

And like, they are the people that you seek out.

Like any story with like heroes and stuff.

Like there's always that like oracle or person you seek out that can kind of guide you and give you feedback and wisdom.

So this concept isn't anything new.

It's ancient.

It, it comes back from like old, old BC times, right?

Like, so it's like every part of the world too.

Like if you look at like Hawaiian history, if you look at Mayan history, if you look at ancient Egyptians, like we were recently in Belize at the Mayan ruins, right?

And they built their temples to look up to the speaker who knew everything for them.

It was their leader, it was their tribal leader, it was their, you know, wise men.

And, and that's where they would all, everything was focused around how do we look up to this person and how.

Do we seek advice or wisdom outside of ourselves.

Like you see that and so many stories and so many like, like pathways.

Like I, I love thinking about the history of it because you can see it, it's rampant everywhere.

Even like kings had advisors and pharaohs had advisors.

And like people have other people to seek out their wisdom, their knowledge and their guidance, and that's what's led to great civilizations being created.

Caesar had people, you know, I mean, he was a little crazy, but like you know, just, just all of these iconic.

No, but like all of these iconic figures that we know about had advisors, had people that they were seeking out information and other things from.

And I think that's the thing that we're forgetting in today's society, especially in America, in an individualistic.

Right, you look at like collectivist cultures, which I use this term a lot.

If you don't know what those are is we're talking about.

Individualistic is based on your own wisdom, your own resources.

You.

You go very independent, singular.

Right.

Collectivist is where you're using a group and your tribe mentality, where you're using the resources of your tribe and using your people.

So in America, we are very individualized.

We are very much based off of what do you have to offer and how can you make it for yourself versus if you look at, like, we are half Mexican, right.

So you look at like, our culture of being Latin, and that's a very, like, how can we support and help each other?

Like, you know, your babies and my babies call each other Auntie B and like, and mommy Auntie Sister for me, you know, like, it's just like a second mom.

Like, nano.

Our.

Our mom is literally another mother to our kids.

Oh, she was helping my daughter write a paper today.

Like, it was.

Yeah.

My son is telling me all day, like, Banks has all day been like, why we need to be there there in Hawaii right now.

And he's always just like, we need to be Hawaii.

He said it to me times, not just because it's Hawaii, but because he expects, like, I am with these people.

And that's where it's like, we are collectivist culture, and that's what we come from historically.

And over time, our.

Our history has kind of taken that away from us.

So then having a person that we seek guidance and counsel from isn't as advertised in America, which is what makes this idea of, do.

Do I need to go to another person to seek out advice or wisdom from.

It's not a bad thing.

It's actually been there to build these great nations, but we have taken away from ourselves.

And now people think, I only need that if I'm in super crises.

I only need that if I have something wrong with me.

I get that all the time.

Teens come is like, I don't have anything wrong with me.

No, honey, you're not broken.

You just need a wise best friend.

That's.

That's it.

That actually has a real improvement.

Yeah.

Your level.

And that's what I think we're talking about today is, is how do you find a wise best friend?

Yeah.

And I think the other thing, too is, like, for the people that think they don't need a therapist because they're not in crisis mode or, you know, well, I don't have a mental health disorder or I haven't gone through a divorce or whatever thing they might think triggers something large enough for therapy is no, you're learning these skills to just become a better human.

And I think by learning the skills in therapy, it makes you more empathetic and helps you, like, make connections with more human, which is super important.

I think it's super cool.

And it.

This honestly doesn't happen a ton, which I. I kind of am sad about for our society.

When I have a person that comes is like, I just want to grow.

I'm like, wait, what?

Like, like nothing crazy is going on.

Like, I just.

I just want to grow and figure out how I can be the best version of myself.

And I'm like, you are truly here just for that.

Like, there's that Maslow's hierarchy of need, and you are literally here just to reach that.

What's the top.

The, the self realization, I think is what it's called.

I think it's self realization.

Something like, let's see.

It's the top one.

Yeah.

So I was like, I need to look this up now because I'm a self actualization.

That's it.

Yeah, there it is.

Yeah.

And then self actualization.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And some of those people.

And I'm like, that is so cool.

Like, you're just actually seeking out a resource that you feel like is going to help you with your self actualization.

Yeah.

How cool is that?

Like, to have that foundation too, where you can get to that point.

Yeah.

Getting in the door, though.

Yeah, yeah.

When there's just.

There's so, I mean, I think we'll probably talk about this later, but there's just so much stigma still in our culture, especially for males to go to therapy.

Like, and there doesn't need to be this stigma.

It's definitely generational.

I think we've talked about that before with like, baby boomers and like, the need to like, strong and look as like, the people that are always just like, I'm strong, I'm tough, I'm in charge, like, highly capable.

And then like, it's okay.

You don't need to wait for a crisis.

Like, therapy doesn't mean you're soft.

It doesn't mean all these.

Whatever, you're a snowflake or whatever the stupid things people say.

Like, yeah, I mean, there.

I've heard so many different versions of this of, like, why do I need therapy?

And it's.

It's never a shock.

It's more of a sadness that we feel like this is a luxury instead of a requirement.

Because back, like I was saying back when the civilizations were being built, we did not think it Was a luxury to have a wise leader.

We did not think it was a luxury to go seek out support from our tribe in our community.

It was vital to survival.

Like, it was literally like, hey, this guy is really good at hunting.

I'm gonna go ask him how to do it.

This guy's really good at gathering.

This lady knows how to make these clothes really good.

Like, we would seek out that information because it was life or death.

Why have we gotten away from that?

Like, we still have life or death situations.

We still have hard things.

Like, why aren't we seeking out the people that have specialized in it?

Like, I used to tell people while I was going to school, I am sacrificing my life and my eight years of life to get this education so that other people don't have to go spend eight years of their life to get what I know.

And then now I have to go do.

Continue education on top of it.

So I have decided to dedicate my specialty to this so that other people don't have to and they can go specialize in something else.

So come ask me.

Like, I love when people come ask me, because I'm like, that's why I did it.

I did it so that you didn't have to go do it.

What did you specialize in?

Do I want what you specialize in?

Because I couldn't specialize in that when I was specializing in this.

And I think that's what we're all forgetting is we all play a role, use it.

And I think that kind of leads us to the next thought that we wanted to do is just kind of questions about, like, when you meet your therapist, like, why did they become a therapist?

Like, what do people misunderstand about therapists?

But I think one of those things, like you just said, are therapists are going to be people who care.

They're going to be empathetic.

They're going to be people who have literally dedicated their life and their time to helping others.

Like, it's not one of those fields that's like, oh, my gosh, this makes so much money, and it's so easy.

Like, it's a no.

I really want to help heal people from the inside out.

And I think that that's.

Most therapists are going to be very.

Just empathetic.

And we chose this job not for money.

Yeah, yeah.

And people, it's.

It's always interesting because people like, well, I'm paying you to care.

And it's like, okay, hold up.

Like, you have to pay me because I'm giving time and resources and I have to live because that's a society that we have, right?

Like, that is literally.

I would give you my time, but like, guys, I gotta pay for my kids formula.

I gotta pay for like a house.

Like, you know, I got.

I gotta pay for.

Come on.

Yeah, do a pass right now is really what.

Go see monkeys on fly days.

Monkey on Fridays.

Yeah, that's my two year old.

But that's where like, no, I actually entered this job.

I guarantee you I should get paid a lot more for some of these sessions.

And I don't.

And just the emotional drain.

Yeah, the emotional drain that as an outside cider, like, here to support Taylor, like some weeks after therapy.

It's not that she's there because, oh my gosh, this is so fun.

It's a genuinely.

Like, she is giving from herself.

Like her cup is empty and she's trying to give to other people still.

And that's not just Taylor.

That's therapist, like talking about the burnout.

Like, you guys had to talk about that in college to prepare yourself to not become burned out by carrying everybody else's burdens.

Like, I have somebody I know is applying to grad school right now, and they've been.

I have a few of them, right?

And they come to me and ask me things.

And one of them was like, what should I ask for interviews?

And I was like, ask what support they give you when you get burned out and what skills are teaching you and how they model it for you.

And it was interesting because I was.

And I even like responded back to this person.

I was like, I never would have asked that question at your stage.

Because in my head I was like, I had the stamina for this.

I can do this.

Like, it's fine.

Everybody says you burn out.

Yeah, I've been in this field now.

So I've been practicing eight years.

I've been in this field for over 10, which is crazy.

Those words are coming out of my face.

But I've been literally in this field.

My practice started eight years ago.

That's insane.

That's crazy.

Isn't that crazy?

Since day one.

I know, I know.

Made your first door sign insane.

So 8 years ago I started this.

And it's, it's.

It's a very humbling thing to think about of.

It does burn you out, and there's no possible way that it will not.

And the collateral damage from this job is higher than you can even imagine.

And like, after having kids and some of the stories I've heard It's affected me more than I would ever like to admit.

Like some of the things that you hear and deal with and the hardships, you know, like sometimes I come home and my 2 year old is, mommy, you good?

And I have to be like, mommy sad.

And he'll be like, mommy not okay.

And mommy's okay, but mommy's sad.

And like, that affects my kid, right?

Or like, it's just so heavy that.

You have to do.

Some of.

It's just too much, you know?

And that's where we don't do this job because we.

Because it's glamorous.

And I think that's an interesting thing too is some people are like, well, do you just like telling people to do, like, honestly, I don't get to really tell people what to do.

I get to sit here and listen and then help them clean up the pieces and be like, what are we gonna do?

How are we gonna do it?

You know, like, if you have a good therapist, they should not be sitting there telling you how to live your life.

They should be there to support and guide and that's.

And then we're just here to see the collateral damage.

But most of us aren't there to.

Like force people into anything.

Which is another misconception I feel like about therapists sometimes.

Like, I, I definitely have had a lot of people be like, your therapist made you do that or Taylor's telling you to do that.

And it's like, I have absolutely no control.

If I had that control, then my kids would be perfect.

Ray would never lay down and throw a tantrum carefully, like, you know, hours.

And I'll make my kids perfect.

I know.

It's like, if actually could do all that you wanted to do, I would like run countries now, bud.

Like, so I think that's a really big misunderstanding is that people think they're going to come in and get told exactly how to live their life or what they're going to do if you have a good therapist.

We were told that we are mentors and guides.

We are not giving you advice on what to do with your life.

We are simply reflecting back what you're feeling.

Yeah, well, it's just like on a contrast.

I think I sent this to you a couple of weeks ago on Instagram.

There was a stupid video and it was like me walking out of my therapist thinking maybe I really am the problem.

And she's like giving the middle finger and like peace out world, you know, like walking out and it's like, you can give your clients all of this, like, great advice and like, find inner peace or like, you know, maybe try to like reframe your dialogue with these other people.

But at the end of the day, it's up to the client.

Like, like we talked about with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, like, to really get to that top point, it has to be an internal thing.

Your therapist can't control that.

It's.

It's not a magic wand that fixes life.

We can control nothing.

Yeah, like you're a mentor, you guys, literally.

But yeah, we're here just to be basically a sounding board in a person that you get information from.

You know, like that's.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I'm sure it's exhausting when people come back.

It's kind of like a mom, right?

And they're like, oh, like, by the way, I relapsed again.

Or by the way, you know, I still am having a problem with this or I'm still self harming or whatever it might be.

Oh yeah, it.

It's definitely you.

You named it very well.

Being a mother has definitely.

I feel like being a therapist has helped me be a mother more because there's skill that I'm like, we worked on this and we're back here again.

Or like things like that with my little guys.

And I'm like, oh yeah, like, this is therapy again.

You know, like it's.

It doesn't have to be linear.

And you can see that.

Like so.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Interesting progression.

Another thing too is people are like meeting new therapists.

It's kind of figure out what type of clients that, that therapists work with.

So a lot of times people come in with different experiences.

Right.

Like Taylor, you've worked a lot with teen girls, but you've also worked a lot with like vets and like first responders.

And like, I'm a little eclectic.

Yeah.

And most therapists like to stay in their niche, which is fine.

You just have to figure out what that therapist is good at.

I'm a little eclectic because I think I have adhd.

Well, I know I have adhd.

I think that's the reason though, why I can fit a few different populations.

Because I went from like the variety.

Teenage boys.

I do like variety and I do well with it.

Right.

And it's.

Some of it too is like, do you do well with it versus other people really do like have, have their, their niche.

And like, you just have to know what their population is that they work with.

Mine is all over the board, which I think just Keeps me entertained, and I like it.

But there's certain problems.

Like, I don't take personality disorders.

I don't take, like, kids under.

Honestly, 12 now.

I don't.

I don't work with kids under 12 anymore or things like that.

So, like, just knowing I have.

But I don't do that anymore, you know, kind of thing, knowing, like, what their population is or what's their experience working with your population is huge.

Like, I love to do postpartum after being postpartum myself, but I think I need some more training before I can get into that field.

Right.

So, like, those kind of things, too, that have the training to actually meet your needs.

I was just gonna say it was like, autism training.

Like, you're going through that right now too.

Yeah, I'm doing autism.

More about how to help people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I actually have a.

In the last eight years of my practice, it's been filled with those clients.

So I. I have a very strong foundation already.

I felt like I wanted to solidify that even more.

So I'm going through the trainings to get certified for assessing for both of those now.

But, yeah, ADHD and autism.

But that's where you kind of have to ask people, because if they don't have a strong foundation in understanding or, like, working with those, then you.

Yeah.

You probably don't want to go there.

Well.

And it was kind of interesting, like, from my own personal experience, like James and I had when we first got married, we were, like, trying to find couples therapist.

Right.

Because we're, like, blending families.

It wasn't that it was necessarily crisis, but it's just, like, how do we navigate these things?

Right.

And the first therapist that we.

Yeah.

Just for just her support.

Right.

And so the first therapist that we went to, we had.

We had kind of done the initial interview, and we're like, okay, let's try it.

We were.

Had our little hesitancies, but then when we started meeting with this therapist, it was, you know, they specialized in polyamorous relationships, LGBTQ relationships, like, gender, like, different gender roles and all these different things.

And so we're like, this actually is not gonna be a great fit for our, like, monogamous marriage when we, you know, heterosexual marriage.

Like, that's not gonna work.

Like.

Nope.

And because their specialty, they were great, but their specialty was just something different than we were looking for.

And so that's the key.

It's not.

I tell people it's like, food type.

Sometimes you just like, what it.

Like, we both have a gluten issue.

Right.

So, like, I just.

I cannot go to a pizza joint.

Like, it will not work.

You take me to a pizza place and I will get extremely sick.

I have celiacs.

I will get super sick.

Don't take me to a pizza place, but, like, take me to Mexican, you know, like, other people would be like, yeah, great, but like, other people would be like, like pizza.

Like, it's kind of the same thing with therapists, right?

It's just different people, different personalities, different specialties.

You just kind of got to own what fits you and what doesn't fit ya.

Yeah.

And so what type of clients they work with?

Like, just kind of going with that baseline and.

Yeah, just figure that out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's talk about, like, kind of morphing into that, I guess.

Like, what happens before your first session of therapy?

Like, how should people choose a therapist?

Let's just kind of go through that whole process on what I feel like.

So, I mean, how we're taught to tell people to choose a therapist is research what they specialize in and kind of their background.

Like, we all have to deal with theoretical orientations or like, that's just a fancy term for saying, this is how we problem solve.

Right.

And this is how I think about the world.

There's actually a lot of different types.

So some people will like, vibe with how you think and other ones won't.

Right.

So I'm a nature versus nurture therapist.

I think that we have a predisposition, but then life really forms us and shapes us into who we are.

It's called systemic.

So when I look at a person, I go through and I dig through their attachment and their background and like, okay, who were they born to?

What was their socioeconomic background?

What was their schooling?

What was their exposure to some of these things in the world and like, how they understand it?

And like, that is how I problem solve.

Right.

But you take like an existential therapist and they would say, like, what is your view on life and how you exist and why you are here?

Right.

Versus like a narrative therapist.

We just say like, tell me your story.

And then they would let you tell them what is the issue?

Or like, why you're here, how you think you developed to here.

Right.

So tons of different.

There's tons of them.

Oh, yeah.

Different ways to like, go about it.

So kind of try and figure out first if you like it.

But honestly, most people won't know that question.

They tell us to tell you guys that.

I'm like, who's gonna know if they think it's nature versus nurture.

Or if it's like, this is what I think the problem is.

Or, you know, like.

Yeah, I think people are preferences on some things too.

Like you're going to therapy, you'll realize like, like a good example of this is like taking a child to a therapist that like, works with family systems or doesn't work with family systems.

Like, sometimes people will be okay with that and then others are like, actually, like, I didn't know what that was before, but now I really want to, like, how can I answer them?

Work for me.

Yeah, yeah, I want more of this style.

Yeah.

And your idea might change, right?

Like, you go and you're like, I really want someone who has a holistic approach.

Like, actually, I don't really like this.

I want someone who's going to be more director.

Like, yeah, just kind of figure it, feel it out for your person.

People really don't like somatic, you know, like, it's, it's.

Whatever it is.

But I think the, the advice I give people now when they're looking for a therapist is do they work with your population regularly?

Do they have a background in knowing it?

And then what's their licensure?

Yes.

So explain that because that is one thing that like, people will ask me, like, hey, what licensure should I look for?

And so it's like, how would you advise that?

Like, so level of schooling matters.

Type of schooling matters.

Right.

Like, each field is trained in different ways.

So social workers actually are trained to manage caseloads.

They're not trained to do like they.

They're kind of a split, but they do more paperwork and caseloads.

Their job usually as a social worker is meant to be more like CPS findings or dhs, depending on what state you live in.

They have two different names.

It's like, you know, just the.

Any like abuse allegations kind of thing or they're there to help assist people with finding resources for living or welfare, things like that.

Like, they're meant be.

Their programs are usually aimed more towards that.

Now some programs will split it and make sure there's a counseling component to it.

However, that's not their sole purpose.

Right.

Their sole purpose as a social worker is to emphasize you're a caseworker and you're there to help offer resources, community and find them spots for that.

So social workers totally can hold a therapy license in the state.

It will be a LSW though, and they're going to have slightly different training.

I've met some amazing though Therapists that have a social work license that are actually amazing.

So you just want to see when they did it, what track they were in.

Track meaning what program or what schooling side they went into.

Did you go into case management side or were you in the counseling side?

Does that make sense?

So that's the one where I always caution people.

Yeah, ginormous.

Right.

Like with me and my kids.

Like some of them in one route, some have been the other route.

And it's.

Yeah, it makes see the difference in skills because the amount of time spent on it.

Right.

School, like therapists and counselors are trained to do school therapy.

School therapy is meant to be more like IEP paperwork, like advocating for the kid in school.

They taught as much on counseling.

Right.

So in this state we're called lmhcs, which is a license.

Washington.

Sorry, Washington state in the United States.

So we're a licensed mental health counselor.

LMFTs are also licensed marriage family therapists.

They're very, very interchangeable to slightly different acronyms.

One just had a few more classes in family therapy and systems.

The other one is more mainstream therapy classes.

Right.

Like counseling classes, those are interchangeable.

Either one will get you a counselor.

Right.

Those are master levels.

In other states they can be called a licensed professional counselor.

Lpc.

So like just depends on the acronym of the state.

That's what people usually think when they think therapist is that baseline kind of thing.

Now a psychologist is a four year program that makes you heavily research.

So I, when I was doing these, I could get a psy D or psychologist degree.

One emphasizes more like clinical.

You still get the doctorate either way.

So it's four years of school, which I should have done four years of school because I already did three.

But whatever.

But it just, it just is basically saying like you were in school.

But those programs really emphasize creating content for people like me.

So they're researchers, they're going and saying like how many people in this state have anxiety?

Or like what adds to the anxiety or.

Yeah, they're at a doctorate level.

Right.

The psych psychologist.

So you can be a counselor from that or you can go into the research side.

Either one, they're just trained, more clinical and more from what it seems like at least how we were taught.

Psychologists are a lot more hospitalish.

Like they use a lot more clinical terms.

And usually the techniques they'll use aren't as creative or out there as some of the other ones they do like basic cbt, emdr.

Like they, they use very like insurance approved based things.

Because that's what those programs push more.

Because they're more doctorates style.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Versus like they're not going to do play therapy as much or some of them do.

But you know, like it's just.

This is very stereotyping, guys.

But this is the general themes of him.

Psychiatrists can give you meds and they are from the doctor school.

Like they have to go to med.

School to be a psych diagnosis.

And like we diagnose too, actually.

So I can diagnose anybody and it's accepted.

It's.

But they are like I can prescribe medication is the difference.

And they just don't give you as much time.

They're not there for talk therapy.

Their treatment is medication.

So psychologists and psychiatrists.

Psychiatrist gives you meds and their whole job is to give you medicine.

Psychologist is talking through things in therapy.

But it's going to be a little more clinical.

Right, okay, that's a good help then.

So it's all just like kind of shoved together.

So licensure wise, look for anybody that has an accreditation from KCREP school, that's C A R EP I think kcrep, meaning that they are just certified and they are like from a good organization.

School matters where you go, guys.

I was just gonna say like life coaches versus therapists.

There's also another.

Like life coaches aren't going to be certified therapists.

That's not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they're different levels.

Life coaches have a very different.

They don't have any rules to live by.

That's why they're coaches.

We have.

I have.

I am a part of the Washington State Health Department licensure.

So I have a lot of rules and a lot of monitoring to get this job.

It took me eight years to get this job with another three by a supervisor that was approved by the state that also went through training to be my supervisor.

Right.

And then from there I have to maintain a certain amount of continuing education credits and a certain amount of like making sure that I'm doing my job well and doing it right.

Yeah.

Life coaches can do whatever they want.

And the amount of training or what classes they take, where they got trained from is just all different.

So if you're looking for like ability to diagnose, ability to like bill insurance and get reimbursed and ability to be a credible approved by the like, you know, country saying they have been trained appropriately, look for a license.

That's why we have that.

Which makes a difference.

Yeah.

Um.

Okay.

So then the Next step, like, let's say once you found your therapist and you're like, okay, I want to give this person a shot.

So then the intake forms.

Intake forms are kind of intensive sometimes.

Like, there's a lot on those.

But why does that matter?

They matter because it's just like the doctor's office so that we can't get sued.

Intakes form.

Intake forms are telling you everything that is happening in therapy, right?

They tell you all the rules that we have to live by.

So that's another thing with the licenses.

I have to live by rules.

I cannot go and tell people what's happening in your life.

And like, if I see you out in public, it.

It's an interesting thing because I have to, To.

To really put my mind in like a. I don't know any information about this person unless they choose to reveal it to the group that I know something.

But even then, I cannot be the one to confirm or deny that I know what they know.

Like, so we live by these rules of high confidentiality, right?

And we live by these rules of, like, we do this and this.

So, like, whenever we're giving intake paperwork, all my paperwork is saying, like, one of them is informing them about the practice.

This is what you should expect from my practice.

Meaning, like, if you cancel, if you do this, if you do this, like, billing is this.

I have the right to not tell you when I release your records, when I'm subpoenaed by a court, or when you, like, file for insurance and they ask for anything from me, I can respond to them without having to confirm with you.

Right.

I cannot tell any information for anyone over 13 unless I have a release signed.

Like, the intake forms are basically saying 13 is specifically to the state.

Some other states have it too.

I think Oregon is as well.

Thirteen, I think so.

I was trained in Oregon, so I know slightly different, but, yeah, other states are a little different.

But I know those two laws because I was treating that state, but I.

Was just like, oh, wait, did you.

Actually know, though, that they're.

They're doing a compact law where we can start to go across state lines and treat people.

And other states have agreed to accept our licensure from those states.

I didn't.

So there's like 37 states that are.

Have passed the bill to have this passed.

Two of which, Arizona and Minnesota, have already activated theirs.

Washington has approved that they're going to do it.

They just have to act activated still.

So that's a huge progression for our country because resources, a ton of Resources.

Because think about some of these states that don't have any access or you move states and you're like.

But I still really like it.

My therapist knows all my history.

They know all my stuff.

Like and it's really hard to gain trust with the new person.

So that it's huge for us.

Huge anyways.

But again it's going to be certain licenses that can do this and be approved because.

Yeah.

So just.

Just a fun fact for you.

Anyways, intake forms are basically saying what your rights are, how you are covered and how you are protected.

That is the big thing from them is saying like these are all the things I live by.

These are all my rules that I have to maintain.

Here you go.

Yeah.

And then the other thing that you kind of touched on is like for payment and stuff.

Insurance versus private pay.

So not all therapists take insurance and that might feel really overwhelming for some people.

I am one of them.

Yeah.

And my daughter goes to one that also doesn't take insurance.

But some of like you can go and oh my God, it's super bill for insurance companies and you can get them on your own.

Yeah.

Yes.

So.

So insurance is an interesting game to play.

When we diagnose you, it gets stuck with you forever.

That's what people don't realize.

We have to diagnose you to get covered.

Insurance will then tell us.

You get this many sessions with us.

If you are in network with an insurance company to.

The compensation for us is usually lower than what we deserve or what our years are, what the training is.

Right.

But the biggest thing and the biggest reason why I was really about self pay especially at the beginning and especially now still because I looked into it this last summer and I still was like ethically I feel really not good about this is I cannot protect my client.

I can protect my client self pay.

I cannot protect them with insurance as much as the Internet.

Their information is out there a lot more.

Their diagnoses are out there a lot more.

All their charts, everything.

It just, it's I.

With the population that I work with mainly and there I just.

I.

My biggest goal is to make sure that you get help without having your life ruined and people know your business.

So yeah, self pay is it.

Clients depending on your plan can get reimbursed up to 70 without a network which is not bad providers.

So yeah, it's.

It's out of like a.

We're trying to guard you.

Yeah.

And it's not a bad thing.

Like we've had experiences.

Some therapists have Been on insurance that like, you know, that I've gone to or I've sent my kids to.

And it's not bad.

Yeah, private pay.

So it's just kind of get a feel for the clinic, get a feel for their policies because there's, there's pros and cons to that too.

So it's.

And it just honestly, financially, if you need help or feel like you want to go talk to somebody, figure out what you can handle too.

But yeah, figure out your sliding scale.

Like if they have a sliding scale too.

I have two pro bono spots, meaning that I really, really, really reduce my fee for those people.

Sometimes I flex between three or four because I realize self pay is ridiculous.

But yeah, I'm trying to guard my people.

So like we try and give back, but it's, it's that constant, like balance between, you know, taking care of people and all that.

And at the end of the day, like paying for someone that's going to be a really good fit for you out of pocket is worth every penny sometimes.

Because if it, if it works for you, if it's managing your mental health at a better level, like your quality of life will change.

So don't get hung up on it because I know some people that are like, I can't go to the therapist because they're private pay.

But if it feels like a good fit, I encourage you to try it.

If financially it's something you can handle because it makes a difference.

Usually, usually our, our level of skill and training is slightly different because we have not settled for something.

Meaning that we will then not settle to treat you.

Does that make sense?

Like, yeah, like Matson says this all the time, that the, at the prices that I am, he knows that I work harder to earn that, improve that, and make sure that I have all the resources and the training to actually validate the price that I charge.

Meaning it feels like you, you should probably charge more for how hard you work for your clients, which is not.

I'm not gonna do that.

But like, you know, like it's so, it's almost like because we have this ethic in us of we want to help people, we will go above and be beyond almost.

If you're using private pay, it does make a difference.

Like I have seen that on some of those and then I've gone to some other therapists that have been great that I've taken insurance.

So it's just find a good fit.

So I guess how do you know if someone is a good fit?

I think it's just kind of one of those things that you just know.

How do you know, like, that person if they're your friend?

Like, that's like, at the end of the day, that's the.

The biggest thing is do you feel like this person is my friend or.

I like them.

Yeah.

Are you comfortable talking to them?

Are you okay opening up like.

Like you going back to that couple's example earlier where, you know, we had gone to that couple's therapist and James and I both were like, this actually doesn't feel quite right.

And so it's okay.

And then you can be like, hey, we're gonna.

We're actually gonna try something different.

Thank you so much for the time you spent with us.

And that's okay.

Yep.

So.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, it shouldn't hurt the therapist feeling.

Right.

Like, if they're in it for this to actually help people, then.

Yeah, it's not.

It may, but that's also not your problem.

Like.

Yeah, that's their problem, what they need to work through.

So don't worry about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so let's go through kind of what it's like to go into a therapy session.

So inside of a session, you walk in, then what?

In my office, you walk in and Koa comes up to you and greets you.

That's my dog, my therapy dog.

So he's my receptionist.

So usually he'll run with me, give his little greetings, or he'll be standing on the couch saying hi.

And then I come out, I introduce myself, I introduce Koa, and then from there, we have to do our confidentiality.

So my spiel that I have to tell everybody is, everything is confidential between me and you.

Unless you're going to hurt yourself or somebody else, somebody that's elder, minor, disabled person is being sexually or physically abused.

And then I go over what that means.

If they're younger, I ask if they have any questions on that, then I am like, this is koa koa.

We are not liable for anything CoA does.

If you are not nice, CoA Co will disappear.

Any questions on that?

And then I go to.

I asked for 24 hour cancellation.

Otherwise you're charged in full for the session unless you give me notification.

Just don't forget about me.

Sickness is a different issue.

Right?

Yeah.

And then any questions about that?

And then I do not get involved in parental or guardianship issues.

I will not release any information.

Standard over 13.

Very standard.

But this is all very standard.

This is all like the basic.

This is all pretty normal.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And then the last thing I say is, if you see me in public, you totally can say hi.

I am not supposed to initiate saying hi first, though.

That's just our rule.

Because it breaks confidentiality.

Right?

So, like.

Because some people get really embarrassed if they're with their friends or something, and you're like, oh, my goodness, hi.

And then I have to explain.

It's their therapist.

Right?

The line is safe.

Yeah.

Super awkward.

So I just always say, I will ignore you unless you want to initiate contact.

But then I always have to give the caveat, because a service dog and he does not understand laws.

So Koa may recognize you and run up to you in the store.

You can just call me a crazy lady at that point.

Like, you know, you don't have to acknowledge that.

I know.

Friendly dog.

Just a friendly dog.

Right?

Like, but he will acknowledge you, and I cannot control that one.

And then people usually just laugh at that one because it's hilarious anyways.

And he's cute little food.

So that's the spiel.

That's, like, what we have.

And then from there, it's always like, okay, so what are we doing today?

Like, what are we here for?

How are we doing?

Like, I usually suss out how nervous that person is or how, like, uncomfortable or awkward they look.

And then from there, I'll usually segue into, what are we doing today?

Like, why did you want to meet?

Or if I feel like that's too much for them, then I'll be like, how we feel.

And, like, is this really uncomfortable for you?

Let's talk about it.

Like, let's get to know each other.

And, like, the intake sessions are usually just.

I keep them.

And this is a personal thing that I've chosen.

Right.

Like, every therapist will do it different.

Some will go through a list.

I don't take notes in my session.

I have an AI note taker for me now, which is awesome for chart notes, but I don't, like, sit there with a notebook.

It's just.

I feel like it's too separate from clients, so I just don't do that.

But, yeah, I feel like it looks really cold, too.

And then I would be so curious, like, what are you writing about me?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that was notable.

Let me see.

Yeah, I was like, what did I say?

What did I.

Don't you sound crazy?

A little too much.

Got like, She's a little psycho.

Got it.

So, you know.

But, like, some will have something to write then.

Like, usually it's just because, guys, we're Hearing six to eight stories in a day, you know, trying to remember all that.

And, like, we have to chart legally, we have to say, this is what we did.

This is what we worked on.

This is.

Some things, like, were noted.

So, yeah, not all of us can retain all that.

So that's why some people do that.

But, yeah, some people ask questions on history.

Some people, like, you know, just dump their story on me.

It just.

It just depends on the person, honestly.

And I let the person kind of decide how it's going to go.

I try to remain pretty much like, you get to know me and I get to know you.

Yeah.

And I remember the very first time I went into therapy, I was a little nervous about it, and he could tell that my energy was really heightened.

And so I was sitting on a couch, and he just was like, I need you to breathe, and just, like, calm down for a minute.

And he literally set a timer and just was like, okay.

But I thought that was a good way to, like, kind of just really see, like, where I was at and then, like, pace the rest of the appointment after that.

Of kind.

Cause he could tell I was nervous.

I was activated.

I'd never been to therapy before.

Didn't know what to expect.

Like, you know, what's funny is, as a therapist, that's so not my style.

I usually will not pause people because I feel like that would make me more anxious.

So usually I'll get them to talk about their day.

Yeah, usually I'll get to be like, what'd you do today?

Like.

Or I'll tell, like, a funny story and be like, dude, before I came here, my little kid did, like, I don't know, like, what did they do today?

Bray threw a tantrum by laying her head carefully on the floor again.

This is.

And then she looks at me as she's laying on the floor, and then she starts screaming to make sure I was making eye contact with her.

You know, just something funny and, like, real.

So they see, like, okay, this is a real environment.

It's okay.

Yeah.

Or I'll be like, look how different styles.

He's getting fat.

You know, they are.

Totally.

And that's the thing that people don't always realize is therapy is going to be 100 unique for everybody because you're.

It's two different people every time meeting.

So we have the basic rounds, like, ground rules and, like, art forms of, like, how to do these information and do these interventions, but at the same time, like, it's different people running this.

So it's gonna Be different.

Like, it's just.

There's no way.

It's not different.

Yeah.

And so just good thing to note, I guess, right?

Like, different therapists will respond differently.

Yes.

Okay.

For follow ups.

This, like, how do you, like, follow up with somebody afterwards?

Like, how do they know?

Like, do you.

Do you follow up at all to, like, check in how they're doing or anything like that?

What do you mean?

I don't know.

Like, on our notes here, it says host follow up.

It says, do people cry in the first session?

What if someone doesn't know what they need?

Can you say, I don't know why I'm here?

Yeah, sorry.

I'm like, I was trying to think about this.

Trying to think.

I know.

I'm like, yeah.

I mean, like, people will cry and stuff, and some people won't know what they need.

Like.

Like it's.

It's a journey together.

And I think that's what a lot of people are worried, that they're coming in and trying to perform for me instead of being like, we're doing this together, you know, Like, I have a lot of people almost coming and thinking that it's all on them and it's all this performance they have to do, and they should do certain things the right way or should present something a certain way.

And it's like, we're here to dig through it together.

I'll have people like, I'm really bad at articulation.

Great.

I'm really good at understanding really scattered things.

That's why I went to eight years of school.

Like, yeah, you just word vomit at me.

And we got it.

Well, I think it's good, like, even just that, like, when you go in with your therapist, go in and just like, present how it's actually going instead of what you think the world wants to perceive.

Like, don't go in and, like, try to hide real problems that are happening in a part of your life because they make you look bad.

Like, therapist is one person that you should be honest with instead of expecting.

That's what we know.

Like, everybody has it, right.

And I guess sometimes it takes time just to be able to trust that person before you do it.

And that's cool.

But, like, at the end of the day, like, that's.

That's what we are.

That's what we want.

That's our whole purpose, is to be the one place you fall apart in, you know?

Yeah.

And don't just try to mask it, to be like, I'm fine.

You know, work is just a little Hard.

Like, okay.

Like, if you're feeling like you're gonna need help, it's got to be more than just that.

And, like, you actually aren't going to make the progress you want if you hide under the skies of something.

Like, work is really hard when really you might be dealing with 10 other things.

You know, it's like, don't.

You're not there to impress your therapist.

Like, that's kind of.

I do have a lot of people that are really worried about failing me or looking bad with me.

And it's like, I. I do recognize, though, like, some of that is the work that I have to do.

I have to earn that space where they can actually trust that they can let down their guard.

Right.

So that's not like the first couple sessions.

Yeah.

You know, but if it's still happening after a couple months, that's when we have a conversation.

Like, am I not earning your trust or is this just a personal expectation thing?

Like, what is this?

Like, do I need to make this a safer space?

Is, you know, like, that's where the conversation that needs to go.

And maybe that's a good way to feel it out.

Like, after you've gone a few times, if you don't feel like you can.

Share with this person totally a hot mess with that person, then maybe they're not a good fit or you need to have that conversation.

Yeah, that's what I was just gonna say.

Like, because you want to be able to divulge all of your crap.

Right?

Like, you want to be a hot mess.

Yeah, that's what we want.

That is literally, we want all of it.

Like, I love when people come in here happy.

I love it when people come in here sad.

Like, not that they're sad, but I love that they're here to just be themselves.

Their authentic selves.

Yeah.

And vulnerable.

Like, that's what you want to.

Like, you don't want someone to come in and just put on this front of, like, everything's great.

I'm so happy.

And really, they've cheated on their husband and are secretly an alcoholic, and they're hiding it from you.

It's like, that's actually not helpful.

Like, you don't.

Yeah.

It's not beautiful to anybody.

Also, like, the thing is, is you're just wasting time.

Like, you could get.

So you're wasting your own time.

Like, you can waste my time.

That's cool.

Like, you sign for up for it.

You paid for it.

But, like, great.

You're wasting your own time, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And if you actually want to grow.

Yeah.

Get what you want out of that hour.

Yeah.

So I guess, okay, after the first session, you have gone to the therapist, you're like, yep, I want to go again.

What does the ongoing therapy look like?

And I know this will look different for everybody, but.

I think that the biggest thing is, like, a lot of people, like, how do you decide what you work on?

And, like, homework versus no homework.

Honestly, I'm one of the clinicians where it's like, if the person wants homework, I'll give you tasks.

If they don't, then I won't.

Because it's just another thing just for people to feel pressure on.

So if you want it, then I'll do it.

But what we decide to work on is usually based off what's distressing you the most or what is the area that seems the.

The biggest bang for our buck is what I always say, like, what is going to get the most healing and the most effective change in your life?

And you're going to feel the best from it first.

Yeah, I agree with that.

Yeah.

And some therapists will ask you to come weekly.

Some will say, let's do every other week or let's check in once a month.

Like, that just depends.

Yeah.

I usually say, especially for teens or something, let's go week.

Let's go weekly for the first two months to build a relationship.

And then from there, it just depends on what concerns are presenting.

How distressed are they, you know?

Yep.

I was just gonna say that similar thing, like, with teenage daughter versus where my therapy schedules set in now.

Like, same thing.

Like, hey, let's go weekly for the first couple months and then go to every other week.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think you'll get a feel on it, too, for yourself where you're like, I.

Like, there have been times where I fluxed in my life.

Right.

Where I'm like, oh, my gosh, I actually really need this every other week.

Or like, hey, I just want to touch base once a month, like, and you'll kind of know.

And there's some days where I'm like, I wish I had my therapist on speed dial.

Like, because it's helpful.

But you'll kind of figure out that balance with the help of your therapist, and they'll have good guidance.

Like, too much therapy might be overkill in some situations.

And, yeah.

You don't end up, like, what about Bob?

Right.

Like, following your therapist out to his lakeside vacation.

Because I love.

So.

Yeah.

And I think it's also good to know for yourself, what you're looking for, for ongoing therapy.

Do you want a therapist that pushes you, gives you homework, or do you want someone who's just really going to listen and validate?

Because there's different styles out there.

And so if it makes you uncomfortable when they push back and say, hey, like, I really want you to work on this, like, I encourage you to do this, come back and report in a couple weeks and that makes you nervous, then tell them that.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I tell everybody I'd rather know and you just be blunt with me so we can actually do what works for you instead of you pretending like it's good.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, it doesn't help anybody.

So.

So hopefully this was helpful, guys.

And especially if you are new to therapy or trying to like, talk someone, talk to somebody about their, you know, what to expect.

Hopefully this kind of helps with some of that.

Answer some of those questions.

So we are open.

Like, if you guys have any questions, you can DM us on Honey Counseling or email us on our website.

Like, we are open to answering questions, especially if you have specific things for finding a therapist or like how the process works.

Again, it is so individualized.

So, like, I can't answer as like a blank statement, but these are the general patterns usually.

Yeah.

And a good resource.

You can go on Psychology Today and try to look for some therapists or if you have a therapist that you already like and you're looking for one for a family member, they often will have names.

Yeah, we have referrals if you like their style too.

Usually we tend to find other people with our style and refer to like those out.

So.

Yeah.

So.

All right, thanks, guys.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks.

Have a good one.