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Description
What happens when caregiving and personal growth converge in the life of a newlywed? Johan Heinrichs welcomes his daughter, Danika, who recounts her journey of balancing self-care and supporting her husband, Jaden, through his bipolar disorder.
She opens up about her challenges, from navigating her own ADHD diagnosis to experiencing burnout and learning the importance of a support network. As Danika reflects on her post-school life and their transformative move to a new apartment, she shares how closer ties to their church community improved their mental and emotional well-being.
This conversation highlights the balance between self-care, faith, and the supportive power of the community, providing valuable insights on managing personal and shared struggles with grace and resilience.
Time Stamps
[05:28] Love transcends mental health; initial surprise reciprocated.
[07:09] Navigating marriage with spouse's fluctuating mental health.
[11:03] January emotional challenges; hospitalized for bipolar diagnosis.
[15:50] Balancing self-care and communal support amid crises.
[17:22] Medication and diagnosis significantly aided his stability.
[20:35] Feeling confident, supported by family and community.
[23:42] Managing ADHD with self-care, journaling, and hobbies.
[28:58] Moving improved my outdoor experience and routine.
[31:58] Address suicidal ideation immediately; trust in God.
Guest Links
Choosing Kin Parts 1-3 (Danika's Adoption Story): https://player.captivate.fm/collection/dc99c0ff-5a67-433e-aeb1-3af68ed5ed9f
Differently Wired | Bipolar Disorder in Community (Jadon's Episode)
https://www.careimpact.ca/post/s03e21
Other Links
Reach out to us! https://journeywithcare.ca/podcast
Email: podcast@careimpact.ca
Listen To Journey With Prayer - A prayer journey corresponding to this episode: https://journeywithprayer.captivate.fm/listen
or get both podcasts on the same RSS feed! https://feeds.captivate.fm/n/careimpact-podcast
CareImpact: careimpact.ca
About the CarePortal: careimpact.ca/careportal
DONATE! Help connect and equip more churches across Canada to effectively journey well in community with children and families: careimpact.ca/donate
Editing and production by Johan Heinrichs: arkpodcasts.ca
Transcripts
Hey. Before we get into today's conversation, please note that this conversation
Speaker:contains mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation.
Speaker:If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach
Speaker:out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available
Speaker:247. Just dial 988. Remember, you're not
Speaker:alone. Especially, like,
Speaker:with something like bipolar disorder, like, to talk to somebody and say, hey,
Speaker:my husband's in the psychiatric unit because he wanted to kill himself. That's a very
Speaker:heavy topic, and it's hard to bring that up to somebody
Speaker:because I want to make sure that they're okay and that, you know, what are
Speaker:their emotions like? Are they gonna be in that grieving and, like, anxiety moment
Speaker:too? It's this weird web of where you're you almost forget
Speaker:about yourself and the fact that you need care and you need to
Speaker:be supported and you need to look at, like, and ask yourself the same questions
Speaker:you would ask people around you. Like, how are you doing? What does
Speaker:loving your neighbor actually look like?
Speaker:This is Journey with Care, where curious Canadians get inspired
Speaker:to love others well through real life stories and honest conversations.
Speaker:This is Johan here. We are in our series, Battery Life of a
Speaker:Caregiver. We're exploring the lives of those who dedicate themselves to caregiving
Speaker:roles. We'll uncover what it takes, their self care strategies,
Speaker:and how our communities can provide much needed support around them.
Speaker:Today, I'm honored to have a returning guest and my daughter,
Speaker:Danica, to share a little bit about being a wife and support to someone
Speaker:living with bipolar disorder. But before we get into
Speaker:that conversation, remember that we have Journey with Prayer, 5 minute
Speaker:devotional to start off your week. That's on a separate feed. If you check the
Speaker:show notes, I got some links there for you to follow.
Speaker:And to continue to produce great content, we rely on the
Speaker:generosity of our listeners, donors, and sponsors of Care Impact.
Speaker:To help the podcast and the work of Care Impact in the community, we value
Speaker:your support. We'd love to connect with new sponsors and
Speaker:donors to the podcast. Just head over to the show notes again or careimpact.ca/podcast.
Speaker:So Danica, who previously shared her adoption story at the
Speaker:beginning of this season, season 3 episodes 1 to 3. You can
Speaker:go listen to that if you wanna hear a story. Danica is also the loving
Speaker:wife of Jaden who opened up about his bipolar disorder diagnosis on
Speaker:episode 21 of season 3 this season. That episode was called
Speaker:differently wired navigating bipolar disorder in community.
Speaker:Really good episode. I encourage you to check it out. Feel free to pause this
Speaker:episode and listen to that one. It might be a good way to, preview this
Speaker:episode, but here we are. Welcome to the podcast, Danica.
Speaker:Thank you for having me again. Looking forward to the conversation. I
Speaker:always love having conversations with you, whether it's on the podcast
Speaker:or in my living room. Alright, Danica. We're gonna get right into
Speaker:it. Let's go to the beginning, not the beginning of your life,
Speaker:but can you reminisce about the early days of your relationship with Jaden?
Speaker:What drew you to him? Yeah. So when I first came
Speaker:to Winnipeg, I was a part of a smaller church
Speaker:community. And so Jaiden was one of
Speaker:2 of the young adults there, and
Speaker:I just noticed that he just was a really joyful individual
Speaker:and super committed to Jesus. And I just really
Speaker:admired that. I think it kind of just went from there. It also
Speaker:helped that he lived, like, 10 houses down from where I was
Speaker:living. And so during, like, the COVID pandemic, we would
Speaker:start going for walks one summer, got to know each other a bit
Speaker:better, did an online bible study with some people from our
Speaker:church. And then it was when I started studying with him
Speaker:in the University of Manitoba engineering basement. During my
Speaker:1st year of university, it was we went for walks every single
Speaker:day for, like, 4 months. And during that
Speaker:time, it was still the his heart for Jesus and just
Speaker:the love that he had for him and just how faithful he's
Speaker:been in his walk with the Lord just really drew me to him, and he's
Speaker:he's super funny, kind of like a carefree individual. Yeah.
Speaker:He's one of the most joyful people you'll ever meet. Yeah. And we
Speaker:went through a little bit of that dating story in our episode 1 to 3
Speaker:there where you shared about the walks of the pandemic and the awkwardness
Speaker:of walking across the street and waving to the person you're dating,
Speaker:which is kind of odd. But did you suspect anything about Jaden's mental health,
Speaker:during that time of dating? Yeah. So because I
Speaker:knew him before we started dating, he had taken, like, a break
Speaker:from school, for, like, an entire semester
Speaker:and had kinda mentioned something how it was, like, for
Speaker:his mental health. And so our first date,
Speaker:we talked about his mental health, like, in great detail. And
Speaker:I got to kinda know more about, like, his depression and,
Speaker:like, that cycle where one moment he's, like, okay,
Speaker:and then suddenly everything sucks, and he is starting to have, like,
Speaker:suicidal thoughts regularly. But he didn't have a diagnosis at this point,
Speaker:right, while you were dating? No. He didn't have a diagnosis at all. It's like
Speaker:this mysterious thing that just started happening to him.
Speaker:So when you had those conversations about his mental health, do you feel like that
Speaker:was a red flag for you, or was that something that drew you to
Speaker:him and something that you felt like, you know what? This is part of who
Speaker:you are, and I'm I'm willing to deal with this. I think for
Speaker:me, just with my own mental health journey, and, you know,
Speaker:my biological dad has PTSD. That's pretty bad. And
Speaker:so I just didn't see it being, like, the core of who he
Speaker:is. It was definitely something that I did
Speaker:consider in, like, you know, walking with him and, like, learning how to support him
Speaker:during those times, but he was so much more than just his mental health.
Speaker:And, you know, when you start falling in love, it's like, there's gonna be good
Speaker:things about the person you marry, and there's gonna be things that are gonna be
Speaker:difficult to walk through. But, yeah, I didn't see it as a red flag. I
Speaker:just saw it as, oh, maybe the Lord's, like, bringing us together
Speaker:because of my background with mental health and just the way that I view it.
Speaker:Another important thing is, like, when we first started dating, like, I was surprised
Speaker:that he'd liked me back. I'd always had this, like, idea that I was too
Speaker:broken or just too much to be in a relationship.
Speaker:And just he loved me back so well. And, like, he loved the
Speaker:quirkiest weirdest parts of me, and it's just it was just a really
Speaker:refreshing experience. That's amazing. So you
Speaker:guys get married. Now let's talk about that time frame leading up to when
Speaker:Jaden actually got his diagnosis. How did that come about? How did
Speaker:he get that diagnosis, and how did you guys react to the
Speaker:news? How did you respond? Yeah. So I had a
Speaker:general idea of his, like, suicidal thoughts and, like,
Speaker:depressive, like, episodes. But when we got
Speaker:married, it was like two and a half weeks after the wedding. He came
Speaker:home and he was like, hey, I walked to the bridge
Speaker:and I almost jumped. And I was like, okay. Okay. This is fine.
Speaker:I remained calm, but once we were married, I
Speaker:really saw what they were actually like. Because like
Speaker:I was there in the middle of the night when he'd wake up and need
Speaker:to talk or having hours and hours of conversations.
Speaker:And so it was just an added, like, challenge in that 1st
Speaker:year, trying to learn to navigate to live with someone when
Speaker:they can be 1 like, they can be depressed one moment, super
Speaker:happy, or just all of a sudden, like, mellow
Speaker:kind of in between. And so for the first, like, year and a half of
Speaker:our marriage, it was like almost every single month. It was
Speaker:like a cycle that he would start to get, like, into a
Speaker:low as we called it, and then he wouldn't be sleeping well.
Speaker:And then he would get the suicidal ideation. And it just really
Speaker:varied on how severe that would be each time. And
Speaker:so a lot of it was encouraging him and pushing him towards,
Speaker:you know, going for therapy. Then we went on antidepressants
Speaker:because we just thought it was chronic depression. That's what, like, the doctor was
Speaker:saying, and we're just waiting until we found, like, the
Speaker:right supports to navigate it. But it was
Speaker:hard. I mean, when you're married and it's your 1st year,
Speaker:something that Jane and I have talked about, we didn't really get that honeymoon phase.
Speaker:We started with life and death situations and
Speaker:just really going into that, for better or for worse, in sickness and
Speaker:health, like, immediately. And so, eventually, he
Speaker:got on some antidepressants. And once they kicked in, nothing happened
Speaker:for, like, 7 months. And then all of a sudden after that 7
Speaker:months, he went back into a low. And so
Speaker:our doctor was like, oh, we'll just switch you onto a different kind
Speaker:of antidepressant. Sometimes they build up in your body and they don't work.
Speaker:And when he went on these ones, that's when he had his first,
Speaker:like, noticeable manic episode. And,
Speaker:personally, that was scarier than when he was lower because
Speaker:he wasn't sleeping at all. So what did that look like, a manic
Speaker:episode? I mean, he describes it a little bit in his episode, but
Speaker:from your perspective, like, how did you feel during this manic
Speaker:episodes, and what did it look like from your perspective? From my
Speaker:perspective, it looked like he was going insane. Also, he was just,
Speaker:like, mega genius all of a sudden. Like, the stuff he was talking about was
Speaker:insane, but he was just full of energy
Speaker:all the time. And that really soft,
Speaker:careful, considerate side of him just disappeared. And so
Speaker:it was really hard because I really wanted him to be happy and
Speaker:thriving and enjoying life. But now he was in a situation where I was asking
Speaker:him not to do that. And that was like the hardest thing to do. I
Speaker:did end up saying something very bluntly to him at
Speaker:one point, because he's like, don't you want me to be happy? I
Speaker:told him something along the lines. Like, the only one that's enjoying your
Speaker:happiness right now is you. And that was really
Speaker:hard to say. But once I said that, that's when, like,
Speaker:Jaden and I had alarm bells going off. And we talked to
Speaker:our family doctor, and that's when we first heard the words
Speaker:bipolar disorder. So where did it go from there? How did he get
Speaker:that official diagnosis? So he had to go off the
Speaker:antidepressants that he was trying because for those with bipolar
Speaker:disorder, they cause manic episodes. And then
Speaker:we got him on to one medication for
Speaker:bipolar, but our general practitioner, she can't prescribe
Speaker:anything higher. And so she had to refer him to a psychiatrist,
Speaker:and we just waited because you can't rush a referral to
Speaker:psychiatry. They're overworked, and there's such a demand, and there's not
Speaker:enough to meet that demand. And so that up and
Speaker:down was normal life at that point. So when you get the
Speaker:diagnosis, how did you guys react? What was your response? How do you feel? What
Speaker:were the emotions going on at that time? So that
Speaker:was January of this year, and a
Speaker:lot was going on for me emotionally already. The whole reason we got the
Speaker:diagnosis is I lost someone really important to me,
Speaker:and I just didn't have the emotional capacity to go through another
Speaker:low. And I noticed this, like, suicidal ideation was, like,
Speaker:super bad. I was exhausted, and I was like,
Speaker:if I keep him at home, I'm being selfish
Speaker:because I just don't wanna be away from him, but he needs
Speaker:help. And so we went to the
Speaker:crisis response center, was up most of that night, and
Speaker:they decided to send him to the
Speaker:psychiatry ward so that they could go through a formal
Speaker:diagnosis process because they were pretty convinced he had bipolar disorder at this point.
Speaker:And that way they could try different meds and try them at
Speaker:higher doses so they work faster. And you could also get that formal
Speaker:diagnosis in a week instead of waiting so many months for, like, a
Speaker:community psychiatrist. And so I remember, like, when they
Speaker:came to get him to bring him to the psych ward, they asked if
Speaker:I wanted to walk with him. And I just
Speaker:knew I couldn't walk with him and then be escorted out
Speaker:of the building. Like, it was a very I was, like, very I
Speaker:just felt so empty inside at that point. You know, my best friend, the
Speaker:person that, like, I feel the safest with wasn't
Speaker:by my side during a time that I was grieving someone that was
Speaker:super important to me. How did you get through that time?
Speaker:So I remember the first night, Jaden's brother picked me
Speaker:up from the crisis response center, and then I went to your guys' house.
Speaker:You and mom were not there yet. You were gonna be there,
Speaker:like, a little bit later. And so I remember Eli
Speaker:was home, and so it was just really special because he and I just watched
Speaker:a movie in the basement together, and it was just really nice to not be
Speaker:asked about it. And then I have a really good friend
Speaker:from my church who I was getting fairly close with her
Speaker:family and her kids. And when I updated her about what
Speaker:was going on, it was just so refreshing. Her first question
Speaker:was like, why didn't you guys tell me about Jaden's mental health sooner or, you
Speaker:know, asking all these questions? But she was like, you can come stay at our
Speaker:house anytime that you need. We will feed you. We're here for
Speaker:you. And, like, the whole week because I did
Speaker:go stay at their house overnight one night, and then
Speaker:I would get text during the days when I wasn't there, like, have you had
Speaker:lunch? Are you eating? Are you drinking? Did you sleep last night?
Speaker:And it was just so refreshing because unknown to me at
Speaker:that time, I have ADHD, and so eating regularly can
Speaker:be difficult on a good day. And I just felt like I was known
Speaker:by somebody and, like, like, their focus
Speaker:was completely on me and what I needed. And it
Speaker:was just so good because it made it easier to talk about what was going
Speaker:on with Jaden and how I was feeling, and they're just a
Speaker:really good rock during that time. Yeah. Because often in these
Speaker:crisis situations, you'll often get the question, how
Speaker:is Jaden doing? And it it doesn't often come
Speaker:where they'll ask how you're doing because it's very
Speaker:stressful for the caregivers in these crisis situations.
Speaker:It is. And I understand that because it's also very stressful for people that care
Speaker:about the individual because it's like, they wanna make sure they're
Speaker:okay. Like, Jaiden is such a core person in our
Speaker:community, and so many people love him. And it's
Speaker:also so scary to ask a caregiver how they're doing
Speaker:because it's like, what's your relationship like for them? Or we're
Speaker:not necessarily taught in society how to care for
Speaker:somebody when they're going through something like that to get
Speaker:support or, like, you know, is it okay to ask this question? But it's just
Speaker:we're not taught to ask about the caregiver first and then the person
Speaker:that's being cared for. Do you feel there's sometimes maybe feelings
Speaker:of guilt to to even bring up about how you're feeling when
Speaker:when you get questions like that? Like, is there is there a guilt thing there?
Speaker:Sometimes. Like, I wanted to be asked first.
Speaker:I wanted people to see me and to focus on me, but, of course, I'm
Speaker:riddled with guilt and shame because my
Speaker:husband's in this psychiatric unit at the hospital, and I'm able to be at
Speaker:home. Yes. It almost feels like, how can I be so
Speaker:selfish to think about my own care when my husband's in the hospital?
Speaker:Right? Yeah. Yeah. This is, like, one of the most emotional weeks I've
Speaker:had in my life. And I had to sit down and, like, make the hard
Speaker:decision, like, am I gonna continue with my degree? Because you were wondering if you
Speaker:had to quit school just to care for him a little bit more and and
Speaker:to be available. Right? Yeah. And I was so close to finishing my degree
Speaker:too, and I just really I really didn't wanna stop.
Speaker:And so a lot of it was asking people questions
Speaker:and needing to initiate sometimes
Speaker:when I needed help or I needed to talk something through, which is okay, but
Speaker:at the same time, that's added exhaustion because I'm also thinking, I
Speaker:don't wanna burden people with these hard emotions, these really hard
Speaker:conversations, and almost like wanting to care for others around you
Speaker:in your community as well, especially, like, with something like bipolar
Speaker:disorder. Like, to talk to somebody and say, hey. My husband's in the
Speaker:psychiatric unit because he wanted to kill himself. That's a very heavy topic,
Speaker:and it's hard to bring that up to somebody because I
Speaker:want to make sure that they're okay and that you know, what are their emotions
Speaker:like? Are they gonna be in that grieving and, like, anxiety moment too?
Speaker:It's this weird web of where you're you almost forget about
Speaker:yourself and the fact that you need care and you need to be
Speaker:supported, and you need to look at, like, and ask yourself the same questions you
Speaker:would ask people around you. Like, how are you doing? Are you grieving?
Speaker:Are you anxious? Are you scared? And spoiler alert, Danica. Of course,
Speaker:you got your degree. You worked so hard, especially through the
Speaker:challenges, and you persevered. It's amazing.
Speaker:But since the diagnosis, like, you guys had to learn how to deal with
Speaker:bipolar. So what kind of work have have you and Jaden,
Speaker:specifically you, like, what have you had to do to manage and learn about bipolar
Speaker:and how to implement those things into your guys' everyday lives?
Speaker:So in the beginning, when he did come home, he
Speaker:ended up reading a book on, like, bipolar
Speaker:disorder. And I haven't had the opportunity yet to read through it,
Speaker:but the first thing I did is I'd let him just talk in detail about
Speaker:what he was learning about himself. And it's
Speaker:there was just such a difference once he got on the medication and had a
Speaker:community psychiatrist. Like, he was himself
Speaker:and was, like, able to, like, manage his emotions and be more stable. Like, it
Speaker:was a night and day difference. And so I've just learned
Speaker:to ask him questions and to be a
Speaker:reminder that having a day that you feel sad isn't
Speaker:gonna spiral out of control anymore. And just getting to
Speaker:almost be similar to before, where just being that
Speaker:emotional support and that comfort and listening and talking with him,
Speaker:now it's we know what it is. We have a name for it,
Speaker:and just the relief that came with that on its own, like, was the
Speaker:biggest thing to learn. So now that he's on
Speaker:meds, it feels a little bit more stable. Right? So what
Speaker:does a manic episode look like now, and how do you navigate that? How would
Speaker:you respond when you're seeing a little bit of a manic episode
Speaker:arising? The really cool thing and, like, just such a
Speaker:testimony of the Lord, the first, like, they call it, like, a
Speaker:cocktail for medications when you're taking different medications
Speaker:together to get the best effect. The first group of
Speaker:medications they put him on, once he was out of the psychiatric
Speaker:unit, he hasn't had any mania.
Speaker:It's amazing. Like, I haven't seen him
Speaker:go into any, like, really depressive lows or into, like,
Speaker:really high highs. It's like his emotions don't go from
Speaker:one extreme to the other. They're just that natural, like, some days are
Speaker:a little bit more like blood. Other days are like, oh, this is really good.
Speaker:But he's just he's stable, and I see that confidence and
Speaker:that trust in his emotions now. And it's just it's so
Speaker:good. Now I remember you getting the diagnosis, and you're a little
Speaker:disappointed to find out that this isn't something that's just gonna go away and
Speaker:disappear. Like, this is something you gotta learn to live with. So how
Speaker:important has it been having a strong support network around both you
Speaker:and Jaden? And who are some of those key peoples that specifically
Speaker:you, that you depend on when you when you feel like you're having
Speaker:challenges as as a caregiver? I definitely lean,
Speaker:like, a lot on you and mom because
Speaker:Well, I hope we would be there for you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Get up.
Speaker:I think it's really, like for those who have listened to, like, the 3rd
Speaker:episode of my adoption story, I remember, like, I
Speaker:was just kinda starting in January to lean on you guys more
Speaker:when something came up and being a little bit more vulnerable when I needed
Speaker:help. And then, like, this just really
Speaker:helped with that because it's like I was able to, like, text you guys
Speaker:anytime and be like, hey. Like, this isn't going great. And, like, my
Speaker:gecko got sick while Jaden was in the psychiatric ward.
Speaker:And so you drove me to a vet, which was so helpful
Speaker:because, like, my gecko is my emotional support, and he
Speaker:decided that was the best week to get sick. And so it's just like I
Speaker:feel like I'm way more confident now to come and, like, ask you guys questions
Speaker:or say like, hey. It's really, really hard right now, and we
Speaker:need this. And it's just I think it's really just brought that
Speaker:family relationship with you guys and also the siblings to just new
Speaker:levels. And then that family from church, like, this summer, when I
Speaker:was finishing my degree, it was, like, so busy. And
Speaker:I was over at their place for supper regularly, And that
Speaker:really helped because I'm not the biggest fan of cooking at
Speaker:all. And so I was able to, like, go, you
Speaker:know, eat a meal and just really get to be a part of
Speaker:normal life, and they just treated Jaiden normal too, and
Speaker:that really helps. Like, I really lean on them for,
Speaker:like, that support and, like, knowing that it's like, there's another, like, member of our
Speaker:community that we can go over anytime open door.
Speaker:And then also, like, Jaden having the opportunity to speak on the
Speaker:podcast, it's opened so many doors and so many conversations
Speaker:where people's like they've I feel like they feel more, like, confident to be able
Speaker:to ask them questions. That seems so important. Right? Yeah.
Speaker:Like, even being able to tell our stories and being honest with our mental
Speaker:health, it really does open those doors to more conversations
Speaker:and being able to care for one another as communities,
Speaker:being better supports to the caregivers as well as those needing
Speaker:care. It's it's amazing what just having a conversation
Speaker:could do for that. Yeah. And I think, like, the biggest thing now that, like,
Speaker:he's, like, he's in that, like, stability, his medications are working
Speaker:really well, everything. It's like, the best thing caregivers can do right now
Speaker:is just treat us like normal because this is our normal.
Speaker:And, yeah, it's gonna impact him for the rest of his life,
Speaker:and there could be times that his medication needs to be changed up. But, like,
Speaker:he has a community psychiatrist now, and he's able to talk to them. And,
Speaker:you know, many, many people with bipolar disorder go on to live very
Speaker:normal lives. And so being treated normal and
Speaker:just that love and that knowing
Speaker:that when something if it does happen, that, you know, we still have
Speaker:that network and that support to fall on, and that I'm
Speaker:not forgotten in that. That's a very important thing
Speaker:now is that, yes, we are 1. And, yes,
Speaker:Jaden is the one that is very much impacted
Speaker:by his mental health because it's it's his body, it's his brain.
Speaker:But at the same time, I'm very much impacted by it as
Speaker:well because he's, like, my best friend, my, like, super safe
Speaker:person. Like like, I couldn't imagine life without him anymore.
Speaker:And so the biggest thing I think for caregivers is that
Speaker:I'd wanna say is, like, don't forget about us. Now you you've obviously had a
Speaker:challenging year. Let's talk about self care a little bit. We know
Speaker:that there there have been good people in those challenging times that
Speaker:have stepped in. But what about your own self care? How do you recognize
Speaker:when things are starting to feel overwhelming? What kind of routines do you
Speaker:implement into your daily life to to make you feel grounded, especially after
Speaker:having such a challenging year? So I
Speaker:think because of how challenging a year it's
Speaker:been, I was trying to implement like, journaling is a huge thing for
Speaker:me. Like, just sitting down, journaling, and talking to the Lord is,
Speaker:like, just something I do on the I try to do on the regular,
Speaker:but implementing self care while doing school was really
Speaker:difficult. And I started to notice that I was, like, leaning on Instagram
Speaker:a lot more, and there was moments that I wanted to do something
Speaker:better, but I just couldn't move. And so I think the biggest thing for self
Speaker:care I ended up doing was I
Speaker:went on a hunch that I might have, like, ADHD
Speaker:and ended up going for an assessment and found
Speaker:out I do have it, which also was, like, life changing for me.
Speaker:But now it's like I'm learning about my brain. That's the biggest thing I do
Speaker:for self care is I I do a lot of really good,
Speaker:like, affirmations and will like, in moments that I feel frozen and,
Speaker:like, I'm gonna be stuck and can't be in a routine because it's really difficult
Speaker:to get into one for me. I have a lot more grace and kindness and
Speaker:compassion towards myself, and so I'm finding that my current,
Speaker:like, self care is a good, like, cup of coffee, hanging out with my
Speaker:cat, and, like, either, like, doing some one of my many hobbies
Speaker:or, like, reading a good book is what I'm leaning towards. Or
Speaker:if my brain is just, like, seriously, like, there's just so much going on up
Speaker:there. I'll just go watch, like, a documentary or, like, a start
Speaker:working through a documentary series and just kinda give my brain that
Speaker:break. It feels like a key self care thing to do
Speaker:is to learn a little bit more about yourself and
Speaker:how you tick. And that's why we did series on differently wired and flavors
Speaker:of the care. We did, like, an 8 episode series, and it's all about learning
Speaker:what makes us tick. And it's important to learn those those things about ourselves so
Speaker:that we know how to care for ourselves better, especially when you're caring for others
Speaker:because you're not gonna be a good caregiver to Jaden if you're not caring
Speaker:for yourself. So what are some of those early signs that you look for that
Speaker:indicate you might be nearing burnout or or you might need to
Speaker:do something for yourself for self care? So one of
Speaker:my biggest early signs is, scrolling on Instagram
Speaker:for 2 hours or more and not even realizing that time's passed.
Speaker:And then another big indicator for me is when I'm falling back into old
Speaker:thought patterns and letting it happen.
Speaker:Like, almost like digging myself a hole of self pity is what I call
Speaker:it. That's when I start noticing that, like, k, I'm starting to get burnt
Speaker:out. I'm not okay. And another big indicator
Speaker:is I stop having compassion
Speaker:towards Jaden for certain things, or I'm like, I
Speaker:just don't have the energy or the emotional capacity for this right now. Those
Speaker:are my 2 biggest red flags. I'm like, k. I need to step back and
Speaker:take a deep breath and lean on my support network. And I've really
Speaker:learned to trust that I'm not the only one that gets to be a caregiver
Speaker:to Jaden. I'm not the only one that gets to be in his life and
Speaker:support him. And that at times, when I need to take a step back
Speaker:and focus on myself, one, it's not selfish. I
Speaker:know there's people that he can talk to when he needs to if I'm not
Speaker:available to do that. And sometimes it looks like a spa day with
Speaker:a good book in hand as well. Yes. Yeah.
Speaker:There's lots and lots of reading. I think right now, like, I just
Speaker:finished my degree and have realized that school was a big stressor
Speaker:in my life and was really making it hard to do anything. And
Speaker:so I'm kind of in a season now where I'm discovering
Speaker:more of who I am and how I've been made and the things that I
Speaker:do. And the coolest thing to see is Jaiden is at
Speaker:this point of stability where I don't know. It's just it's such a sweet
Speaker:spot. It is such a sweet pocket for us right now in our marriage and
Speaker:just in that friendship and that being developed. And the
Speaker:more I reflect on the last year and just where I am now and just
Speaker:the support network I have, I just I know I'm just feeling super thankful, and
Speaker:I think that's been the best thing on my mental health. It's just getting to
Speaker:reflect to my community and just so thankful for the community we
Speaker:are in and that there are so many people that went past that
Speaker:awkwardness and did ask me about myself. And it almost feels like you're
Speaker:just catching up with self care now after after being done school
Speaker:and the and the year that you've had. So Definitely like playing some catch
Speaker:up. I've definitely noticed a big difference in myself, which I really like. And I
Speaker:feel like I have a lot more capacity for people and being a part of
Speaker:my support network. And so And you guys made a few different life changes
Speaker:as well. Like you said, you got a cat and you guys actually moved from
Speaker:a dark apartment with cement walls to a nice
Speaker:older structure with more sunlight, different part of
Speaker:town. So a few changes like that. Wanna talk about a few of those
Speaker:changes that you've made since the diagnosis that you feel, like, might have
Speaker:helped your mental health as well as Jaden's? Yeah. So we were in a
Speaker:very dark apartment before, and so we ended up moving
Speaker:closer to our church community. So now we're, like,
Speaker:really, like, plugging in. That is amazing. That's been so good for me. It's like,
Speaker:it's a 7 minute drive instead of a half hour drive. So I feel like
Speaker:I'm really starting to invest more in, like, friendships that I was wanting
Speaker:to. And, also, where we used to live, getting to a
Speaker:place to walk was really hard because we lived, like, right off
Speaker:of, like, a highway. And that was, like, a huge barrier for me to go
Speaker:for a walk or even go outside. And so now I just walk
Speaker:outside our apartment, and I'm in a neighborhood with trees, and it's
Speaker:quiet. And I love squirrels and stuff. So, like,
Speaker:there's a lot of them here, and I get to just enjoy looking at them.
Speaker:And one of my favorite coffee shops is, like, a 7 minute walk away. So
Speaker:if I wanna just go journal there or do something fun, I can. So I
Speaker:just I feel like yeah. Just that moving was so good for me
Speaker:personally and feel so homey here with my plants
Speaker:and just the colors that are around me. So And like you said, you
Speaker:guys really didn't get much of a honeymoon phase. So does it feel like
Speaker:you're kind of starting to step into that where you get to know each other,
Speaker:beyond having a bipolar diagnosis and being in
Speaker:school? Yeah. I really feel like we're stepping into that where we're just really
Speaker:getting to know each other. And we just went on, like, a big, like, dream
Speaker:vacation. Like, I got to go to Greece this summer, which is just so fun.
Speaker:And we had so much fun on that trip. And so it just feels like
Speaker:such a sweet pocket of getting to know one another, but really just also celebrate
Speaker:how close we are now since the diagnosis. And now it's
Speaker:like, that's not the center of our lives anymore. It's something
Speaker:that we're aware of. It's something that it's managed and we'll continue to
Speaker:need to manage, but we're both walking hand in hand on
Speaker:this journey to understand ourselves more and how we tick and having that compassion
Speaker:for one another. And sometimes that looks like weird
Speaker:routines, And other times, it looks like
Speaker:really deep conversations to get to know one another, and it's been really good.
Speaker:And you also talked about how being closer to church was helpful.
Speaker:What role does faith in your church community play in helping you maintain that mental
Speaker:and emotional well-being and and your guys' marriage together, your relationship?
Speaker:It's so central. Like, I have a couple friends
Speaker:who just got married this summer, and so it's just really fun getting
Speaker:to pour into those relationships. But I feel like faith has
Speaker:always been so important to me. And just yesterday at church,
Speaker:I was really reflecting on, like, that cry of desperation and, like, my,
Speaker:like, 16, 17 year old heart of, like, just wanting to be healed and wanting
Speaker:to not feel so broken and stuff. Being close to our church community has
Speaker:really just accelerated that healing, and I
Speaker:feel so accepted and welcomed there. And, like, people know who I am, and they
Speaker:celebrate me for who I am. And they celebrate Jaden for who he is. No
Speaker:one had a super negative response when he started talking about having bipolar
Speaker:disorder, and so it's our normal. And we get to be
Speaker:celebrated by those in our community and celebrate others. And I
Speaker:think, for me, serving in the church more is accessible, and it's really
Speaker:helping keep me accountable to reading my bible and praying and
Speaker:just walking closely with the Lord. And I think for both of us,
Speaker:that's been really good. Alright. We're coming to the end here. I
Speaker:know we can keep talking, and you're coming over tonight to do laundry, so I'm
Speaker:sure we'll talk some more. What message do you wanna leave with our listeners? Is
Speaker:there something that you want to say that we didn't get to chat about? The
Speaker:biggest thing I wanna say is suicidal
Speaker:ideation is real. And
Speaker:that even if it can be managed at home and
Speaker:with your community, when you're feeling weak or you
Speaker:don't know what would happen if you took somebody to a
Speaker:crisis response center or they need more
Speaker:help, like, at a psychiatric level, trust god that
Speaker:he's gonna be your strength, but don't wait as long as I
Speaker:did because it takes way too long to get a psychiatrist
Speaker:in the community, and regular suicidal ideation
Speaker:is not healthy. And sometimes the best thing you can do
Speaker:for someone you're caring about is the hardest thing to say to them.
Speaker:And I just really want to encourage people and remind
Speaker:them that you aren't the only one caring. Like, God is in the midst of
Speaker:it. He holds everything together. He's our strength. He's
Speaker:our provider, and that it's gonna be okay. So don't
Speaker:be afraid about sending somebody
Speaker:to the hospital on something that is their mental health because you
Speaker:never know what door it could open for them. That's great,
Speaker:Danica. Just so much courage to share you guys story and I'm so grateful.
Speaker:And you you're such a testament of strength and love for Jaden and what a
Speaker:caregiving role looks like, especially being a young person
Speaker:and and being a student. It's just so inspiring. So
Speaker:I want our listeners to remember that self care is not a luxury. It's a
Speaker:necessity. So thank you, Danica, for sharing your story with
Speaker:us. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker:Thank you for joining another conversation on Journey with Care, where we inspire Journey With
Speaker:Care, where we inspire curious Canadians on their path
Speaker:of faith and living life with purpose in community. Journey
Speaker:With Care is an initiative of Care Impact, a Canadian charity
Speaker:dedicated to connecting and equipping the whole church to journey well
Speaker:in community. You can visit their website at careimpact.ca or
Speaker:visit journey with care. Ca to get more information on weekly
Speaker:episodes, Journey with Prayer, and details about our upcoming events
Speaker:and meetups. You can also leave us a message, share your thoughts,
Speaker:and connect with like minded individuals who are on their own journeys of
Speaker:faith and purpose. Thank you for sharing this podcast and helping
Speaker:these stories reach the community. Together, we can explore ways to
Speaker:journey in a good way. And always remember to stay curious.
