LJ is the owner of Rusty Ferret Yarn and also speaks openly about how she has used knitting to manage anxiety and low mood. She has brilliantly named her new yarn range after her struggles with low mood. LJ speaks about knowing that she needed to do something with her hands in order to feel better, and how knitting helped her to manage a bereavement.

View the transcript on the captivate player

You can find out more about LJ's yarn at her website

Follow LJ on Instagram @rustyferretyarn

Find out more about Dr Mia Hobbs, the Why I Knit podcast and the blog on the website

Follow Dr Mia Hobbs on Instagram @knittingistherapeutic

Links to yarn and patterns discussed in this episode:

Blooming Brioche — Xandy

Peters

Ravelry: Summerislepattern by Karie Westermann

Old Maiden Aunt Yarns

Lace top Ravelry:Diafanía pattern by Camila Larsen

Hello, and welcome to the Why I Knit podcast. My name

is Dr. Mia Hobbs and I'm a clinical psychologist who's

passionate about knitting and its benefits for our mental well

being. Each week I interview a different knitter about why they

knit and how it benefits their mental health. This week on the

podcast I'm talking to LJ who is a yarn Dyer who owns rusty

ferret yard. Hi, LJ, welcome to the podcast.

Hi, Mia. How are you doing?

Yeah, I'm good. Thank you. I always start by asking

where your story with knitting began. So I'd be really

interested to hear where yours started.

I suppose really, my grandma was a beginner. And she tried to

teach me. But she always got really annoyed with me. So she

never really properly taught me. But she was always knitting,

around me. It wasn't until I went to university. And I don't

know if I like blocked out these memories or whatever. But I just

remember picking up the knitting. And when I was really

struggling mentally, it was mentally. And I needed something

to do with my hands. I thought oh knitting looks cool. And at

the time, Pinterest wasn't really a thing, but like Tumblr,

and that and there was a lot of really cool little, little

things. I could do that. So kind of picked up then and ever

since. It's kind of been my, I suppose coping mechanism for

just being in the world. Like a security blanket. So yeah, that

was kind of what it started. And it's just escalated from there.

Really? Yeah.

So you think it was Do you think maybe your

grandma's seeing her knitting had kind of planted the seed

that you had a concept of That could be something you did when

you felt like you needed to do something with your hands?

Yeah, I just my family is all quite creative with the

hands. My mum's my mum's was a chef and my dad's an

electrician, but he tinkered with everything. So we were

always kind of promoted that we are encouraged to use our hands.

And yeah, so we were always encouraged to do stuff like

that. And I, I don't know why none. I honestly don't know. I

don't know if it was the sway of the internet. Or if it was, like

some deeper memory of like, oh, yeah, I kinda know how to do

that. Because my gran kinda showed me I honestly don't know.

It's interesting that you had this idea that you felt

like you were struggling mentally, and you felt doing

something with your hands might help. I think sometimes people

fall into it by accident. And then they realised doing

something with my hands helps. And I think yeah, totally. That

was true for me. I don't think I ever did it at the beginning

intentionally, but I really noticed it did help.

Yeah, that's weird. Isn't that I've never thought about it

like that. Um, I think I was struggling to focus in lectures

as well. So I found that phones weren't what phones are now.

Do you think it helped a bit to focus in

lectures knitting? Yeah. You were struggling to focus in

lectures?

Yeah, I was struggling to focus in lectures, I was also

struggling to like, like, now, what I know is anxiety to

actually go to uni. So it kind of gives me something to focus

on. And kind of looking back, I feel that I've got this thing

with people looking at me and judging me. And I thought, well,

if I'm doing something my hands or like, if I'm knitting in

that. Well, they will be looking at me, but not because of bad

reasons. Because I'm knitting. Yeah. So

yeah, so it was a different focus, maybe a focus

for you, and also a focus for other people.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, that's really interesting. And I think it in a

way it also, I find it, it's a kind of focal point. So you

don't have to give eye contact necessarily to people. You can

be busy doing a thing, but also still listening. So if you're

getting in lectures,

yeah, I was. Yeah. I mean, for a while I was playing my

Nintendo DS time. But yeah, I was knitting in lectures. And I

don't know when you did your degree, but the psychology

degree that I did, there was like, 400 people. I mean, there

was smaller. As time went on, there was smaller, like

tutorials and stuff, but like were main lectures, there was a

lot of people there nobody, like the lecturers didn't see you, or

I don't think at that time, I would have been comfortable in

myself to be like, Yeah, but it's keeping me focused. I don't

think I would have stood up for myself.

Yeah.

At that point, I would now. And when I went on, when I went

on to do my second degree, it was a creative degree. So that

was fine. Nobody really cared as long as I was there.

Yeah. Okay, so you knitted and people saw and that

was fine. Yeah. Yeah. And was there more other people doing

similar things in a creative degree or not necessarily?

I'm not really. So I went and did. So I finished my uni,

and was kind of a bit lost. So I ended up at this point, I was

doing loads of kind of crafts, like sewing and things. And one

of my friends was like, why don't you apply to do your NQ,

in textiles at the college local college, and you get paid for

your year and, whatever? And say, oh, that sounds? Yeah,

let's find out. Let's try that. So did that I really loved it. I

really, really loved it. But I was like, 22, in a class full of

16 year olds. Okay. So I was the kind of weird one. Once I did

the NQ, I did my HSC HND in textile art. A lot of people

like enjoyed different creative hobbies, like, like photography,

or sewing or drawing and things. I think I was the only one that

really did, like, traditional handicraft, like in the crochet

in that. But we were all I don't know. It was such a nice space

to be in you were kind of accepted for who you are. So

nobody, nobody judged. You see, I'm always concerned about being

judged as really bad.

I think we all are probably at some level. So it

sounds like it felt more accepting there.

definitely

It was fine to be the only one who did it. Yeah, do it

in lectures to help you focus. Without anyone thinking that was

unusual.

No. I mean, it was kind of encouraged when I was at

college, because, you know, it was you were trying things and

it was always encouraged to be trying to creative things, but

uni, I mean, again, you'll understand, it's all about

you've got loads of reading to do so there's not really the

time.

I wonder whether it's different now whether, you know,

knitting or the idea of doing something with your hands to

help you focus is more feels more normalised or kind of

acceptable now that we all kind of realised actually humans are

not meant to sit for hours on end, and just listen without

doing anything. I know, that I struggle with that

It's it's hard to sit and focus and just sit and focus, I

think. I suppose that's why a lot of people doodle and yeah,

Tinker about and things. I know, like, now being in the knitting

industry. Yeah, in the UK, I know a lot of other knitters in

that, that knit in meetings and things. And it's mostly seen as

very acceptable. So that's a good thing.

I wonder whether zoom has like the pandemic has

inadvertently helped that a bit. I certainly have felt more

comfortable. Being in a training day and just openly knitting

while I'm doing that on Zoom, then maybe I would have done to

do it in person, where it was quite unknown what reaction I

might get, even though 100% Feel it would help me focus to do a

simple knitting thing in the background at the same time as

listening to something. Yeah, I think you're right, it takes a

certain amount of confidence in yourself to be able to say this

does help me focus.

Yeah, exactly. It's fine. I am paying attention to you, I

don't need to pay attention to the knitting. It's good.

Yeah. And in terms of why you still knit now, I don't

know how much you tried the other hobbies and how much you

still do the other crafts or whether they knitting has kind

of dominated for you.

Knitting has definitely dominated my craft, but I still

sew and spin and work in sketchbooks and and and I'll do

anything, I'll try any craft and I can sit with my knitting at

nighttime, or I take it places like that's my kind of calm. But

like sometimes I'll get the urge to go into something or I want

to make something specific. And I'm like, Well, I'm going to

felt that or I'm going to Yeah,

did you think knitting is the main one you

associate with being helpful from a kind of mental health

mental well being kind of perspective. You said you

associate that with calm.

Yeah, I, I honestly don't know why knitting. I do crochet

as well. But it's always the knitting that I come back to

always always, I mean, going back to kind of the comfort

blanket type thing, people out somewhere in public in that it's

so easy to take a wee project, like a wee sock or a glove or. I

mean, I've taken big projects with me too. I'm not gonna lie.

I will be that awkward one with like three bags going about. You

can just take out and just sit you can focus without really

focusing. So if you're uncomfortable, you can kind of

retreat back into it. But if you're not you can engage with

what's going on. Um, but yeah, I don't know why knitting. I

really don't know why.

So it sounds like something is really important

for you that it's portable. so that you could take it out as

their like safety blanket with you out into the world that

sounds like that's important. And then obviously, presumably

spinning and sewing maybe it's a bit more difficult to bring it

with you, I guess depends on what kind of sewing it is. Yeah.

I mean, there is an idea about in terms of thinking about

knitting versus crochet that there's something particularly

about the repetitive bilateral movements so that you're

crossing the midline. I don't know, it depends how you knit

actually, but because only some types of knitters cross the

middle of their body, but there is an idea that, like some

trauma therapy, like EMDR, I don't know whether you've heard

of that. No, but it's a type of trauma therapy, where you read

process trauma as you talk about a traumatic memory. And you do

repetitive movements that cross the midline of the body. So that

might be your eye movements, or it could be tapping like this,

like with your arms crossed on your chest, and that that helps

you to reprocess trauma. So there is a theory. So Betsan

Corkhill has done quite a lot of research into the therapeutic

benefits of knitting, that it's because it's a bilateral

movement, it's a movement that kind of crosses centre of your

body. So I mean, that's one theory, I suppose. But I guess

everybody's different. It might not be specifically that for

you.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's hard as a me, I suppose I have a

bit of a psychology background, but not nothing massive. But I

always find like to go into counselling and not that. It's

not until you start speaking to somebody that you're like, oh,

yeah, that. That makes sense. That's, that's why I do that, or

that's why that conference me a bit. So yeah. It would be

difficult without actually like looking into it and going

through it. But

part of why I'm having these conversations is to

hear from knitters like what is therapeutic about knitting for

lots of people, because I think lots of us think it keeps us

sane, or it really helps us or, you know, in different ways, and

it won't be the same for all of us. But I guess that's one of

the theories is about the repetitive movements in the

particular action of them.

I mean, I would agree with you, I I'm definitely a process.

No, I mean, I enjoy the end object. But it's definitely more

about the doing than than the end thing. Yeah, I mean, the

movie you something about, like the kind of rhythm of it. And

it's just like, I suppose, I suppose it holds my attention as

well enough to stop, or this is going to sound wild, but it

stops that kind of brain noise. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you've

got like a complicated pattern, you can, like there's enough

focus there to not let the intrusive thoughts come in. And

you can kind of get into the rhythm and, and it kind of leads

on to you feeling a lot better in that moment. So yeah, I mean,

so it's actually

a bit of like, the knitting pattern has to be

complicated enough to use enough of your brain power ought to

focus it on that in the hearing now and not to let it freelance

over, you know, and look for things to be worried about, or

Yeah, yeah. ruminative loops to get trapped in.

I tend to go for I'm not, I don't like pain socks. Okay.

Yeah. They're not my favourite. I, they're too plain. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, I will knit a sock. But I find them to plain.

And I will do like a lacy kind of sock or something

interesting. And that's funny how you say about having a

pattern that's just complicated. I've never thought about that

before. But you're right. I do tend to go for patterns, I've

got something I have to focus on, but not too much that I

can't take out and about with me or watch the TV or do other

things with

I would have multiple on the go at once. I'd have a

take everywhere, easy sock or a hat or something and then a more

complicated one that when I need to deliberately turn off the

noise in my brain and focus on the knitting.

I mean, we've all got several projects on the go.

nothing to be ashamed about.

No, but I think I deliberately strategize in terms

of process a bit like you like that it's about the product what

I'm going to be doing when I'm doing it rather than the end

result necessarily. Yeah, totally.

And also, I mean, I don't know about you, but that actual

process leading up to the knitting like picking your yarn,

picking your pattern winding your yarn, picking your needles

that. Yeah, I enjoy that part of the process as well.

And is there anything about that that's therapeutic. I

suppose I'm interested in like, are there certain I don't know

stitch patterns you gravitate towards are there times when you

feel like you want to be I don't know spending time with certain

colours. Obviously you're a yarn Dyer as well. So I'm sure colour

is a big thing for you. I don't know. Well, is there anything

therapeutic about all that stuff.

I'm more about the feel of things. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I do

enjoy colour. But I more gravitate towards the feel of

the yarn. Am I like really kind of? I am one of those snowflakes

that likes the soft yarn something with a bit of interest

and texture to it, I like the feeling when it goes through my

hands. I'm so glad I'm speaking to a psychologist right now and

not some random person.

This is exactly what I'm interested in, because all

the things that I've been thinking about in my own head

and wondering like, is it you know, are there certain times

you need to be sitting there with some mohair in your hands

or you need to be sitting there with, you know, that part of

that is the tactile experience of Yeah, like it is literally

like a physical comfort blanket, but in your hands, and you're

doing something with it.

Yeah, no, definitely. I completely agree with that. And

so anything is soft and have some interesting

texture.

Yeah, yeah. And I also, when I'm knitting, I enjoy like, a

nice stitch pattern. Yeah. I can work

what for you is a nice stitch pattern.

Do you know I enjoy a cable? Yeah, I enjoy something that I

don't know what the word for it is. I do enjoy some lace, but

not like a traditional like Shetland lace.

Interesting. So is it I quite like a stitch pattern

that I can remember for round. So it might have like six or

eight processes, but I can either read them in the

knitting. So I don't have to look back at the pattern all the

time. Or I can remember it for that row or round and then learn

a new one for the next one. I don't know whether you're

similar or so I don't know that I would love a lace pattern. I

had to look at the pattern constantly that every stitch,

for example. No,

no, I completely agree with that's kind of where my head was

going.

Yeah, I don't know enough about Shetland lace to

know what that means. Exactly. Is it complicated?

July it's probably not I haven't done any Shetland lace

knitting. But I was kind of meaning the, you know, the big

white baby blanket. Shetlandy Lace, I think I think it's more

about the thickness of the yarn than the pattern I could be

wrong and I will have complaints. But yeah, just I'd

like something that looks good. And as you say something that's

easy to kind of memorise but not too easy. Just enough to, like

when you're sitting knitting every round, or like garter

stitch. It's, I find that very, it's maybe too. It's maybe too

easy. Yeah. Whereas if you kind of throw in like a lace chart or

something, I find that quite nice colourwork's also really

good for kind of keeping you going, I suppose. Yeah.

So it sounds like this zone, where knitting could

be too easy. And then it's not doing enough of the work of

helping your brain switch off from stressful thing. Yeah, it

could be too hard that it feels I don't know, a bit tedious and

annoying. And there's a zone in the middle, where it's the right

level of challenge that it can occupy your brain enough to give

you a bit of a rest from rumination, let's say and not

challenge you too much that it puts you off.

Yeah. I mean, I do like a really challenging pattern. I

do. But that is once in a while. And I complain the whole time.

Just like why did why did I choose this one? Oh, I just did

a big brioche shawl it's the blooming brioche by Xandy

Peters. And oh, my goodness, or just, I don't know why I did

that to myself. It's beautiful. And I'm really pleased with how

it turned out. But I was looking at that chart every single roll.

Yeah.

Yeah. So challenge. I haven't ventured into brioche,

actually, that's on my list of something I want to do, but I

haven't yet.

You should give it a go. It's definitely something that

you need to stick at. Because it does. It's not. It's not

intuitive to start with. I didn't find but once you get it,

you're like, ah, that makes sense.

Okay, and this sense of achievement of doing Yeah,

totally. Oh, I can't do that. That. That's I'm good. I

can do things.

Do you think that's something knitting gives you

like the sense of achievement because Oh, definitely helpful

with you know, all of our kind of mental well being is getting

that boost of Oh, I did this thing? And I guess Yeah, and

also you can see and hold and show people.

Yeah, I also like him. I don't want to say this as like,

narcissistic or anything, but I quite like when you finish

something and people are like, that's really cool. I feel like,

oh thank you. Just

I don't think that's narcissistic at all

to it. It's like the insecurities of myself. I'm just

like, Why did something good oh So yeah, it kind of feeds into

that really? And is that

something you mainly knitting garments or things you

would wear? are you knitting things you would keep yourself

or give away?

I knit everything and anything. Mostly, like back was

a couple years ago, I had a shop. So a lot of my knitting

was for the shop. But I closed that two years ago. And

Hindsight is a great thing when the pandemic and I kind of felt

a bit lost because I was doing all this kind of showing off

yarn knitting and then I was like, Oh, what, so now it's

like, back to knitting things for me. Yeah. And I'm like, but

That's an added boost that knitting gives you when you give

I don't need six shawls. Do I? I don't know. So I've kind of

started knitting for for family and friends and things. Yeah. I

crochet Cinderella doll for my, like, one year old niece, and I

got a message from her mum going. it's her favourite thing

ever. Oh, my God. I'm so happy. Yeah.

it

Yeah, when people like it. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess that was one of my questions. Really, that

was on my list about whether it affects your mental health when

it's the finished article, as well as just the process. It

sounds like you're a lot about the process. But you Yeah,

something from the end result to either because people compliment

you when you're wearing your lovely jumper or your shawl or

you give it away and then people say nice things

yeah, people enjoy it. Yeah. It's nice when people enjoy it.

And I've I mean, as most crafters know, you find out who

likes it and who doesn't like it. And you end up only making

for them like my mum, I make notes for my mom. She's like, my

number one fan. And she always gets so excited no matter how

ghastly it turns out. But yeah, it's a really nice feeling when

you can make something for somebody. And I feel like as

well. So I have depression winner. And sometimes when

you're in that, that dark space, and I knit all the time when I'm

not doing other things. So like when, like, my friends have

recently moved house. And like I've made them housewarming

gifts. And that was something that I could do, instead of

having to sit on the internet and overthink. Like, oh, what

would be the perfect thing for their new house? Well, maybe

they've got too much stuff, but everybody could use a pair of

slippers, right? So it kind of it kind of helps with that

uselessness as well, that feeling of uselessness that you

are doing something productive? And then you can

other times? So even when you're feeling low? Are you

able to knit?

Always?

You are okay.

Yeah. Um, I don't know if it is because over, it's been so

long now that I just understand that, that kind of keeps me

grounded and kind of not in my head. Yeah, that I'm just like,

well, that's a no brainer, really just go and get your

knitting and sit for a bit. So like, if I wake up, and I'm

like, oh, today is not a good day, I will tend to sit with my

knitting and a cup of tea for like an hour or so just to kind

of instead of writing the whole day off, and it's something new

that I've learned that it's okay to just I mean, the joys of

being self employed, right? I am lucky that I can do that. But to

be able to sit where your net and just bring yourself like

wake yourself up and shake off, whatever you've woken up with,

you can focus on doing something. So you are like

you're being you know, the whole you have to be productive all

the time. So you're being productive. But you're also kind

of soothing your brain a little bit. And then I'll go and have a

shower and get my day going and things like that. So

yeah. So it sounds like it helps you to feel you're

being productive when it feels really overwhelming to do

anything.

Yeah, yeah, it really does. And it's not something I've

realised until recently that when you spend a lot of time on

the internet, I don't know if there's like cycles of things

that are shared. And a lot of it now is like you do and I assume

it's because of the pandemic that people feel guilty that

they're not as productive as they maybe would like to be or

have been in previous years. Well, there's a lot of stuff

about like, you don't have to be productive all the time or

society tells you you should be productive and you're you're not

less of a human if you're not productive. And I suppose the

kind of the right like you are always told that you should be

busy or working and and you always get praised for being

busy all the time. But when you struggle, mentally, I mean, and

physically but like in my cards mentally. be productive when you

just literally don't Have the spoons to clean the house or

whatever you have to do. So in doing a couple rows of knitting,

yeah, use that quite a lot

so that you can kind of see it and feel it like you

can see the progress you made. Yeah. Other than I, you know, I

don't know whether to clean the house, it always ends up getting

dirty. I

mean, you have a dog. Yeah. I don't mean, poodles don't tend

to shed well, they don't shedSHe doesn't shed, that's one

blessing

Spaniels there's hair everywhere.

He does go to the park and get very muddy and

bring it all back in the house.

Thats what you get having a white dog. But yeah, like the

cleanings never ending. But you're right, being able to see

the progress on the knitting. And sometimes you add wee

stitch marker and to see how far you've got

Yeah, that's a good idea.

And it's just an extra seratonin boost really.

Yeah, I think I'm, that's a good idea. Actually, I

need to do. I've just done a colour work yoke. And now I've

got, I'm looking down the barrel of nine inches of stockinette,

which is not my favourite part of that sweater. But maybe I

should put in some stitch markers so I can see my progress

because it does feel like you knit and knit and it's not going

anywhere

Precisely Yeah, you can and you'll be able to see like, if

you're sitting in the evening, you're just like, Oh, I've done

an inch instead of feeling like you've only done like three

rows.

Yeah, I love going to you know, when you have to go

to, you know, doctor appointment or something and you sit there

and you feel like, well, this is, you know, I like to be able

to see, I got everyone else has just got some time on Instagram

or something on their phones, whereas I got into an of a

boring cuff of a sock or something.

Definitely. doing that. Yeah. It's good to not be on

your phone all the time. Although I'm on my phone all the

time. I'm trying not to be

I think everyone's on their phone all the time really,

just I was gonna ask about a significant project.

I yeah, I found that really difficult. Because because I do

just enjoy the process of doing it. Yeah. Nothing that kind of

really.

I suppose I wondered was there a particular time when

you think oh, yeah, that I did whatever I knitted at that point

was really was really memorable, or this I gave to my mum and she

loved it or I don't know, something that got you through a

difficult time or could be any reason for being significant.

Really? Yeah, well,

recently well, last year. I'm just thinking how much not?

Not how much to say I haven't said this in public, but I'm

happy to say it, last year we lost marks grandad Mark being my

husband, and I was very close to his granddad and he had cancer

so he ended up in like palliative care. And it just

wasn't a good time and there was a whole issue with family and

but back when I had the shop I had started Karina Westerman or

Karie Westerman And Summerisle shawl as a shop sample. And I

had two skeins of my own yarn. And I had started knitting it,

but for some reason it got put to the side and kind of

forgotten about. But it's such a beautiful pattern that I was

like, No, I want to work on that. So we Mark's Gran is

practically blind and she's in a wheelchair. So we moved in to

her house for a fortnight to help her out. And I was on her

it was height of the pandemic so there was only one visitor into

the hospital but because she was in a wheelchair I got in it's

like a carer. So we would spend like two hours in the hospital.

So this was kind of my hospital go to Project okay. Yeah. And

Mark's granddad was all like he was so so he was just the best,

like legitimately the best and we're trying not to cry. Yes.

Um, and he was always like, I like I used to knit him socks

because he his mum, I never met his mum. But his mum apparently

was the most fantastic knitter and would hand them socks. As

soon as I learned how to knit socks, I was like, the old man's

getting socks. And I would give him socks. And when I shop for

the shop, he got all the socks. And he was just like, he

genuinely just was the best. And so I was sitting there on this

project and every night because we were there every single

night. You like, How far have you gone? What is it finished

yet? Is it finished yet? And it would just be a bit of banter.

Yeah. And then he died. And the project well, the project took a

lot more yarn it should have as there's a story behind that.

It's my fault. It's not the pattern. And so again, it kind

of got put to one side and I kind of couldn't look at it

because of the memories attached to it. But I finished it at the

start of this year. I was like what kind of over Christmas

start of this year, and I was like, finishing this business

for the old man. And when I finished it, I was like, old,

man, you'd be so proud of me. I finished it. Oh, God no cyring

It's ok to cry!

So yeah, having that. He's there.

Yeah. And you've presumably you're keeping that

to remind you of that time. Oh, that's amazing LJ. It's

beautiful.

It's the most beautiful. It's huge. Hence why it needed

more yarn. But it's like a matter. It is a massive blanket.

And I can just lovely

and that will remind you, yeah,

just, this is really terrible. So when he was in the

kind of a palliative care hospital, but he was still very,

he wasn't bed bound, which was like he was still very, he was

in a wheelchair like an electric wheelchair. So he would always

kind of walk us out of the kind of area he was allowed to go to.

And Mark's Gran would say like bye like lovely dovey kisses and

everything. And I would just give him the finger and he would

give me the finger back. And that's the last thing I did to

him was give him the finger Oh, God.

It sounds like there was a lot of affection in that.

Swearing at each other. It was your banter with each other.

It was yeah, he was just the best. And

yeah, and I'm sure that's what how he would have

wanted it. He wouldn't have want you to suddenly would have

freaked him out if you'd suddenly kissed him.

Yeah, no, that would have been. I did once.

Thank you for sharing that.

I'm sorry that about crying. I'm like, I'm really so

sentimental. No. It's one of those things. He was in a lot of

pain. So

yeah, I'm really special for that. You have that

shawl to remind you. Yeah, of him, And, I'm sure he

appreciated all those socks.

He did. And when we emptied his house I don't know where all

the socks went Yeah, Mark was like, but you gifted it to him.

So they're not yours anymore? And I was like, yep, but I made

them it Feels weird. But if they've gone to the charity shop

and somebody else is using them, then that's fine. Yeah. Yeah,

because if

I also wanted to ask about a knitting high and a

knitting low. They don't have to be deep and meaningful. They

could just be I don't know, I had the. My cable needle broke

on the line. My circular needle broke when I was sitting on the

tube and all of my stitches came off.

That sucks.

But I think we've all been there similar stories. When

you're

Yeah, yeah, we've all done this. And then a knitting high,

let's start with a high after that sad story

story. Um, that's really difficult. I feel like knitting

is such a, a background activity for me that I don't. That's

crazy, isn't it? It's like a background activity. But I do it

all the time. But it's just more

of any like project. When you thought when you got to

the end of it, it felt like a real triumph for when you first

learned to, I don't know, I remember what the first time I

turned a heel. I ended up standing, staying up late like

to what I am because I thought I didn't know how this is gonna

turn out. I'm just gonna follow the instructions. But it's 3D.

Yeah. Yeah. How does that work? That's, can I say

something more? Not about knitting itself, but more about

like, the friends I've made along the way.

Yeah. of course,

as, as a child who was very badly bullied, um, I've never

felt accepted. And getting into the knitting industry,

especially in Scotland. I'm saying Scotland, because that's

where I'm from. But I have met so many people that accept you

for who you are, and are absolutely your cheerleaders the

whole time. And we're all a little bit broken. So we all

understand when we say no, my brains a bit mush, or various

other things. So I would say my knitting high is definitely

being able to call these people friends and being part of a

community that we are all in on a very supportive. Yeah, I think

that's definitely my knitting high.

That's a huge thing. Yeah,

yeah. Even people I've only met a couple times. It's just,

and I'm saying this from a place of privilege, for sure. But

everybody's so nice. I know that our issues in the knitting

community you've probably read and seen and, and it sucks, and

it's like, that's not the community. I know. But I know

that it exists for sure. I don't want to be that naive. But yeah,

for me, I'm very grateful that I have people that are so

supportive and you know, we'll send a message in be like 'are

you ok chick and I'm like, no but hi! Or will send you a

stupid video on Tik Tok just to me, like, I saw this and that

made me laugh and make you laugh and stuff like that. So that's

definitely my knitting high, for sure. Great. Um, my knitting low

would be. The one thing that springs to mind because I'm

working on it just now was I went to the very first Edinburgh

yarn festival. Have you been to Edinburgh?

No, but I would love to go to the Edinburgh Festival.

I don't know when the first one was? how long ago.

Oh, good question. Ah, had I opened the shop by them. I'm not

sure if the shop was open. So maybe 2013 2014 ish. And then I

went, I dragged Mark along with me. And we went in and it was in

the afternoon and it was so busy. I was still so busy. And

this was this was when it was in I think the Drill Hall so it

wasn't in the Corn Exchange. It was a much smaller venue. So we

went in, we kind of wondered about really quickly because I

was just so overwhelmed. There were just too many people too

much nice yarn. I was like, oh, I need to leave went and saw

Lileth of the of Old Maiden Aunt. And there was like she had

her trunks and things and there was a beautiful colour. It was a

buttermint colorway which is this beautiful yellow. It's

gorgeous. So I grabbed it. Bought it. I was like saying to

Lileth. I didn't know Lileth, at the time. Yeah. I was like it's

so busy. How are you coping? And she's like, I'm not I'm and you

want to hide under the table? And just like Absolutely. Bought

my yarn, left. Great. We were home. I took the yarn. Cobweb

lace.

Oh,

I was not a new knitter. But not a what's the word? Not

confident knitter. I was like, what? I don't know what to do

with this. So it sat in my stash for ages. And then I brought it

out and was like, I took the yarn out. And I was like, I'm

gonna do something with this. Yeah. And I looked at Shetland

lace thought that's a good challenge. I'm gonna try doing

like one of the ring, you know, that shawls that go through a

wedding ring and things. But the yardage wasn't enough on it. But

I think there's like over 1000 metres on it, which is crazy. So

it just so happened that Lileth had a studio fire. Not a big

one. But there was smoke damage to yarn. So she kind of sold it

off cheap. And there was another skein of this colorway. Okay, I

bought it I was like yes because she doesn't often have

that base in stock. I was like, Yes, get that. And it arrived.

And because it was like five years apart. They weren't the

same dye lot. They were different colours. And I was

like, Oh, I don't know what to do with this. So again, it went

back in my stash. And it's just as a bit of a low. It's almost

kind of plagued me just this in my stash because I want to use

it. But I really I suppose I kind of flipped it on. I

recently figured out that I could knit a lace top with it.

Okay, I'm currently knitting a lace top, holding both strands

together. And I only need one well two skeins, but I only need

one skein.

What's the top? ,

so it's Diafania. DIA. S. E. Nia, by Camilla Larsen. Diafania

So yeah, it's just in progress right now.

Yes, I could show you if you want that.

Yeah. That's an amazing colour.

Isn't it beautiful? So yeah, it's got like you. I'm just on

the yoke. I'm not looking forward to the rows and rows of

stokinette afterwards. But yeah, I am enjoying it. And it's got a

lace yoke. Yeah. So it's easy enough to memorise, yeah. Yeah,

so hey, so is it feeling good to use that yarn?

No, it does. So I suppose it takes away from the knitting

law, doesn't it?

Not at all, I'm really pleased at seeing the

light of day.

I know me too. That's the thing about like, everybody.

Well, not everybody has a big stash. But I know we all have at

least some yarn kicking about and it's just so nice to be able

to use it because you've bought it because you love it. It's

just a shame that it's any more hands basically. Yeah

I actually ended up going stash free because of the

not liking the the kind of guilt factor of when I wanted to knit

a new thing if I didn't happen to have because you've got to

have the right yarn and the right like thickness of yarn,

the right quantity of it for the project. I just found that that

was a matchmaking process that never quite resulted in a

harmonious match. and so I ended up just so the only stash

I have is you know, nice remnants basically or Things,

I've used things. Also, I don't buy unless I have a specific

project and I'm about to start

started doing that. Well, I started doing that quite a few

years ago. Actually, I went I, before the show, I would like

write up a spreadsheet of projects and yardage and things.

I'd have a selection of things I wanted to make that I could then

be like, Okay, well, I love this. What can I make with this?

Okay, that and then at least I knew I would have enough for at

least a project. But yeah, it's it's quite satisfying to I

haven't got no stash. I definitely don't have no stash.

Yeah, I still have a lot of like sample yarn and things that I

try and give to people. And one of my friends works for a

Women's Refuge charity here and they're doing something with pom

poms to they're making pom poms. And they're going to put them up

around Dundee in spaces where women don't feel safe to kind of

make it a bit more of a nicer environment to be be in. And

she's like, Do you have any purple, orange or green? And I'm

like, Oh, you bet I do. Went over with like bags and I was.

Like, please take this bye

Yeah. So it's going to a good cause?

Absolutely. So yeah, if you find a pom pom in Dundee, it's

probably from my stash.

That's amazing. The last question I normally ask is,

what's the greatest gift that knitting has given you for the

kind of rest of your life?

Patience?

Okay, yeah.

I'm definitely

do you think that's spilled over into other realms

of your life outside of knitting.

I want to say yes, my husband would say no,

that's okay. He's not on the podcast.

That's true. I think he's out with the dog. Can't even

hear me say that. Um, no, I think it's definitely given me a

sense of like kind of being in the moment to stop

catastrophizing, things and getting all up in your head.

Yeah. Patience to just sit and be. And definitely a coping

mechanism for situations where I, I like to pre plan everything

and know, like, where am I going to park? What, how long is it

going to take? And I run through these things in my head. So it's

given me something to be able to kind of, as you say, that

comfort blanket type things so that at least that's one piece

of the plan? Yeah. I don't need to worry about that. I could sit

in the waiting room, like at the hospital, the doctors. Yeah. And

I don't have to worry about how long I'm sitting there. Are

people looking at me? Or are people judging what I'm doing?

Blah, blah, blah? Yeah. So it kind of takes away that kind of

nonsense. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so once I get there, I can sit in

and be calm and just focus on going in, and then we'll deal

with what's next

Yeah. Okay, that's amazing. And I loved I have to

say, your collection, your new collection of yarn. And I love

some of the yarn names. They are amazing. And I think you're

right, they talk, they speak to the kind of the messier side of

Yeah, mental health when you think, you know, I think was the

one about not having washed in a week. And theapy tears.

Therapy tears is My friends Yeah, I think I was just at that

place where I'm sure a lot of people were in the pandemic,

where everybody was trying to lift everybody up, which I

totally appreciate. And everybody was looking at, like,

the beautiful things around them, like, the flowers in their

garden or, you know, be like the beautiful things and really look

at and it was so good. I did really love it. But at the same

time I was sat there like not having washed in a week, having

not brushed my teeth in, however long crawling out of this cave.

And I'm just like, do you know what. I love you all for this.

But actually, I feel like rubbish. Yeah. And we can we

talk about that for a minute, please. Can we focus this to me?

And yeah, it was nice to when I kind of shared the idea. People

were really open for it. And it made me feel less on my own.

Yeah. And I'm sure that other people feel less on

their own as well, because they thought, Well, I'm not the only

person here. Well, I hope so a week or, you know, has cried

their way through another therapy session or you know, cuz

that will speak to lots of us won't it.

Yeah, definitely. So yeah, it was quite cathartic for me

for sure. Sure. Yeah. So kind of proud of that one. Yeah.

So I'm sure there'd be lots of people who would like

to follow you on Instagram. You've got a video podcast, is

that right? Oh, yeah, I do. I do that thing. and your yarn and

the Oh yeah so how can they find out more? Okay,

so my website is www dot rusty ferret yarn dot co.uk.

Yeah. If you want to follow me on Instagram, I'm at rusty

ferret yarn. I'm not so active on there just now and find it

Instagram a lot just now. Okay. I am quite active over on

Twitter. Okay. Which you can yeah is the same so at rusty

ferret yarn on Twitter as well. And the podcast is on YouTube.

It's not a podcast, it's video podcast video on YouTube, and I

believe that's rusty ferret yarn, too. Okay. But you'll get

that from my website. Everything's linked on my

website.

Super and LJ thank you so much. I'm really honoured

that you shared your beautiful stories about Mark's granddad

and the shawl. And yeah, so that was a real pleasure.

Thank you for listening to the why I knit podcast if you'd like

to find out more about therapeutic knitting you can

follow me on Instagram at knitting is therapeutic. Or

check out my website therapeutic knitting.org. To be notified

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