ADHD isn't laziness — it's a different neurodevelopmental wiring that changes how we process info, regulate emotions, and do executive functions, and we hammer that home right away so nobody blames a lack of discipline. I'm Taylor (licensed counselor with ADHD) and I'm Brittany (slightly eccentric mom), and we riff about what ADHD actually looks like — from hyperfocus and time blindness to the dopamine quirks that make routine feel like a snooze and novelty feel like dessert — plus why girls often fly under the diagnostic radar. We unpack the real risks (higher rates of addictive behaviors, health issues, relationship stress) while also reminding you this wiring brings strengths — creativity, multitasking spark, and the occasional midnight paint job — even if it also brings the infamous “burrito mode.” Most importantly, we give very practical life-hacks so you don’t just survive but thrive: BRAIN — Bins at point-of-use, Routines that are visual and meaningful, Alarms that actually pop and nag, If-it’s-not-written-it-doesn’t-exist (write it down, people), and No-shame-restarts when systems fail. We also talk about how to navigate relationships and parenting when one partner is neurotypical, how anxiety often comorbidly cranks everything up, and why consistency (grudgingly or lovingly embraced) can be the secret sauce to less spiral and more sparkle.

Takeaways:

• We explain ADHD as a different neurodevelopmental wiring — think Mac versus Microsoft brains — affecting attention, working memory, impulse control, and emotion regulation, not laziness.
• I talk about 'burrito mode' and hyperfocus: sometimes I lock in like a laser, other times attention evaporates, and pressure or time limits often don't help.
• We call out the internet trend of casually saying "I'm so ADHD" — real ADHD doubles or triples risk for addictive behaviors, health problems, and serious life impairment, so it’s not a cute personality quirk.
• Our BRAIN system (Bins at the point of use, Routines that are visual, Alarms to remember, If it’s not written it doesn’t exist, No shame restarts) is a practical, low-shame toolkit to actually make daily life and parenting manageable.
• As parents and partners we've learned consistency helps more than we like to admit, and visual cues, calendars, and written reminders literally light up multiple brain circuits to improve follow-through.
• We dig into nuance: ADHD often involves prefrontal cortex differences, dopamine regulation issues, frequent comorbidity with anxiety, and why girls are often underdiagnosed because socialization masks symptoms.
• We remind neurotypical partners that patience, shared systems, timers or accountability check-ins, and being willing to restart without shame make relationships work — and yes, sometimes we bring the sparkle and sometimes six cartons of ice cream.

Foreign.

Hello friends.

I'm Taylor.

And I'm Brittany.

Together we're two sisters who are here to help you learn some tips and tricks to help navigate this crazy journey called life.

We bring the perspective of a licensed mental health counselor and mother and a.

Slightly eccentric mom of two.

When you combine us as scissors, we like to consider ourselves as quite the dynamic duo.

So join us as we talk about.

All life has to offer.

Okay.

We're starting a new Communicate.

No.

What's.

Are we doing a series right now or just.

No, we just are doing two this month.

It's ADHD awareness month and Halloween.

So we're doing this month ADHD for the first episode and then Halloween for the next one.

Perfect.

Okay, well, adhd, let's dive into it.

What is adhd?

What is it not?

We have mentioned this several times.

We have adhd, I have adhd.

And Madsen was like, you know, be really interesting is to actually like show people how it applies to my life because I'm, I'm successful and I've done two different degrees.

So he's always like, it's interesting you're not with like he is neurotypical so he doesn't have any adhd.

And he's always like interested in how my brain works because it is vastly different from his.

But he's like, you're very successful.

And that's not what he thought growing up.

It was and I think that's what like all of us thought.

Like we grew up in the 90s and 2000s so I think there's still a lot to understand about adhd.

But he was just thinks it's interesting of how it applies to a successful person and like some of the norms that happen in day to day life.

So we're kind of going to go through it basically with analyzing me I guess in some ways and not so not my favorite but.

But we got to be vulnerable today, I guess.

Yay.

So we're going to talk about what ADHD is first.

So for those that don't know, they combined ADHD and ADD into the same diagnosis now.

So it's ADD plus meaning that you have attention deficit disorder.

But there's also like the asterisks of you could also have like a hyper, hyperactivity component of the disorder.

So you could.

They're called the same thing now.

So people that say they have add, adhd, it's the same diagnosis now.

And we're just basically referring to you have a different neuro development than neurotypical people do.

So how you process information, how you get information in, how you regulate emotions, how your working memory is, how your impulses, attention span, all of that is different than what neurotypical people have.

And.

And it's just learning about how to work with it so that you can better understand it.

It doesn't mean, like, if you've been diagnosed with this or people in your life, it actually doesn't mean that you are not gonna be successful.

Not at all.

It just means.

Yeah, it just means you have a different way of thinking.

So I tell everybody, like, all my clients we're talking about this is.

It's like we're working with two different computer systems.

Like we have Mac and Microsoft.

And if you've used those two, you know, they're like very different in how you interact with their interfaces and how you can open things and close things and go between them.

Like on an Apple product, you can usually like, have multiple scre screen opens and like swipe to a certain corner, it'll do a command and make all your screens show or other things like that.

Versus Microsoft tends to be more open, close, open, close.

So when I even think about it too, for the systems, I feel like Microsoft represents a very good neurotypical brain, which is very linear and open, close, open, close.

And ADHD brains are very Apple, where it's like, here's all my crap.

Here's the command center.

Like, hey, Matson hates opening my computer.

And then here's like all the different tabs open.

That's what we're dealing with in our brain.

Does that make sense?

Oh, totally makes sense.

Yeah.

My husband also hates opening my computer because he's like, what do you have going on here?

Like, what do I touch?

Or my phone stuff.

Yeah, it's good stuff.

Yeah.

For my email inbox is currently at.

Mine's at 40,000.

What is it?

What?

Mine's at 40,000.

Hey, that's not bad.

We're doing okay.

Oh, I had to clean mine out.

Mine's only at 59,914.

I feel like we're awesome then.

But see, I had to, like, if you look at our phones, like, there's all the red notifications, like, I have an Apple phone and all the notifications are red in the corner of most of the apps.

And he's like, doesn't this bug you?

Nope, not even.

It just goes in the background.

So the biggest thing is, like, there's just some, like, you can either hyperfocus or under hyper focus.

It doesn't mean, like, when we're saying attention.

We're talking about how you interpret and intake information.

You're going to notice certain people that are ADHD that can hyperfocus on things.

It, it's because that's something that they like.

Right.

So we can lock it in when we want to lock it in, which is what my husband says.

And we cannot when we don't want to.

So we have a lot of energy.

And a lot of forced into it.

That's kind of the other kicker.

And you can't.

Yeah.

Any pressure around it, any time restraint doesn't make it happen either.

Anything like that.

So.

And the interesting part with this is a lot of people think this is a chosen behavior.

Like motivation is a chosen behavior.

People think.

And it's like I, I actually have a ton of willpower, otherwise I wouldn't have made it through eight years of school and then another how many to get certified.

But it, it's more about I get the energy when I get it or I get the focus when I get it.

And Matson calls it like my go mode.

Like, I get it when I.

And I don't have it when I don't have it.

When I'm in burrito mode.

I'm in burrito mode when I'm actually like able to focus.

Like, then I am able to focus and there's not much in between.

No.

And my kids know when I say, hey, mom's going into go mode.

They know.

Just, just let me be, just back off, back off.

Because it's like I, this is it.

I'm going to tackle all these tasks I've been putting on for the last six months and it's happening today.

And it's.

Yeah.

And there's no like guessing when it's going to happen.

It just kind of happens.

But there is some like things that we have learned.

But there's still a lot of science around this that we don't fully understand.

Like dopamine does help and give more information.

The thing about it though is a lot of parents or people are ascribing it to.

You're just lazy, you have a lack of discipline or it's bad parenting.

That is not the issue.

The issue is literally they, what they're finding.

And again, there's so much to discover on adhd, but we think there has a part to do with it with the dopamine in the prefrontal cortex.

So a lot of the over overreactive or like over firing neurosynapses that are happening are in the prefrontal cortex, which is in the front part of your brain, which is the logic, logic and executive function skills.

Meaning like you can categorize information, you can sequence things, you can remember routines, all these things.

You can organize quickly what you need to do and why you do it and not get overwhelmed with it.

That's all in the front part of your brain.

And then being able to regulate your emotions and choose those, that comes later.

We are also a little delayed.

So if you have like a teen or a kid, they already don't have a developed prefrontal cortex slap on adhd.

They're, they're behind and we have to figure out how behind they are because.

And everybody's kind of different.

Yeah, because like I've noticed like you and I like how we attract as kids.

Like we were always like top of the class, straight A's, like doing all the things.

But then having my son was different.

Like he's different though too because we have high anxiety.

So we're high performance personalities.

So anxiety and ADHD are diagnosed at a high rate.

Together they're comorbid.

So what happens is, is that means that one will feed the other and the other will feed the other.

Like it goes, they ping pong back and forth.

So because we had such high anxiety about failing, we were going to always be successful.

That was never the issue.

So we were never flagged.

And girls have this more often than males because the socialization of males versus females.

So that's also frustrating because we tend to get under flagged on things to.

When we didn't even realize what was going on until well into our adult life.

And so then it was like oh,.

When I was like struggling after like you know, college and being like oh wait, sitting down, being a textbook doesn't actually work for my brain.

Or like learning the neurotypical way actually is really hard for my brain.

And we don't realize that planning too can be really hard.

Like everybody in my house loves that I have meal plans.

I used to have like a calendar on my wall and now I do it like on the a calendar on my fridge and there's meals every day on there.

And I laugh really hard because I'm like this is just so that we actually eat and I'm not pulling out cereal every night or like going to get Costco pre made meals at 7:30 at night.

Like this is.

If I didn't preemptively plan we would never have anything.

So like people from neurotypical homes would be like why don't we do this.

They don't need that much control as I need because it won't get done versus it will for other people.

Does that make sense?

That does make sense.

So planning for us can be really hard.

So I have to like, over try at that.

We also can't really sort like time or how Matson always laughs at my time guesstimating or my ability to say how long something will happen.

You know, like all of that.

He double checks it a lot.

Does that make sense?

Time blindness.

It's fine.

It's a real thing.

Yeah, it totally makes sense.

And it's just.

It shows up different ways as an adult versus as a kid.

Yes.

Which, I mean, I think the thing.

That does frustrate me a little bit though.

It's becoming a personality thing now where people like, oh, I'm so adhd.

Or like, they use it for typical things that I'm like, that's just being a human.

Like, that has nothing to do with adhd.

That's just literally being a human being.

You don't want this.

Like, there's been so many people where I'm like talking to clients and they don't have any executive function disorder.

And I'm like, you actually don't want to have this.

This is infuriating to the people who do have executive function disorder.

And I was.

I'm actually finishing up my certs right now to be adhd, all the things for analyzing stuff.

And I didn't realize this, but people who have ADHD double their likelihood, I think is what they said, or triple.

Like their likelihood of having like, addictive behaviors as well as diseases like heart disease, bad relationships.

Like, they are more likely to have like incarceration, substance abuse, all those things because they can't manage their dopamine and their instant gratification People, they didn't know what was going on and they're trying to overcompensate.

So people who have ADHD are actually at a high risk population and they're struggling a lot just to function in basic life.

So when people glorify it on the Internet, it's like, oh, that's my adhd.

Like, this isn't a glorified thing.

This is actually a real disorder that is really hard for a lot of people in their lives.

That is not fun.

Yeah, I've heard kids even before be like, oh, I actually don't want to do this task.

And I, you know, I just can't do this because it's my ADHD right now.

I was like, no, no, no, no.

Like, you're just ignoring the task because you don't want to do it.

Yeah.

That's not adhd.

It's not adhd.

Yeah.

So it's.

I think a lot of people can get kind of stuck in that rut and just use it as a label like anything else.

Right?

Like, yeah, I don't like people, therefore I must be autistic.

Or I don't.

Like, you know, like, it's just slapping labels on things.

And it's a really quick assumption versus this one is.

And I tell everybody, you can tell by certain things.

Like, it is a neurological writing.

Like, you'll see how Matson and I go to solve problems.

And it's vastly different from each other.

And not just because we're different people, but it's because, like, literally, we just look at the problem totally different, and it's like, okay, I guess that was more logical sometimes on his part.

So does that make sense?

Oh, it totally makes sense.

Yeah.

It's not a spectrumy thing either, for others.

Like, I'm just a little on the ADHD spectrum.

No, like, you're just being a human.

Then it's kind of like you have to have multiple of these things to count.

Yeah, it's.

And it's not just, like, everybody gets distracted.

Everybody gets.

You know.

Yeah, everyone's bad at times.

Sometimes procrastinating, sometimes, like, you know.

Yeah.

Chair, whatever.

Like, yeah.

Because I guarantee neither of our husbands have adhd, and it's like, they can just sit down, lock in whenever they want.

Like, hey, I gotta sit here, and I've got to do this for the next four hours.

And it's like, I can't do that.

I could do that for 20 minutes.

Yeah.

And he's like, what are you.

What are you doing?

I thought you were gonna go work.

And it's like, oh, I was, but then I remembered all these other things, and then I got distracted by this, and I gotta.

Like, it's.

And then, like, my favorite thing is Matt's will be like, tay, do you not see that thing sitting there for the last three days?

No.

What are you talking about?

Like, and I try to keep our house clean and stuff, but, like, sometimes I literally put something down.

He's like, it's been there for three days.

Really?

And then I'm like, oh, yeah.

Just because, like, we'll start sorting things in our environment where they go into a spot, then we no longer see it as, like, I need to move the shoes.

Like, it's literally, like, it Has a spot.

It has a spot.

So what, what's wrong?

Like I'm looking at my desk right now and it's got a lot of things and a lot of like half started tasks.

Yeah, that's a very common thing too.

Or like as well.

Reward one day.

Yeah, that's the thing too.

Got rewards, dopamine, all that stuff.

Yes.

It's like I'm gonna save this five dollar gift card for one day.

I understand.

That's been hilarious.

It's like Madison really doesn't understand.

Like you really just can't do it.

You really need like a reward.

Yeah, I do, Madison.

I really do.

And he'll be like, plus, this is how I get myself to do.

Works for me.

What are some of the things that your husband has had to learn about you?

Oh, like for the ADHD stuff.

Yeah.

I've brought up laundry mountain in the past on things.

Yeah, Laundry mountain is always interesting.

Or like where I have to re wash the loads of laundry I don't know how many times.

Oh, I do the exact same thing and it drives my husband nuts.

Yeah.

And it's like I'll start too many tasks because then it's like I've got like, like you said like the Apple computers.

Right.

And so I've got 20 things open on my computer in my brain and then you just start it.

But then I don't have the reminders, like there's actually a load of towels in the wash right now that I need to go switch, you know, But I will probably forget that by the time we're done here.

Yes.

Oh yeah, you 10 other things that are already going through my brain, you know, or another one that he.

Sometimes it's like paired with the anxiety, I think like so the ADHD and anxiety where I just will get like a broken record and it just like can't get out of it.

Like it's just like I'm upset about something and so I just like keep saying the same thing over and over and over and over and over.

And he's like, I've addressed it but at that point my brain's already spiraled and like a stimming and like it's trying to do all the different pieces.

And he's like, I've already, I've already recognized this.

I was like, no, but like I'm listening, you know, I, I'm still feeling this.

But it's like, it's so.

It's like anxiety paired with the ADHD combo sometimes.

And they feed off sometimes for communication.

It gets hard because they're very, like, black and white.

Like, I already acknowledged this.

I already said sorry.

And I'm still trying to be like, you know, this is 50 ways this is, you know, gonna affect my life.

Yeah.

It's been interesting, too, though.

Like, Matson will want to finish his thought or, like, have multiple points in a conversation, and those stress me out.

Like, when I've gotten the idea of the conversation, I need to, like, move to the next one in my personal life.

Right.

Like, I can do it with clients all day long, but, like, when it's my life and my stuff, I need it to be like, got it, kid.

Let's move on.

And he needs to finish his thoughts, and then he'll say, like.

Like, a list of five or 10 things.

And at that point, I'm overwhelmed, and it ticks me off.

And then he's not realizing, like, I'm angry not because, like, I'm angry at him needing to finish the thought.

I'm.

I'm angry because I'm overwhelmed.

And he.

Like, it took him a while in our marriage to realize, like, oh, Taylor is actually, like, shutting down now, and this is how she shuts down, is through anger.

And that's been an interesting one to learn.

Yeah.

I don't know if you guys have had this one, too.

I think you have, but the.

Just the, like, the routines.

Like, I'm pretty sure you have this with Madison, too.

But James is very, like, he wants the routines and the structure, and I'm like, I can't, because then it's more.

My brain sees it as, like.

Like we'd said, like, paired with the anxiety, like, the adhd, it's more ways to fail.

And so that it, like, turns into this whole vicious cycle where it's like, if I don't get the routine done, then I already failed, and then I'll get stuck on this test that I didn't get done, and then I, like, have these other 50 things to do, and then you turn into burrito.

So it's interesting because mine is slightly different from yours, but it's the same behavior.

Represent, like, Matson's whole word in our marriage has been consistency.

In the first couple years, it was like, you got to be consistent with all your stuff and your schedule and your work and everything, and.

And that's literally, like, the antithesis of my life.

Like, I am really bad at that because I get scared of monotony and scared of, like, rigidity, because then I feel like I don't get dopamine.

Hits from it.

I don't get, like, anything like that, and.

And then I start to get in burrito mode.

Yeah.

So, like, that makes me not.

Does that make sense?

So mine is.

I get the monotony way, too.

Yeah.

Because mine is, like, about monotony.

Yeah.

And at first I had labeled it as monotony, and I was like, I think it's, like, monotony paired with this fear of failure on top of it.

And so it's like, it's this weird double, and then I just can't get it done.

Like, it's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then it was interesting, though, because as we, like, settled into a groove with two babies under two, I had to be really rigid because I was working still so much.

So I had to compensate some way, and I had to create some routine and rigidity.

And now if we're out of it, like, Koa went to the ER a couple weeks ago for some stuff, and I had slept in that day, and it threw off our whole week.

And this was fascinating.

So I usually have this routine of, like, get babies up, work out, like, they have the cuddle time with me, and then, like, we are doing dishes and breakfast, blah, blah, blah.

Right.

And then I'm, like, getting everything set up for our week and our day and all that stuff.

So I missed Monday.

The rest of the week was ratchet.

It was totally off.

It was bad.

I couldn't get anything, Anything reset that whole week.

And I couldn't run a normal morning schedule for the whole week.

Even though we had named it, we had said, like, I got to figure it out.

I got to do it.

Like, I could not reset us somehow.

And then this week, I was able to reset us again.

So like, that's been fascinating to me, too, is once I do get the routine in, if it's broken, it's really hard to right the ship.

Yeah.

And it's interesting for me, too, because, like, so my life with.

As, like, a blended family, our weeks are very different.

And so it's like, because there's two kids at home, and then there's six kids at home.

And that is drastically different, in case you can't do math.

And so the weeks that all six kids are home, I'm very much like, this is dinner.

This is the meal plan.

This is the groceries.

This is, you know, this is what we have to eat.

This is the schedule, blah, blah, blah.

Because otherwise it's like, it's chaos and it becomes too overwhelming.

And so then an interesting.

Like.

But then when it's just my two kids home.

I realized I can be a little more relaxed.

I don't have to worry about this.

I can.

Like, I don't have to meal plan.

Like, we'll just figure it out, and it'll be fine.

And.

But so it's interesting because, like, for James, he loves the routines, and so he's like, why can't we have it every week?

Like, where's the.

Where's the routine?

And the same expectations every week.

And in my mind, it's just, like, it's just me herding cattle, you know?

Like, I'm like, I just got to make this happen.

Like, I just have to have kids, the right place, make sure everybody's fed, make sure everything.

But in his mind, he's like, but the routine.

And so it's just two very different approaches to the exact same situation.

Yeah, but you know what it's interesting is the more I've been in this, more I've realized I think I actually need that more than I like to admit.

Like, I really hate the word consistency, and I really hate routine, but it actually really has led to some better balance and success, and I am less overstimulated, I am less overwhelmed if I can execute that.

So that's been really fascinating to me, too, like, being married to meth.

And I have learned consistency doesn't have to be bad.

Like, routine doesn't have to be bad.

I don't always need to, like, go on an adventure.

Like, it's.

It's good.

We want to.

We do, but.

But I have noticed, like, I'm less stressed.

I'm less stressed doing it, though.

If I, like, am consistent everywhere else and then can go do it.

Like, that's been really fascinating, too, is, like, watching just how much.

If I'm balanced, I don't spiral as quickly on certain things.

Yeah, I've seen the same thing, too.

Or even, like, my.

I know it's disappointing.

Isn't ice cream.

Like, I'm like, I want to know I can have the ice cream, even if I don't necessarily want a ton of it once I get it, you know, where it's like just this.

Like, it's kind of like the adventures or whatever it is.

It's like, I can have that if I want it.

Like, that's the.

I think it's.

I think it's that dopamine seeking that we do.

So instead, I've had to learn to, like, like, purposely set it up in my life instead of just hoping it gets released somehow.

It's really interesting, though, being married to a neurotypical person.

And I was doing this training and they talked about, like, the.

The load of being a partner for a person with adhd.

And I even texted Matson while I was listening to this.

I was like, is this how you feel?

And luckily it wasn't, except for, like, once in a while when, like, the routine was broken or something.

But usually, like, they feel like the parent or they feel like the bad guy, or they feel like they are the ones that has to be more accountable in life and we get to be more frivolous and we have an actual excuse kind of thing.

So it sounds like a lot of pressure being married to us and a lot of, like, cleaning up messes that they feel like they don't need to clean up.

Which I was like, I could see that sometimes.

I could see that.

But I feel like you and I have been very conscious about, like, just because of societal expectations and cultural norms and all that.

Like, I feel like we do a pretty good job of, like, holding our own, you know, Like.

Like, we're still the ones that.

I don't think people would notice it unless you're, like, in our house for a long period of time.

Right.

Like, there's some things where I'm like, yep, that definitely is a. Madsen has covered that for a long time.

But, like, I mean, when I asked him to, he's like, no.

Like, I don't feel that way, literally, unless you're, like, having a really bad week and you're.

None of your routines are hit ever.

Like, that one week, a couple weeks ago.

And he knew why, too.

Like, so, like, that made it easier.

Even though, like, he knew I had a traumatic thing with KOA and then I was playing catch up, and then I was overload, like, loaded with work.

So he was willing to compensate that week.

But he also was like, I can't maintain this.

Right.

Like, I can respect that, you know?

So I think there's that balance too, of, like, it's gotta be hard because it's hard being married to a neurotypical person sometimes.

So it's gonna be hard to be really.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Sometimes it's just really not as, like, sparkly unicorny.

Okay?

Like, the 80s, we bring the glitter.

I love the videos where it's like, I, you know, I. I don't want to take my meds because then I'm wearing.

You know, I won't bring the glitter in it, like, has all this like junk all over the place or like, just.

Yeah, yeah.

Ours is so funny because we are.

We do have the anxiety part component where it compensates.

So, like, if you come into our house, like, nobody would really know if you go into our brain or the day to day things.

Like, there's been so many times for.

Matt says, like, you didn't tell me that.

Yes, I did.

No, you didn't.

Like, I told you.

No, I didn't.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then I'm like, I'm sure I did.

I'm sure.

But there's certain parts, like, seriously, if you were to come into my office, like, the space I spend the most time, it's craziness because it's like all these random piles of, like, you know, projects and library books and sheets that need to be folded.

Certain areas, you will see our brain.

Huh.

And that's where I'm like, I can dump it in this one space.

My closet.

My.

My daughter loves my closet, which is scary too, because she probably has adhd.

But yeah, like, he had to close it for a while there because he was like, this is stressing me out.

So we have two separate closets, like, his and hers closet.

So lucky.

And he, like, will go and close the door because my closet's closer to the sinks.

He's brushing his teeth he doesn't have to stare at.

But you know where everything is.

I do.

Exactly.

I do know where exactly everything is.

But I understand, too, coming from a neurotypical brain, how frustrating that would be.

Yeah.

Well, thank you to people who put up with us.

We're awesome.

We put up with.

We put up with the neurotypical, too.

Okay.

But as a parent, it's interesting because I was thinking about this, and I feel like.

I mean, I'm sure it affects my kids in some ways, but at the same time, I feel like I was overcompensating for them for so long that I try not to have it affect them very much.

So this was an interesting part of, like, how does it go parenting?

I think with my kids, the only thing, like, if I throw out a boundary, I used to not be able to remember the boundaries or keep them, but now I, like, will only throw out boundaries that I can remember.

I learned that when I was in working in treatment centers.

But other ones, I'm like, for parenting, they probably get my, like, dopamine seeking.

Like, let's go do something fun.

I don't want to sit on the playground for five hours.

Oh, yeah.

Stuff like that, you know?

Yeah.

And my Kids know that I'm an easy, like low hanging fruit.

If it's like, can we get Dutch bros?

Or you know, like, yes.

Can we go to where, you know, wherever.

And like Banks wants hot chalkies.

Yeah.

Do it.

You know, and like, I try really hard to compensate and not like, for a while there it was like, mommy, I would need a toy from Target and I'd be like, sure.

Then I'm like, nope, nope.

Like, I can't do that every single time.

Yeah.

So probably stuff more like that where it's just I try to keep their like, routines consistent stuff because they're so little.

But it's more comes out in like frivolity, I think.

Yeah.

Which is dopamine.

It's.

And yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much.

So, um, we had this like, useful household thing you can use for being able to like, not rely on your memory because like, it's really hard for people building systems or relying on things.

It's acronym is brain and it's super helpful.

Mm.

Super helpful.

Um, so this is where we have learned to compensate and kind of like hide some of our ADHD to the world.

I think B is bins at the point of use.

I don't know how many people, like, before we dive into this, like, I don't know how many people have been like, wow, you're really gifted at organizing.

Like, you're a very organized person.

Was like, you don't know how much effort this has taken me to get to this point.

But like, these will help.

Like, if you're feeling hopeless on things, like, it does help.

And people are like, wow, you put that right in your calendar.

It's like, I had to like, it's not.

It won't be remembered.

And this is where like, you come off looking really good.

But at the end of the day, it's overcompensating for our lack of.

But it's fine.

So my husband always laughs at how many bins and baskets we have in our house.

We have ton of baskets, but they're.

They're everywhere because it keeps stuff collected.

And then I can empty them or they're easy to store stuff in.

So the first one is be like use stuff that you can put place in that spot so it has a place so it doesn't just stay there for forever because it will stay there for forever.

And he learned that very quickly being married to me.

And he is now fine with it.

Like, he no longer questions the baskets.

Right.

I'm organizing our closet right now because we just ripped it out and got had a new, like, closet system installed.

And James was like, just do my shorts and my.

Whatever.

My shorts and pants need these two separate bins.

And I was like, yeah, yeah.

Because if I'm helping put them away, like, they need to be in two.

I organize masses, too.

Yeah.

It has to be shirts thing.

Yep, Yep.

Yeah.

Or it's like short sleeve, long sleeve.

I was like, you'll never see them again otherwise.

Like, I was like, if I just do one, it's not gonna work.

And so he's like, okay, fine, whatever.

You know, whatever works for our brain.

Yep.

Yeah.

Yep.

And, like, I. I think that's an interesting thing, too, is because, like, it's kind of a lot of pressure, but I have to organize everything in our house because, like, the.

Like, the kitchen or our store, like, food storage.

Because if I don't, I won't know where it is and he won't know where it is.

Like.

Yeah.

Because eventually I won't put it back in its spot.

Right.

So he's always like, hey, you gotta organize this.

So I know, like, how to use this system.

And I don't know.

That's been a really good thing.

Yeah.

Like, if I touch it, I know where it is.

Like, my.

It's like a light.

Yes.

Because you have multiple points of your brain interacting with the objects.

Because, like.

And then it's like, visual.

You're highlighting multiple.

So the more parts of your brain that you can highlight for ADHD people when you're doing activity.

That's why I tell everyone, like, you need to write stuff down.

Like, you have to physically write your calendar down as well as put it in your phone.

Because typing doesn't do the same thing as, like, movement with a pen and paper kind of vibe or, like, putting it somewhere or, like, interacting with it.

So, like, when people organize my stuff, I, Like, I moved into this house and I had people helping me, but, like, I knew where nothing was, and it was stressing out medicine so bad.

She's like, how do you not know?

Because I didn't put it away, honey.

Like, people were helping me unpack the boxes so we could get our kids in the house quicker.

And I was like, I have no idea.

I had to go through and reorganize everything just so I was everything.

But, yeah, it was so bad.

But I get that.

And there's even, like.

Yeah.

And some moms might even, like, relate to this too.

Like, if you're packing the car for a road trip.

Right.

And then it's like, did we get the, you know, did we get the snacks?

Did we get the switch?

Did we get the blankets?

Did we get so and so get their underpants?

And we'll know exactly where it is.

I haven't touched it.

And somebody, you know, and it's like, you know, James, like, oh, yeah, I helped, and it's in their suitcase.

But then it's like, I can't have a hard time believing and trusting at the same time because it's like, I didn't see it.

Like, yeah.

And then we.

We will.

My other problem is, like, I don't let Matson pack the diaper bag anymore because I did it once and we lost so many things because I didn't know where things were in the bag, and then I forgot they were part of the unit, right?

So if I pack the diaper, b. I know every toy I have.

I know every item that's in that bag.

Like, everything, right?

And when I don't pack it, then I don't know what's in it, and I don't know what to keep track of.

And that's the other thing, too.

So, like, I'll lose things like no other.

But if I pack it and have control of it and I can put it in the spots that I know that I put it in, I will always keep track of it.

And I think that's where people, too, like, that advice of the next one is R and the brain thing.

So it goes right next to what we were just saying.

Routines.

They're not just, like, they are visual.

They're not just verbal, right?

So for us, like, things that are a part of what we do and interact with and.

And be a part of, like, they have to be set in stuff.

Does that make sense?

Or even, like, I have signs because I forget all the time to flip the laundry.

So I have a sign that says clean or dirty, and I try to flip that so I can see, like, oh, if I have laundry and I need to, like, change it.

Right?

Or my.

My dishes downstairs or things like that.

It's all about having visual cues and, like, things that, you know, you put in the same place or have the same spot so that you can easily recall it.

Yes.

And that's actually been.

One of the hard things about me is being like a stepmom in the house, right?

Is because I'm very visual.

So it's like, you know, I don't know if the cereal's empty, if the, you know, if.

If it's not there, then I can't Tell.

And so, like, hey, we're out of this.

And like, no, we're not.

No, we're not.

And it's like, because someone put in the wrong spot.

Like, just visual cues really help.

Like having an organization system to, like, be able to look at things at a glance.

And then another one, like, parenting win that I've noticed for my son is we got a skylight a couple years ago, and as he's gotten older, it's a visual thing for him to know.

Like, he has a checklist.

So does he use it every day?

No.

But there are some mornings where he's been super self starter.

And like, I homeschool, like, halftime right now because he goes into school half the time, but he'll go up and he just knows, like, okay, today I need to read this and I need to do this, and I need it.

And it's a good visual thing and it really helps.

So then it helps me and him.

Yeah.

The other one, too.

I. I've been going through some medical stuff and having to take, like, meds at different times of the day.

And I have a reminder on my phone now.

And what?

Like, it pops up at a time where I'm like, sometimes I can take it, sometimes I can't.

But just seeing that reminder throughout the day, I'm always like, oh, yeah.

And I'm more likely not saying I'm perfect, but I'm more likely to go back and hit it just by having something on the back of my phone that's like, go do this.

And it pops up and makes a noise when it pops up.

So, like, a lot of my clients will be like, oh, reminders don't work.

Reminders don't work because you're not having visual cues with it as well as a sound cue.

So, like, mine have both.

So then I'm like, oh, yeah.

And it stays there for a while.

It doesn't leave.

Yeah.

Until I like.

And that.

Yeah.

Because A is alarms to do the remembering.

My phone is constantly going off too.

Yeah.

Like, it's.

So that helps a lot.

Yeah.

And.

And alarms.

Alarms is a.

That's so funny.

We keep jumping to them.

Hey.

And brain is alarms to help you do the remembering.

It's just a visual reminder.

And I try really hard not to, like, swipe out the reminders if I haven't done it right.

Like, if it's like, hey, take your vitamin D today.

Yeah, I won't swipe it.

Leave it sitting on your home screen.

And usually by the end of the day, or like, Middle of the day.

Like, right now, I've got one sitting here, like, a reminder to water the plants.

But it's like, usually I need to.

Water my three or four.

Like, but I'll have, like, three or five days stacked.

And then you just don't swipe them out.

And then, you know, swipe them out as you do them.

But then it get the dopamine hit.

Because it's kind of like your checklist too.

You know, people.

If you're married to a neurotypical person, which I am, I'm texting right now, remind me to water plants.

You can use them, too.

Not always.

Like, if they don't like it, my husband doesn't care.

Like, if I ask him to remind me, he will help me.

Some partnerships aren't good with that, but mine is.

So if you have a good partner that's good for that.

Use it.

Yeah.

Because another good alarm.

Yeah.

And like.

And when I was doing the training too, they said, like, having accountability partners or people that you can go back and be like, hey, I'm doing this for 20 minutes.

And if you don't hear from me for 20 minutes, like, reach out and be like, did you get it done?

Whatever.

That can work, too.

Having friends or people in your life that understand it.

Yeah, it works for me sometimes, too.

Have you tried that woman, the Pomodoro timers?

Yeah.

It's like hit and miss.

It's like, it's hit.

It's.

It's supposed to work well for people.

It doesn't work well for me, I think, because once I'm in the flow of something, I just need to stay in the flow of something.

And then if you take me out of it, then I won't get back in it.

If it's something I don't want to do is kind of like that.

But then it's like, I won't want to stop.

Because if I got my guts up to do it, like, it's a personality thing, I think on that one.

Because, like, honestly, I know some clients it works great for.

Like, it's kind of hit.

Miss.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me, it doesn't work really well for.

But other people.

Yeah.

Like, if I really don't want to do something, I just have to suck it up and do it and rip off a band aid.

My mantra for the last year has been just do it.

Like, yeah, you think about it.

You do it.

Like, there's not much in between.

If you have the time and you think about it, then you have to do right then yeah.

Which then it's kind of a punch.

But it does make you feel better once you get it off your list and it's not there for.

For five weeks.

Which I. Yeah.

And then I'm like, I should do that sooner.

I know.

I. I keep remembering a whole to do list while I'm sitting here, which is not fun.

I is writing it down.

So if it's not written down, it doesn't exist.

Which is so true.

We said that earlier.

Like, you have to write things down.

It lights up multiple parts of your brain.

So this is neuroscience here.

Use writing.

It is important.

Yes.

And it's.

And it's like, I noticed here too.

Like, you don't want competing mentalist between your spouse.

Like you and your spouse.

Then it's like, try to figure out a way to come together.

That has been one thing.

Especially in a blended family where it's like, it has to be on the calendar.

Otherwise, like, just hits too hard.

It has to be written down.

I ha.

Like, I need to know.

Otherwise it's like, well, I've already planned my day around what I know.

And then if you're telling me there's these three other things I didn't know about, like, then my brain is like, oh, like overload.

And then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It doesn't work.

It like, that's the best way to get things done.

Like, there's multiple times Matt's and me too.

Even where, like, he forgets a haircut or something.

And I'm like, this is not good.

And it's fine.

It ends up working out.

But like, we are really trying so hard to accommodate all the moving pieces that you add one more without letting us know ahead of time.

It's not good.

And we won't remember.

So.

Yeah, it just doesn't happen.

Nope.

And typing is not the same, people.

I'm telling you here and now the neuroscience, it's not the same.

Yeah.

I do have an old school planner.

I have one for school, for my kids, and then one for myself.

And everything just goes.

And some weeks it's.

Who is I telling?

I was telling somebody about the.

In some weeks it's great.

Yeah.

But again, I'll like, keep a running list for like, you know, on one week's planner page.

And then I'm like, why do I buy these freaking planners?

I should just do a notebook.

But it's like, it is still working, even though I'm using it wrong because, you know, my first of October, we fold.

Third week is empty is where we.

Go Back to now, the list.

No shame restarts.

You have to have no shame in the system.

We are not perfect.

We have a neurodivergent disorder, like executive functioning skills.

So we have found ways to maintain and to present like neurotypical people.

At the end of the day, we're using MacBooks and they're using Microsoft.

Okay.

Like, it's just.

Is what it is.

So we will not perform the same.

And we are trying to perform the same in a neurotypical environment as everybody else, but we're not meant to either.

We also make great things.

And this, like, it can be a great, like, balancer and multitasker.

Like, we do have other skills on the other side with this, like, disorder, but at the same time, we don't need any shame when we need to restart.

Like, there's been some times where I'm like, I don't need to hear, like, consistency right now.

I don't need it.

Like, I just need to help.

Fine.

It doesn't matter.

Let's move on.

You know, like, we know what it was like that last week.

And he did great the last week when he, like, he knew.

He's like, we just gotta restart.

Like, awesome.

Let's just restart.

Move forward.

Yeah, but it's hard to get there sometimes.

Yes.

And like, you're modeling that for your kids too.

Right?

Like, you're not shaming yourself.

You're just realizing, like, this system isn't working.

Let's try again.

Yeah.

And that's helpful for them to learn that too.

It is the acronym.

If you don't remember it, it's brain.

So, like, baskets at the point of use or bins routines, our visual alarms through the remembering.

If it's not written down, it doesn't exist.

And there's no shame restarts.

Love it.

It does help the brain thing.

It does help.

It really does.

Like, I feel like we've been able to compensate for a lot of our things we don't notice as much.

Like, I. I had honestly not thought it was that big a deal until I got married.

And I was like, I guess there's some things, you know, like.

And I noticed it.

And now, like, we've been married for.

We're going in six years, five years, six years.

And we don't.

It doesn't come up a ton anymore.

Yeah.

And I remember even asking James, too, like, you know, we've been married for a year and a half at this point.

Yeah.

And I was like, does my ADHD ever, like, bug you?

And he's like, not really.

He's.

You know, the anxiety, when it spirals, probably does more.

Yeah.

But it's like.

Yeah, that's what Matthew would say, too.

Yeah.

The anxiety is a lot of, like.

I think sometimes, though, he sees it just as.

Like, this is funnier than anything sometimes to see how my brain will calculate something or do it.

So.

Yeah.

And James is just like, you bring the sparkle.

Like, that's, you know, that's just what he tells me.

If I'm doing something that's, like, kind of ridiculous.

Like, there was one day he came home and I think there was literally six cartons of ice cream in the freezer.

And I was like, well, like, some of them were almost gone.

And then there was a sale, you know, and I was like, well, who's gonna say no to ice cream?

And so it's just like.

Mine was one night I started painting this room that we're in at 9 o' clock at night because I was worried that it would never get done.

So then I just started doing it.

So I did it at 9 o' clock at night till 10:30.

And I was really, really tired and low on iron that day.

And my husband comes in, he's like, what were you thinking?

And it stayed like that for a month.

And then finally I got it done.

Yeah, I've had so many of those.

Like, our poor husband.

What was I doing?

And he was so patient about it.

So I was like, we got to get it done.

I know.

We gotta get it done.

Yeah.

So I know.

And like I said, like, my office, I still stuff because I help plan a church camp.

When was that?

June.

I still have crap in a bin that I just keep ignoring.

And it's October.

Like, I need to give it back to whoever or I don't even know.

Yeah.

Welcome to our brains.

Welcome to our.

So sorry if you got overwhelmed, people.

This is what it is like to be around an ADHD ADD plus person.

Sorry.

Not sorry.

So if you need some tips for your people in your home, these definitely work.

And then on October 10, it is World Mental Health Day, so check that.

Check out more podcasts for mental health.

But just awareness this month, it sounds like.

Yeah.

Which is so great.

I am.

Yeah.

Yeah, It's.

There's so much more awareness than when we were kids, and I think it's a really good thing.

Yeah.

So.

All right, that's all I got for you today.

Thank you, friends.

Thanks for listening and we'll catch you next time.

Bye.