Communication is key, folks, and in this chat, we're diving headfirst into how to make sure your voice is heard loud and clear! We’re breaking down the six essential skills for effective communication, which can turn even the stickiest conversations into smooth sailing. From reflecting feelings to summarizing and validating emotions, we’ve got tips to help anyone go from “huh?” to “oh, I get it!” faster than you can say “misunderstanding.” Plus, we’re tackling real-life scenarios—because let’s face it, we’ve all had those moments where we thought we were clear, only to end up in a mini communication meltdown. So grab your favorite snack, kick back, and get ready for some fun insights that might just change the way you chat with friends, family, or that barista who keeps getting your order wrong!

Takeaways:

• Effective communication isn't just about the words we say, but how we make others feel heard and understood, so let's work on those vibes!
• Mastering reflective listening can totally transform conversations, helping us dig deeper into feelings and meanings behind the words.
• Validation is a game-changer! It’s all about acknowledging someone’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with them, which can diffuse tension.
• Remember, communication skills are like a workout; you gotta practice them regularly to build strength and confidence in your conversations!
• Listening with intent means setting aside your own agenda and really tuning in to what the other person is saying. It’s a total game changer!
• Guiding someone through a conversation can be tricky, so always ask if they want help or just need to vent – it's all about respect and understanding!

Foreign.

I'm Britney.

We're just here.

We didn't pull up our thing today.

I don't even know.

We're here to share some tips and tricks about mental health and your everyday lifestyle.

And today we're going to talk about communication.

We're doing in three parts, so.

So we're going to start off first talking about how to form healthy communication and how to actually make somebody feel heard.

And then the other two, we're going to give application real life scenarios for different relationships people have.

So those are our setup today.

Perfect.

And this is a good indicator that for communication, sometimes you have to be concise because we didn't have our opening intro written out and I couldn't remember.

You're welcome.

There we go.

I'm about to do things on the fly and remember generally what we're talking about, so.

So today we're going to talk, though, about the six skills that I learned when I was in grad school of how to make somebody actually feel heard and progress a conversation, and they will give them to you step by step.

We've referred to this in our Raising Anxious Generation workshop, and we'll also talk about it now to highlight it.

So.

Perfect.

Have you had a time where you feel like you were communicating clearly, but it just didn't quite land with that person?

Like, so many.

So many.

Like, husbands or work.

I don't know.

I get it with Matson all the time where I'm like, I told you this.

And then like, literally the other day I forgot what he was about, but it was like some detailed thing.

Oh, no, it was a TV show.

Okay.

And I was like, answering his question and we were going through, and I was like, matson, this happened.

Like, this person was having an affair on her husband.

And then it was Desperate Housewives.

So.

Okay, I binge watched that during my divorce, so I.

Yes.

Okay, got it.

Like, answering the question, he was like, what?

Who?

What?

And I was like, madison, this isn't the like.

And I was, like, laying it out, like, step by step.

And for some reason, he just wasn't getting it.

And I was getting so frustrated that he wasn't understanding me and he was getting frustrated I wasn't understanding him.

And it was really interesting to see how defensive and how angry we got just because it wasn't even anything big.

It was a dumb TV show.

Yeah.

Literally doesn't even matter.

And we were so mad at each other for a second I was like, this is how communication can go so bad.

And think about it on bigger Scale than just that it can go pretty bad.

Yeah, I feel like too.

So, like, I mean, that reminds me of like bigger skills.

Right.

Where it can go badly is like in co parenting and stuff.

Like sometimes you like think that you're sending something super concise in an email and then it's like, wait, this is not what I thought you were saying.

It's like, hold on.

Like I said it clearly in the email and then you reread it and it's like, oh, maybe I wasn't as clear as I thought it was.

Like, there's.

So sometimes you think that you have it all pulled together, but it's really hard to mess up communication.

Like, no matter how much you put thought into it.

Mess up communication?

No, like it's.

Or it's easy.

It's easy.

It's really easy to mess up communication.

That's what I meant to say.

Yeah.

I was like, wait, see even like that, where your brain is going faster than your words, you can articulate what you think, but then it doesn't go as well as you think it should.

So it's very common, which is why they gave us a bunch of communication skills when we were in it.

But it's good.

Communication isn't about like doing the perfect skill.

It's about how you leave the person feel, feeling.

And that was the number one thing they'd always push us is like, it's not about what you're saying, it's how you say it and the, the tools that you use to communicate and like progress the conversation forward.

So are you leaving them feeling good and happy?

Are you leaving them feeling angry and sad?

Or are you leaving them feeling confused?

Right.

So the whole goal is to try and convey emotions and the.

The message, overall message that you want.

Not like you're never going to get the words right.

And I have so many parents being like, he laid out for me exactly how to say it and like it's not.

It's not going to come out exactly as like.

And how I say things isn't going to come out.

You say things like it's just not going to work that way but.

And you like don't want to formula like I.

Even so James, like, bless his heart, my husband, like, we had worked through some things with like different ways to communicate and he was like, let me try this with this enneagram style thing.

So he had like gone into Chad GPT and was like, I'm enneagram whatever number plus, you know, I'm trying to communicate with Brittany who's an enneagram6.

And so I was like.

So he, like, had this, like, outline of, like, this is how we should, like, lay out the questions.

And this is.

Well, and so, like, there was one day we were having a really heated conversation.

And so this is where, like, you can't always have.

You can't always have the exact questions because then he's like, hold up, hold up.

Let me go grab my paper.

And so he, like, he got his paper.

I was like, I'm really sorry.

That sounds really hard for you.

What do you mean for me?

You know, like, just, like, reading it off the paper and, like, looking at me, it's like.

I started laughing.

I started laughing.

It's like in that moment, though, this is a perfect example of, like, you can think that, like, having the exact words to say are going to actually matter and make people feel better, but it's really just about how you make them feel.

It's like, I did feel okay on that one, just because it was like, his intent was there and he was really trying.

He didn't even do the right thing to say, but he was trying to do.

He was trying so hard.

Yes.

So it's like, just make the person feel seen, and it makes a big difference.

That's.

Yeah.

How you make people feel is the biggest thing in this conversation.

And, like, they'll escalate depending on how you're escalating and how you're not.

So it's.

It's all about, like, the six skills will kind of guide you to that.

So this easy way to do it is we'll.

We'll lay out the skills and then give you different ways you can practice them every day at the end of it.

But the first one is listen with intent.

Well, okay.

No, that one's, like, later on.

Why did it reorganize, guys?

My.

My layout reorganizes it.

So we're gonna go back a little bit and we're gonna do.

The first one that I want to do is, which is Reflect Feeling.

Because when you see my acronym, I will post these on social media and post these online.

And I think it's one of the downloadable pages that I have from the workshop.

It's going to be RR something like it's in an acronym.

So that's why I'm changing around.

But Reflect Feeling, this is where, like, you're noticing what people are feeling through what they're saying.

It's reading between the lines.

So it'd be like what James couldn't do in that moment where it was like.

And he was usually pretty good at it.

Yeah, yeah.

But, like, in that moment, right?

So, like, oh, you're feeling upset.

Like, I can see that.

I understand what you're saying.

It's a sweet ascribing a meaning to what you're seeing.

So Banks will come up sometimes and be like, mommy, I just want chocolate.

And I'm like, honey, like, do you just need attention right now?

Like, what's the deal?

You know?

And it's like, yeah, he wants chocolate, but he also wants something else, which is, like, my attention or feeling, and it's reflecting that back.

So they can name it and get better at name.

Yes.

And, like, even Anson the other day, like, he'd had.

He'd gone to soccer, and he was feeling really overwhelmed by the end of soccer.

And so somehow it had gone into this angry outburst.

And so I remember sitting there processing it with him being like, hey, I can see.

See that you're feeling a lot more right now.

And he's like, I just feel angry.

I was like, are you sure you feel angry?

Or, like, are you just feeling overwhelmed?

Are you feeling tired?

And he's like, well, actually.

And it ended up being something completely unexpected, but it was just like, I'm feeling really disappointed.

And I was like, let's talk about it.

And so, like, just hoping sometimes, like, even if you can't pinpoint the right emotion that they're feeling, at least it opens it up.

And then they're able to process through and be like, oh, yeah, you're right.

I wasn't feeling angry.

I was feeling something else.

And it creates that dialogue.

It's interesting, too.

People won't even sometimes know that they have a feeling driving what they're saying.

So when you go and say, like, hey, it sounds like.

Or it feels like.

Or like, I'm.

I'm getting this vibe or this presentation of emotions, like, however you want to word it.

But, like, when you reflect it back, then it makes them register, oh, I am having an emotion, set my tone.

And not everybody realizes they have an emotion setting their tone, which is a problem.

So when we do name it for them, that's when people start to pick it up of, like, oh, yeah, I am feeling something.

What am I feeling?

And it brings it back to that moment of, like, let's check in.

Yeah, kind of thing.

Yeah, totally.

And it's helpful to do that.

So reflect feeling is one of my absolute favorites to progress a conversation.

So, like, when it feels kind of stuck, or when I feel like, something's charged, or I'm not quite picking up what the deal is.

That's the one.

I'll go and be like, hey, it.

It feels like something's off, or it feels like you're overwhelmed, or it feels like it.

It is the one that I use a lot because it gets such a quick, like, snapback, and people love to correct you.

So if you get it wrong, great.

It's gonna still perpetuate a conversation.

Like, even Matt and I are having fight.

It almost, like, makes the fight go better or, like, open up because I. I did something, and he wants to correct me on it, and he wants to.

So it's not so much about getting the right emotion.

It's about just bringing emotions into the conversation that this one does, which is good, because we don't actually do that sometimes.

Yeah.

And it's just.

I think it, like, it's an invitation, too, for, like, hey, like, I'm willing to discuss something bigger.

Like, I think that sometimes we just need to, like, give that invitation out there.

And, like, sometimes people might receive us different in that way, too, where it's like, oh, like, you're actually here.

It's like, process with me and, like, figure it out.

And.

Yeah, that's good, too.

Second one.

Reflect meaning.

So this one is going under what this is about.

Like, it's not just, like, the example used with the answer.

It's like, hey, you're not just.

You don't seem like you're just angry about this.

It seems like there's more to it.

Like, you're disappointed because you feel like whatever, you know, or bringing in, like, a bigger theme to things helps a ton.

So going under what it's all about, and if there's, like, a theme to it will help a lot.

Like, it's not just.

There's no room.

What's the.

It's like, there was no room left for you in your own day kind of thing.

But so it helps just widen that conversation more.

Okay.

Yeah, I could see that.

So just kind of.

Yeah.

And I remember doing that even, like, if we go back to Anson's example to be like, oh, like, I could see how that was really disappointing for you, where, you know, the team didn't quite perform the way that you hope they had that day.

Right.

And so it's like, let's talk.

And he's like, yeah.

And then it was because this, this, and this.

And it's.

Yeah.

Yeah, I could see that.

Reflect meaning when you get the theme.

Behind whatever's going on you get to, like, solution faster, or you get, like, closer and more intimate conversations than when you're just going with, like, name the emotion.

Okay, that sucks.

Invalidate the motion.

And then you leave it there.

When you go under and you get actual meaning behind it, then you're giving yourselves a wider conversation to open up into.

I could see that.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

Validate.

This one is not, I say, such.

A charged one a little bit, but.

Acceptance versus agreement, guys.

Like, you do not have to accept everything.

But.

Or no, you do not have to agree with everything.

You have to accept it.

Meaning, like, acceptance is saying, like, I acknowledge this is there.

I need to leave space for something that is there.

You do not have to align with it.

Agreement is alignment.

Right.

So validation is not saying, like, yeah, I fully endorse that emotion, and you should feel that way and all those other things.

It's a. I can see your perspective.

I understand why you feel that way.

So, like, and it.

It just.

It, like, makes people so not as charged.

It really disarms people.

The minute that you can just be like, I understand that.

Like, you don't have to agree.

You don't have to say yes.

Like, you don't have to be like, you're right.

It's simply like, I get it.

Or even if you don't, like, understand, like, if you, like, even if that's hard to say, like, because I've had some situations recently where I'm like, I couldn't say, oh, I really understand why you're responding this way, but I could say, oh, wow, that sounds really hard.

I'm like, oh, you're really going through something really hard right now.

And so then that changes kind of the way they respond too.

They're like, yeah, I really am like, Than seeing that.

And it's.

Yeah.

Instead you're just like, being like, yeah, I see the emotions you're carrying, and it makes sense.

So validation is an approval or agreement.

It is simply just, I see it.

I. I am there for it.

Leaving space for it.

That's, like, all it really is.

It's leaving space for it.

And you're.

You're understanding and comprehending that.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

So it's not.

Yeah, you don't have to agree with it.

Like, even the other day, like, if I. I'll use the soccer example.

Right.

This will just be our theme through this one.

Because Anson felt a lot of feels that day, and he was super disappointed about whatever on the soccer field.

But I was like, dude, like, you're acting like you're literally Ronaldo out there on the field, and this is your first day of a soccer camp in, like, a neighborhood league, right?

Like, you are not Messi Ronaldo.

Like, coming off the World cup, he had really big expectations, right?

And so I could validate and be like, wow, I'm really, like, really sorry that felt kind of disappointing to you.

Or like, you know, that that was really hard that those other teammates had never played soccer before and kicked it into your goal even when they were on your team.

Like, you know, that was something that he was really struggling with.

But it's not that I was going to be like, but dude.

And this is actually something that he had called out.

He's like, I just want you to tell me that I was the best one out there.

And I was like, I can't do that, though.

Like, that's because you weren't the best one out there.

Right?

Like, so, like, we don't have to validate the way that they want it to be.

Like, oh, yeah, you're totally messy.

Like, you're fine.

You got this.

But just.

But you can't validate the emotions are.

They make sense.

You can understand it, or, like, it's just.

You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling.

It's a lot of, like, my little guy will be really angry about some stuff sometimes, and I'll be like, you're allowed to be angry.

I understand you can be angry, but you cannot have a behavior that then affects everyone else.

Like, and so he understands, like, it saves space to be experiencing the things you need to experience.

I will hold it for you.

So you're.

You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to be angry.

I can totally understand.

Or I can.

I can give you that space too, but that doesn't mean then that you get to go and be mean about it or anything else.

So that's what I think people think are worried, too, when they go into the validation realm, is that they're going to then approve whatever behavior comes after.

The two are totally separate things.

This one is simply saying, I see it.

Gotcha.

Yeah, well, that was hard.

Like, I think we could do a whole different podcast episode probably on validation and, like, how to healthy, valid, like, validate people in a healthy way.

Just because there's been some, like I said, some really complex situations in my own life lately where it's like, how do you validate somebody in an adult setting?

You know?

Cause, like, when the kids, it's like soccer or, like, hey, you can be angry, but you can't hit me.

Like, those are, like, easier ways to do it.

But sometimes it gets so much more nuanced when you're adults.

So just validate, but don't put too much, like, I don't know, Validate also sounds like.

I understand you're really upset.

I understand you're having a really hard time right now.

Right, right.

Like, that is validation, too, is just naming what they're having and then just being present with it.

Yeah.

So it's not even an approval in that moment or anything.

It's not even acceptance.

It's just.

I see it.

Yes.

See you, and I see your struggle.

You're not condoning behavior, like Taylor said before.

Yes.

It's a very neutral statement, which I think most people worry that validation is not.

And it's actually meant to be one of the most neutral statements.

But you're also not, like, pitting your perspectives against each other, which people don't understand.

You don't need to, like, have your perspective be more than theirs.

You're simply just saying, I see your side.

It's such a skill.

Like, such a weird skill, guys.

And sometimes I feel like I do better at it than others because sometimes I'm like.

But I have to really realize what subjects are going to trigger you and what ones you're going to be fully biased on.

And that's what they did in grad school with us, is they, like, said, these are your areas where you're probably going to struggle the most in.

And, like, we had this whole layout of it.

Like, I know when something comes up in certain areas, like, I will be extremely biased in that area, and I have to overcompensate and work to validate.

Nicer.

Yes.

Be slightly different than other areas where it's very easy for me.

Yeah.

So, like, you're going to have natural biases.

You're going to have a natural inclination on how to respond to certain things based off your own experiences.

That's just stupid to think you won't.

Yeah.

I'm even thinking, like, politics.

Like, I'm sure, like, all of us could jump to a very quick, heated discussion, you know, with politics on either side.

The other side.

Yeah.

Literally, like, people don't always know my side that I'm on.

Yeah.

And it's.

It's definitely one where it's a skill.

It is very interesting sometimes.

Yeah.

The next one is listen with intent.

So we have been trained to listen, to respond, not listen, to understand.

So we're so worried when we're going this conversation, like, I'm going to communicate especially important ones, right?

With kids, with partners, with work, with co workers, friends, whatever it is that you want to make sure that you have that conversation go well, that we're listening to respond.

We're not listening to understand.

So we're formulating these thoughts all throughout it.

Or we're like, it's almost like watching a movie, but one of those intense movies and you're critiquing it, or you're formulating this concept of it the whole time, and you're not actually intaking what's happening the full way.

You're trying to get a theme that you have predispositioned yourself to get and to do an analysis that you have predisposed yourself to get.

Instead of going in, in a raw slate and being like, I have no idea.

This is about.

I have no idea what's going to happen.

Let's see what happens in this movie.

That's what's happening in conversations most of the time is we're not taking the moment to be like, I have to.

I have to literally go blank.

And it's okay if I pause after they do it.

It's okay that I don't have an immediate response.

It's okay that I don't have something prepped I can respond with.

Let me prep this for a second.

Like, let me come back to this.

And I think one thing that, like, we've been working on in our marriage, too, like, James and I is, like, not always going into fixer mode after things.

Like, sometimes.

Because you're not listening with intent.

Yes, yes.

So, like, you need to listen to understand instead of, let me fix or let me have this pre.

Just, like, predisposition idea.

Let me show you my wisdom.

Or let me.

Like, that's not what we're here for.

And it's fascinating because most people think I do that, but Taylor and therapist Taylor are two different people.

And my family will tell you, Taylor.

Taylor is very ditzy.

So, like, I don't even do it in my personal life.

I don't prep anything in my head.

Like, when I'm listening, I'm just listening.

And then whatever comes out comes out.

But it's the same at work, too.

Whatever comes out, comes out.

But it's.

I'm trained to do it quicker than other people, but I'm literally.

I'm just sitting there listening the whole time, and then I formulate.

But then you have to, like, work.

Taylor also has to be like, well, that Was really dumb.

Like, you're stupid.

Like, you can't say stuff like that.

Right.

We're like, where?

If you or I are talking in a conversation, you'd be like, girl, that was dumb.

Like, I remember a conversation we had the other day, and you're like, what the crap are you thinking?

Right?

Oh, I would never say that to.

You would never say that with a.

Client I have, actually.

But it's certain clients.

Certain people.

Yes.

And you'd be, like, super comfortable with them and ask me this relationship and.

Yeah, but like, you got to seek to understand instead of just replying or fixing or.

Yeah, yeah, but I think, too, that shows you more authentically I'm listening.

Oh, you were definitely listening because you're like, girl, what the crap is wrong with you?

I was like, you're right.

But my immediate response.

And for a second, I'm like, where's my validation?

Where's my reflecting my feelings?

Like, where's my.

And she's like, this is stupid.

But again, it was authentic.

It was authentic.

I was listening with intent.

But not everybody is always perfect at this either, right?

You can see it.

Yeah, girl, you dumb.

You earned that one.

I did earn that one.

Does that make sense on listening with intent?

It totally does.

Like, and this is something that I've been working on a lot, actually, in my marriage with James is just realizing where I'm like, I don't have to fix it.

I don't have to, like, offer solutions all the time or I don't have to be like, give her.

Yeah, yeah, You're.

You're there just to be a sounding board sometimes.

Sometimes I think people forget.

So you're really just there to talk.

Like, you're not there to like, I gotta fix it.

Yeah.

Like, I don't feel like I ever fix things.

When, like, even in that conversation we were talking, I was just giving you my initial feedback.

And then I.

And then I formulated stuff but, like.

And I was like, I actually need help now.

Like.

And I think that's, like, just in the communication.

If somebody asks you for help, then that's where you get the help.

But that's in the guide part.

That.

We'll get there.

Yeah, yeah, we'll get there.

The next one, the fifth one, fifth, sixth one is summarized.

So reflect the whole thing back.

So this one is meant to be kind of like a.

Let me wrap it up to make sure that I understand it in my own words.

So what happens is.

Have you ever heard that saying, like, when you teach something, you actually Know it better because you're able to not only intake the information, but then exput it.

I've been doing that after tennis lessons recently.

Yeah.

I've been like, hey, James, can I teach you what I learned in my tennis lesson today?

Yeah, because I'm like, I want to remember what I learned.

Yes.

So it solidifies it.

Right.

So when you're.

You're summarizing something, you're reflecting back.

Like, I heard you.

I understand it, and I'm intaking it and, like, kind of reflecting back, but also what it does is it makes people hear what they said to you out loud.

Yes.

And actually, my husband's super good at this, and there's been sometimes where he'll, like, say something back.

He's like, okay, so what I heard you say and what my takeaway is is, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I'm like, no, no, no, no.

Actually, that's not what I meant to say.

And so then it gives you a time to kind of clear it up a little bit where it's like.

So it's a great way to either be like, hey, yes, they understood me, or, hey, actually, no, that came across wrong.

And, like, I didn't mean to say it that way.

That wasn't my intention.

Like a communication, like, yeah, error or something like that.

This is actually my least utilized one that I use.

Summarizing.

Yeah.

I could probably do a little bit better at that sometimes, but I don't.

I don't overly, like, summarize.

It's hard sometimes.

I struggle and, like, I struggle with it way more.

Like, James is really good at it, and I appreciate that.

Really like, it.

Yeah.

Versus other ones.

Hold on a second.

Otherwise, welcome to Scooby Doo, guys.

Come on back out.

Yeah.

Just the way that our brains process things sometimes, and we're like, I'm really good at, like, listening with intent.

Like, that's something I do better at sometimes.

Or, you know, I don't know.

Actually, I'm not as great at that.

I take it back because I try to fix things.

But, like, you're a really good guy.

I'm really good guy.

But I'm also good at validating.

I feel like I do okay at that.

Yeah.

The last one is guide, which is like, you.

You should only ask first, but it's like, do you want to vent or do you want to figure it out together?

Like, it's figuring out, like, you're asking permission to then go into fix it mode.

Right.

But we jump to that so quickly.

This should be the Last utilized skill, by the way, guys, you should be listening, having a conversation, being, inputting all these things, and then finally be like, well, do you need help?

Do you want.

I need help.

Like this one.

This one's meant to kind of like, help them see if they actually need help, support or not.

Yeah.

A good example of this is my stepdaughter.

She's a.

And a lot of times she'll tell me things that she doesn't want me to do.

Okay?

And so, like, I've worked on, like, okay, I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to do this, blah, blah, blah.

But the other day I caught myself.

And I was one of those.

She needed something.

I don't even remember.

We'll say she needed something in the kitchen, right?

Because it was something like that.

And I remember her, like, we went.

Through the whole steps and I was.

Like, oh, like, I can see.

See that you're hungry right now.

And blah, blah, blah.

Oh, wow.

What I'm hearing is that you need something to eat.

And she's like, just, like, kind of having a meltdown about it.

And then I was like, I can ask first.

Hey, did you just want to vent about this, or did you actually want my help making a sandwich?

She's like, no, actually, did you help make a sandwich?

I was like, okay, I can help you make the sandwich.

But I feel like so often, like, in the past, I would have jumped right into, like, let me make you the sandwich, that it's like I would miss all this other whatever was actually going on.

Like, hey, actually, I'm sad because, you know, I didn't get snuggle my cat today or whatever it is.

Right.

But, like.

And so you miss all these other feelings when they don't always want you to be the guide.

Like, it's.

Yeah, yeah.

It's interesting because everyone thinks when you're a therapist that you give advice, and I'm like, that's actually like, maybe 5% of what I do.

Yeah, 95 of what I do is the first five skills that we named.

Like, it's.

It's a lot of going in between those skills and finally being like, do you need help?

Like, what.

Where are we going with this?

What do we want to do with this?

But people jump so quickly to that one because it's quick and it gives your opinion out there.

You get to be in control.

The other ones are a lot of gray areas that you can get lost in a conversation and they take a long time.

Yeah, that's the key is you should be giving a long time to people that are important to you.

So you should be given the 45 minutes to 15 minutes and not doing it with your phone in your hand.

Yeah.

Which is hard to remember sometimes, though, that, like, they do communication.

Like, in order to communicate well, like, it takes a lot of time.

And so, like, James is a brother.

Then he was like, it sounds like you and your wife have a lot of these, like, really big conversations.

And James was like, well, it's because we're trying to figure out how to, like, get through some of these challenges.

Like, we're trying to do this.

And he's like, oh, well, it's just easier for me just to ignore it sometimes.

And so it's like, that is an easier way to do things.

Sometimes it feels like, because it takes less times, it's less stressful.

Be like, oh, just give them what they want.

Like, go straight to the guide mode.

You know?

Be like, oh, they're just hungry.

I'll just give them a sandwich.

But, like, you miss all those other steps in between if you don't.

And so it's.

It's a hard thing to remember sometimes.

Yeah.

I think.

I think you remember, though, that if you value.

Value that person, you'll give them their time.

Like, so it's.

It's a simple equation of, if I value, I'll give you my time totally without divided attention.

Yeah.

But it's like learning to do this.

That's kind of the.

The kicker.

Like, so we'll do the skills really quick one more time.

It's reflected feeling, reflect meaning, validate, summarize, listen with intent, and guide.

Which one do you think you do the best?

I think you said it earlier.

I probably do the best at, like, the reflect feeling and meaning.

And then my worst is probably listening with intent.

Cause I always go to guide.

Yeah.

Like, I just want to fix things.

I feel like mine now is summer.

Right.

Which is funny.

Like, they.

They work with us so much.

But my worst one now probably is summarizing and listen with a tent with my husband.

Because I just jumped to whatever conclusion I want.

But it's funny because at work, I'm really good at that one.

But with him, I'm just like, nope.

But it's interesting.

Certain people, certain things in relationships, you're going to notice that you tend to do great in other areas.

And then other areas, you're like, no,.

I mean, like I said earlier, with you, like, clients, you'll, like, do one thing.

You're like, this is actually the right way to do it.

Than me.

I'm like, what the crap?

Like, you earned it.

All right.

Anything else for this one?

For wisdom Onius?

I don't think so.

I think it's just like, be patient with yourself as you're learning this.

I mean, like, so many other things, it's.

It doesn't always just happen overnight.

Like, Taylor, like, I mean, I have a master or not.

I don't have a master's.

Taylor has a master's in therapy.

But I just have like, my degrees in communication.

And it's like, still I struggle with it.

Right.

Like, it's.

It's hard sometimes.

Yeah, I think, I think it's a ongoing.

Ever they used to call an art form.

I'm a master's of art for a reason, which I'm like, I don't disagree on that.

Like, communication is an art form.

And trying to learn each person, like, it's almost like a different brain with every person I work with.

Oh, yeah.

Every brain.

I have to figure out which one of the skills really lands with that person.

And then even then it.

Sometimes it's like a trial and error multiple times on that same person to figure out which one they like the most.

And it's.

It's a journey.

So you, you just try them all out and then see which one tends to land and then keep repeating and practicing those more and more.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just, it's a learning curve and it's.

It's worth the time to put into it.

It does build greater and deeper relationships.

Um, you're gonna sound like a robot.

At first, and that's fine.

Like, it'll become more authentic and you'll find your way to actually present it.

Like, I am a pretty chill therapist, so my, My, my way of asking, like, feeling is sometimes like, what is that?

I'll be like, what?

I'm like, what is that emotion?

Like, what is this vibe?

What does that change?

What does that shift?

Like?

Other times it'll literally be like, it seems like.

And I'll use the phrasing of the therapy thing.

So, like, you'll find your style with your person and how you need to do it.

But it becomes more authentic just the more you pull it out.

And when you specifically are like, I'm going to go into this and it's a low cost, like, low stakes thing, and I'm going to summarize.

I'm going to guide or I'm going to whatever, then you can, you can test it out.

People love guy.

Don't.

That's, like, the last one to use guys.

Yeah.

And it's so easy to jump to that since.

Yeah.

Because like I said, I. I feel like I jump to that a lot.

Everyone does.

Yeah.

Okay, good.

It's not just me.

No.

No.

It's a lot of people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fix our mode.

Fix it.

Mode is usually the first fix it.

Felix.

Hope these skills help you guys with everyday conversations.

They don't replace professional support if there's something bigger going on.

So if you have, like, neat couples therapy, family counseling, things like that, this will not do it.

But, like, this is meant to help give you kind of some basic steps that you can do.

Very straightforward.

Practice a skill.

We're going to give more application of what it looks like and sounds like in the next two episodes with different types of relationships.

So the first one will be more with teens, if your teen is struggling with mental health specifically, or just genes in general.

And then the second one will be like, relationships, especially romantic relationships.

Perfect.

All right, thank you.

Thanks for listening, and we'll catch you on our next episode.

Bye.